06-17-2007 10:20 PM
When I was reading this series, I was hesitant to pass the books on to my mom. Everything that Lydia and Margaret had to go through with their mom, was two steps behind what we were dealing with with my grandmother. My mom and my aunt and I were making trying to convince my grandmother to move into an assisted living community, and then finally had to make the decision for her when she started having fainting spells.
She couldn't get her mind around the fact that it was her apartment and that she could come and go as she pleased. Then during dinner in the dining hall one night, her heart stopped -- if she had been alone in her condo, she wouldn't have had the quick care she received and the quick ride to the hospital. Of course, she then had to be moved to a little less independent facility.
My mom keeps telling me to take notes so that I know what to do when she becomes as stubborn as my grandmother was. Debbie does such a wonderful (and heart squeezing) job or telling the story of becoming the "parent" & decision maker for your parent.
06-17-2007 11:15 PM
It sounds so easy, so cut and dried until it's your own mother whose begging you to stay in her own home. It broke my heart to have to move Mom, but Dad knew she would never survive on her own. He died 10 days after we moved them into the assisted living complex. I realize now that was his goal. He wanted to take care of mom and be sure she would be in a caring situation and then he was ready to die.
Indeed I have made that decision in real life for my grandmother. I think that you have no choice at some point. If you have no ability to be in your home 24/7 you must get help.
They made the only decision in my opinion no matter how hard.
My Grandma is the only real Mother I've ever had. I had to make that decision to take her to the nursing home because her sons were uninvolved and uninterested. Being disabled and a mother of a toddler I had no other choice. Not saying it was easy. It's never easy and can be absolutely tragic. But I think it's one of those things that can be cut and dry when your backed into a corner. She's failing fast now and has reverted in her memory to about 30 or 40 years ago I know theres no way I could have been there for her the way she needed to be taken care of She was forgetting how to eat when we put her in the home.
Perhaps my extreme lack of options presented it in a cut and dry fashion to me. it was a very mater of fact decision at the time and when reading the book it felt like Margret and Lydia were in that same corner. Cut and dry yes... easy no.
"If more people knitted and crocheted, the world would see fewer wars and a whole lot less road rage."
06-18-2007 06:08 PM
06-20-2007 11:55 PM
My father is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's, so the problems Lydia faces are very real to me. I also took care of my husband's parents before they died. The decisions are very difficult.