The Book as a Whole: Margaret's Overprotectiveness

[Stephanie]

Lydia, Brad, and Margaret's husband, Matt, all see Margaret's overprotectiveness of Julie after the attack as inappropriate, if understandable. Her desire for vengeance, however, is disturbing to all of them. If Margaret were your sister, what would you say to her? How would you try to influence her behavior?

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[Reenie5]

Seriously? I would so get right to it in discussion and not leave anything unsaid about how I felt about this. I would be alarmed and say so...no politically correct conversation, no sparing of feelings...and it would probably be a huge ugly mess by the time we were finished talking, but no doubt in my mind, Margaret (or my sister) would know exactly where I stood with this issue.

[Stephanie]

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Reenie5 wrote:
Seriously? I would so get right to it in discussion and not leave anything unsaid about how I felt about this. I would be alarmed and say so...no politically correct conversation, no sparing of feelings...and it would probably be a huge ugly mess by the time we were finished talking, but no doubt in my mind, Margaret (or my sister) would know exactly where I stood with this issue.

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Maureen,

You and me both! Not that I expected Lydia to do what I would have done, but I would not have been able to hold myself back. I have five sisters and if any one of them were as over the top as Margaret became, I would do whatever I could to get them to see a counselor before they made the situation even worse.

[cascadegypsy]

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Stephanie wrote:

Lydia, Brad, and Margaret's husband, Matt, all see Margaret's overprotectiveness of Julie after the attack as inappropriate, if understandable. Her desire for vengeance, however, is disturbing to all of them. If Margaret were your sister, what would you say to her? How would you try to influence her behavior?

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Reply to this message to discuss any of these topics. Or start your own new topic by clicking "New Message."

Note: This topic refers to the book as a whole.

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I think if I were Lydia, I would insist right off that both Margaret and Julia get some counseling. As Mother I could understand her being overprotective of Julia, but wanting to kill some one is over the edge. She could have found much more constructive outlets for her anger.

[bren_r]

You know, I think in reality its hard to know what you'd say. We all know Margaret was over the edge on this. But sometimes you need to come at someone from a different angle. To insist on counseling could cause friction between you, and might create a rift so you'd never be able to reach her. I think, though as you've all said Margaret did need counseling. I guess I'd have to try to talk to her about her need for such revenge. Hopefully little by little she'd see that its one thing to want to protect your child, but to want revenge so strongly that you cant think of anything else isnt normal.

[DutchMoeder]

Although extreme I probably would have decked her and said something along the lines of "See now what good did violence do?"

It's so wrong to place yourself in a mode of vengeance for other peoples scars. I learned that a long time ago. The only way to ease pain is to help the person in pain ease it. Trying to solve it yourself 99% of the time makes everything a lot worse.

[maxcat]

I think Margaret went a bit overboard. But if it was my child, I might have the same reaction although not so pronounced. She was just doing the motherly thing of protecting her little girl from the evils of the world. Once the police caught the guy, her attitude relaxed and her daughter felt better also.

[kiakar]

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Reenie5 wrote:
Seriously? I would so get right to it in discussion and not leave anything unsaid about how I felt about this. I would be alarmed and say so...no politically correct conversation, no sparing of feelings...and it would probably be a huge ugly mess by the time we were finished talking, but no doubt in my mind, Margaret (or my sister) would know exactly where I stood with this issue.

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I think I would want to kill her! Really! Margaret is quite the character anyway. She is so outspoken and so radical in every thing she does. She is so different from her sister.

[maxcat]

I think I would tell her to get a hold of herself for Julia's sake and calm down. The police aren't really helpful as they did catch the guy but there wasn't enough evidence to keep him in jail. Now, Margaret wants someone to break his arms or legs. I think she needs professional help as she is becoming obsessed with this whole thing.

[cascadegypsy]

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maxcat wrote:
I think I would tell her to get a hold of herself for Julia's sake and calm down. The police aren't really helpful as they did catch the guy but there wasn't enough evidence to keep him in jail. Now, Margaret wants someone to break his arms or legs. I think she needs professional help as she is becoming obsessed with this whole thing.

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Yes, Max, I agree and that is why I think I would wanted her to see a counselor or some one that could help her chanel her anger and frustration in a more positive way

[DebbieMacomber]

Rennie,

I admire your direct approach. You're one gutsy girl!

Debbie

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Reenie5 wrote:
Seriously? I would so get right to it in discussion and not leave anything unsaid about how I felt about this. I would be alarmed and say so...no politically correct conversation, no sparing of feelings...and it would probably be a huge ugly mess by the time we were finished talking, but no doubt in my mind, Margaret (or my sister) would know exactly where I stood with this issue.

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[DebbieMacomber]

Leisa,

Remember Margaret didn't want to have Danny killed she just wanted him HURT. There's a big difference.

Debbie

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cascadegypsy wrote:

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Stephanie wrote:

Lydia, Brad, and Margaret's husband, Matt, all see Margaret's overprotectiveness of Julie after the attack as inappropriate, if understandable. Her desire for vengeance, however, is disturbing to all of them. If Margaret were your sister, what would you say to her? How would you try to influence her behavior?

---

Reply to this message to discuss any of these topics. Or start your own new topic by clicking "New Message."

Note: This topic refers to the book as a whole.

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I think if I were Lydia, I would insist right off that both Margaret and Julia get some counseling. As Mother I could understand her being overprotective of Julia, but wanting to kill some one is over the edge. She could have found much more constructive outlets for her anger.

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[DebbieMacomber]

Good point, Bren!

Debbie

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bren_r wrote:
You know, I think in reality its hard to know what you'd say. We all know Margaret was over the edge on this. But sometimes you need to come at someone from a different angle. To insist on counseling could cause friction between you, and might create a rift so you'd never be able to reach her. I think, though as you've all said Margaret did need counseling. I guess I'd have to try to talk to her about her need for such revenge. Hopefully little by little she'd see that its one thing to want to protect your child, but to want revenge so strongly that you cant think of anything else isnt normal.

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[DebbieMacomber]

Excellent point, and one well taken.

Debbie

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DutchMoeder wrote:
Although extreme I probably would have decked her and said something along the lines of "See now what good did violence do?"

It's so wrong to place yourself in a mode of vengeance for other peoples scars. I learned that a long time ago. The only way to ease pain is to help the person in pain ease it. Trying to solve it yourself 99% of the time makes everything a lot worse.

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[DebbieMacomber]

Personally none of my children have been a victim of a crime of this magnatude, however when my oldest son was about 12 he was playing baseball with a neighbor boy. The 2 of them were horsing around and the neighbor swung his bat full force and hit Ted in the jaw. My son was a bloody mess. When I saw him I nearly passed out. It was an unfortunate accident but I could barely stand to look at the neighbor boy for a long time. I was horrified at what had happened and while I didn't want revenge there was something in me that wanted to lay blame.

Debbie

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maxcat wrote:
I think Margaret went a bit overboard. But if it was my child, I might have the same reaction although not so pronounced. She was just doing the motherly thing of protecting her little girl from the evils of the world. Once the police caught the guy, her attitude relaxed and her daughter felt better also.

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[hocki]

I don't think that I would try to hire a thug, but I can understand the frustration of feeling helpless. WE know the police were doing their best, but from Margaret's point of view, she could only sit and watch as everything fell apart. I think most of us have been in a similar type of situation --- where everything is happening TO you, but you can't do a thing to make a difference in the situation. I know I have.