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Mountain_Muse
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


 

Hopefully this will explain a little of the underlying tension that was going on in the story.  Tenden had truly jumped ship and joined the "enemy" in the eyes and hearts of the people of his community.  I feel the Park Service was totally manipulative and wrong to have put him in such an untenable position and send him back to try to manipulate the people of the Harrison, AR area.  Both Tenden and the local people saw right through the ploy and it shut down any potential for dialogue from the start because the community saw the manipulation for what it was and closed their ears and hearts to anything that the Park Service had to say.

 

Mtn Muse



It's definitely a sticky situation.

 

You got to the heart of the matter beautifully!



Tammy,

 

I have had the privilege of living in the high Rockies, in Arkansas in the 70's, and now in the Potomac Highlands of the Appalachian Mountains.  I have lived and listened to this story(s) many times over the years and am personally torn.  I have seen the devastation of ill-cared-for land and seen the devastated lives of families torn from their generational lands.  It is not an easy situation.  I am not a "tree-hugger" nor am I on the side of the rancher who over grazes the land.  I was was in a family of ranchers who were conservationists and saw it as their sacred duty to care for and nurture the land from which they gleaned their life wages.

I have also cussed (figuratively) the Forest Service for the heavy handed bureaucratic  manner in which they have mis-managed back country and wilderness areas.  It is because of some of those very policies dating back to the early 1900's that we have the massive forest fires like they are currently experiencing in Arizona and New Mexico right now.....but that is another discussion.  

All this to say, that you very successfully wove a historic event into a wonderful story.  My only down, is that it deserves for you to go back and develop it into a full fledged novel. :-)

Mtn Muse

A really good book is much like an artichoke. As you peel back each page of the of the book, you get closer and closer to the succulent heart of the story.
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


dhaupt wrote:

Tammy. thanks for setting us straight on some things and your honest opinion of our thoughts and feelings. And thanks for your participation.

 

Mtn, your passion definitely shows in your posts and if I may assume comes from a much more personal place than the rest of us. Until your latest post I wasn't really thinking about all the issues that you mentioned as I've never had to and hopefully never will have to deal with what these residents did. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You

 

Andreea, i always love reading your posts and it always amazes me just how much alike we as a species are no matter where we hang our hats or where we come from originally. And I like your long posts, so keep on writing.


Andrea,

 

I ditto that!

 

Mtn Muse

A really good book is much like an artichoke. As you peel back each page of the of the book, you get closer and closer to the succulent heart of the story.
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A_G_D
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Andrea,

 

I ditto that!

 

Mtn Muse


Mtn Muse, thank you for sharing with us your personal experience and knowledge on this subject. For those of us who don't have first hand experience and interaction with people whose houses and land have been taken away, it's almost impossible to imagine the frustrations and anger they must go through. The only thing that I can say is that if the Government decides that it's in the land's best interest for them to own it and protect it then they better make sure they do a good job with it considering the high price so many people are paying. And from what you said that's not always the case which is a tragedy for those affected.

Andreea
"Books are the quitest and most constant of friends; they are the most accesible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." -Charles Eliot
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novelimagination
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

[ Edited ]

Tammy,

 

I have had the privilege of living in the high Rockies, in Arkansas in the 70's, and now in the Potomac Highlands of the Appalachian Mountains.  I have lived and listened to this story(s) many times over the years and am personally torn.  I have seen the devastation of ill-cared-for land and seen the devastated lives of families torn from their generational lands.  It is not an easy situation.  I am not a "tree-hugger" nor am I on the side of the rancher who over grazes the land.  I was was in a family of ranchers who were conservationists and saw it as their sacred duty to care for and nurture the land from which they gleaned their life wages.

I have also cussed (figuratively) the Forest Service for the heavy handed bureaucratic  manner in which they have mis-managed back country and wilderness areas.  It is because of some of those very policies dating back to the early 1900's that we have the massive forest fires like they are currently experiencing in Arizona and New Mexico right now.....but that is another discussion.  

All this to say, that you very successfully wove a historic event into a wonderful story.  My only down, is that it deserves for you to go back and develop it into a full fledged novel. :-)

Mtn Muse


I, too, became a bit torn hearing the different sides. I can understand the reasoning on both sides for and against but, like Debbie said, am glad I don't have to personally be tried by it all.
And thank you for the compliment. I'm glad you think so and that you can relate. I don't know that I will go back to it but, in my next book (series) I also delve into history though it has to do with iron mining and lumbering during a town's heyday in the late 1880's through the Depression, and I will definitely dig into it as I see it's appreciated.

Thanks for your insight and encouragement!! :smileyhappy:

 

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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elaine_hf
Posts: 389
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Hi all! I decided kinda spontaneously at the last minute to join this read, so I'm still catching up - almost there! But, as usual, I feel compelled to add my two cents' worth, so here goes.

 

I like that we know the fate of Tandon from the start. Yes, it's grim, but I find that it puts his every move into perspective for me. And clearly, that is not going to be one of the plot twists, unless some type of miracle cure comes up! The fact that it's prostate cancer though, does put it in a slightly different light for me. Except for the very young, it does tend to be slow-growing and more curable than other types of cancer, so maybe there's a twist in there after all. My father had it and, although he died last summer, it wasn't from the cancer. And a brother-in-law with MS has it and, again, it's not what his real struggle is about. We don't know much about Tandon's medical history at this point, so I'll leave that for now.

 

I do feel the pain of the landowners. My mother-in-law lives on a ranch in the hill country of Texas, and there are some very real, contentious issues that come up. Luckily, struggles with the NFS hasn't been one of them, but I can easily see that battle. I feel like Tandon, for all of his years working in that capacity, seems kind of naive at this point in the story, to see the 'takeover' as a positive for people. I agree with so many others who have already commented - I'm not a 100% tree hugger, but I'm not a 100% not-tree hugger either. There are always more than 2 sides to an issue, and I'm hoping that as the story progresses he opens his eyes. And I'm probably not far enough along to see the real venom from the landowners. It's easier for Tandon to look at the population as a group, and ignore the very real threat that individuals feel for their own situation. His father is a great example - he struggled his entire life to make something of his piece of land, and Tandon seemed quite insensitive to that point in their initial conversation. I do see that he becomes more introspective about his relationship with his dad, so I hope that continues.

 

As far as JuliAnn goes, I also think she is a lovely, dreamy woman, but I think that the battle is really on her front step and she's not looking at it clearly. Oh well, what love does to people......

 

Thanks for this interesting book, Tammy! It's a subject we don't see much of elsewhere.

Elaine 

‎"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God." -Bokonon
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


elaine_hf wrote:

Hi all! I decided kinda spontaneously at the last minute to join this read, so I'm still catching up - almost there! But, as usual, I feel compelled to add my two cents' worth, so here goes.

 

I like that we know the fate of Tandon from the start. Yes, it's grim, but I find that it puts his every move into perspective for me. And clearly, that is not going to be one of the plot twists, unless some type of miracle cure comes up! The fact that it's prostate cancer though, does put it in a slightly different light for me. Except for the very young, it does tend to be slow-growing and more curable than other types of cancer, so maybe there's a twist in there after all. My father had it and, although he died last summer, it wasn't from the cancer. And a brother-in-law with MS has it and, again, it's not what his real struggle is about. We don't know much about Tandon's medical history at this point, so I'll leave that for now.

 

I do feel the pain of the landowners. My mother-in-law lives on a ranch in the hill country of Texas, and there are some very real, contentious issues that come up. Luckily, struggles with the NFS hasn't been one of them, but I can easily see that battle. I feel like Tandon, for all of his years working in that capacity, seems kind of naive at this point in the story, to see the 'takeover' as a positive for people. I agree with so many others who have already commented - I'm not a 100% tree hugger, but I'm not a 100% not-tree hugger either. There are always more than 2 sides to an issue, and I'm hoping that as the story progresses he opens his eyes. And I'm probably not far enough along to see the real venom from the landowners. It's easier for Tandon to look at the population as a group, and ignore the very real threat that individuals feel for their own situation. His father is a great example - he struggled his entire life to make something of his piece of land, and Tandon seemed quite insensitive to that point in their initial conversation. I do see that he becomes more introspective about his relationship with his dad, so I hope that continues.

 

As far as JuliAnn goes, I also think she is a lovely, dreamy woman, but I think that the battle is really on her front step and she's not looking at it clearly. Oh well, what love does to people......

 

Thanks for this interesting book, Tammy! It's a subject we don't see much of elsewhere.

Elaine 



Hello Elaine,

I'm so glad you were able to participate. The more the merrier! :smileyvery-happy:

 

It seems we can all relate in some way to the dilemma on both sides. I guess one can't really know how they would feel until they are put smack dab in the middle of it.

 

"I like that we know the fate of Tandon from the start. Yes, it's grim, but I find that it puts his every move into perspective for me."

That is exactly how I feel about it too.

 

I like your viewpoints of the characters. Great thoughts!

 

Can't wait to hear more as you read on! Thanks again for joining us!!

 

 

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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dhaupt
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Elaine I'm so glad you're joining us as I always value your thoughts and opinions.

 

I loved this quote from you "I'm not a 100% tree hugger, but I'm not a 100% not-tree hugger either" which pretty much describes me as well, I am glad that as I said before I've never had to fight this kind of battle, I do however live in a very small farming community at the confluence of the Mississippi and Missouri rivers which poses it's own problem and if the rivers continue to be allowed to run as the Corps of Engineers sees fit the battle ground may very well be close to home for me, but that's in the future not now and maybe not even in my lifetime.

 

I also agree with your outlook on JulieAnn, she is indeed a dreamy woman and we'll learn more about that in the next installation.

 

So I'm so glad you joined our party :smileyhappy:

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Mountain_Muse
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Looking back at the first section and the communication issues that were happening between the different characters takes me back to my Communications course in college.  

 

Isn't it interesting how each of the characters entered into the different conversations with their own pre-written "script".  It almost seemed like they were speaking in different languages, at times.  Their points of reference were so far removed from each other that they could find no commonality on which to base a truly meaningful conversation.

 

Look at the different key conversations, how did the "biased" scripting from each character affect the dialogue?  Where did the communication break down?  Were the characters capable of reaching across the gap to actually "hear" what the other party was "REALLY" saying?

 

Tanden and his father

  Conversation #1?

 

  Conversation #2 ?

 

How about the extended conversation between Julieann and Tanden when they went to the water fall?

 

 Here was a chance for them to really get down to the brass tacks and talk about what had happened to them in the past, Why and establish some ground work for a meaningful dialogue on which to build a relationship, but they never reached beyond themselves or did more than skim over surface territory.  (Or did I miss something?)  

 

The conversation around the table amongst the men at the family dinner?  

 

Was that even an attempt at dialogue?  I  know when someone gets in my face like that, I shut down, close the shutters and turn out the lights.  Communication does not happen.  That person who is in my face isn't interested in communication, just venting their ire, at my expense.  They aren't going to hear a word I have to say, so I just sit and let them blow.....usually makes them madder,--- but they were mad to begin with.  

 

Back to Julieann and Tanden...their pattern of running from crisis between them continues.... I don't give much hope for that kind of relationship.  

 

Mtn Muse

A really good book is much like an artichoke. As you peel back each page of the of the book, you get closer and closer to the succulent heart of the story.
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dhaupt
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


Mountain_Muse wrote:

Looking back at the first section and the communication issues that were happening between the different characters takes me back to my Communications course in college.  

 

Isn't it interesting how each of the characters entered into the different conversations with their own pre-written "script".  It almost seemed like they were speaking in different languages, at times.  Their points of reference were so far removed from each other that they could find no commonality on which to base a truly meaningful conversation.

 

Look at the different key conversations, how did the "biased" scripting from each character affect the dialogue?  Where did the communication break down?  Were the characters capable of reaching across the gap to actually "hear" what the other party was "REALLY" saying?

 

Tanden and his father

  Conversation #1?

 

  Conversation #2 ?

 

How about the extended conversation between Julieann and Tanden when they went to the water fall?

 

 Here was a chance for them to really get down to the brass tacks and talk about what had happened to them in the past, Why and establish some ground work for a meaningful dialogue on which to build a relationship, but they never reached beyond themselves or did more than skim over surface territory.  (Or did I miss something?)  

 

The conversation around the table amongst the men at the family dinner?  

 

Was that even an attempt at dialogue?  I  know when someone gets in my face like that, I shut down, close the shutters and turn out the lights.  Communication does not happen.  That person who is in my face isn't interested in communication, just venting their ire, at my expense.  They aren't going to hear a word I have to say, so I just sit and let them blow.....usually makes them madder,--- but they were mad to begin with.  

 

Back to Julieann and Tanden...their pattern of running from crisis between them continues.... I don't give much hope for that kind of relationship.  

 

Mtn Muse


Ah very astute muse, I'm not suprised a retired teacher picked up on this. I was going to wait until after the second week to bring it up, but now that it's out there.

 

Tell me and this is for anyone, do you think this is just a genuine miscommunication or are these characters only hearing what they want to and are they even having the same conversation

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A_G_D
Posts: 270
Registered: ‎02-04-2011

Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Mountain_Muse wrote:

Looking back at the first section and the communication issues that were happening between the different characters takes me back to my Communications course in college.  

 

Isn't it interesting how each of the characters entered into the different conversations with their own pre-written "script".  It almost seemed like they were speaking in different languages, at times.  Their points of reference were so far removed from each other that they could find no commonality on which to base a truly meaningful conversation.

 

Look at the different key conversations, how did the "biased" scripting from each character affect the dialogue?  Where did the communication break down?  Were the characters capable of reaching across the gap to actually "hear" what the other party was "REALLY" saying?

 

Tanden and his father

  Conversation #1?

 

  Conversation #2 ?

 

How about the extended conversation between Julieann and Tanden when they went to the water fall?

 

 Here was a chance for them to really get down to the brass tacks and talk about what had happened to them in the past, Why and establish some ground work for a meaningful dialogue on which to build a relationship, but they never reached beyond themselves or did more than skim over surface territory.  (Or did I miss something?)  

 

The conversation around the table amongst the men at the family dinner?  

 

Was that even an attempt at dialogue?  I  know when someone gets in my face like that, I shut down, close the shutters and turn out the lights.  Communication does not happen.  That person who is in my face isn't interested in communication, just venting their ire, at my expense.  They aren't going to hear a word I have to say, so I just sit and let them blow.....usually makes them madder,--- but they were mad to begin with.  

 

Back to Julieann and Tanden...their pattern of running from crisis between them continues.... I don't give much hope for that kind of relationship.  

 

Mtn Muse


Ah very astute muse, I'm not suprised a retired teacher picked up on this. I was going to wait until after the second week to bring it up, but now that it's out there.

 

Tell me and this is for anyone, do you think this is just a genuine miscommunication or are these characters only hearing what they want to and are they even having the same conversation


Great observations indeed Mt_Muse!! To answer Debbie's question, I don't think is miscommunication as much as it is a way of self-protecting or a way of imposing their ideas and points of view. Take Tandon and JulieAnn's case. They both knew that eventually what was so painful for them was supposed to come out! Maybe they were each waiting for the other to start the conversation or maybe they just tried to postpone it as much as possible. But in their case I think it only made it worse because it happened in a very tense moment and I think it aggravated things.

Regarding the men at the table, they all had their own ideas and personal feelings about the land issue and they started the argument without even considering that the other one has something to say. They already knew that no matter what argument Tandon was going to bring in they would dismiss it. They knew that there was nothing he could say to change their mind so it was almost like they stopped listening to him. When people have much to lose, they tend to get verbally aggresive in the least and this is the case here. They had all that anger buit up in them against the government, the system and ultimately against their emissary. And this was just one of those moments when they let it all out shutting their ears to anything Tandon had to say to defend himself and his work.

Andreea
"Books are the quitest and most constant of friends; they are the most accesible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." -Charles Eliot
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


Mountain_Muse wrote:

Looking back at the first section and the communication issues that were happening between the different characters takes me back to my Communications course in college.  

 

Isn't it interesting how each of the characters entered into the different conversations with their own pre-written "script".  It almost seemed like they were speaking in different languages, at times.  Their points of reference were so far removed from each other that they could find no commonality on which to base a truly meaningful conversation.

 

Look at the different key conversations, how did the "biased" scripting from each character affect the dialogue?  Where did the communication break down?  Were the characters capable of reaching across the gap to actually "hear" what the other party was "REALLY" saying?

 

Tanden and his father

  Conversation #1?

 

  Conversation #2 ?

 

How about the extended conversation between Julieann and Tanden when they went to the water fall?

 

 Here was a chance for them to really get down to the brass tacks and talk about what had happened to them in the past, Why and establish some ground work for a meaningful dialogue on which to build a relationship, but they never reached beyond themselves or did more than skim over surface territory.  (Or did I miss something?)  

 

The conversation around the table amongst the men at the family dinner?  

 

Was that even an attempt at dialogue?  I  know when someone gets in my face like that, I shut down, close the shutters and turn out the lights.  Communication does not happen.  That person who is in my face isn't interested in communication, just venting their ire, at my expense.  They aren't going to hear a word I have to say, so I just sit and let them blow.....usually makes them madder,--- but they were mad to begin with.  

 

Back to Julieann and Tanden...their pattern of running from crisis between them continues.... I don't give much hope for that kind of relationship.  

 

Mtn Muse


What intelligent questions! I never fail to be surprised by readers and the things they pick up! lol

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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Mountain_Muse
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


A_G_D wrote:

Mountain_Muse wrote:

Looking back at the first section and the communication issues that were happening between the different characters takes me back to my Communications course in college.  

 

Isn't it interesting how each of the characters entered into the different conversations with their own pre-written "script".  It almost seemed like they were speaking in different languages, at times.  Their points of reference were so far removed from each other that they could find no commonality on which to base a truly meaningful conversation.

 

Look at the different key conversations, how did the "biased" scripting from each character affect the dialogue?  Where did the communication break down?  Were the characters capable of reaching across the gap to actually "hear" what the other party was "REALLY" saying?

 

Tanden and his father

  Conversation #1?

 

  Conversation #2 ?

 

How about the extended conversation between Julieann and Tanden when they went to the water fall?

 

 Here was a chance for them to really get down to the brass tacks and talk about what had happened to them in the past, Why and establish some ground work for a meaningful dialogue on which to build a relationship, but they never reached beyond themselves or did more than skim over surface territory.  (Or did I miss something?)  

 

The conversation around the table amongst the men at the family dinner?  

 

Was that even an attempt at dialogue?  I  know when someone gets in my face like that, I shut down, close the shutters and turn out the lights.  Communication does not happen.  That person who is in my face isn't interested in communication, just venting their ire, at my expense.  They aren't going to hear a word I have to say, so I just sit and let them blow.....usually makes them madder,--- but they were mad to begin with.  

 

Back to Julieann and Tanden...their pattern of running from crisis between them continues.... I don't give much hope for that kind of relationship.  

 

Mtn Muse


Ah very astute muse, I'm not suprised a retired teacher picked up on this. I was going to wait until after the second week to bring it up, but now that it's out there.

 

Tell me and this is for anyone, do you think this is just a genuine miscommunication or are these characters only hearing what they want to and are they even having the same conversation


Great observations indeed Mt_Muse!! To answer Debbie's question, I don't think is miscommunication as much as it is a way of self-protecting or a way of imposing their ideas and points of view. Take Tandon and JulieAnn's case. They both knew that eventually what was so painful for them was supposed to come out! Maybe they were each waiting for the other to start the conversation or maybe they just tried to postpone it as much as possible. But in their case I think it only made it worse because it happened in a very tense moment and I think it aggravated things.

Regarding the men at the table, they all had their own ideas and personal feelings about the land issue and they started the argument without even considering that the other one has something to say. They already knew that no matter what argument Tandon was going to bring in they would dismiss it. They knew that there was nothing he could say to change their mind so it was almost like they stopped listening to him. When people have much to lose, they tend to get verbally aggresive in the least and this is the case here. They had all that anger buit up in them against the government, the system and ultimately against their emissary. And this was just one of those moments when they let it all out shutting their ears to anything Tandon had to say to defend himself and his work.


Oops:smileysurprised: sorry!  I had been chewing on that one.

 

 It had been bothering me that everyone seems to be talking AT each other.  Not a good situation -- any time.  I know we all go into a conversation with pre-conceptions and with pre-scripted ideas on how we think the conversation should go or what is right or wrong,  Even more important, people tend to hear what they WANT to hear.  The more desperate they are to hear the answer they want, the more likely it is that they will "hear" what they most want and "need" to hear.

 

How did I hear my daughter say it to me one time during her teen years?  "You aren't listening to me and hearing what I am saying.  You are only hearing the words."   -- we survived and have a wonderful relationship now, but many times I could have swore she was speaking martian.

 

 Input please.

 

Mtn Muse 

A really good book is much like an artichoke. As you peel back each page of the of the book, you get closer and closer to the succulent heart of the story.
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

[ Edited ]

Great observations indeed Mt_Muse!! To answer Debbie's question, I don't think is miscommunication as much as it is a way of self-protecting or a way of imposing their ideas and points of view. Take Tandon and JulieAnn's case. They both knew that eventually what was so painful for them was supposed to come out! Maybe they were each waiting for the other to start the conversation or maybe they just tried to postpone it as much as possible. But in their case I think it only made it worse because it happened in a very tense moment and I think it aggravated things.

Regarding the men at the table, they all had their own ideas and personal feelings about the land issue and they started the argument without even considering that the other one has something to say. They already knew that no matter what argument Tandon was going to bring in they would dismiss it. They knew that there was nothing he could say to change their mind so it was almost like they stopped listening to him. When people have much to lose, they tend to get verbally aggresive in the least and this is the case here. They had all that anger buit up in them against the government, the system and ultimately against their emissary. And this was just one of those moments when they let it all out shutting their ears to anything Tandon had to say to defend himself and his work.


Your comments are very astute as well! You made some great points here as well.


 

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Oops:smileysurprised: sorry!  I had been chewing on that one.

 

 It had been bothering me that everyone seems to be talking AT each other.  Not a good situation -- any time.  I know we all go into a conversation with pre-conceptions and with pre-scripted ideas on how we think the conversation should go or what is right or wrong,  Even more important, people tend to hear what they WANT to hear.  The more desperate they are to hear the answer they want, the more likely it is that they will "hear" what they most want and "need" to hear.

 

How did I hear my daughter say it to me one time during her teen years?  "You aren't listening to me and hearing what I am saying.  You are only hearing the words."   -- we survived and have a wonderful relationship now, but many times I could have swore she was speaking martian.

 

 Input please.

 

Mtn Muse 


I wonder how many a relationship has been ruined based on this very human flaw?
I myself have found myself doing that at times throughout my life and have had to make a concerted effort to really "hear" and not jump to conclusions. I think it's something all have to watch carefully or suffer the consequences...one of which can be a lost relationship.

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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dhaupt
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


Mountain_Muse wrote:



Oops:smileysurprised: sorry!  I had been chewing on that one.

 

 It had been bothering me that everyone seems to be talking AT each other.  Not a good situation -- any time.  I know we all go into a conversation with pre-conceptions and with pre-scripted ideas on how we think the conversation should go or what is right or wrong,  Even more important, people tend to hear what they WANT to hear.  The more desperate they are to hear the answer they want, the more likely it is that they will "hear" what they most want and "need" to hear.

 

How did I hear my daughter say it to me one time during her teen years?  "You aren't listening to me and hearing what I am saying.  You are only hearing the words."   -- we survived and have a wonderful relationship now, but many times I could have swore she was speaking martian.

 

 Input please.

 

Mtn Muse 



I too remember those conversations with my teenaged daughter. We were usually too angry with each other to "hear" each other and too focused on getting out what we wanted to say to "listen" to each other. She's 31 now as some of you know, and I'm the proudest of mama's, but martian she did speak.

 

 

Speaking of crowing, this summer she's soloing with the Bach society here in St. Louis and she's performing in one Italian opera and I of course don't remember the name of it.

 

 

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Mountain_Muse
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


dhaupt wrote:

Mountain_Muse wrote:



Oops:smileysurprised: sorry!  I had been chewing on that one.

 

 It had been bothering me that everyone seems to be talking AT each other.  Not a good situation -- any time.  I know we all go into a conversation with pre-conceptions and with pre-scripted ideas on how we think the conversation should go or what is right or wrong,  Even more important, people tend to hear what they WANT to hear.  The more desperate they are to hear the answer they want, the more likely it is that they will "hear" what they most want and "need" to hear.

 

How did I hear my daughter say it to me one time during her teen years?  "You aren't listening to me and hearing what I am saying.  You are only hearing the words."   -- we survived and have a wonderful relationship now, but many times I could have swore she was speaking martian.

 

 Input please.

 

Mtn Muse 



I too remember those conversations with my teenaged daughter. We were usually too angry with each other to "hear" each other and too focused on getting out what we wanted to say to "listen" to each other. She's 31 now as some of you know, and I'm the proudest of mama's, but martian she did speak.

 

 

Speaking of crowing, this summer she's soloing with the Bach society here in St. Louis and she's performing in one Italian opera and I of course don't remember the name of it.

 

 


Crow away!!!!  With a voice like an angel, if she's singing with the Bach society and the St. Louis Opera.  I'd be busting my buttons as a proud mama!!!

BTW my teenager is 30 and graduating with her masters in Theology (Ancient Near Eastern Studies and Religion) from Fuller Seminary in August.  We have a lot of fun working together and talking together on ancient pre-history and theology... yea, this mama has to read a lot to stay literate enough to speak Martian. lol

 

Mtn Muse

A really good book is much like an artichoke. As you peel back each page of the of the book, you get closer and closer to the succulent heart of the story.
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novelimagination
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder



I too remember those conversations with my teenaged daughter. We were usually too angry with each other to "hear" each other and too focused on getting out what we wanted to say to "listen" to each other. She's 31 now as some of you know, and I'm the proudest of mama's, but martian she did speak.

 

 

Speaking of crowing, this summer she's soloing with the Bach society here in St. Louis and she's performing in one Italian opera and I of course don't remember the name of it.

 

 


Congratulations! How proud you must be of her!


 

The Chimney Still Stands on "eStands" everywhere! :smileyhappy:

AND...I am now available for Virtual Author Visits via Skype!
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A_G_D
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder

Oops:smileysurprised: sorry!  I had been chewing on that one.

 

 It had been bothering me that everyone seems to be talking AT each other.  Not a good situation -- any time.  I know we all go into a conversation with pre-conceptions and with pre-scripted ideas on how we think the conversation should go or what is right or wrong,  Even more important, people tend to hear what they WANT to hear.  The more desperate they are to hear the answer they want, the more likely it is that they will "hear" what they most want and "need" to hear.

 

How did I hear my daughter say it to me one time during her teen years?  "You aren't listening to me and hearing what I am saying.  You are only hearing the words."   -- we survived and have a wonderful relationship now, but many times I could have swore she was speaking martian.

 

 Input please.

 

Mtn Muse 


I am actually on the other side of the fence here :smileyhappy: since I don't have any kids yet..But I remember fighting with my mom a lot..Boy did we fight!! :smileyhappy: I think it's a normal thing for teenagers..I recently read a book "The female brain".I have to admit I did not finish it but I read most of it and it was discussing different stages that the female brain goes through and of course a big part of the transformations take place when we are teenagers. Those hormones can be reaaaaally tricky. I'm just happy it's over. Maybe what I know now it will help me in my future relationships with my kids.

Andreea
"Books are the quitest and most constant of friends; they are the most accesible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." -Charles Eliot
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dhaupt
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


Mountain_Muse wrote:


 

 


Crow away!!!!  With a voice like an angel, if she's singing with the Bach society and the St. Louis Opera.  I'd be busting my buttons as a proud mama!!!

BTW my teenager is 30 and graduating with her masters in Theology (Ancient Near Eastern Studies and Religion) from Fuller Seminary in August.  We have a lot of fun working together and talking together on ancient pre-history and theology... yea, this mama has to read a lot to stay literate enough to speak Martian. lol

 

Mtn Muse



Thanks Muse

And congrats to you, what an acheivement.

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dhaupt
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Re: Week 1 discussion of The Chimney Still Stands by Tammy Snyder


novelimagination wrote:


I too remember those conversations with my teenaged daughter. We were usually too angry with each other to "hear" each other and too focused on getting out what we wanted to say to "listen" to each other. She's 31 now as some of you know, and I'm the proudest of mama's, but martian she did speak.

 

 

Speaking of crowing, this summer she's soloing with the Bach society here in St. Louis and she's performing in one Italian opera and I of course don't remember the name of it.

 

 


Congratulations! How proud you must be of her!


 


Thanks Tammy I am :smileyhappy: