bentley wrote:
Fran was a worry wart; but I do not see her as being realistic and being very rational. I could be wrong. On page four, O'Nan tells us: "Her mother worked in an emergency room and thought everyone was going to die in a car crash." That sort of summed it up for me in terms of first impressions.
Fran always wanted to know where everybody would be like this in of itself would keep everybody safe and that she had covered all bases in her own personal "good mothering booklet". What she wanted most was for the daughters to stay out of the police log in the newspaper so that she would not be embarrassed and her husband would not lose business. She half-heartedly told her daughters to let her know if they went anyplace else and they had their phones.
The truth was that Fran really did not want to be bothered or woken up because she had to go to work early and had to be in bed by ten. Let somebody else do the worrying while Kim was out; it wasn't going to be her. She would off load it to someone else, anybody else like her husband. Fran also conveniently could not take her other daughter out for driving practice and off loaded that job on Kim.
I think Fran worked everybody's hot buttons to get them to do whatever she wanted them to do out of guilt or because she made them feel badly about themselves. She had already called Kim selfish because Kim obviously working very hard wanted time for herself. It never occurred to Fran that she was being selfish by offloading all of her unwanted tasks and shouldering everybody else with some of her responsibilities.
Fran was quietly disappointed in Kim's choice for college and just like she was the queen of clipboards in the emergency room, it seemed like she did her job as mother as if she were simply checking off the tasks and saying to herself, "an item/task transferred is an item/task completed". Get the monkey off of your back and transfer it to somebody else, anybody else.
So far I am not that in love with Mom.
Message Edited by bentley on 06-02-2008 10:12 PM
Message Edited by bookhunter on 06-02-2008 11:15 PM
Yes, Vivian. I love that song "Somewhere out there" Yes, the perfect one, there is hope.
vivico1 wrote:
Carmenere_lady wrote:
I agree with some of you that Over the rainbow was a bit over the top. It doesn't help her to find Kim it only makes her become more of a victim and a little pathetic.
Hey guys, instead of Somewhere over the Rainbow, how about the song, Somewhere Out There, from that disney cartoon movie. I love that song lol, and at least it says, somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight. Goes on to say and then we'll be together. Remember, the song about the little lost mouse that turned into a big hit? Just a thought lol. What is it with that song anyway? Was it her favorite? I dont remember. I know it makes her sister cry when she doesn't want to about the song, but I think I would too if it was that Hawaiian guys version who died. If its not her favorite, it is a kind of strange song for this. Somewhere Out There is a "Song for the Missing".
Message Edited by vivico1 on 06-02-2008 08:52 PM
Melissa_W
book hunter wrote:
Ouch, ouch, bentley! You and many others are making me feel like I need to come to Fran's defense. I found a lot in common with her. It is very hard for me to transition from being the MOM all the time to being the mom of these young women that have suddenly appeared in my house. (My girls are exactly where Kim and Lindsey are in the book--even down to the driving practice. We don't have a DQ in our small town--it is a Sonic.) I don't THINK there are any drug secrets lurking in their lives, but I am sure there ARE things I don't know about.
I have to allow them some freedom to make their own decisions and can't hover over every move they make. The girls in the novel are sort of laughing at mom saying "just stay out of the police logs" but that is about where I am with my girls. I often say exactly what Fran said...call if you go anywhere else.
And I watch the news (and read novels!) that make me fear there is a dangerous stranger lurking around every corner just waiting for them. Do I lock them in the tower until they are grown (as I often threaten to do...) or do I hold my breath, say a prayer and let them have some freedom?
I also think these first impressions of Fran are seen through the eyes of Kim and Lindsey. What teen doesn't make a little fun of their folks? Mine just called me a "nerd" for sitting here at the beach on the computer participating in an online bookclub discussion!
Ann, bookhunter
PS I am editing this to add that I don't mean to get into an arguement about what the best parenting methods are! It was remarkable to me that Fran and her situation was so like me in many ways, but I really won't take it personally that you all don't like her! The book isn't about me! 
Message Edited by bookhunter on 06-02-2008 11:15 PM
Ann, I just wanted to say that I tend to fall in line with your way of thinking about Fran. Having finished a while ago raising my own two kids and four steps, I agree that they need to be allowed to start finding their own way before that fateful fall day when you install them in their first dormitory room at college. They have to be allowed to MAKE some mistakes before they can learn from them. There’s a term that’s applied to many of today’s parents - ‘helicopter moms’ - always hovering. I saw a news show awhile back with some extreme examples, like the mom who calls her daughter at college every morning to wake her up, and keeps calling back time after time until she’s sure the ‘girl’ is up. And here I thought the idea was to raise responsible adults…
If Fran or Ed weren’t waiting up for 15 year-old Lindsey, that’s a problem. But for her to wait up every night, sacrificing her own sleep and job performance, for a young adult daughter, is equally a problem. Who’s going to be waiting up for her in three more months? Do you think colleges still act in loco parentis? Of course, Fran and Ed could set more boundaries since Kim is still in ‘their‘ house; hopefully they did when she was younger. But O’Nan sets the stage so that there’s no indication that Kim has disappeared because of anything her parents did or didn’t do. She made it home OK, she was on her way to work despite feeling like a day off. Acting responsibly. The idea that we as parents are responsible for everything that can happen to a young adult child is just wishful thinking. “If we just pay enough attention, do everything right, stay connected (despite the fact that kids should be learning how to DISCONNECT at that age), keep our marriages sound, etc. etc., then everything will be all right” We will be in control of the bad things that could affect an adult child’s life, as we were in her early childhood. That’s wrong. We won’t, we can’t, we shouldn’t be.
Fran does what needs to be done about Kim’s disappearance: tries to keep it in the public view. Everyone today is aware that media attention can be the key to locating a missing person. Ed wants to find her himself, that too is understandable, if a somewhat naïve and emotional reaction. But if Fran can inspire hundreds of people to look, to watch for Kim’s car, to keep her face in mind, who is more likely to be ultimately successful? I don’t like the way either of them overlooks Lindsey and her pain. I’ve never been in that situation for a prolonged period myself, so I can only hope that I never would have done that. But it happens when one child is emotionally disturbed, or chronically ill, or drug-addicted, or whatever. You give where you see the most dire need, and you almost can’t bring yourself to devote significant time to what seem to be the lesser needs of other kids, or a spouse.
As readers, we so much want to find Kim, to learn what happened to her, what went wrong, who might have been involved. We share, in a very minor way, what her parents and friends are going through. Unless we have been there, we dare not judge too harshly.
I like both songs. I love "An American Tale," and Fievel is one of my favorite Disney characters.
vivico1 wrote:
Hey guys, instead of Somewhere over the Rainbow, how about the song, Somewhere Out There, from that disney cartoon movie. I love that song lol, and at least it says, somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight. Goes on to say and then we'll be together. Remember, the song about the little lost mouse that turned into a big hit? Just a thought lol. What is it with that song anyway? Was it her favorite? I dont remember. I know it makes her sister cry when she doesn't want to about the song, but I think I would too if it was that Hawaiian guys version who died. If its not her favorite, it is a kind of strange song for this. Somewhere Out There is a "Song for the Missing".
BookWoman718 wrote:Yes, UNLESS WE HAVE BEEN THERE that is a powerful statement, that is so very true! If you have never had teenagers, you do not know the human strain, it is on parents to quizzibly wonder if they are making the right moves. No one knows for sure, they are doing the right or wrong thing when it comes to teenagers. I don't think just being a teenager upt teen yrs ago does not make you knowledgeable on what or how to raise teens. Its a one day at a time scenio that takes all the patience in the world and then some more. And alot of times, people fail, but hey, we are all human.book hunter wrote:
Ouch, ouch, bentley! You and many others are making me feel like I need to come to Fran's defense. I found a lot in common with her. It is very hard for me to transition from being the MOM all the time to being the mom of these young women that have suddenly appeared in my house. (My girls are exactly where Kim and Lindsey are in the book--even down to the driving practice. We don't have a DQ in our small town--it is a Sonic.) I don't THINK there are any drug secrets lurking in their lives, but I am sure there ARE things I don't know about.
I have to allow them some freedom to make their own decisions and can't hover over every move they make. The girls in the novel are sort of laughing at mom saying "just stay out of the police logs" but that is about where I am with my girls. I often say exactly what Fran said...call if you go anywhere else.
And I watch the news (and read novels!) that make me fear there is a dangerous stranger lurking around every corner just waiting for them. Do I lock them in the tower until they are grown (as I often threaten to do...) or do I hold my breath, say a prayer and let them have some freedom?
I also think these first impressions of Fran are seen through the eyes of Kim and Lindsey. What teen doesn't make a little fun of their folks? Mine just called me a "nerd" for sitting here at the beach on the computer participating in an online bookclub discussion!
Ann, bookhunter
PS I am editing this to add that I don't mean to get into an arguement about what the best parenting methods are! It was remarkable to me that Fran and her situation was so like me in many ways, but I really won't take it personally that you all don't like her! The book isn't about me!
Message Edited by bookhunter on 06-02-2008 11:15 PM
Ann, I just wanted to say that I tend to fall in line with your way of thinking about Fran. Having finished a while ago raising my own two kids and four steps, I agree that they need to be allowed to start finding their own way before that fateful fall day when you install them in their first dormitory room at college. They have to be allowed to MAKE some mistakes before they can learn from them. There’s a term that’s applied to many of today’s parents - ‘helicopter moms’ - always hovering. I saw a news show awhile back with some extreme examples, like the mom who calls her daughter at college every morning to wake her up, and keeps calling back time after time until she’s sure the ‘girl’ is up. And here I thought the idea was to raise responsible adults…
If Fran or Ed weren’t waiting up for 15 year-old Lindsey, that’s a problem. But for her to wait up every night, sacrificing her own sleep and job performance, for a young adult daughter, is equally a problem. Who’s going to be waiting up for her in three more months? Do you think colleges still act in loco parentis? Of course, Fran and Ed could set more boundaries since Kim is still in ‘their‘ house; hopefully they did when she was younger. But O’Nan sets the stage so that there’s no indication that Kim has disappeared because of anything her parents did or didn’t do. She made it home OK, she was on her way to work despite feeling like a day off. Acting responsibly. The idea that we as parents are responsible for everything that can happen to a young adult child is just wishful thinking. “If we just pay enough attention, do everything right, stay connected (despite the fact that kids should be learning how to DISCONNECT at that age), keep our marriages sound, etc. etc., then everything will be all right” We will be in control of the bad things that could affect an adult child’s life, as we were in her early childhood. That’s wrong. We won’t, we can’t, we shouldn’t be.
Fran does what needs to be done about Kim’s disappearance: tries to keep it in the public view. Everyone today is aware that media attention can be the key to locating a missing person. Ed wants to find her himself, that too is understandable, if a somewhat naïve and emotional reaction. But if Fran can inspire hundreds of people to look, to watch for Kim’s car, to keep her face in mind, who is more likely to be ultimately successful? I don’t like the way either of them overlooks Lindsey and her pain. I’ve never been in that situation for a prolonged period myself, so I can only hope that I never would have done that. But it happens when one child is emotionally disturbed, or chronically ill, or drug-addicted, or whatever. You give where you see the most dire need, and you almost can’t bring yourself to devote significant time to what seem to be the lesser needs of other kids, or a spouse.
As readers, we so much want to find Kim, to learn what happened to her, what went wrong, who might have been involved. We share, in a very minor way, what her parents and friends are going through. Unless we have been there, we dare not judge too harshly.
