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pigwidgeon
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Registered: ‎01-28-2007
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters



reddoglady wrote:
I did have a sister -- she committed suicide in March 1986 (coming up on 22 years ago) -- at the time we did not have a close relationship -- I was married with two young children and lived out of state -- we never did have a close relationship -- I started dating my then husband at age 16 and was tied up in my own little world -- I got married at 21 (I believe to escape my childhood home) and never really knew what problems she had at the time -- her and my mother were extremely close and my dad never showed his feelings or emotions -- after she died it gave me the courage to divorce my husband and change my life for the better (as they say good always comes from bad) -- I regret that I was not the person then that I am now -- perhaps I could have helped her -- I will never know -- my mother and I have never had a good relationship, but now we are all that we have -- I have forgiven my mother for things that she did when I was younger (mostly) and I try real hard to understand where she is coming from -- she will be 87 in July (I will be 60 in April) -- she lives in NJ and I live in NC -- we see each other 2-3 times a year -- I do wish my sister was still around -- maybe we could have had a different relationship, but then again maybe I wouldn't have changed my life if she didn't die --





reddoglady:

My heart goes out to you, for everything you have had to go through. It is never easy to lose a sibling, even if you weren't all that close. I agree with you, that "good always comes from bad", and I applaud you for making changes and healing relationships in your life (at a time that was tough to begin with). It couldn't have been easy. You shouldn't "regret that I was not the person then that I am now", because you wouldn't be the person you are now (which I suspect is quite strong in many ways), with out going thorough the experiences (good and bad) that you have. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
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Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters



pigwidgeon wrote:


reddoglady wrote:
I did have a sister -- she committed suicide in March 1986 (coming up on 22 years ago) --     
I do wish my sister was still around -- maybe we could have had a different relationship, but then again maybe I wouldn't have changed my life if she didn't die --
reddoglady:

My heart goes out to you, for everything you have had to go through. It is never easy to lose a sibling, even if you weren't all that close. I agree with you, that "good always comes from bad", and I applaud you for making changes and healing relationships in your life (at a time that was tough to begin with). It couldn't have been easy. You shouldn't "regret that I was not the person then that I am now", because you wouldn't be the person you are now (which I suspect is quite strong in many ways), with out going thorough the experiences (good and bad) that you have. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

reddoglady,
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister and all of your hardships. There must be so many unanswered questions but you can't blame yourself. And as you said, you made good things happen from a terrible situation. You turned your life around and it sounds like you've worked very hard to open your heart and try to make peace with the past. That takes strength and courage and I bet your sister would be very proud of you. I wish you much happiness and success. 

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lmpmn
Posts: 177
Registered: ‎11-08-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

thank you so much for sharing your story with us.  i have 2 older sisters.  there is a significant age difference b/t us, and I grew up halfway across the country from them.  only recently have i moved closer to them and their families.  your story reminds me that we should be grateful for the time we have with our loved ones, no matter what our differences are.  my mother passed away Christmas night of 2006, and I was the one who found her.  that has been the most difficult thing i've gone through in my life as of yet.  hopefully as sisters we can help each other through her death.  i hope you enjoy your time with your mother as well.  i had many things to forgive my mother for like you.  when i had a child my mother became my best friend, and as the years passed we talked through many past troubles.  getting to know who she was as a person rather than "my mother" made all the difference in the world.  i grew to respect her life and her as a person more than anyone i've ever known.  i wish my sisters could see the same person in her as i do.  thanks again reddoglady for sharing your story.

reddoglady wrote:
I did have a sister -- she committed suicide in March 1986 (coming up on 22 years ago) -- at the time we did not have a close relationship -- I was married with two young children and lived out of state -- we never did have a close relationship -- I started dating my then husband at age 16 and was tied up in my own little world -- I got married at 21 (I believe to escape my childhood home) and never really knew what problems she had at the time -- her and my mother were extremely close and my dad never showed his feelings or emotions -- after she died it gave me the courage to divorce my husband and change my life for the better (as they say good always comes from bad) -- I regret that I was not the person then that I am now -- perhaps I could have helped her -- I will never know -- my mother and I have never had a good relationship, but now we are all that we have -- I have forgiven my mother for things that she did when I was younger (mostly) and I try real hard to understand where she is coming from -- she will be 87 in July (I will be 60 in April) -- she lives in NJ and I live in NC -- we see each other 2-3 times a year --  I do wish my sister was still around -- maybe we could have had a different relationship, but then again maybe I wouldn't have changed my life if she didn't die -- 



Happiness is a warm blanket!
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boo27
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

Hi everyone.  I have 2 sisters and 2 completely different relationships with them.  I am the oldest of 3 and my sisters are 3 years and 17 years younger than me.  I would have to say I am closest to my sister 3 years younger than me.  We grew up together, share most of the same memories.  That being said we have enough different personalities that we still argue to this day.  We had a time when we were estranged, but as we are more mature I hope that we can talk out our differences and still have a good relationship.  After all, nobody knows you like a sister.  My other sister and I's relationship is much different.  She is still a teenager, so I find myself in the maternal role quite a bit.  We don't fight,  but we don't really have that common growing up bond that my other sister and I do.  She grew up quite different than I did.  I have quite enjoyed the experience of watching her develop into her own person and am anxious to see how she'll be when she's an adult.  I do consider both of my sisters my friends and hope to always do that.    The sister relationship can be a complicating one, but very fulfilling.  And both of my sisters have always been there for me when I needed them to be.
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KxBurns
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Registered: ‎09-06-2007
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters



reddoglady wrote:
I did have a sister -- she committed suicide in March 1986 (coming up on 22 years ago) -- at the time we did not have a close relationship -- I was married with two young children and lived out of state -- we never did have a close relationship -- I started dating my then husband at age 16 and was tied up in my own little world -- I got married at 21 (I believe to escape my childhood home) and never really knew what problems she had at the time -- her and my mother were extremely close and my dad never showed his feelings or emotions -- after she died it gave me the courage to divorce my husband and change my life for the better (as they say good always comes from bad) -- I regret that I was not the person then that I am now -- perhaps I could have helped her -- I will never know -- my mother and I have never had a good relationship, but now we are all that we have -- I have forgiven my mother for things that she did when I was younger (mostly) and I try real hard to understand where she is coming from -- she will be 87 in July (I will be 60 in April) -- she lives in NJ and I live in NC -- we see each other 2-3 times a year --  I do wish my sister was still around -- maybe we could have had a different relationship, but then again maybe I wouldn't have changed my life if she didn't die -- 


Oh, reddoglady, my heart goes out to you.
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reddoglady
Posts: 46
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

Thank you all for your positive comments -- I definitely am a much stronger person -- also much happier -- I have a wonderful husband of almost 19 years (second one is much, much better), two wonderful grandchildren -- Kelsey (9) and Cameron (7) and another  on the way (July)  so I have lots to be thankful for -- :smileywink:

ek
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ek
Posts: 16
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have a sister four years older and a sister eleven years younger than me.  My older sister and I are very close, best of friends and sisters.  While growing up we shared a room and had the usual sibling rivalry.  I noticed a change in our relationship I guess when I was in my senior year of high school.  I feel sorry for my younger sister at times because she isn't close to any of the siblings (she and a younger brother were raised together while an older brother, my older sister, myself and a brother 15 months younger than I were raised together).  My younger sister has such a difficult life, one I can't imagine living.  Anyway, I love my older sister dearly and we often joke about wanting to be the first to die because we don't know how we could live without the other in our lives.
Elaine
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lbigal
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have 1 sister and can't imagine going so long without spending time with her.
We have been there for each other during life's ups and downs and talk and email frequently.
Children are made readers on the laps of their parents. Emilie Buchwald
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mwinasu
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Registered: ‎02-02-2008
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I started to say that I had no sisters, but that is not true.  I have a half-sister and a stepsister.  The half-sister is from my father, and the stepsister is from my mother.  Everyone in my family is an alcoholic(except for me).   My mother met my stepfather in a bar and they realised that they had girls born one day apart that had the same  first name.  They assumed that their meeting was a sign from GOD.  So they got married three days later.  Neither one of them were sober at the time. It wasn't a good match and as a result, my stepsister and I hated each other. I haven't seen her since 1982.  I have heard that she has had a very hard life.  I have seen my half-sister twice.  Once when I was four and then about forty years later.    When I think of Vivi I see her face.  She thought I was stuck up because I wouldn't go drinking with her.  Both of my brothers are alcholicsas well.  I don't have much sympathy or patience with drunks I have had to see way too much of the chaos they cause.  I try to stay away from them as much as possible.
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters



mwinasu wrote:
I started to say that I had no sisters, but that is not true.  I have a half-sister and a stepsister.  The half-sister is from my father, and the stepsister is from my mother.  Everyone in my family is an alcoholic(except for me).   My mother met my stepfather in a bar and they realised that they had girls born one day apart that had the same  first name.  They assumed that their meeting was a sign from GOD.  So they got married three days later.  Neither one of them were sober at the time. It wasn't a good match and as a result, my stepsister and I hated each other. I haven't seen her since 1982.  I have heard that she has had a very hard life.  I have seen my half-sister twice.  Once when I was four and then about forty years later.    When I think of Vivi I see her face.  She thought I was stuck up because I wouldn't go drinking with her.  Both of my brothers are alcholicsas well.  I don't have much sympathy or patience with drunks I have had to see way too much of the chaos they cause.  I try to stay away from them as much as possible.


It sounds like you had a pretty hard life also. Living even some of your life, the beginning  with alchololices had to be very very hard. Bless you. I wish you the best always.
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pigwidgeon
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters


mwinasu wrote:
I started to say that I had no sisters, but that is not true. I have a half-sister and a stepsister. The half-sister is from my father, and the stepsister is from my mother. Everyone in my family is an alcoholic(except for me). My mother met my stepfather in a bar and they realised that they had girls born one day apart that had the same first name. They assumed that their meeting was a sign from GOD. So they got married three days later. Neither one of them were sober at the time. It wasn't a good match and as a result, my stepsister and I hated each other. I haven't seen her since 1982. I have heard that she has had a very hard life. I have seen my half-sister twice. Once when I was four and then about forty years later. When I think of Vivi I see her face. She thought I was stuck up because I wouldn't go drinking with her. Both of my brothers are alcholicsas well. I don't have much sympathy or patience with drunks I have had to see way too much of the chaos they cause. I try to stay away from them as much as possible.





mwinasu:

I'm saddened to hear that your half-sister treated you so poorly, and could not realize the choices that you make in life are your own. It must be difficult for you to see those around you suffer with their demons, rather than learn from the experiences they have lived, and seen their family live, as you have. I commend you for making (what sound to me like) intelligent choices in your life, and sticking to your principals when it comes down to it. I have had some relationships with people with addictions (though not to the scale of yours, I think) and very much understand your lack of "sympathy or patience" at this point. It's like an hour-glass, where the sand keeps trickling away until there is none left. I hope you also have positive people in your life that make up for the hard times of the others. There always seem to be 2 sides to the coin, life is an interesting (though not always rosy) journey. :smileyhappy:
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Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters



mwinasu wrote:
I started to say that I had no sisters, but that is not true.  I have a half-sister and a stepsister.  The half-sister is from my father, and the stepsister is from my mother.  Everyone in my family is an alcoholic(except for me).   My mother met my stepfather in a bar and they realised that they had girls born one day apart that had the same  first name.  They assumed that their meeting was a sign from GOD.  So they got married three days later.  Neither one of them were sober at the time. It wasn't a good match and as a result, my stepsister and I hated each other. I haven't seen her since 1982.  I have heard that she has had a very hard life.  I have seen my half-sister twice.  Once when I was four and then about forty years later.    When I think of Vivi I see her face.  She thought I was stuck up because I wouldn't go drinking with her.  Both of my brothers are alcholicsas well.  I don't have much sympathy or patience with drunks I have had to see way too much of the chaos they cause.  I try to stay away from them as much as possible.


I know exactly what you mean. My husband and I have stepbrothers and sisters but we don't really know them because both of our parents remarried when we were adults and they didn't have children living with them anymore. We don't get together as one big happy family and we don't really know each other. I often forget that those relationships even exist because they are in name only. We also have alcoholics in our families but especially in my husbands. It's been the way of life for several generations now and they are all co-dependent. If someone does break away from that lifestyle and doesn't want to drink anymore than they are made fun of. It's sad that more of these relationships aren't closer but we've had to disassociate ourselves with those who put the partying first above all else including children, family, work, health - none of it matters anymore. Luckily we still have many family members who we are extremely close with that live and love unconditionally.

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erina
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Registered: ‎02-04-2008
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have a sister who is 16 years younger than me, a brother who is 18 years younger and another brother who is 14 years younger.  My sister has lived with me for the past 4 years so I feel like more of a mother than a sister to her.  I feel like they are more of nieces and nephews than brothers and sister and that has to do with the age differences.  They are all very close because they share the same memories.  My memories are totally different and I have nobody to share them with!  Don't get me wrong, I love them to death, it's just a different kind of relationship. 
 
 
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bookhunter
Posts: 322
Registered: ‎06-09-2007
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I am the oldest of 3 girls (2 years between each) and my two sisters live near each other while I live 150 miles away.  As children we used to gang up 2 to one.  Now, they both share everything--even teach at the same preschool--while I am all by my lonesome (NOT COMPLAINING! :smileywink: )
 
What is interesting to me are my two daughters--ages 18 and 16.  They are very close and often mistaken for twins.  But they are very different from each other--even in body type.  Their outlook on the world is different, their tastes in clothes and music....   We often joke about the same gene pool producing such different kids.
 
(Then came my son (now 14) to show me what different is REALLY like!)
 
I have a dear, dear friend who has two brothers and no sisters.  We claim each other as sisters.
 
What do you all think is special about a sister bond that friends just don't/can't have?  Or that sisters and brothers don't have?
 
I was touched by the intimacy of Vivi crawling into bed with Ginny and curling up.  My sisters and I never did that, but my daughters do.  They are very physically affectionate towards each other and we all worry about how they will handle the oldest going off to college next fall!
 
Ann, bookhunter
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avanders
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎02-05-2008
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have two sisters, one older & one younger - though we are close enough in age that we typically feel as if we are all the same age (at this point in our lives, anyway :smileyhappy:). I actually had a difficult time relating to either of the sisters in the book because they felt like such extremes to me. Of course, being the middle sibling, maybe that makes sense :smileywink:. While my sisters & I are very different in many ways (we enjoy very different music, often different types of books, and certainly different types of movies), we have a strong relationship that was formed early and encouraged by our parents (thankfully!). Even as adults, the three of us lived in an apartment together... for a year :smileywink:. What an experience! Regardless of my ability to *relate* to the characters in the book--I was still glad to read about two sisters who had a very strong bond... and to attempt to understand what could have caused that bond to be broken for so very long! Frankly, even after having finished the novel, it is hard for me to imagine a 50 year absence from my sisters!
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Rosei
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters


SandyS wrote:
 
Rosei,
I am interested if your brother is the middle child.  My sister and I are quite distant and different, even though we only have 3 years difference.  But we would each say we are close to the brother in the middle.
 
Hello SandyS! No, my brother is my parents' third child. My sister and he are not close as well. Since he and I are very alike in humor and behavior, I think she also cannot get along with him too. Oh well..
 
Hugs!
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niknak13
Posts: 26
Registered: ‎02-05-2008
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have a sister that is 4 years younger than I am.  It is just the two of us.  We've always been close and not only do we talk to each other practically every day, but we see each other at least 5 days a week.  We also live down the road from each other.  I can't imagine any circumstances under which we would stop seeing each other or talking to each other.  We are very much an important part in each other's lives. 
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lamorgan
Posts: 62
Registered: ‎01-19-2007
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have three sisters and each one is a different relationship.
The eldest died several years ago, but she was the one person who accepted me for who I am. She was 11 years older than I am and was like a second mother to me.
The next sister is 9 years older than myself. She is more distant than the rest of us, but I don't doubt that she loves us all.
My younger sister was born five days prior to my third birthday, so she and I grew up together. We weren't particularly close as children. That relationship came as we matured. We often view things similarly.
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bookhunter
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Registered: ‎06-09-2007
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I am the oldest of three sisters.  My younger two live near my parents and are very close--they even work at the same place!  I live a distance away and often feel left out of things.  It is not intentional on their part or mine, but I can identify with Ginny's assessment that Vivi is now a "guest" since she left home.
 
I have two daughters and the oldest is about to leave for college.  They are very close and I am bittersweet about the changes that are about to come along for our family and especially for their relationship.  I dread the packing up--they share clothes all the time!!:smileyvery-happy:
 
With their cell phones, text messaging, and Facebook it seems like my daughters communicate more with each other than my sisters and I do!
 
Ann, bookhunter
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SweetReaderMA
Posts: 26
Registered: ‎02-05-2008
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Re: Off Topic: Sisters

I have 1 sister and she is 13 years old while I am 29. It is a much different relationship than those sisters who are closer in age, I think. There are even more circumstances that make the relationship between my sister and I much different than most and that is we both lost our mother 6 years ago. She was 7 and I was 26 and so of course I tend to be more of a motherish type sister though that was even before my mother passed. This past year, my sister's father passed away. She has had so much loss in such a short time and I think that is hard on her. My brother and I didn't take her in because her father's wishes were for her to go to his niece and we agreed it is the best solution. I hate to say that my sister and I aren't as close as I wish we were but I try the best I can to be here for her if she needs me.
These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves. From each of them goes out its own voice... and just as the touch of a button on our set will fill the room with music, so by taking down one of these volumes and opening it, one can call into range the voice of a man far distant in time and space, and hear him speaking to us, mind to mind, heart to heart. ~Gilbert Highet
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