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joyd
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎07-23-2007
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Aversion to marriage??

Why is Bella so "anti-marriage"? She is so obsessed with Edward, you'd think that she would jump at the chance to marry him?!? She is willing to end her entire life as she knows it in order to be with him, she would be with him literally forever, but she wouldn't marry him until he made the "deal" with her? Does this just show how immature she really is and, if that's the case, she has no business becoming a vampire!! Any thoughts?
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extinah
Posts: 89
Registered: ‎08-27-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I think she explains it pretty well--just not at any great length.

We think of her as the heroine--but we have to remember she's only *just* graduated at the end of "Eclipse." She's from this time period, she's pretty independant, and I'm sure getting married at 18 makes her cringe a little. Shoot, I'm 25 and it makes me cringe a little. She basically says that she doesn't want her marriage to appear out of the ordinary--she doesn't want to be that girl who gets married right out of highschool--there is a certain stigma attached to that and she doesn't want to be apart of that.

Of course, I think she should say "screw it" and go through with it. :] Well, if she's sure. :smileywink:

It's not that she doesn't want to marry Edward--she feels that 18 is too young to get married. Personally, I feel that Bella is PARTICULARLY cautious because of her parents' marriage--they got married at 18, and look where it got them. It's not that she thinks she's going to make the same mistakes, but:

1. the fear is still there
2. her parents would probably remember their previous marriage and feel the same way--they were too young, therefore she's probably yoo young. They wouldn't want her to make the same mistakes.
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paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

Joy:
Good question! I think Bella talked about this (I can't remember where exactly) but it seemed to be an issue with culture and not her love for Edward. Didn't she say something like "no one gets married that young any more?" And, honestly, she has a point. I'm old (over 30) and I can tell you that the person I was when I was 18 was completely different than the person I was at 25. People change so much during this time – I think getting married at such a young age is really risky – and I totally understand where Bella is coming from! The issue here isn't with Bella but with Edward – he says that they must be married before the blooding but for some reason this has always seemed like a convenient excuse for him... it's almost like he knows that Bella isn't really into it so he makes that a demand... I don't know, I'm going off on a weird tangent here....
Paul
"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
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joyd
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎07-23-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

Are you seriously saying that marriage is scarier than: 1) giving up your friends (including Jacob) and family, 2) never being able to do "human" thing ever again- including having children and normal things like eating and 3) living this life forever and ever??? Ok, maybe it's because I've been married since like forever but it seems like that's less of a commitment than "eternal damnation" as Edward puts it! To give up her entire life for him but not wear a ring seems a little warped, to say the least.

I think that Edward wants (like most of the Cullens) to feel a little human and to have a human-like experience...he is also old fashioned. He may be stalling her but I think he is really into the idea of getting married so that she can have that experience before her human life is stripped...
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extinah
Posts: 89
Registered: ‎08-27-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

But see--Bella isn't normal! She's not afraid of the things she should be--we already know that. Even Edward was surprised by her reactions--she didn't think Edward was a monster when he had to tear Victoria and that other guy (...Peter?) up and burn him--but she's afraid of a t iny drop of blood. She's not afraid of Edward (or Jacob) because he's a vampire, he's afraid that she's not interesting enough.

She seems to take the "hard" stuff better than the easy stuff. I can see how "Bella" would find marriage scarier than any of the situations you listed--she's not "normal." :] I personally wouldn't care what people would think--I do what I want--even if i have to do it with a defiant grin. >:]
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Tnzgirl
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎08-29-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I think Bella is anti-marriage because she is basing marriage on her fathers and her mothers. She also lives in a time period where marriage out of high school is very uncommon and draws attention which Bella doesn't like. Weddings also consist of parties, which Bella does not like either. Bella may also be conflicting it over her feeling for Jacob. I think Jacob lost his chance and he should have asked her to marry him too. I do believe she would have told them both no, but Edward would get a yes i nthe future.
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joyd
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎07-23-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

You all have such great points! Bella is NOT normal! And she does prefer to fly under the radar so to call the whole neighborhoods attention to her marriage freaks her out more than disappearing from sight. You know, it's so funny how when you read the book you totally relate to bella but when you analyze it, she really has an entirely different attitude than most people...
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teresah1
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-30-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I'm more than a little bothered by Bella's selfishness. Edward is going against his best judgement (and deep personal beliefs) to give her what she wants. (Immortality). I wonder if the real problem here is whether or not she truly loves him. All he wants is for her to marry him, and granted that is hard when you've been raised to hate it. But isn't love all about sacrifice for the other person?
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Pink4Ever
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎08-30-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

A lot of people say she's stupid because she'll turn into a vampire but won't get married but to me I agree with Bella. It seems like turning into a vampire is a bigger decission then getting married but if you think about it its not. When she turns into a vampire she can still find another vampire guy and Edward can find another vampire girl so when they get married they can still get a divorce and have there hearts broken no matter what. So Bella's fear seems rational to me. I hope what I said makes sense.
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joyd
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎07-23-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

Pink-
I understand what you're saying but the only reason she's "converting" is for Edward and the Cullens. Imagine converting religions so you can marry or be with someone and then it going sour...would you stay at that religion or would you want to go back home to the religion you grew up with? I think I'd want to go home! And she wont be able to, ever! And the Cullens are the "vegetarian" vampires- the others wouldn't be as accepting of Bella if something went sour between her and Edward. You can divorce if the marriage doesn't work out, but there's no backing out of a life change like that!
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Pink4Ever
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎08-30-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I get what your saying but I'm sticking to what I said. Besides Bella can create other vampires to and covert them to become "vegiterians". She doesn't have to remain alone. Also I think she's still afraid that Edward will still leave her if he finds someone else.
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barefoot_countess
Posts: 15
Registered: ‎02-28-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

There is a comment Carlisle makes when Bella called for the vote at the end of New Moon. He reminds Edward that he(Edward) has chosen to not live without Bella. Edward will stick with her forever, even if she wasn't a vampire. Can you imagine the love of your life staying perfect while you change and get older. Growing old together is one thing, growing old and dying by yourself is another. Bella made that choice to stay with Edward, and honestly, you can find the right person at 18. I did. Rather, I met my husband at 17 and got married 6 months before my 19 birthday. I am only 21 now, so I understand that she looks at how the neighbors would see her, getting married that fast, and that she looks at her parents failed marriage and wonders if she will be the same. They are both hard choices to make, but some choices are easier for some people. And as far as her being selfish, she has made her consession. This will be a spoiler for the end but I must point it out. She has agreed to get married. She wants to do things right. No sex before marriage, and turn into a vampire after that. It seems like she has thought it through a little more at that point.

I hope that all makes sense. If not, feel free to call me on it. :smileyhappy:
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ktgirl106
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎09-06-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I really don't think marraige is a "must". Look at Alice and Jasper. They're perfectly happy, but they're not married. Rosalie and Emmett are only married sometimes. It more of Edward not wanting Bella to miss out on any "human" experienced. He over thinks things and worries too much. I don't think it's because he's afraid she'll leave him. he wants her to, in a way. In the tent he tells Jacob that he wouldn't stop her if she decided to go with jacob. He made her go to prom and everything for her "human" experiences. Bella doesn't want to get married because, as many people have pointed out, Charlie and Renee's marraige didn't work, and she doesn't want people thinking she's stupid and irresponsible, getting married right out of high school. Edward is old fashioned, that how he is. Also, Alice's whole "do you love me Bella? Please let me do the wedding." Isn't making things any easier. I'm not getting mad at Alice... she's one of my favprites, but Bella needs to make this coiche on her own. A huge party and a spotlight isn't making things better for Bella.
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Newfinnies07
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Registered: ‎09-08-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

Agree and disagree because I think Bella has just always had the idea of her becoming a vampire in her head so she can be with Edward for ever. I don't think her decision reflects immaturity I think it reflects just being a 18 year old. She knows in her heart that she wants to marry him, but she just doesn't want him to end up saying you're not the one. She also has the thoughts of her parents in her head, for they got married right out of high school and she doesn't want to end up like them. Divorced and unhappy. Because if they do end up getting divorced (Which I pray to God doesn't happen) she will be alone and a vampire. But I am glad that she decides to take a risk and marry Edward.
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extinah
Posts: 89
Registered: ‎08-27-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

In repsonse to the marriage is a "must" or not, in Eclipse, Edward takes back all his requirements; now Bella wants to keep up all ends of the bargains (hers AND Edwards).

Stephenie also points out that in Eclipse, Bella *finally* understands how big a deal becoming a vampire is...let me find her link...

"In both Twilight and New Moon, Bella commits to becoming a vampire without once really examining what price she’ll pay. In Eclipse, Bella fully comprehends that price. And then she chooses to pay it. Every aspect of the novel revolves around this point, every back story, every relationship, every moment of action."

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/ecl_faq.html
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jmillam
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎09-17-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I think Joy is right about Edward being old-fashioned. I think that is Edward and Bella's biggest difference. She's very much a girl of 2007-- independent, wary of marriage (especially since her parent's failed), and impetuous.
Edward is very much a man of the early 1900's- conventional and traditional. The fact that he gives her his mother's ring is very telling. He is sentimental and very wedded to his time period.
Joy (too)
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Shroomy
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎10-23-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

Well for me i agree with bella,marrige is way scaryer than turning into a vampire,i dont realy know why but for me,marrige for my mother and her mothers and so on has been a bad choice,they have fallen in love with them willing to give everything up to them(in a sence)But it turned out horribly so it has me a scared.I would much rather be a vamire than be married!
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LoveRae
Posts: 45
Registered: ‎11-13-2007
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I don't think Bella is immature. I just think she is jumping the gun a little. Her aversion to marriage is obviously because of her parents (she says her mother has hammered it into her that you shouldn't get married before 25-30). She sees herself following in her parents' footsteps although she is actually madly in love with Edward. She does not like being the centre of attention and would rather not have an eliberate party to celebrate their marriage. Other than that I think Bella enjoys the idea. I think the reason Edward is so keen on marrying Bella before she is turned is because he wants to make sure her wedding is a human experience. If they got married after she was turned they could not share their special day with Bella family and friends. There are still many human experiences Edward is afraid she will miss out on but I am sure she will be happy with her wedding and their wedding night :smileywink: :smileywink: being her last human experiences.
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gabbisunshine
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎02-14-2008
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Re: Aversion to marriage??



joyd wrote:
Are you seriously saying that marriage is scarier than: 1) giving up your friends (including Jacob) and family, 2) never being able to do "human" thing ever again- including having children and normal things like eating and 3) living this life forever and ever??? Ok, maybe it's because I've been married since like forever but it seems like that's less of a commitment than "eternal damnation" as Edward puts it! To give up her entire life for him but not wear a ring seems a little warped, to say the least.

I think that Edward wants (like most of the Cullens) to feel a little human and to have a human-like experience...he is also old fashioned. He may be stalling her but I think he is really into the idea of getting married so that she can have that experience before her human life is stripped...


yeah i think he wants to get married so she can have that experience, but part of me feels (and this is gonna sound really stupid) like Edward really really wants to marry her. and you may say "DUH!" but i do think she hurt his feelings by turning him down, like he said his human instincts are still there. and it made me sad actually, especially when he questioned her about wanting to be immortal instead of wanting to just be with him. i think bella is worried about the culture thing and i see her side. but according to edward, he's tkaing away her soul, cant she marry him?
I run with the Vampires.

you REEK of werewolf.



:}D ---- mister mustache owns.
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jane0902
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎04-26-2008
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Re: Aversion to marriage??

I think the only reason that she didn't want to get married is because she didn't want to follow her mother's footsteps. To Bella,marriage shouldn'tberushed. She sees her parents and realizes that marriage is what tore them apart in a way.She doesn't want to take any chances of that happening to her.