The Search

[KxBurns]

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Everyman wrote:

In his play Antigone Sophocles has Antigone contend that the loss of her brother, with her parents dead, is greater than the loss of a spouse or child. He has Antigone argue that losing a husband she could find another, she could have other children, but with her parents dead, she can never have another brother.

Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

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What a great question! What do you all think?

[bmbrennan]

I don't think it is because Lindsay gets to live the life she wants due to Kim being dead.  She would never have been able to go to Northwestern had Kim lived, they wouldn't have been able to afford it.  She gets to finally just be Lindsay, not little Larsen, just Lindsay with no preconceptions about her.  Her parents will always in some way mourn Kim and their identity will be attached to the tragedy, the parents of the dead girl.  I don't see Lindsay failing in her quest for freedom.

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KxBurns wrote:

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Everyman wrote:

In his play Antigone Sophocles has Antigone contend that the loss of her brother, with her parents dead, is greater than the loss of a spouse or child. He has Antigone argue that losing a husband she could find another, she could have other children, but with her parents dead, she can never have another brother.

Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

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What a great question! What do you all think?

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[kiakar]

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KxBurns wrote:

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Everyman wrote:

In his play Antigone Sophocles has Antigone contend that the loss of her brother, with her parents dead, is greater than the loss of a spouse or child. He has Antigone argue that losing a husband she could find another, she could have other children, but with her parents dead, she can never have another brother.

Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

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What a great question! What do you all think?

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I have lost both of my parents and a sister. I haven't lost any children or grandchildren so I really can't say. I really still think it would be harder to loose your child and grandchildren or children. They are irreplaceable. Each child/children is so different, completely a different person , so, even if you could have another, it would not ever be the same. A piece of that child would always remain in your heart. It has seemed to hit me harder with my sister gone, because she was two yrs older and was so in my life growing up. We experienced so much turmoil together in our early life. My father was murdered when we were small and alot of tragic things besides that happened in our life. For my mother, she was 86 and had lived a long hard life and had lived a sucessful Christian life so I missed her terribly but it was like we expect the older ones to leave us. I guess it was just over the years that I missed my Dad so much. When a Dad needed to be in mty life and wasn't.

[LucyintheOC]

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Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

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No. Different dynamic but neither greater nor lesser, except when Lindsey grows older (elderly) and her parents are gone. That changes the equation and then, I do think Lindsey's loss becomes the greater.

[Peppermill]

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LucyintheOC wrote:

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Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

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No. Different dynamic but neither greater nor lesser, except when Lindsey grows older (elderly) and her parents are gone. That changes the equation and then, I do think Lindsey's loss becomes the greater.

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Lucy -- very thoughtful perspective. Thanks!

[m3girl]

Good Morning!

Chapters 1-13

JP uses the search to get closer to Kim's father - and vice versa. They didn't know each other well and Kim's father really doesn't understand their relationship - casual yet sexual. This is different from what he experienced with Kim's mother when they were in High School and later on in college - there was more commitment.

Ed uses the search as a way to get out of the house and feel useful and perhaps also in charge.

Nina seems only to be concerned about the secret and maybe she has a few more she's yet to divulge.

Fran, the organizer, leverages her skills to organize the search teams and deal with the media. It helps keep her mind off what is really happening. Not until Ed goes to Sandusky and things quiet down does she start drinking more - numbing herself in a different way.

Lindsey - hold up in her room - is in pain and no on e seems to see this obvious situation. It's not surprising yet still saddening that her parents are so preoccupied that she's allowed to hibernate uninterrupted. Long term impact on Lindsey would be interesting to learn.

I would have been much more upset and vocal with the cops. Their lack of responsiveness at first was just wrong - based on what I have learned on TV shows and the news the first 24-48 hours are essential). And why they didn't share more information with the family is also just wrong. It seemed like they were lazy and perhaps ill-equipped or not well trained for the search and dealing with the family. This isn't a stolen car, after all.

The search really didn't get started until the car was found - and then it was conducted by a totally different (and hopefully better equipped and trained) group. If they don't find her - it won't be because her parents did nothing.

Susan

[KxBurns]

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kiakar wrote:

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KxBurns wrote:

---

Everyman wrote:

In his play Antigone Sophocles has Antigone contend that the loss of her brother, with her parents dead, is greater than the loss of a spouse or child. He has Antigone argue that losing a husband she could find another, she could have other children, but with her parents dead, she can never have another brother.

Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

---

What a great question! What do you all think?

---

I have lost both of my parents and a sister. I haven't lost any children or grandchildren so I really can't say. I really still think it would be harder to loose your child and grandchildren or children. They are irreplaceable. Each child/children is so different, completely a different person , so, even if you could have another, it would not ever be the same. A piece of that child would always remain in your heart. It has seemed to hit me harder with my sister gone, because she was two yrs older and was so in my life growing up. We experienced so much turmoil together in our early life. My father was murdered when we were small and alot of tragic things besides that happened in our life. For my mother, she was 86 and had lived a long hard life and had lived a sucessful Christian life so I missed her terribly but it was like we expect the older ones to leave us. I guess it was just over the years that I missed my Dad so much. When a Dad needed to be in mty life and wasn't.

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Kiakar, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you make a wonderful point that any loved one is irreplaceable, regardless of whether it's a sibling or a child or a parent. Thanks for sharing that.

[Turner_A]

What are some of the different ways that various people in Kim's life approach the search for her, and to what degree are they influenced by each individual's particular emotions? Ed, searches for her immediately after finding out she is missing. He drives around looking for traces of her on the highway. He organizes the search groups and puts certain individuals in charge of the groups. I think Ed's actions inspire J.P. to search every day. This is a young man who, "didn't love her enough, and certainly not enough to sacrifice himself".

What are some of the roadblocks - personal and institutional - that impede the search for Kim? The secret that the friends share may affect the search for Kim. The police starting the investigation as if Kim ran away and is not kidnapped or worse.

Did you feel frustrated by the progress of the search? Yes, the search seemed to be going around in circles at times. Volunteers went through the same motions just in different areas. Nothing was found during the searches that could help.

Did it seem like the official police investigation was at odds with Fran and Ed's efforts at times? The searches consisted of volunteers and no police officers. I can only remember one time where it is mentioned that the police were conducting their own search.

[bookhunter]

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KxBurns wrote:

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Everyman wrote:

In his play Antigone Sophocles has Antigone contend that the loss of her brother, with her parents dead, is greater than the loss of a spouse or child. He has Antigone argue that losing a husband she could find another, she could have other children, but with her parents dead, she can never have another brother.

Is Lindsey's loss here greater than her parents'?

---

What a great question! What do you all think?

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Maybe it has to do with the natural order of things as opposed to something that upsets that natural order.  We expect people to age and eventually die, so when an elderly parent dies the acceptance comes sooner, even though the loss is still painful.  And by then adult children have achieved a greater sense of self aside from being the child of that parent.  When a child dies, or a parent dies at a young age, it upsets the natural order and creates a bigger hole, maybe.

For Lindsey, I do think Kim's death could have a greater impact on her life than on her parents'.  I hesitate to say that her LOSS is greater, because I would never minimize the loss felt by her parents.  But we have already said that so much of Lindsey's identity was tied up in being "Kim's little sister."  That suddenly changed and a time in her life when she is beginning to formulate who she is as her own person.  This would have been a different story if Lindsey had been 6 or 26 and not 16. 

And I think for Lindsey, like Antigone, there is a loss of self when you lose a sibling--especially one close in age and of the same sex.  No one else in the family comes as close to being "you" as a sibling who shares the same DNA and life experiences.

I am glad the thread on Resolutions has opened up because this discussion of "loss" is one I have wanted to explore further.

Ann, bookhunter

[groover]

My best friend lost a child, shortly after a bitter divorce. Through this and other experiences, I am a firm believer that nothing is greater than the loss of a child. Lindsay will grow into her own skin and build a new life with her own family, but her parents will never fully absorb the loss of their first child.