CHAPTER 10 CHARLIE AND PRISCILLA

[vivico1]

This is another reason I saw chapter 10 as a turning point for Miriam. The accident had just happened, she tells Kevin about it, she is thinking about her life, what it is now and needed something to do, so does what we have all done at times, starts organizing rooms, going through things. She is reminiscing about Charlie her son and wishing things were different when he calls. Dot does a wonderful job of their conversation here. I loved this opening up of Mellie to her son. They both wanted this so much, its just such a moving talk, gets to your heart. "Yes really. Charlie, just lately I have come to realize certain things. One is that I have lost too much over pride. I am not going to lose you too. Or your family. So there you have it." Oh Mellie, your best moments in the book so far. And then to tell him to send Priscilla your love too, how you are growing! How happy you have made Charlie and then in turn yourself! Finally, a beginning of something real and loving begins again. I think what happens to Liz and Miriam becoming so nurturing to her now, brings back feelings of connections and family too. She is starting to find true purpose again, not what she had with Agnes's group and the life she had hidden herself away in. She even becomes the one to call her other son Dan first. This part of the book is truly the turning point in her life and Mellie is really coming to life, hopefully for good. Nice, nice writing. We have laughed over so much, cause so much is humorous, but now we also get to sigh with our hearts at the well written emergence of who we had hoped would be there. And someone that we can still laugh with too

[sarahsal]

I thought Dot really caught a Miriam/Mellie defining moment in her life. How often we can only see these after the fact. It really was great.....her realization that she had to bend to have a warm loving relationship with her son. How often I ponder my reaction to my adult children in keeping our relationship healthy....

[kiakar]

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sarahsal wrote:
I thought Dot really caught a Miriam/Mellie defining moment in her life. How often we can only see these after the fact. It really was great.....her realization that she had to bend to have a warm loving relationship with her son. How often I ponder my reaction to my adult children in keeping our relationship healthy....

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Oh yes! This is so true! I have found it true in my relationships with my daughter s so much of the time. I have at times fixuated in my mind that they are living their lives all wrong, but its there lives and usually they are strong and intelligent enought to fix it for theirselves.

[Stephanie]

I think when my children are grown I'm going to reread this book - and take notes on Miriam's conversations with Charlie. I do not want to be the "disapproving mother" and I know I have a strong personality, so I'll have to watch myself!

[CAT72]

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Stephanie wrote:
I think when my children are grown I'm going to reread this book - and take notes on Miriam's conversations with Charlie. I do not want to be the "disapproving mother" and I know I have a strong personality, so I'll have to watch myself!

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I wish my mother were reading this....

[Stephanie]

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CAT72 wrote:

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Stephanie wrote:
I think when my children are grown I'm going to reread this book - and take notes on Miriam's conversations with Charlie. I do not want to be the "disapproving mother" and I know I have a strong personality, so I'll have to watch myself!

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I wish my mother were reading this....

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I might recommend it to mine. She is terrific, but does have a tendency to state unpopular opinions!

[Wrighty]

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Stephanie wrote:

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CAT72 wrote:

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Stephanie wrote:
I think when my children are grown I'm going to reread this book - and take notes on Miriam's conversations with Charlie. I do not want to be the "disapproving mother" and I know I have a strong personality, so I'll have to watch myself!

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I wish my mother were reading this....

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I might recommend it to mine. She is terrific, but does have a tendency to state unpopular opinions!

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I am so lucky that my mom can hold her tongue and not butt in but she is also so helpful. Now that I have teenagers who date I can see how hard it must be to worry about who they will end up with. I try very hard to be the nice mom but with boundaries. I pray we will be lucky enough to always have great relationships when the weddings start.

[KathyS]

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Stephanie wrote:

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CAT72 wrote:

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Stephanie wrote:
I think when my children are grown I'm going to reread this book - and take notes on Miriam's conversations with Charlie. I do not want to be the "disapproving mother" and I know I have a strong personality, so I'll have to watch myself!

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I wish my mother were reading this....

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I might recommend it to mine. She is terrific, but does have a tendency to state unpopular opinions!

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My dear Miss Stephanie, I'll guarantee you there isn't a mother alive that doesn't state unpopular opinions at some point in this life time, some more than others, of course....ah, except in my case, but what can I say?

[mairwill]

All--

Let's just hope all mothers who read Dot's book remembers Miriam when she starts telling her adult kids what they should do! Unless they ask of course.

It was nice that Miriam made that concerted effort to change her relationships with her kids and they all were so much happier for it. A Dr. Phil moment if I ever saw one!

I remember one time about 10 years ago my mother was going on and on about what I should do about something or other. I just stood there politely nodding my head. She stopped and said, "You're going to do what you want to do, aren't you?" I said, "Yes."

My mother though was a wise woman. She would not saw anything negative about my husband even when we were going through a particularly bad time. She told me that she would not because then I would remember whatever negative thing she had said about him.

Later--

Mair

[KathyS]

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mairwill wrote:
All--

Let's just hope all mothers who read Dot's book remembers Miriam when she starts telling her adult kids what they should do! Unless they ask of course.

It was nice that Miriam made that concerted effort to change her relationships with her kids and they all were so much happier for it. A Dr. Phil moment if I ever saw one!

I remember one time about 10 years ago my mother was going on and on about what I should do about something or other. I just stood there politely nodding my head. She stopped and said, "You're going to do what you want to do, aren't you?" I said, "Yes."

My mother though was a wise woman. She would not saw anything negative about my husband even when we were going through a particularly bad time. She told me that she would not because then I would remember whatever negative thing she had said about him.

Later--

Mair

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Mair, it sounds like your mother had some wise words to pass along to you! I think, whether we have kids or not, we can still hear those words, and hopefully pass them along to others. As a teacher, I know these words you heard as *the child* are passed on to your kids in your classroom.

The other foot is....
My mother always said, "Do as I say, not as I do". THIS IS BAD ADVICE! If a parent doesn't live by their word, children actually learn *more* from what they see. There is no mistaking the contradition to a child!

You are right, Mair, Mellie certainly had some Dr. Phil awakenings, that's for sure! But I never totally blamed her for how she was leading her *Miriam life*. Her mother still had a part in why she was leading it.

Kathy

[Stephanie]

Mair,

Your post made me think of what I do when I want to say negative things about my husband- I call his mother, who will always love him, no matter what, and always agree with me! Love my mother-in-law!

Now, there's a woman who already knew all of Miriam's hard lessons. She may not have always agreed with me, but she sure must have bitten her tongue a lot over the years, and when she did say something, it was always in the nicest way. She's very comfortable with herself, and I think that's the key. I think that's where I saw Miriam's biggest transformation- in being okay with herself.

[kiakar]

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Stephanie wrote:
Mair,

Your post made me think of what I do when I want to say negative things about my husband- I call his mother, who will always love him, no matter what, and always agree with me! Love my mother-in-law!

Now, there's a woman who already knew all of Miriam's hard lessons. She may not have always agreed with me, but she sure must have bitten her tongue a lot over the years, and when she did say something, it was always in the nicest way. She's very comfortable with herself, and I think that's the key. I think that's where I saw Miriam's biggest transformation- in being okay with herself.

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Stephanie that is a good thing: When I was married to either one of my former husbands, the mothers would shut me up in a heartbeat if I mentioned anything negative about their perfect sons. I try to be that way with my one daughter in law. Well she is an ex now and for good reason on her part. ha. But being honest is really hard when it comes to a mothers sons usually. But its great when someone is a realist.

[Stephanie]

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kiakar wrote:

Stephanie that is a good thing: When I was married to either one of my former husbands, the mothers would shut me up in a heartbeat if I mentioned anything negative about their perfect sons. I try to be that way with my one daughter in law. Well she is an ex now and for good reason on her part. ha. But being honest is really hard when it comes to a mothers sons usually. But its great when someone is a realist.

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Linda,

I know just what you mean- I've heard terrible things from some of my friends about their in-laws. It is maybe that some mothers have an idea that even after their son has lived out of their house for 25 years, they still know more about him than his wife.

On the other hand, I think that Miriam realized that she could either be an integral part of her sons' lives and accept their wives and the names of their children, or, she could irritate and anger them by voicing all her opinions. No one wants to spend time with someone who is critical of them - we get enough of that at work, don't we?!

[vivico1]

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Stephanie wrote:

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kiakar wrote:

Stephanie that is a good thing: When I was married to either one of my former husbands, the mothers would shut me up in a heartbeat if I mentioned anything negative about their perfect sons. I try to be that way with my one daughter in law. Well she is an ex now and for good reason on her part. ha. But being honest is really hard when it comes to a mothers sons usually. But its great when someone is a realist.

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Linda,

I know just what you mean- I've heard terrible things from some of my friends about their in-laws. It is maybe that some mothers have an idea that even after their son has lived out of their house for 25 years, they still know more about him than his wife.

On the other hand, I think that Miriam realized that she could either be an integral part of her sons' lives and accept their wives and the names of their children, or, she could irritate and anger them by voicing all her opinions. No one wants to spend time with someone who is critical of them - we get enough of that at work, don't we?!

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I am not into country music at all but isnt there a song called, All my in-laws are Outlaws?? LOL

[Wrighty]

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vivico1 wrote:
I am not into country music at all but isnt there a song called, All my in-laws are Outlaws?? LOL

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That could be my theme song.

[vivico1]

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Wrighty wrote:

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vivico1 wrote:
I am not into country music at all but isnt there a song called, All my in-laws are Outlaws?? LOL

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That could be my theme song.

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Country music can have the funniest titles and lyrics! When i was a little kid I remember my older sister had a Glen Campbell 45 record, yes a 45 LOL and one of the song titles on it barely could fit on the one side. It wasnt one of his best known songs but I remember thinking at 8, huh???? lol. The title was, How Come Every Time I Itch, I Wind Up Scratching You. I never played it lol, sounded silly, even at 8 and I didnt know what it meant! My sister was a little bit country and I was a little bit rock and roll lol.


OHOH, I bet you all know this joke...what happens if you play a country song backwards??? You get your dog back, your trailer back, your truck back, your wife back AND your beer back. rofl my my my.

[Wrighty]

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vivico1 wrote:
Country music can have the funniest titles and lyrics! When i was a little kid I remember my older sister had a Glen Campbell 45 record, yes a 45 LOL and one of the song titles on it barely could fit on the one side. It wasnt one of his best known songs but I remember thinking at 8, huh???? lol. The title was, How Come Every Time I Itch, I Wind Up Scratching You. I never played it lol, sounded silly, even at 8 and I didnt know what it meant! My sister was a little bit country and I was a little bit rock and roll lol.


OHOH, I bet you all know this joke...what happens if you play a country song backwards??? You get your dog back, your trailer back, your truck back, your wife back AND your beer back. rofl my my my.

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Hah! Good one.

[kiakar]

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Stephanie wrote:

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kiakar wrote:

Stephanie that is a good thing: When I was married to either one of my former husbands, the mothers would shut me up in a heartbeat if I mentioned anything negative about their perfect sons. I try to be that way with my one daughter in law. Well she is an ex now and for good reason on her part. ha. But being honest is really hard when it comes to a mothers sons usually. But its great when someone is a realist.

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Linda,

I know just what you mean- I've heard terrible things from some of my friends about their in-laws. It is maybe that some mothers have an idea that even after their son has lived out of their house for 25 years, they still know more about him than his wife.

On the other hand, I think that Miriam realized that she could either be an integral part of her sons' lives and accept their wives and the names of their children, or, she could irritate and anger them by voicing all her opinions. No one wants to spend time with someone who is critical of them - we get enough of that at work, don't we?!

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Stephanie:

I hope we are far along enought to say this. I will put up a spoiler if anyone has not read most of the book.

S P O I L E R S P O I L E R


Isn't it funny that when Miriam let go of her anger about the grandchildren's names they changed them to something that sounded normal. Even the little girl had gotten comments in school already about her name. And heaven help the little boy! But it seems the more we fight our grown kids the more they rebel because they are determined to do it their way!

[kiakar]

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vivico1 wrote:

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Stephanie wrote:

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kiakar wrote:

Stephanie that is a good thing: When I was married to either one of my former husbands, the mothers would shut me up in a heartbeat if I mentioned anything negative about their perfect sons. I try to be that way with my one daughter in law. Well she is an ex now and for good reason on her part. ha. But being honest is really hard when it comes to a mothers sons usually. But its great when someone is a realist.

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Linda,

I know just what you mean- I've heard terrible things from some of my friends about their in-laws. It is maybe that some mothers have an idea that even after their son has lived out of their house for 25 years, they still know more about him than his wife.

On the other hand, I think that Miriam realized that she could either be an integral part of her sons' lives and accept their wives and the names of their children, or, she could irritate and anger them by voicing all her opinions. No one wants to spend time with someone who is critical of them - we get enough of that at work, don't we?!

---

I am not into country music at all but isnt there a song called, All my in-laws are Outlaws?? LOL

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I think I have heard that one too! hehehe I do like some country music. Not the swang kind but the kind with a soft beat.

[kiakar]

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vivico1 wrote:

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Wrighty wrote:

---

vivico1 wrote:
I am not into country music at all but isnt there a song called, All my in-laws are Outlaws?? LOL

---

That could be my theme song.

---

Country music can have the funniest titles and lyrics! When i was a little kid I remember my older sister had a Glen Campbell 45 record, yes a 45 LOL and one of the song titles on it barely could fit on the one side. It wasnt one of his best known songs but I remember thinking at 8, huh???? lol. The title was, How Come Every Time I Itch, I Wind Up Scratching You. I never played it lol, sounded silly, even at 8 and I didnt know what it meant! My sister was a little bit country and I was a little bit rock and roll lol.


OHOH, I bet you all know this joke...what happens if you play a country song backwards??? You get your dog back, your trailer back, your truck back, your wife back AND your beer back. rofl my my my.

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Isnt that a red neck joke! The trailer, the dog, the wife, the kids, and the inlaws!??