Reply
Scribe
vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10

We mentioned some about the charity committees Miriam and these women are on a little already. They seem to be a "must" to be "in" and certain ones are better for that than others. I find that why they do these charities go so against what charity is, the act of giving with no desire or expectation of reward or recognition, that the only good thing I can see come out of them is that they do help someone or something down the line. Not that thats a big concern for them.
The chapter, The Big Spill (again Dot, I thank you for the titles on chapters!) really bothered me for a couple of reasons, and the chapter to follow. Everyone is so concerned with the stature of their job on these committees including Miriam that it really shows what this lifestyle is really all about, the true colors of these women. When the accident happens, man do you see both sides of things here in full force. Agnes screaming and calling Miriam a clumsy sow! No one helping her get up or pick up except Diane. You see Miriam about to come to pieces but trying to hold it together at least till she gets out, so that no one could see her be embarrassed or in need of help.
But at the same time,she fits right in with the side that won't help her because I was saddened to hear her talk about no one helped her but Diane,who surely had an agenda of her own tho, "and her kindness had nothing to do with any loyalty to me". Geesh woman! At least she tried! So even as she is worried that any mishap from now on will be called "a Miriam", she pulls "an Agnes" and tells Agnes her hubby is screwing around on her, how, with great enthusiasm! Ok, lol that was a great line, got to admit that but then she is still more worried about how this will all appear about her than what could happen because of what she said. Kevin has to keep bringing her back to the fact that bad things could happen to hurt others, to hurt Liz now that Agnes knows. Thank goodness for Kevin at this point.

These two chapters to me really epitomized the life Miriam was in and trying so desperately to maintain and how stupid it all was. So sad that she lost other real things and relationships in her life, in her family, for this.

I do think tho, that even as she was in the middle of this and hurt and mad, somewhere inside her part of what was angry was that the Mellie that Harrison had noticed and named was starting to think, is this really what its all about? Is this worth all this?
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10

When the spill happened those people made me so mad! I come from a small town and we depend heavily on a lot of volunteer work. If that had happened here, almost everyone would have run to help, picked up Miriam, cleaned her off, offered to help her seek medical attention if necessary, someone would have offered to bring her car along if she had driven to the event, stayed with her at the ER and made calls to the remaining people to give updates on her condition. Later, many of the people who stayed behind would check in at the ER or her home and if she needed more care a group would set up a system to help with household chores and bring dinners. I know this for a fact because we've done it many times and it's also been done for my family after new babies, illnesses and surgeries. It's just the way we do things around here. :smileyhappy:
Scribe
vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10


Wrighty wrote:
When the spill happened those people made me so mad! I come from a small town and we depend heavily on a lot of volunteer work. If that had happened here, almost everyone would have run to help, picked up Miriam, cleaned her off, offered to help her seek medical attention if necessary, someone would have offered to bring her car along if she had driven to the event, stayed with her at the ER and made calls to the remaining people to give updates on her condition. Later, many of the people who stayed behind would check in at the ER or her home and if she needed more care a group would set up a system to help with household chores and bring dinners. I know this for a fact because we've done it many times and it's also been done for my family after new babies, illnesses and surgeries. It's just the way we do things around here. :smileyhappy:


Yes and even as everyone gasps about the envelopes and felt bad that they would all have to be redone, they would all say, thats ok Miriam and Diane, it was an accident, are you ok Miriam? AND when Agnes called her a sow, they would have told AGNES to leave!
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Distinguished Wordsmith
maxcat
Posts: 4,011
Registered: ‎11-01-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10

I applauded Miriam for being forthright and telling Agnes about her husband but with consequences to follow. I think she did realize at that point that all these volunteer committees and such weren't worth it, that there were more important things in life to worry about. Agnes was such a bitch and evidently other people noticed her as one also. I hope everything works out to where Agnes is sued as the policeman said. That would be the icing on the cake!
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep - Robert Frost
Author
dotfrank
Posts: 222
Registered: ‎06-13-2007
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10



Wrighty wrote:
When the spill happened those people made me so mad! I come from a small town and we depend heavily on a lot of volunteer work. If that had happened here, almost everyone would have run to help, picked up Miriam, cleaned her off, offered to help her seek medical attention if necessary, someone would have offered to bring her car along if she had driven to the event, stayed with her at the ER and made calls to the remaining people to give updates on her condition. Later, many of the people who stayed behind would check in at the ER or her home and if she needed more care a group would set up a system to help with household chores and bring dinners. I know this for a fact because we've done it many times and it's also been done for my family after new babies, illnesses and surgeries. It's just the way we do things around here. :smileyhappy:




Wrighty - I forget where you live but I suspect it's a lot like Charleston, where I'm from. You have to remember that this is fiction and what happens in the story is designed to make a point, not necessarily to relive live as it actually is. Here's the genesis of that part of the story. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM DOES NOT CARE ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM IS HANGING IN THE WRONG HOOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT HER TRIBE. Sorry for all the caps but it's important to get the underlying meaning. In other words, something had to happen to make Miriam wake the heck up. And now back to our regularly scheduled show, someone in NJ where I currently hang my hat actually did knock a coffee pot over on a box of 4000 hand addressed invitations and never lived it down. You can't make this stuff up. Needless to say, Montclair NJ and many other towns like ours would fall apart if not for the efforts of hundreds of volunteer contributions to our quality of life and the sense of community they create. That said, there are some women out there who define their worth by their volunteer position and if they are the chair of something they think they are the queen of something. Those pretentious gals work my nerves. Don't they work yours?


Learn more about Bulls Island.

Discover all Dorothea Benton Frank titles.


Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10


dotfrank wrote:
Wrighty - I forget where you live but I suspect it's a lot like Charleston, where I'm from. You have to remember that this is fiction and what happens in the story is designed to make a point, not necessarily to relive live as it actually is. Here's the genesis of that part of the story. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM DOES NOT CARE ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM IS HANGING IN THE WRONG HOOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT HER TRIBE. Sorry for all the caps but it's important to get the underlying meaning. In other words, something had to happen to make Miriam wake the heck up. And now back to our regularly scheduled show, someone in NJ where I currently hang my hat actually did knock a coffee pot over on a box of 4000 hand addressed invitations and never lived it down. You can't make this stuff up. Needless to say, Montclair NJ and many other towns like ours would fall apart if not for the efforts of hundreds of volunteer contributions to our quality of life and the sense of community they create. That said, there are some women out there who define their worth by their volunteer position and if they are the chair of something they think they are the queen of something. Those pretentious gals work my nerves. Don't they work yours?




Dot,
I live in eastern NY state and I understood the point you were making when I was reading it in the book. I thought you did a great job too, that's why it made me so mad. Miriam and Agnes are such pains! They need to be slapped. I was just comparing what it's like where I live and what it may be like where many others live as well. There are those pretentious gals everywhere (I can think of a few right now) and they most certainly define their worth by what they do. They are also the ones who could never do a charitable act anonymously because they want everyone to know that they did something nice and they want a great big pat on the back for it. They aren't doing it for the act itself, they are doing it for the acknowledgement. They most definitely work my very last nerve.

That is so funny that this spill came from a real incident. Well, not so funny for the person that it happened to. They do say to write about what you know. I'm loving this book!

"MIRIAM IS HANGING IN THE WRONG HOOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT HER TRIBE." - Great comments!
Scribe
vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10

wrighty wrote:

There are those pretentious gals everywhere (I can think of a few right now) and they most certainly define their worth by what they do. They are also the ones who could never do a charitable act anonymously because they want everyone to know that they did something nice and they want a great big pat on the back for it. They aren't doing it for the act itself, they are doing it for the acknowledgement. They most definitely work my very last nerve.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
LOL AMEN wrighty! The sad thing for me is that is how my mother is. She does something for someone to "help them out" or "because they need it and I can", but THEN, if they do not thank her everyday for a minimum of a year then she steams about it! She is that way with anything she gives away too, a gift or even something that she doesnt want anymore. They are to thank her all the time but also they better use it the way she thinks they should! I try to tell her, if its a gift, then let it go and be happy that you could give it. If you want constant pats on the back and recognition about it or you are going to be mad, then dont do it at all!

As for the note writing thing, this is a good place about that too. I do understand the politeness in writing thank you notes, the manners, but sometimes people do it with an email instead of a pen and paper. Or they make sure to thank you in person. Those things to me are ok too. I think that for like baby showers or wedding showers, those type of things, maybe people should still write a formal thank you card, its very appropriate. But for other things, just regular things, well, we can get so caught up in what are appropriate manners that we forget what just true thankfulness and friendships are. If you truly GIVE someone something, then give it without regards to whether you get any kind of thank you at all, unless you feel you are being taken advantage of, but not because of manners. Thank yous are very nice to hear, its nice to be appreciated but its not a requirement for being Christlike in your giving.

As for these women in the book, and those people in the world who do as you say wrighty, only help out, do volunteer work, to be recognized, to get that pat on the back, well we know too what Christ said about that....these are they who have their reward and they have given away their reward in heaven. Thats because they could not give their alms in private. My mother is not a socialite but she is like these women in Miriam's life in the city, she does to be seen as something and she expects to be rewarded for it and if she read this book, you would hear forever about how absolutely right these women are about thank you notes are a must or your not worth doing anything for! My mom misses out on a lot of friendships, do you wonder why? Let me be more precise here, maybe not the word manners, but "proper etiquette". It may be proper etiquette to send formal notes to people, geesh even formal notes about being on a charity committee, but it really means nothing big to me. Just tell me, or let me know a a scratch of paper! I really dont care, it wont upset my views of who YOU really are if you use your soup spoon to stir your tea! I could care less about those things. Manners are not the same thing, we can show manners in many ways and I do have manners. I would rather see that I "matter" to you, than to know you have proper "manners" to show me. I would rather have one postic note on something from anyone, saying hey hope you have a good day, or was just thinking about you, than ten thousand invitations or thank you notes written in perfect Script on a nicely folded little card in an envelope.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Author
dotfrank
Posts: 222
Registered: ‎06-13-2007
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10



Wrighty wrote:

dotfrank wrote:
Wrighty - I forget where you live but I suspect it's a lot like Charleston, where I'm from. You have to remember that this is fiction and what happens in the story is designed to make a point, not necessarily to relive live as it actually is. Here's the genesis of that part of the story. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM DOES NOT CARE ABOUT MIRIAM. MIRIAM IS HANGING IN THE WRONG HOOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT HER TRIBE. Sorry for all the caps but it's important to get the underlying meaning. In other words, something had to happen to make Miriam wake the heck up. And now back to our regularly scheduled show, someone in NJ where I currently hang my hat actually did knock a coffee pot over on a box of 4000 hand addressed invitations and never lived it down. You can't make this stuff up. Needless to say, Montclair NJ and many other towns like ours would fall apart if not for the efforts of hundreds of volunteer contributions to our quality of life and the sense of community they create. That said, there are some women out there who define their worth by their volunteer position and if they are the chair of something they think they are the queen of something. Those pretentious gals work my nerves. Don't they work yours?




Dot,
I live in eastern NY state and I understood the point you were making when I was reading it in the book. I thought you did a great job too, that's why it made me so mad. Miriam and Agnes are such pains! They need to be slapped. I was just comparing what it's like where I live and what it may be like where many others live as well. There are those pretentious gals everywhere (I can think of a few right now) and they most certainly define their worth by what they do. They are also the ones who could never do a charitable act anonymously because they want everyone to know that they did something nice and they want a great big pat on the back for it. They aren't doing it for the act itself, they are doing it for the acknowledgement. They most definitely work my very last nerve.

That is so funny that this spill came from a real incident. Well, not so funny for the person that it happened to. They do say to write about what you know. I'm loving this book!

"MIRIAM IS HANGING IN THE WRONG HOOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT HER TRIBE." - Great comments!




YES! YES! That's it! Poor Miriam she's such a dummy and poor girls who thik they are Queen of whatever - they need some comeuppance!


Learn more about Bulls Island.

Discover all Dorothea Benton Frank titles.


Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10



maxcat wrote:
I applauded Miriam for being forthright and telling Agnes about her husband but with consequences to follow. I think she did realize at that point that all these volunteer committees and such weren't worth it, that there were more important things in life to worry about. Agnes was such a bitch and evidently other people noticed her as one also. I hope everything works out to where Agnes is sued as the policeman said. That would be the icing on the cake!




Maybe at the moment that fiery struck into her heart over the ill treatment Agnes gave her, she was so mad at herself for really caring about this women or her charity that she just ripped out with the truth about her husband. She might have felt immediate pain from the slight but suddenly realized she shouldn't be in this situation anyway.
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: THE BIG SPILL CHAPTERS 9 AND 10



vivico1 wrote:
wrighty wrote:

There are those pretentious gals everywhere (I can think of a few right now) and they most certainly define their worth by what they do. They are also the ones who could never do a charitable act anonymously because they want everyone to know that they did something nice and they want a great big pat on the back for it. They aren't doing it for the act itself, they are doing it for the acknowledgement. They most definitely work my very last nerve.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
LOL AMEN wrighty! The sad thing for me is that is how my mother is. She does something for someone to "help them out" or "because they need it and I can", but THEN, if they do not thank her everyday for a minimum of a year then she steams about it! She is that way with anything she gives away too, a gift or even something that she doesnt want anymore. They are to thank her all the time but also they better use it the way she thinks they should! I try to tell her, if its a gift, then let it go and be happy that you could give it. If you want constant pats on the back and recognition about it or you are going to be mad, then dont do it at all!

As for the note writing thing, this is a good place about that too. I do understand the politeness in writing thank you notes, the manners, but sometimes people do it with an email instead of a pen and paper. Or they make sure to thank you in person. Those things to me are ok too. I think that for like baby showers or wedding showers, those type of things, maybe people should still write a formal thank you card, its very appropriate. But for other things, just regular things, well, we can get so caught up in what are appropriate manners that we forget what just true thankfulness and friendships are. If you truly GIVE someone something, then give it without regards to whether you get any kind of thank you at all, unless you feel you are being taken advantage of, but not because of manners. Thank yous are very nice to hear, its nice to be appreciated but its not a requirement for being Christlike in your giving.

As for these women in the book, and those people in the world who do as you say wrighty, only help out, do volunteer work, to be recognized, to get that pat on the back, well we know too what Christ said about that....these are they who have their reward and they have given away their reward in heaven. Thats because they could not give their alms in private. My mother is not a socialite but she is like these women in Miriam's life in the city, she does to be seen as something and she expects to be rewarded for it and if she read this book, you would hear forever about how absolutely right these women are about thank you notes are a must or your not worth doing anything for! My mom misses out on a lot of friendships, do you wonder why? Let me be more precise here, maybe not the word manners, but "proper etiquette". It may be proper etiquette to send formal notes to people, geesh even formal notes about being on a charity committee, but it really means nothing big to me. Just tell me, or let me know a a scratch of paper! I really dont care, it wont upset my views of who YOU really are if you use your soup spoon to stir your tea! I could care less about those things. Manners are not the same thing, we can show manners in many ways and I do have manners. I would rather see that I "matter" to you, than to know you have proper "manners" to show me. I would rather have one postic note on something from anyone, saying hey hope you have a good day, or was just thinking about you, than ten thousand invitations or thank you notes written in perfect Script on a nicely folded little card in an

envelope.





I know everyone would rather I type or email them because I have horrible handwriting!
Users Online
Currently online:49 members 470 guests
Please welcome our newest community members: