Week 3 Discussion questions for Outside the Ordinary World

[dhaupt]

Welcome to the last week of the month, boy it sped by didn't it. Please use these questions for a beginning point for the discussion this week.

Part 3 Questions

1. During the Christmas visit at Grams Sylvie observes the relationships of her family, Poppy and Gram, Elaine and Robert, and Nathan and herself.
   Now think about what Gram tells Sylvie as she’s about to leave that this isn’t your home anymore, “make your home where you choose to be”.
   What does this mean to Sylvie and has she
2. During the beginning of the Marriage of Elaine and Robert although not tumultuous like with Don, they go through some tough family trials.
   Does it surprise you that Sylvie turns to God and her religion to provide the emotional stability she can’t get from home.
3. Does it surprise you that Sylvie confesses to Tai her darkest secret about feeling responsible for her father’s death, telling him the whole story something she’s never told anyone before.
4. Eli’s visit starts the fast landslide of Sylvie’s life and the fact that Hannah is the one who tells him.
   How differently does Sylvie handle Hannah’s knowledge of her infidelity than Elaine did with her.
5. During her trip to Gram’s funeral she does a lot of soul searching, remembering good times with Nathan, making an appointment with the therapist and finally visiting her father’s grave and forgiving him.
   Do you think she’s made progress in reconciling the relationship of those she loves the most, her husband and daughters, of learning from the mistakes of the past.
6. She comes home to face the hardest truth ever, Hannah has left evidence of her affair for Nathan to find. A lot happens in this last chapter, so in your mind.
   
   Do they make it
   Did Sylvie become her mother.

[Fozzie]

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dhaupt wrote:

1. During the Christmas visit at Grams Sylvie observes the relationships of her family, Poppy and Gram, Elaine and Robert, and Nathan and herself.
   Now think about what Gram tells Sylvie as she’s about to leave that this isn’t your home anymore, “make your home where you choose to be”.
   What does this mean to Sylvie and has she

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I marked that quote too!  I think that Sylvie has not entirely made a home of her own.  Gram could see it, even though Sylvie couldn't.  Maybe Sylvie is scared of feeling too attached to people or places since she had so much upheaval during her childhood. 

[Fozzie]

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dhaupt wrote:

She comes home to face the hardest truth ever, Hannah has left evidence of her affair for Nathan to find. A lot happens in this last chapter, so in your mind.

Do they make it
Did Sylvie become her mother.

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I do think Nathan and Sylvie are able to save their marriage.  Nathan is willing to forgive Sylvie, Sylvie is willing to end her relationship with Tai, and their house is just about done, so they can spend more time together as a family.  If this happens, then Sylvie won't become her mother.  Her mother was always seeking the perfect marriage and family and didn't attain it.  Sylvie can be happy with what she has.

[whiteginger]

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dhaupt wrote:

. . . A lot happens in this last chapter, so in your mind.

Do they make it
Did Sylvie become her mother.

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Fozzie:  I do think Nathan and Sylvie are able to save their marriage.  Nathan is willing to forgive Sylvie, Sylvie is willing to end her relationship with Tai, and their house is just about done, so they can spend more time together as a family.  If this happens, then Sylvie won't become her mother.  Her mother was always seeking the perfect marriage and family and didn't attain it.  Sylvie can be happy with what she has..

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Whiteginger:  I think Sylvie knows now that she really loves Nathan.  She "believes" she can be truely happy with him and "believing  will make it true" for her.   Elaine, on the other hand, 

 “believes” that marrying Robert was, perhaps, a mistake, but she also believes that she can now make her own happiness of a sort.  Her marriage has endured.  She has “settled.”  I don’t think she believes she can have, or perhaps that she deserves, more than that.

(Somewhere in the "finished the novel" discussions, someone else mentioned Sy’s statement:  "And by believing it, I had made it true.”--Swimming across the lake one day, Sy’s tiredness and  fear that she will not make it almost paralyzes her. Nathan reassures her, tells her not to rush, reminds her of her option to float, and says that if necessary, he has strength to get them both to safety.  When they reach the shore, Sy learns that Nathan’s words were bravado; he, too, was afraid.  Thinking about that later, Sy concludes:  “But it was a good act, well intentioned.  And by believing it, I had made it true.” Love that scene and the universal theme!)

I also have to go back to the first part of that quote:  “It was a good act, well intentioned.”  I thought of the power of the combination:  action + motivation and attitude.  Nathan’s encouragement (action) was given with the honest hope (attitude) that he could get Sy and himself to safety (motivation).  When Elaine returns to Don (action) each time in the first of the novel, she seems return only to keep the family “together,” (motivation).  She, however, seems to have already decided that there is no love in their marriage (attitude). One of the reconciliation attempts I remember beginning with Elaine’s smiling and saying that she will go to the kitchen to fix dinner.  Instead, she turns and walks as if in a trance to her bedroom and closes the door.  Her motivation and her attitude are at fault.  Her action may have kept four people together, but she is not working toward a happy family. [I wonder how many times I have used the excuse, “But I tried!” knowing that my motivation and attitude were at fault.]

With Sy at the end, I feel her action + motivation and attitude--getting counseling, staying together to create a happy loving family--are all solid.  I think they will eventually be really happy.  

[whiteginger]

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dhaupt wrote:

2.  During the beginning of the Marriage of Elaine and Robert although not tumultuous like with Don, they go through some tough family trials.

Does it surprise you that Sylvie turns to God and her religion to provide the emotional stability she can’t get from home.

Whiteginger:  Her turning to religion didn't surprise me; she has been "taught" in church that religion can provide stability. The failure of "religion" to provide emotional stability didn't surprise me either.  Sys as a child did not yet understand the difference between real faith and religion. Gram and Poppy seem to have some faith underlying their religious practices. And Elaine, after Sy is grown, suggests that a relationship with the church might be of help to her; but I am not sure if Elaine has faith or if the church choir and socials simply provided outlets and limited support groups for her.  But Sy's "religion" at this point is still all about the dispassionate image in the stained glass, the destruction of the world at the end of time, memorized passages, and "words" spoken as prayers.  Even if the minister had doubted her true conversion during their sessions--and I thought their sessions seemed more about church doctrine-- he probably would not have denied her baptism.  (And I'm sorry if my  reference in earlier novel questions to her religion as angry and strict was interpreted as meaning the Seventh Day Adventist Church.  "Her religion" is meant to mean "Sy's perception of her religion."   Tone is difficult in email and clarity, in my attempts to be brief, is sometimes lost as well.)

The "religious" aspect of the novel that did surprise me was the overall positive attitude toward needing/having religion (faith) in our lives.  I at first thought religion was only a device to help develop Sy's character, her confusion.  But later, the evidences of religion, personal faith, become more pronounced.  As I said, Poppy and Gram seem to have faith.  Elaine realizes the importance of the church, for whatever reason, in her life.  Ali finds God and her life seems to change for the better.  Tai asks Sy if in their affair they are "mining for God."  Sy at one haunts the churches searching for something to believe in, something which can help her find the answers to her life. Tai, a Buddhist and not a part of a large, organized church, obviously considers his faith important, a calming, stabilizing factor in his life.

I don't know what direction to faith Sy will take, but I think along with counseling she seems headed in the direction of seeking faith to help get her life in control.

[Fozzie]

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whiteginger wrote:

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dhaupt wrote:

. . . A lot happens in this last chapter, so in your mind.

Do they make it
Did Sylvie become her mother.

---

Fozzie:  I do think Nathan and Sylvie are able to save their marriage.  Nathan is willing to forgive Sylvie, Sylvie is willing to end her relationship with Tai, and their house is just about done, so they can spend more time together as a family.  If this happens, then Sylvie won't become her mother.  Her mother was always seeking the perfect marriage and family and didn't attain it.  Sylvie can be happy with what she has..

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Whiteginger:  I think Sylvie knows now that she really loves Nathan.  She "believes" she can be truely happy with him and "believing  will make it true" for her.   Elaine, on the other hand, 

 “believes” that marrying Robert was, perhaps, a mistake, but she also believes that she can now make her own happiness of a sort.  Her marriage has endured.  She has “settled.”  I don’t think she believes she can have, or perhaps that she deserves, more than that.

(Somewhere in the "finished the novel" discussions, someone else mentioned Sy’s statement:  "And by believing it, I had made it true.”--Swimming across the lake one day, Sy’s tiredness and  fear that she will not make it almost paralyzes her. Nathan reassures her, tells her not to rush, reminds her of her option to float, and says that if necessary, he has strength to get them both to safety.  When they reach the shore, Sy learns that Nathan’s words were bravado; he, too, was afraid.  Thinking about that later, Sy concludes:  “But it was a good act, well intentioned.  And by believing it, I had made it true.” Love that scene and the universal theme!)

I also have to go back to the first part of that quote:  “It was a good act, well intentioned.”  I thought of the power of the combination:  action + motivation and attitude.  Nathan’s encouragement (action) was given with the honest hope (attitude) that he could get Sy and himself to safety (motivation).  When Elaine returns to Don (action) each time in the first of the novel, she seems return only to keep the family “together,” (motivation).  She, however, seems to have already decided that there is no love in their marriage (attitude). One of the reconciliation attempts I remember beginning with Elaine’s smiling and saying that she will go to the kitchen to fix dinner.  Instead, she turns and walks as if in a trance to her bedroom and closes the door.  Her motivation and her attitude are at fault.  Her action may have kept four people together, but she is not working toward a happy family. [I wonder how many times I have used the excuse, “But I tried!” knowing that my motivation and attitude were at fault.]

With Sy at the end, I feel her action + motivation and attitude--getting counseling, staying together to create a happy loving family--are all solid.  I think they will eventually be really happy.  

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It was me who talked about Sy’s statement:  "And by believing it, I had made it true.”  Thanks for building on the idea!  Great thoughts!

[dhaupt]

I'm going to comment on both Laura's and whiteginger's comments here.

In my eternal optimist mode I also saw Sylvie and Nathan cementing their relationship and hopefully growing it also. Sylvie had very strong ideas about involving her children in her own personal messes and I think when she realized that Hannah knew what happened she wanted to deal with it immediately but life intervenes with the death of her Gram and her needing to go back to CA, but by leaving her at home she sort of set her own trap. I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

[Fozzie]

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dhaupt wrote:

I'm going to comment on both Laura's and whiteginger's comments here.

In my eternal optimist mode I also saw Sylvie and Nathan cementing their relationship and hopefully growing it also. Sylvie had very strong ideas about involving her children in her own personal messes and I think when she realized that Hannah knew what happened she wanted to deal with it immediately but life intervenes with the death of her Gram and her needing to go back to CA, but by leaving her at home she sort of set her own trap. I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

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Ultimately, no, the results would not have been different, except that Nathan might not have destroyed part of the new house.  The affair would have come out one way or another.  The way that it did come out was more surprising and hard-hitting than anyone would have liked.

[elaine_hf]

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Fozzie wrote:

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dhaupt wrote:

I'm going to comment on both Laura's and whiteginger's comments here.

In my eternal optimist mode I also saw Sylvie and Nathan cementing their relationship and hopefully growing it also. Sylvie had very strong ideas about involving her children in her own personal messes and I think when she realized that Hannah knew what happened she wanted to deal with it immediately but life intervenes with the death of her Gram and her needing to go back to CA, but by leaving her at home she sort of set her own trap. I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

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Ultimately, no, the results would not have been different, except that Nathan might not have destroyed part of the new house.  The affair would have come out one way or another.  The way that it did come out was more surprising and hard-hitting than anyone would have liked.

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I agree, Laura, except that the affair would have come out on Sylvie's terms, not Hannah's. The way it was revealed was sharper, more penetrating than if Sylvie just sat Nathan down for a talk, but maybe it will help them heal faster. If Sylvie had revealed it in a more gentle fashion, Nathan might not have expressed such quick anger, and perhaps that anger, now that it's out, will lead to forgiveness more quickly. Otherwise, those feelings might have festered for quite a while...

Also the eternal optimist, I like to think that Sylvie and Nathan can heal their relationship and stay together. After all, she's not the only one who is guilty of having an affair, so maybe now they can confront the issues that are making them look elsewhere for happiness.

[dhaupt]

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elaine_hf wrote:

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Fozzie wrote:

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dhaupt wrote:

I'm going to comment on both Laura's and whiteginger's comments here.

In my eternal optimist mode I also saw Sylvie and Nathan cementing their relationship and hopefully growing it also. Sylvie had very strong ideas about involving her children in her own personal messes and I think when she realized that Hannah knew what happened she wanted to deal with it immediately but life intervenes with the death of her Gram and her needing to go back to CA, but by leaving her at home she sort of set her own trap. I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

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Ultimately, no, the results would not have been different, except that Nathan might not have destroyed part of the new house.  The affair would have come out one way or another.  The way that it did come out was more surprising and hard-hitting than anyone would have liked.

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I agree, Laura, except that the affair would have come out on Sylvie's terms, not Hannah's. The way it was revealed was sharper, more penetrating than if Sylvie just sat Nathan down for a talk, but maybe it will help them heal faster. If Sylvie had revealed it in a more gentle fashion, Nathan might not have expressed such quick anger, and perhaps that anger, now that it's out, will lead to forgiveness more quickly. Otherwise, those feelings might have festered for quite a while...

Also the eternal optimist, I like to think that Sylvie and Nathan can heal their relationship and stay together. After all, she's not the only one who is guilty of having an affair, so maybe now they can confront the issues that are making them look elsewhere for happiness.

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Thanks Laura and Elaine for your thoughts on this. I'm still undecided what would have happened, but no matter what I still hope they survived this and went on to become better partners either because of or in spite of it.

[Dori64]

It's wonderful to hear all of your thoughts on these themes.  Such a sharp, intuitive group of readers!!  

I agree with Laura that due to childhood trauma, Sylvia has been unable to fully make her home where she is: perhaps because she has believed she doesn't deserve to...  

I also love the reflections here on faith vs. religion, and agree that the jury is still out for Sy on that one.  Although she has rejected the doctrine she grew up with, she certainly seems to be searching for faith in her life.  I like to think she will find it, in some form, just as I like to believe she and Nathan will be ok...  I certainly believe their chances are better than the previous generation's, since so much more has been made conscious--so  much brought into the light.  Elaine probably never would have considered therapy for her family.   And I also tend to think that Nathan 'needed' to have the outburst that destroyed the new kitchen... I wrote that scene several times without the destruction: I so wanted to spare the kitchen!   But it just wasn't working.  The kitchen had to go.  

I'm wondering what people thought of Sylvia's last scene with Tai... Why did she go back?  Why did she need that last encounter with him?  What happened there?  Should she have walked the labyrinth?  To me, that is the pivotal moment of the story on a deep, psychological level for Sylvia, so I'd love to know if people 'got' the intention of that scene...   Thanks again for your amazing responses...  What fun this it is for me to read them!   

Dori 

[dhaupt]

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Dori64 wrote:

It's wonderful to hear all of your thoughts on these themes.  Such a sharp, intuitive group of readers!!  

I agree with Laura that due to childhood trauma, Sylvia has been unable to fully make her home where she is: perhaps because she has believed she doesn't deserve to...  

I also love the reflections here on faith vs. religion, and agree that the jury is still out for Sy on that one.  Although she has rejected the doctrine she grew up with, she certainly seems to be searching for faith in her life.  I like to think she will find it, in some form, just as I like to believe she and Nathan will be ok...  I certainly believe their chances are better than the previous generation's, since so much more has been made conscious--so  much brought into the light.  Elaine probably never would have considered therapy for her family.   And I also tend to think that Nathan 'needed' to have the outburst that destroyed the new kitchen... I wrote that scene several times without the destruction: I so wanted to spare the kitchen!   But it just wasn't working.  The kitchen had to go.  

I'm wondering what people thought of Sylvia's last scene with Tai... Why did she go back?  Why did she need that last encounter with him?  What happened there?  Should she have walked the labyrinth?  To me, that is the pivotal moment of the story on a deep, psychological level for Sylvia, so I'd love to know if people 'got' the intention of that scene...   Thanks again for your amazing responses...  What fun this it is for me to read them!   

Dori 

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Dori, thank you for being a part of this. I know for me personally it made the reading of the novel more personal and being that it was such a personal read for all of us in our own reasons that says something.

Those last chapters were so full of emotion for Sylvie that perhaps I thought I missed something about the scene, so I read it again. And for me personally what happened after she decided not to walk the labyrinth was more telling to me, by saying farewell to an affair by ending up in the arms of Tai one last time and telling each other secrets that no one else knew about, like sharing that last touch of intimacy, by ending the "secret" with another one. So perhaps by not walking it she was delaying the ending. I remember what Tai says in that chapter "Some people say that when you get to the center, you'll find what you need to let go of", but by not walking it maybe she found what she needed to let go of by herself.

[whiteginger]

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dhaupt:  . . .  I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

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Whiteginger:  (Sorry for the tardy response. I'm finally back home WITH WATER!)  Like Laura and Elaine, I think the affair would have been exposed even if Hannah had gone with Sy.  And I, too, want to think that Sy would have still chosen Nathan in the end. 

I like the "logic" of having Hannah reveal the affair.  This brings back memories for Sy of her burning all her notes from Mr. Robert.  Sy has always felt guilty that she harbored those "secret" letters from her father--her father died before everything was revealed to him.  Hannah, by exposing all the secret notes from Tai, has, in effect, broken the cycle.  If Hannah and Emmie are not destined to become Sy, then Sy does not have to be destined to become her mother, Elaine.  And I, for one, am so glad the kitchen was destroyed!  Gram had said earlier that a house is important because it is something you work on together.  Nathan destroyed HIS work on the kitchen, the heart of the house.  Now they can rebuild it together.  

[whiteginger]

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Dori64 :  . . . I'm wondering what people thought of Sylvia's last scene with Tai... Why did she go back?  Why did she need that last encounter with him?  What happened there?  Should she have walked the labyrinth?  To me, that is the pivotal moment of the story on a deep, psychological level for Sylvia, so I'd love to know if people 'got' the intention of that scene...   Thanks again for your amazing responses...  What fun this it is for me to read them!   

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Debbie:. . . Those last chapters were so full of emotion for Sylvie that perhaps I thought I missed something about the scene, so I read it again. And for me personally what happened after she decided not to walk the labyrinth was more telling to me, by saying farewell to an affair by ending up in the arms of Tai one last time and telling each other secrets that no one else knew about, like sharing that last touch of intimacy, by ending the "secret" with another one. So perhaps by not walking it she was delaying the ending. I remember what Tai says in that chapter "Some people say that when you get to the center, you'll find what you need to let go of", but by not walking it maybe she found what she needed to let go of by herself.

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Whiteginger:  I agree with Debbie that she was delaying the ending and she says to Tai, as she looks at him, that she does already know what she needs to let go of. 

This is also the point when Tai explains that [in the labyrinth] there are no wrong turns; just one step at a time; walk mindfully--or something like that.  But Sy wants to be in his arms, "outside the ordinary world."  The problem--for all of us--is that we must live in the "ordinary world." The labyrinth is like our complex, ordinary lives, our ordinary worlds; we come out where we entered, dust to dust.  The wrong turn part is a bit tricky, but I'm going to simply explain that away by saying that all our decisions--even the bad ones--become a part of us and that we can make it back to the right path, one step at a time. (Cheesy, huh?  I would have to work on that part.) But this next part seems pretty universal:  We must think about our choices--walk mindfully--and take one step at a time to build something solid, find happiness in our "ordinary" worlds. 

[Peppermill]

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Dori64 wrote (excerpt):

I also love the reflections here on faith vs. religion, and agree that the jury is still out for Sy on that one.  Although she has rejected the doctrine she grew up with, she certainly seems to be searching for faith in her life. 

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Dori -- it may interest to you to know about the work of Nancy Ammerman, who has been doing a project (or has done, since it started in 2006) on Spiritual Narratives in Everyday Life. Sylvie's narrative is certainly one of the most telling ones I have encountered in modern fiction and speaks directly to the challenges facing churches and faith-oriented groups.

I have not yet re-read the section on the labyrinth, so this comment will be from a distance, but it would seem to me since other rituals, such as baptism, were empty for Sylvie, it is likely that so would the labyrinth as a spiritual practice.  Also, there is that tension between going where one must alone versus in relationship with another, i.e., Tia allowed Sylvie to bring her demons to surface; at that point in her life, she might only have continued to bury them in her personal "center" if she had walked the labyrinth.   She may also have been "afraid" of seeking her center.  Yet, her hurt dissolved under Tia's guidance (healing?), which seemed to me to be the crucial "turning point" for Sylvie.  Could Nathan have offered that to her?  Well, he hadn't, to date.  And, now that is a burden he doesn't need to face, i.e., Tia, for all the judgments that can be made about his and Sylvie's relationship, gave Sylvie some life sustainlng gifts. (As Robert had done for her mother, even as they had robbed each other, too.)

I do hope that you will one day write the story where its "Nathan" does not destroy the kitchen.  I understand that it may indeed be a more difficult, perhaps longer, write.  (The reader will probably have to know more about him, as well.)

[ReadingPatti]

dhaupt, Here are my answers.

1) I think she meant that Sylive would have to choose where she wanted to be. With her husband or Tai.

2) No, I think she needed something to give her something to hold on to.

3)No, I think they had a connect of some kind. I think that she needed to finally tell someone what happened. She needed to get it out.

4)Sylive kept her mom's secrets. Hannah, i think she knew something was going on but she was not sure what.

5) Yes, Sylvie was coming to terms with her past and her present. I don't think that she watned to leave Nathan. She just wanted to have him give her and kids some attention. She needed to know that Nathan loved her and the children. She needed him to be around more and pay her some attention.

6) I was surprised that Hannah did that but I think in time Nathan may have realized that something was going on.

I want to think that Sylvie and Nathan made it. They had some much going for them. I do believe that they loved each other. It would take time to get through what happened but I think with some counseling they would get through it.

I don't think Sylive became her mom. Her mom stayed with an abusive husband and then left finally after many years.

I want to think that they made it.

ReadingPatti

[dhaupt]

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Peppermill wrote:

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Dori64 wrote (excerpt):

I also love the reflections here on faith vs. religion, and agree that the jury is still out for Sy on that one.  Although she has rejected the doctrine she grew up with, she certainly seems to be searching for faith in her life. 

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Dori -- it may interest to you to know about the work of Nancy Ammerman, who has been doing a project (or has done, since it started in 2006) on Spiritual Narratives in Everyday Life. Sylvie's narrative is certainly one of the most telling ones I have encountered in modern fiction and speaks directly to the challenges facing churches and faith-oriented groups.

I have not yet re-read the section on the labyrinth, so this comment will be from a distance, but it would seem to me since other rituals, such as baptism, were empty for Sylvie, it is likely that so would the labyrinth as a spiritual practice.

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Pepper, thank you for reminding us about this, perhaps unconsciously I remembered this as she didn't walk the labyrinth. 

[dhaupt]

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ReadingPatti wrote:

dhaupt, Here are my answers.

1) I think she meant that Sylive would have to choose where she wanted to be. With her husband or Tai.

2) No, I think she needed something to give her something to hold on to.

3)No, I think they had a connect of some kind. I think that she needed to finally tell someone what happened. She needed to get it out.

4)Sylive kept her mom's secrets. Hannah, i think she knew something was going on but she was not sure what.

5) Yes, Sylvie was coming to terms with her past and her present. I don't think that she watned to leave Nathan. She just wanted to have him give her and kids some attention. She needed to know that Nathan loved her and the children. She needed him to be around more and pay her some attention.

6) I was surprised that Hannah did that but I think in time Nathan may have realized that something was going on.

I want to think that Sylvie and Nathan made it. They had some much going for them. I do believe that they loved each other. It would take time to get through what happened but I think with some counseling they would get through it.

I don't think Sylive became her mom. Her mom stayed with an abusive husband and then left finally after many years.

I want to think that they made it.

ReadingPatti

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Thanks Patti, I hope they made it too.

[dhaupt]

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whiteginger wrote:

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dhaupt:  . . .  I wonder if the results would have been different had she taken Hannah with her.

Thoughts

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Whiteginger:  (Sorry for the tardy response. I'm finally back home WITH WATER!)  Like Laura and Elaine, I think the affair would have been exposed even if Hannah had gone with Sy.  And I, too, want to think that Sy would have still chosen Nathan in the end. 

I like the "logic" of having Hannah reveal the affair.  This brings back memories for Sy of her burning all her notes from Mr. Robert.  Sy has always felt guilty that she harbored those "secret" letters from her father--her father died before everything was revealed to him.  Hannah, by exposing all the secret notes from Tai, has, in effect, broken the cycle.  If Hannah and Emmie are not destined to become Sy, then Sy does not have to be destined to become her mother, Elaine.  And I, for one, am so glad the kitchen was destroyed!  Gram had said earlier that a house is important because it is something you work on together.  Nathan destroyed HIS work on the kitchen, the heart of the house.  Now they can rebuild it together.  

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whiteginger, thanks for your response and I love the metaphor you gave to the kitchen, it's a great way to look at it.

and YAY you for getting your water back!!!

[Dori64]

Beautiful interpretation, Deb.  Thanks for this!