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dotfrank
Posts: 222
Registered: ‎06-13-2007
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Respect


Stephanie wrote:
Miriam's views on manners and respect are old-school, and that's one of the reasons I liked her right from the start- I think I have some nostalgia for those old ways myself. Handwritten thank-you notes should still be in vogue.

In the beginning of the book, she tells us just what the trouble is: "It was such a challenge and a frustration to remain a lady in the face of the endless stream of devaluations I endured. But that's what my mother had always said I should do." p. 19.

Her upbringing, her desire to keep her social standing- these are the things she knows. Her problem is she tries too hard. I think we've all known someone like that- they talk too much, they overdo, they fawn, and basically, they're a huge annoyance. But while we're being annoyed, we also can have a little compassion- it's hard to feel like an outsider looking in, which is how Miriam feels since her divorce.




Okay. I'm going out on a limb here but bear with me. I want this group to address me as Dot. You have read my books, you know me and therefore that personal name is perfectly appropriate. In fact, it would be too bizarre if you called me anything else. Except Twink, which is reserved for my torture-specialist siblings! Just kidding, Mimi!

If a telephone solicitor calls me Do-Reetha you may be sure the next thing they will hear is a dial tone. I do not appreciate being called by my first name by someone who has no familiarity with me and who is one third my age. From Mumbai.

Moreover, from total strangers, like people who work in the store who just took my credit card and made a sale in which they had no participation and offered no help whatsoever, I prefer Mrs. Frank. If y'all knew how much time effort and heart I have devoted to being Mrs. Frank . . . well, let me say that I love being called Mrs. Frank for thousands of reasons, but mainly because I love Mr. Frank.

I don't think there is anything wrong with certain kinds of formalities. Too much familiarity implies we are all the same and we are not all the same. I am at one stage of life and you may be at another. My children's friends call me Miss Dot and it is a term of endearment. There ain't no way a twenty year old person is my peer and I think it's nice to get some extra societal respect for my age and experience. Never mind the fact that I cook for hordes of college kids when I am in Charleston and they consider me their second mom!

This is not being stuffy - ask anyone who has met me and they will tell you I am the least stuffy gal around. Manners, respect and propriety have their place in a polite world and a polite world is where I want to live. All that said, I have goofed up so many times with older pepole. professionals - you name it. The good thing is that a truly polite person would NEVAH let another person feel badly about making a faux pas.

I still write hand written thank you notes, although I use email a lot in the interest of time. And the phone. But we all know who expects the handwritten note and who is just as pleased with an email or a phone call.

Anyway, that is my abbreviated rant on manners and poor Miriam! She doesn't understand that a hand written note is NOT going to take her where she wants to go and worse that where she wants to go is a stupid, vapid, shallow destination in the first place. Just my opinion.


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KathyS
Posts: 6,898
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Respect

Well, Dot, the limb didn't break, so I guess you mustuv dun good! Can I call you for dinner? :smileyhappy:

K.S.
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mairwill
Posts: 84
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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How to address people & respect

All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:

Ma'am/sir are highly underrated--They are very appropriate terms and arem't used enough. If you are talking to someone you don't know, there is nothing wrong with saying, "yes, ma'am." I use it all the time--with my students, people on the phone, storekeepers, etc. I wish people would use it more often.

Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Students--Mrs. until you graduate and I suggest you call me by my first name. Most won't anyway. Fellow teachers--I see nothing wrong with calling my fellow teacher Elaine in front of my students even though she is also a teacher. There is a distinction between she and I and she and them. I demonstrate good manners every day to my students.

Dot--I have no plans to call you Mrs. Frank. LOL. A good friend of mine who has grown children, their children's friends still call her Mrs. A. Nothing wrong with that.

I think there is too much familiarity.

Sorry to make that so long.

Later--

Mair
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vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect


mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:


Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Later--

Mair


WOW.
I do agree with you on people you dont know or kids to adults. In one of the recent books I read, Harlen Coben book, his character loved when waitresses called him sweetie, he hated sir, he said sweetie took him back to a time that was a gentler time. I do hate being called sweetie, or online, I can not stand HUN, its ok hun, by someone I dont know, theres something of an old brothel owner woman in that to me LOL. Funny the things words make us think of. Now, I do have to correct myself on the sweetie one tho, I dont like it by people I dont know, or someone reading me out by using it but sometimes, I use it with a friend, who is hurting and I know it, I might say, whats wrong sweetie, or oh I am so sorry sweetie, when they have bad news. Its a kind of comforting term of endearment meaning hers my shoulder kiddo (another one I use then, kiddo, even if you are 30 years older than me). As for the "you guys", sorry, thats from where I grew up in the west and I understand that its used in the north too and I will and have been using it in here with you guys. lol. I may live in Oklahoma, but you will NEVER hear me say ya'll! Talk about grate on my nerves. I have picked up an accent I know tho when i hear it I try to get rid of it. But it will always be you guys, men or women, and never ya'll. So if i offend anyone by the term, know its just a regional thang! lol :smileywink:

OH and by the way, if one of my doctors ever called me Ms, I would be sure something was wrong or my cancer was back! Mrs, Ms, all those scare the heck out of me from a doctor!
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect



mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:

Ma'am/sir are highly underrated--They are very appropriate terms and arem't used enough. If you are talking to someone you don't know, there is nothing wrong with saying, "yes, ma'am." I use it all the time--with my students, people on the phone, storekeepers, etc. I wish people would use it more often.

Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Students--Mrs. until you graduate and I suggest you call me by my first name. Most won't anyway. Fellow teachers--I see nothing wrong with calling my fellow teacher Elaine in front of my students even though she is also a teacher. There is a distinction between she and I and she and them. I demonstrate good manners every day to my students.

Dot--I have no plans to call you Mrs. Frank. LOL. A good friend of mine who has grown children, their children's friends still call her Mrs. A. Nothing wrong with that.

I think there is too much familiarity.

Sorry to make that so long.

Later--

Mair





I think its great when we can accept people for what and who they are. We all come from different backgrounds. We have been raised different. We are all from different cultures, some mixed. Some might have picked up different ways of saying things and do not think it could possibly offend someone. And why should it, this is only a one time meet, I think we should learn how to accept everyone on their terms just as you hope that someone will do the same to you. To me, life is too short for nit-picking. This is strictly just my opinion. Its just like a teacher, who gets offended if she sees a misspelled word or a phrase that is not worded just right, well, try to remember that everyone is not into English correctness, but that does not make them the worst thing in the world. Just makes them different. If we can't tolorate others, then how can we tolorate ourselves. Because believe it or not, no one is! Perfect that is!
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect



vivico1 wrote:

mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:


Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Later--

Mair


WOW.
I do agree with you on people you dont know or kids to adults. In one of the recent books I read, Harlen Coben book, his character loved when waitresses called him sweetie, he hated sir, he said sweetie took him back to a time that was a gentler time. I do hate being called sweetie, or online, I can not stand HUN, its ok hun, by someone I dont know, theres something of an old brothel owner woman in that to me LOL. Funny the things words make us think of. Now, I do have to correct myself on the sweetie one tho, I dont like it by people I dont know, or someone reading me out by using it but sometimes, I use it with a friend, who is hurting and I know it, I might say, whats wrong sweetie, or oh I am so sorry sweetie, when they have bad news. Its a kind of comforting term of endearment meaning hers my shoulder kiddo (another one I use then, kiddo, even if you are 30 years older than me). As for the "you guys", sorry, thats from where I grew up in the west and I understand that its used in the north too and I will and have been using it in here with you guys. lol. I may live in Oklahoma, but you will NEVER hear me say ya'll! Talk about grate on my nerves. I have picked up an accent I know tho when i hear it I try to get rid of it. But it will always be you guys, men or women, and never ya'll. So if i offend anyone by the term, know its just a regional thang! lol :smileywink:

OH and by the way, if one of my doctors ever called me Ms, I would be sure something was wrong or my cancer was back! Mrs, Ms, all those scare the heck out of me from a doctor!




Miss Viv; I do know you enought to say you are no snob. You certainly do not mind once in awhile being called something you might not particular like but its done in a friendly way, so why fret, right? I know you have a degree in Phych. (spelled wrong) too bad for those it bothers. Ha. So you are educated and all that. And I think you were trying to say, its ok, not the end of the world to be called sweetie by the youngest or the oldest waitress. Right????
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect


kiakar wrote:
I think its great when we can accept people for what and who they are. We all come from different backgrounds. We have been raised different. We are all from different cultures, some mixed. Some might have picked up different ways of saying things and do not think it could possibly offend someone. And why should it, this is only a one time meet, I think we should learn how to accept everyone on their terms just as you hope that someone will do the same to you. To me, life is too short for nit-picking. This is strictly just my opinion. Its just like a teacher, who gets offended if she sees a misspelled word or a phrase that is not worded just right, well, try to remember that everyone is not into English correctness, but that does not make them the worst thing in the world. Just makes them different. If we can't tolorate others, then how can we tolorate ourselves. Because believe it or not, no one is! Perfect that is!




I agree Kiakar. I think respect is all in the intention anyway. If my children call one of my friends by their first name and hold the door open for them, I couldn't be prouder. That's what they were taught because that's what's acceptable for this area. They know when to call someone by their last name and don't use first names without permission anyway. They have many friends whose grandparents enjoy them calling them grandma and grandpa as well. But again it's because that person allowed it and it's a term of endearment to them. To each his own and use whatever is required in that context and comfortable to each party.
Scribe
vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect


kiakar wrote:


vivico1 wrote:

mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:


Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Later--

Mair


WOW.
I do agree with you on people you dont know or kids to adults. In one of the recent books I read, Harlen Coben book, his character loved when waitresses called him sweetie, he hated sir, he said sweetie took him back to a time that was a gentler time. I do hate being called sweetie, or online, I can not stand HUN, its ok hun, by someone I dont know, theres something of an old brothel owner woman in that to me LOL. Funny the things words make us think of. Now, I do have to correct myself on the sweetie one tho, I dont like it by people I dont know, or someone reading me out by using it but sometimes, I use it with a friend, who is hurting and I know it, I might say, whats wrong sweetie, or oh I am so sorry sweetie, when they have bad news. Its a kind of comforting term of endearment meaning hers my shoulder kiddo (another one I use then, kiddo, even if you are 30 years older than me). As for the "you guys", sorry, thats from where I grew up in the west and I understand that its used in the north too and I will and have been using it in here with you guys. lol. I may live in Oklahoma, but you will NEVER hear me say ya'll! Talk about grate on my nerves. I have picked up an accent I know tho when i hear it I try to get rid of it. But it will always be you guys, men or women, and never ya'll. So if i offend anyone by the term, know its just a regional thang! lol :smileywink:

OH and by the way, if one of my doctors ever called me Ms, I would be sure something was wrong or my cancer was back! Mrs, Ms, all those scare the heck out of me from a doctor!




Miss Viv; I do know you enought to say you are no snob. You certainly do not mind once in awhile being called something you might not particular like but its done in a friendly way, so why fret, right? I know you have a degree in Phych. (spelled wrong) too bad for those it bothers. Ha. So you are educated and all that. And I think you were trying to say, its ok, not the end of the world to be called sweetie by the youngest or the oldest waitress. Right????


Heavens, its not the end of the world to be called many thing I have been called in my life LOL! And it doesn't have anything to do with a psych degree, hope I didnt somewhere make it sound like oh, I have this so I know this better! No, this is just strickly my own opinion and just to say it simply, teach your children manners and respect and they will know what to use when they are adults and in what setting. Like I say, I do believe manners and Etiquette are different things. I would hope to have the manners to be polite to all because you are right, we all come from different backgrounds and I would have the manners to speak respectfully to those in authority. I am just saying, as far as people speaking back to me, there may be some things I hate to be called, like HUN in the online game rooms by someone I dont know but hey, maybe thats that person's way of trying to say they find me easy going enough to, or thats how they speak when at ease with people. If it bothered me enough, I would just say it did without being mean about it to be sure. Some of us have nicknames or dont like our full names and go by something else and tell people that. Its not done in a mean way, just an " I prefer to be called" way. Etiquette was a formal set of rules of behavior for every situation that was brought across to the Americas with the first immigrants, the pilgrims. Some lived by these rules all their lives and taught them to their children because it was what determined if they were "refined" or not, what "class" they could fit in. It was important in making a good marriage for your daughters, maybe even one to lift her out of poverty, to know all the rules of etiquette, to prove she was a "lady". They were also taught them then that they might stay distinguished from the "savages" that they were now encountering, thus making them the higher class in the new land where they may not have been in the old.

I guess I just prefer the ideas of manners and politeness to the stringent rules of Etiquette. I mean,look at Miriam for example, so very entrenched in these but was there any real manners with these women? When Miriam stops worrying so about the pretenses that all these perfect little symbols of having class meant and started instead to show compassion, politeness, caring and manners to those around her, the world is opening up to her, and Mellie is experiencing some long needed connections again and love. There is a time and place for everything and no, we dont have to be perfect at it to be worthy of something, nor do we have to feel offended by the terms of another's background. I would for example, if i ever met the queen of England certainly not call her hey Elizabeth! LOL, I would call her whatever I was told to call her, but not because of me searching for the proper etiquette, but instead to just show my manners to her and her culture. Its just, dont lose out on someone wonderful or something someone has to say wonderfully, because they didnt say it in a way you think is right. And when I say you in any of this, of course I mean all of us in general. Miss Viv :smileywink:, LOL!
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: How to address people & respect



vivico1 wrote:

kiakar wrote:


vivico1 wrote:

mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:


Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Later--

Mair


WOW.
I do agree with you on people you dont know or kids to adults. In one of the recent books I read, Harlen Coben book, his character loved when waitresses called him sweetie, he hated sir, he said sweetie took him back to a time that was a gentler time. I do hate being called sweetie, or online, I can not stand HUN, its ok hun, by someone I dont know, theres something of an old brothel owner woman in that to me LOL. Funny the things words make us think of. Now, I do have to correct myself on the sweetie one tho, I dont like it by people I dont know, or someone reading me out by using it but sometimes, I use it with a friend, who is hurting and I know it, I might say, whats wrong sweetie, or oh I am so sorry sweetie, when they have bad news. Its a kind of comforting term of endearment meaning hers my shoulder kiddo (another one I use then, kiddo, even if you are 30 years older than me). As for the "you guys", sorry, thats from where I grew up in the west and I understand that its used in the north too and I will and have been using it in here with you guys. lol. I may live in Oklahoma, but you will NEVER hear me say ya'll! Talk about grate on my nerves. I have picked up an accent I know tho when i hear it I try to get rid of it. But it will always be you guys, men or women, and never ya'll. So if i offend anyone by the term, know its just a regional thang! lol :smileywink:

OH and by the way, if one of my doctors ever called me Ms, I would be sure something was wrong or my cancer was back! Mrs, Ms, all those scare the heck out of me from a doctor!




Miss Viv; I do know you enought to say you are no snob. You certainly do not mind once in awhile being called something you might not particular like but its done in a friendly way, so why fret, right? I know you have a degree in Phych. (spelled wrong) too bad for those it bothers. Ha. So you are educated and all that. And I think you were trying to say, its ok, not the end of the world to be called sweetie by the youngest or the oldest waitress. Right????


Heavens, its not the end of the world to be called many thing I have been called in my life LOL! And it doesn't have anything to do with a psych degree, hope I didnt somewhere make it sound like oh, I have this so I know this better! No, this is just strickly my own opinion and just to say it simply, teach your children manners and respect and they will know what to use when they are adults and in what setting. Like I say, I do believe manners and Etiquette are different things. I would hope to have the manners to be polite to all because you are right, we all come from different backgrounds and I would have the manners to speak respectfully to those in authority. I am just saying, as far as people speaking back to me, there may be some things I hate to be called, like HUN in the online game rooms by someone I dont know but hey, maybe thats that person's way of trying to say they find me easy going enough to, or thats how they speak when at ease with people. If it bothered me enough, I would just say it did without being mean about it to be sure. Some of us have nicknames or dont like our full names and go by something else and tell people that. Its not done in a mean way, just an " I prefer to be called" way. Etiquette was a formal set of rules of behavior for every situation that was brought across to the Americas with the first immigrants, the pilgrims. Some lived by these rules all their lives and taught them to their children because it was what determined if they were "refined" or not, what "class" they could fit in. It was important in making a good marriage for your daughters, maybe even one to lift her out of poverty, to know all the rules of etiquette, to prove she was a "lady". They were also taught them then that they might stay distinguished from the "savages" that they were now encountering, thus making them the higher class in the new land where they may not have been in the old.

I guess I just prefer the ideas of manners and politeness to the stringent rules of Etiquette. I mean,look at Miriam for example, so very entrenched in these but was there any real manners with these women? When Miriam stops worrying so about the pretenses that all these perfect little symbols of having class meant and started instead to show compassion, politeness, caring and manners to those around her, the world is opening up to her, and Mellie is experiencing some long needed connections again and love. There is a time and place for everything and no, we dont have to be perfect at it to be worthy of something, nor do we have to feel offended by the terms of another's background. I would for example, if i ever met the queen of England certainly not call her hey Elizabeth! LOL, I would call her whatever I was told to call her, but not because of me searching for the proper etiquette, but instead to just show my manners to her and her culture. Its just, dont lose out on someone wonderful or something someone has to say wonderfully, because they didnt say it in a way you think is right. And when I say you in any of this, of course I mean all of us in general. Miss Viv :smileywink:, LOL!




Yes, Viv, I get your meaning; In a way, that is what I mean to. You are fine. You know you didn't say anything to affend me. I do not offend very much at all. And you can call me sweetie or honey or whatever and I never worked as a waitress. hehehe Just funning, everybody. Don't call the conversation police on us!!!!
t
Scribe
vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect

[ Edited ]




Yes, Viv, I get your meaning; In a way, that is what I mean to. You are fine. You know you didn't say anything to affend me. I do not offend very much at all. And you can call me sweetie or honey or whatever and I never worked as a waitress. hehehe Just funning, everybody. Don't call the conversation police on us!!!!
t


ROFL, the conversation police lol, been there, had that done to me lol lol. :smileyvery-happy: Some people are just insecure I guess lol. I would have gladly talked to the person (anyone) in PM's to solve any difficulties so that whatever it was could go by the wayside and get back to the fun of all of us in the clubs. Its all about manners I say! lol , but on a serious note, I would still like to have a civil talk in the pm's with that person, who knows,maybe I owe them an apology or something or maybe we just need to clear the air so we can continue to enjoy being in clubs together without any misunderstandings. I offer that out there now, because I have tried in a pm myself and not even had them read. Heavens lets all just enjoy. There, I had to do that, because that line on the conversation police tickled me, but is a true one and doesnt help clear the air at all.

Message Edited by vivico1 on 07-15-2007 02:04 PM
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Contributor
Liz1017
Posts: 16
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect


mairwill wrote:
All--

How we do address people, as others have said, is about respect.

Here's what I think:

Ma'am/sir are highly underrated--They are very appropriate terms and arem't used enough. If you are talking to someone you don't know, there is nothing wrong with saying, "yes, ma'am." I use it all the time--with my students, people on the phone, storekeepers, etc. I wish people would use it more often.

Sweetie, dear, honey, etc.--Drives me up the wall when some 20 or 30 something year old who is a waitress or whatever calls me that! I CAN'T stand it! In my opinion they just talked down to me. A much more appropriate term would be, "What can I get you, ma'am?"

Exception: If an older lady who looks like she has been a waitress forever at Cracker Barrel or wherever wants to call me "Sweetie", I don't mind one bit.

You Guys--my husband hates this. Like we are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress says, "What can I get, you guys?" Ugh.

Stores, doctors, etc.--call me Mrs. unless I tell you otherwise.

Students--Mrs. until you graduate and I suggest you call me by my first name. Most won't anyway. Fellow teachers--I see nothing wrong with calling my fellow teacher Elaine in front of my students even though she is also a teacher. There is a distinction between she and I and she and them. I demonstrate good manners every day to my students.

Dot--I have no plans to call you Mrs. Frank. LOL. A good friend of mine who has grown children, their children's friends still call her Mrs. A. Nothing wrong with that.

I think there is too much familiarity.

Sorry to make that so long.

Later--

Mair




Oh! I am terrible... I call everyone "Kids"! But then again, those who know me know that I mean no harm by that term. In fact, some of my co-worker's answers to "Good morning, kids!", or "Hey Kids!" is "Good morning, teacher!" :smileytongue: I was a rebel growing up, refusing (literally) to write Thank yous or send letters especially when it was expected of me. I know now that my respect levels are not where they should be. I have been married almost a year and still have Thank yous to send out. I get knots in my stomach when I run into a family member and in the back of my mind I'm going through my list to make sure I sent them one!
I do try my hardest to be courteous and respectful to those I don't know, but the second I know you and can claim you as my friend, all respectable terms go out the window and you'll probably hear me swear more times than you'd think was humanly possible!

- Liz
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Liz1017
Posts: 16
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: How to address people & respect

Another name to add: Baby! I've been called Baby more times on the phone by either co-workers or phone solicitors. I love it when my husband calls me that, but I'm not too sure how I feel about being called Baby by one of my female co-workers!!!
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vivico1
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Re: How to address people & respect


Liz1017 wrote:
Another name to add: Baby! I've been called Baby more times on the phone by either co-workers or phone solicitors. I love it when my husband calls me that, but I'm not too sure how I feel about being called Baby by one of my female co-workers!!!


oh but baby, you know I didnt mean anything by that! :smileywink: hehe jk,
again with me, I would most likely call you, another adult female, baby if you were sad or something and I knew you and just put my arm around you and said, whats wrong baby? I have found through the years that letting go of those worries of formalities at the right time can really help someone open up, or just let them feel free to let the tears flow and sob. I think its that we respond to words or a nurturing sound just as when we were kids, cause inside we all still are.

Now, if I am just having a good day and feeling fun, and worked in your office and knew you, I might walk by and just say, hey babe! and smile. So far I have never had one friend or even close coworker, when I was, ever be upset by that but rather smile back and say hey you! or not much, or something light too.

oh and the phone solicitor, if not already, if he called me baby,the next thing he would hear would just be "click"!

and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure :smileywink:
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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cindersue
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Registered: ‎04-02-2007
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Re: How to address people & respect


Liz1017 wrote: I have been married almost a year and still have Thank yous to send out. I get knots in my stomach when I run into a family member and in the back of my mind I'm going through my list to make sure I sent them one!
I do try my hardest to be courteous and respectful to those I don't know, but the second I know you and can claim you as my friend, all respectable terms go out the window and you'll probably hear me swear more times than you'd think was humanly possible!

- Liz



Don't fret, Liz! You can send thank you notes by email now. It's accepted by Emily Post. Wasn't at first, but it's the way of life, so you can now. You have up to a year before your notes are considered late. :smileywink: There are many free e-card sites, and there are good ones out there. My friend showed me alot of them, and it's always nice to get cards. Don't give up! :smileywink:
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mairwill
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Ma'am

vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair
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Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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misunderstanding


mairwill wrote:
vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair




Oh Mair, please don't take offense. I can't speak definitively for others but I really don't think one single person was picking on you. I'm so sorry if it came off that way but that wasn't what was intended. I know I was just comparing what it is like where I live and I'm pretty sure that's what others were doing as well. Looking back I see that several people made comments about "to each his own" and things like that. Everyone was just expressing personal opinions and experiences. I'm glad you spoke up and said it bothered you because then we can reassure you that it was just a misunderstanding. It's so hard to express emotion and intention when we're writing. There isn't one thing wrong with what you stated about manners and what you think about them. I think we all had the common belief that respect and good intentions were the main "ingredient" for good manners. Beyond that it seems to be different for everyone. Please don't be upset. No harm was intended and this has been a great club for all of us to participate in. I've enjoyed your comments and I look forward to many more.
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vivico1
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Re: Ma'am

[ Edited ]

mairwill wrote:
vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair


Mair, I do apologize then for what was said above. I only mentioned it in good nature that you had such a stringent list of does and don't that I was poking fun at the things I do or say that would probably offend you. I meant it all with the best of humor and your right, this was said days ago and you have been on since then, so even I am surprised to see it on here as something now. Since you have posted since this was said and said nothing about it, I thought you took it with the humor it was meant. But, you are right, you dont know me, you don't know or maybe enjoy my sense of humor and so I should not jest with you in such a way. I think the fact that it did bother you tho that I kidded you about it, NOT said anything bad about your list does prove that I was probably right in my jest, that I dont think you would want to be friends with me. But in all honestly Mair, all I was doing was kidding with you in a lighthearted way, saying hey, if those are your rules, I will be careful so we can be friends till the day we die! Again I do apologise for presuming I could jest with you, and for yes poking some fun at you when we are not friends for you to have known, thats all I was doing.

Message Edited by vivico1 on 07-20-2007 05:13 PM
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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mairwill
Posts: 84
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: misunderstanding



Wrighty wrote:

mairwill wrote:
vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair




Oh Mair, please don't take offense. I can't speak definitively for others but I really don't think one single person was picking on you. I'm so sorry if it came off that way but that wasn't what was intended. I know I was just comparing what it is like where I live and I'm pretty sure that's what others were doing as well. Looking back I see that several people made comments about "to each his own" and things like that. Everyone was just expressing personal opinions and experiences. I'm glad you spoke up and said it bothered you because then we can reassure you that it was just a misunderstanding. It's so hard to express emotion and intention when we're writing. There isn't one thing wrong with what you stated about manners and what you think about them. I think we all had the common belief that respect and good intentions were the main "ingredient" for good manners. Beyond that it seems to be different for everyone. Please don't be upset. No harm was intended and this has been a great club for all of us to participate in. I've enjoyed your comments and I look forward to many more.




Thank you for your comments, Wrighty.

Later--

Mair
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mairwill
Posts: 84
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Ma'am



vivico1 wrote:

mairwill wrote:
vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair


Mair, I do apologize then for what was said above. I only mentioned it in good nature that you had such a stringent list of does and don't that I was poking fun at the things I do or say that would probably offend you. I meant it all with the best of humor and your right, this was said days ago and you have been on since then, so even I am surprised to see it on here as something now. Since you have posted since this was said and said nothing about it, I thought you took it with the humor it was meant. But, you are right, you dont know me, you don't know or maybe enjoy my sense of humor and so I should not jest with you in such a way. I think the fact that it did bother you tho that I kidded you about it, NOT said anything bad about your list does prove that I was probably right in my jest, that I dont think you would want to be friends with me. But in all honestly Mair, all I was doing was kidding with you in a lighthearted way, saying hey, if those are your rules, I will be careful so we can be friends till the day we die! Again I do apologise for presuming I could jest with you, and for yes poking some fun at you when we are not friends for you to have known, thats all I was doing.

Message Edited by vivico1 on 07-20-2007 05:13 PM




Vivico--

Yes, I may have been on this board briefly since you posted the comment that offended me, but I don't always read absolutely everything that is posted. Today was the first time I had read the post in question.

I'm not sure how to take your comments above. You apologized but I have to say it sounded like a left-handed apology. You just called my comments about respect "stringent". Was that also "in jest"? It seems you are trying AGAIN to get a dig into me that you think what I think is idiotic. So be it.

Let's just call a truce. I won't comment on your opinions and I won't read or respond to whatever response you have about mine.

Have a good evening.

Later--

Mair
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vivico1
Posts: 3,456
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Re: Ma'am


mairwill wrote:


vivico1 wrote:

mairwill wrote:
vivico said: :and Mair, you scare me, lol. If we were to become great friends (I know, you are saying not likely lol) but if we did, I think I would have to call you Ma'am till we both went to our graves, just to be sure"


vivico--

I guess you think I'm the biggest you-know-what there is. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. What my friends and acquaintances and co-workers and fellow book clubbers call me is totally different than how I expect a waiter, salesperson, telephone solicitor to address me.

I feel like what I said in this topic has really been picked on even though it was not very different than what Dot had to say.

This topic is days old and I'm still being picked on for what I said. I ignored it for days, but coming in here after 4 days of absence and still seeing my name mentioned as being uptight or whatever because of the opinion I expressed is disheartening.

Honestly, I don't think I deserved the comment above.

Later--

Mair


Mair, I do apologize then for what was said above. I only mentioned it in good nature that you had such a stringent list of does and don't that I was poking fun at the things I do or say that would probably offend you. I meant it all with the best of humor and your right, this was said days ago and you have been on since then, so even I am surprised to see it on here as something now. Since you have posted since this was said and said nothing about it, I thought you took it with the humor it was meant. But, you are right, you dont know me, you don't know or maybe enjoy my sense of humor and so I should not jest with you in such a way. I think the fact that it did bother you tho that I kidded you about it, NOT said anything bad about your list does prove that I was probably right in my jest, that I dont think you would want to be friends with me. But in all honestly Mair, all I was doing was kidding with you in a lighthearted way, saying hey, if those are your rules, I will be careful so we can be friends till the day we die! Again I do apologise for presuming I could jest with you, and for yes poking some fun at you when we are not friends for you to have known, thats all I was doing.

Message Edited by vivico1 on 07-20-2007 05:13 PM




Vivico--

Yes, I may have been on this board briefly since you posted the comment that offended me, but I don't always read absolutely everything that is posted. Today was the first time I had read the post in question.

I'm not sure how to take your comments above. You apologized but I have to say it sounded like a left-handed apology. You just called my comments about respect "stringent". Was that also "in jest"? It seems you are trying AGAIN to get a dig into me that you think what I think is idiotic. So be it.

Let's just call a truce. I won't comment on your opinions and I won't read or respond to whatever response you have about mine.

Have a good evening.

Later--

Mair


Mair, your not being fair. You are now making me explain my apologies even when I took absolute credit for having said it and even admitted that yes, I was poking some fun at you, meaning, the way I would if we were friends and you had understood that it was all in jest. I read all your posts. I dont discriminate about any posts. I think back before that I even agreed with you on some parts of the very stuff this was about and told you so. Also, there is nothing wrong with yours or mine or anyones ideas on manners being "stringent". They seem stringent to me as I am sure some of mine sound slack to you , but thats ok,I dont take offense at that, its just a difference in opinions,not an offense, truly. Here, I had just been teasing you about it. Where is the truce if what you are saying is, well then lets just not talk or read each others comments? How about a truce of saying maybe we both misunderstood things so lets just get back to having some fun and I will be more definitive in my apology ok?

Mair, I apologize for having offended you with my sense of humor inadvertently. I did not mean any harm at all. I took the subject of manners that was starting to get a bit heavy from us all and tried to lighten it up with a joke. I apologize that I offended you in doing so and hope that you will graciously accept my apology by saying so, so we can move on and let it go. ok? :smileyhappy:
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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