Since 1997, you’ve been coming to BarnesandNoble.com to discuss everything from Stephen King to writing to Harry Potter. You’ve made our site more than a place to discover your next book: you’ve made it a community. But like all things internet, BN.com is growing and changing. We've said goodbye to our community message boards—but that doesn’t mean we won’t still be a place for adventurous readers to connect and discover.

Now, you can explore the most exciting new titles (and remember the classics) at the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. Check out conversations with authors like Jeff VanderMeer and Gary Shteyngart at the B&N Review, and browse write-ups of the best in literary fiction. Come to our Facebook page to weigh in on what it means to be a book nerd. Browse digital deals on the NOOK blog, tweet about books with us,or self-publish your latest novella with NOOK Press. And for those of you looking for support for your NOOK, the NOOK Support Forums will still be here.

We will continue to provide you with books that make you turn pages well past midnight, discover new worlds, and reunite with old friends. And we hope that you’ll continue to tell us how you’re doing, what you’re reading, and what books mean to you.

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Inspired Correspondent
Maria_H
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎07-19-2007
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Re: Community Room

One place that we can do so is right here on the boards.  It looks like an open exchange is already happening, no? 

 

Also, keep in mind that an open exchange is the ability to take into consideration the comments, thoughts, and opinions of others, while at the same time not twisting it to promote ones own agenda. 

 

While we feel it's important for others to understand *our* views, it's also holds true that we need to try to understand the views of others.

 


thewanderingjew wrote:

political correctness has caused censorship and that is a crime as far as i am concerned. why can't we have an open dialogue without the fear of being attacked. how will you learn to understand what makes me different if you are afraid to approach me and discuss it?
twj


 

Completely agreed!!!  :smileyhappy:

 


chana56 wrote: 

 

Oooh, I definitely see this as a discussion thread once we get into the book itself !!!  :smileyvery-happy:


 

 



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Distinguished Wordsmith
Everyman
Posts: 9,216
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Community Room

[ Edited ]

I include "political correctness" in the list of positive things that become negative when taken to the extreme.

 

In my grandmother's day, "political correctness" was nothing more than being polite. If we were all polite to each other, we would have no need for political correctness.

 

Politeness, of course, is a two way street.   It means I don't intentionally offend you, and it means that you don't take offense of something I say inadertently offends you. 

Message Edited by Everyman on 10-13-2008 10:59 AM
_______________
I think, therefore I drive people nuts.
Frequent Contributor
chana56
Posts: 161
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Community Room


Everyman wrote:

I include "political correctness" in the list of positive things that become negative when taken to the extreme.

 

In my grandmother's day, "political correctness" was nothing more than being polite. If we were all polite to each other, we would have no need for political correctness.

 


 

I agree and disagree.  If we were all polite to each other, things would be a lot less stressful.  On the other hand, I may not know what is offensive to someone else, through lack of experience or ignorance, whatever my good intentions, and political correctness demands that I make myself aware of these things, which is beyond what being polite demands. 

 

My parents placed a great deal of importance on politeness.  As a result,  I love being polite!  It so totally confuses people.....   :smileywink:  Especially when I live in a society that doesn't see politeness as such a virtue.  In Israel as a whole most people are very proud of what is called "dugri" - being direct, in your face, I'm-going-to-tell-you-exactly-what-I-think-whether-you-want-to-hear-it-or-not-because-it's-for-your-own-good sort of attitude.  A place where it's perfectly normal for a complete stranger to come up to you on the street and say "You know, you really shouldn't wear that color, it doesn't suit you."

 

At work, when I ask a subordinate politely to come to my office, they laugh, and ask why I'm being so polite, it isn't as though they have a choice. 

 

I have taught my daughter what I see as basic courtesy, so much so that people have sometimes asked me where she was born and raised, and they don't believe me when I say "here".   Of course, when she reached teenhood, she informed me she was fed up with this polite stuff, she's tired of everyone laughing at her.  All I could do was sigh and demand that she at least be polite when she's at home.

 

When we're in the States, or in Europe, she does try harder, bless her heart.  Although her dugri-ness does peek through occasionally.  I remember when we were visiting with elderly friends of her grandmother, who were enthusing about places I had taken her on the trip.  They said to her what a fantastic mom she had!   My little 7-yr-old angel looked them straight in the eye, raised an eyebrow, and said "Yeah??  YOU try living with her."                                        (Aren't our kids delightful?)

 


Politeness, of course, is a two way street.   It means I don't intentionally offend you, and it means that you don't take offense of something I say inadertently offends you. 


I hear what you're saying, although I think politeness is more than just not being offensive.  It includes a sort of consideration of others' feelings and moods, and most of all, tact.  On the flip side, if someone is inadvertently offensive to me, I will not take offense, but I usually will not remain silent either, but maybe politely (more-or-less) explain why I'm not comfortable with whatever it was.  And I expect the same honesty from others. 

 

Back to society today........I wonder how Emily Post would manage in a modern classroom?

Chana

"We don't stop laughing when we get old, we get old when we stop laughing - Anonymous
Distinguished Wordsmith
Everyman
Posts: 9,216
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Community Room

political correctness demands that I make myself aware of these things, which is beyond what being polite demands.

 

I have to disagree with that distinction.  Politeness also requires knowing what would offend the person you are talking to or about.  I was taught from a very young age that there were some neighbors that found certain language or behavior objectionable, and I was expected to avoid then when visiting them.  For example, we had vegetarian friends living down the street, and I was expected not to offer their son anything with meat in it -- if he happened to be over at our house at lunchtime I could offer him lunch, but not balogna or hot dogs or anything like that.  You know the phrase "when in Rome"?  That's the essence of politeness.   Of course, I was fortunate enough to live in a very mixed community which was also very much a community, where everybody knew everybody.  I played with neighbor children who were black, Jewish, Chinese, handicapped, you name it.  Knowing what would offend which neighbors, and steering clear of that offense, was integral to what I was taught about being polite.  


chana56 wrote:

Everyman wrote:

I include "political correctness" in the list of positive things that become negative when taken to the extreme.

 

In my grandmother's day, "political correctness" was nothing more than being polite. If we were all polite to each other, we would have no need for political correctness.

 


 

I agree and disagree.  If we were all polite to each other, things would be a lot less stressful.  On the other hand, I may not know what is offensive to someone else, through lack of experience or ignorance, whatever my good intentions, and political correctness demands that I make myself aware of these things, which is beyond what being polite demands. 

 

My parents placed a great deal of importance on politeness.  As a result,  I love being polite!  It so totally confuses people.....   :smileywink:  Especially when I live in a society that doesn't see politeness as such a virtue.  In Israel as a whole most people are very proud of what is called "dugri" - being direct, in your face, I'm-going-to-tell-you-exactly-what-I-think-whether-you-want-to-hear-it-or-not-because-it's-for-your-own-good sort of attitude.  A place where it's perfectly normal for a complete stranger to come up to you on the street and say "You know, you really shouldn't wear that color, it doesn't suit you."

 

At work, when I ask a subordinate politely to come to my office, they laugh, and ask why I'm being so polite, it isn't as though they have a choice. 

 

I have taught my daughter what I see as basic courtesy, so much so that people have sometimes asked me where she was born and raised, and they don't believe me when I say "here".   Of course, when she reached teenhood, she informed me she was fed up with this polite stuff, she's tired of everyone laughing at her.  All I could do was sigh and demand that she at least be polite when she's at home.

 

When we're in the States, or in Europe, she does try harder, bless her heart.  Although her dugri-ness does peek through occasionally.  I remember when we were visiting with elderly friends of her grandmother, who were enthusing about places I had taken her on the trip.  They said to her what a fantastic mom she had!   My little 7-yr-old angel looked them straight in the eye, raised an eyebrow, and said "Yeah??  YOU try living with her."                                        (Aren't our kids delightful?)

 


Politeness, of course, is a two way street.   It means I don't intentionally offend you, and it means that you don't take offense of something I say inadertently offends you. 


I hear what you're saying, although I think politeness is more than just not being offensive.  It includes a sort of consideration of others' feelings and moods, and most of all, tact.  On the flip side, if someone is inadvertently offensive to me, I will not take offense, but I usually will not remain silent either, but maybe politely (more-or-less) explain why I'm not comfortable with whatever it was.  And I expect the same honesty from others. 

 

Back to society today........I wonder how Emily Post would manage in a modern classroom?


 

 

_______________
I think, therefore I drive people nuts.
Frequent Contributor
sylvia387
Posts: 43
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Community Room

Can I ask how you get those cute little pics to show up under your name on the posts?  I can't seem to find a link.  Thanks:-)
Sylvia

No expectations..No disappointments
Inspired Correspondent
Maria_H
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎07-19-2007
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Re: Community Room

Just click on My B&N at the top of this page or click on Go to My B&N under your name in any of your posts.  You will be taken to your My B&N profile page.  From there, you can select select from one of our avatars.

 


sylvia387 wrote:
Can I ask how you get those cute little pics to show up under your name on the posts?  I can't seem to find a link.  Thanks:-)

 

 



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Frequent Contributor
sylvia387
Posts: 43
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Community Room

Thank you...it worked!
Sylvia

No expectations..No disappointments
Inspired Contributor
Choisya
Posts: 10,782
Registered: ‎10-26-2006
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Re: Community Room

 Chana wrote: 

 In many ways, I think the innocence of the 50s was a desperate attempt by people to blot out the atrocities of the 30s and 40s.  People just did not want to face the reality of what they had seen or experienced.  I believe it is no accident that we, the children born in the shadow of Hiroshima and Auschwitz, could not maintain the fantasy of innocence, and became the generation that rebelled against the denial and the complacency, in the universities and in the streets, and turned the country on its ear, for a while at least.  

Many of us are no longer rebels, we have blended into the establishment, but we made a difference.  Diversity is no longer a dirty word.   

 

I think you make excellent points here Chana.  I grew up in the UK and yes, there was the same attempt by my parent's generation to put the horrid past of The Great Depression, Auschwitz, Hiroshima etc behind them and to forge a Brave New World.  And yes, they did make a difference and many of the rights we have today were fought for by them here and across the Pond..   

 

 

 


chana56 wrote:

Your post stirred up incredibly strong emotions as I read it.   I lived in the US during the 50s.  I remember many of the things you mentioned, the friends, the neighborhood, the games, the stay-at-home parent, the defined limits.  But I experienced those “moral values” as extremely rigid and intolerant of difference.  Life was just like the idyllic TV sit-com for some, but for the vast majority it was not.   In the 50s, there was battering, but it was hidden, condoned by society mores or simply not believed.  There was abuse, but it was utterly taboo to even discuss.  Women were committed to mental institutions for not conforming to the norm.  Let’s not even talk about gays and lesbians.  Walt Disney did not allow people of color to work at Disneyland, it was not acceptable.  I lived in an environment where people were constantly trying to convert me, and many times, for no reason that I ever understood, I was spit upon and called a “dirty Jew”, I was told I had no sense of humor for not laughing at Hitler jokes.  There were very very few people in my schools who were not white, and the attitude was that those few had better damn well behave white!   Blend in, deny your own heritage and conform.  My parents chose to move instead of being neighborhood outcasts for not being Christian.  I was, indeed, taught to love my country, but never blindly.  

 

  In many ways, I think the innocence of the 50s was a desperate attempt by people to blot out the atrocities of the 30s and 40s.  People just did not want to face the reality of what they had seen or experienced.  I believe it is no accident that we, the children born in the shadow of Hiroshima and Auschwitz, could not maintain the fantasy of innocence, and became the generation that rebelled against the denial and the complacency, in the universities and in the streets, and turned the country on its ear, for a while at least.  

 

Many of us are no longer rebels, we have blended into the establishment, but we made a difference.  Diversity is no longer a dirty word.   

 

Yes, today the social problems such as drug abuse and crime are horrifying, terrifying as a parent, and more prevalent, but today we have to deal with them, no longer pretending they simply don’t exist.   

 

Whew…..sorry for the soapbox, I told you this pushed my buttons.   


 

Frequent Contributor
mwinasu
Posts: 149
Registered: ‎02-02-2008
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Re: Community Room

OK,  I admit that I have had conflicted feelings about this discussion.  As a matter of fact I am in an emotional freefall.  In the 50"s I lived with my Grandma in a mixed race neighborhood.  We lived on a WWI Navy widow's pension.  I remember the Government gathering up my friends to send them to Indian School.  I remember the PTA putting on magic shows for a quarter that wished I could go to. I remember my brother almost dying from Hepatitis because we could not afford to take him to a doctor.  I remember flaming crosses in the neighbor's yard.  I remember my Grandma telling me that I was a woman and that my only purpose in life was to bear children, so I should forget about that college nonsense.

Then I find myself in the reddest of the red states and, as always, a minority.  Not Black or Hispanic, I am a Liberal.  Of course I did not know that until I moved here.  I thought I was pretty conservative.  But I was new to the area and just started hanging around with the wrong crowd.  I mean they were real friendly; I couldn't tell there was anything wrong with them.  But then they started in on me. Warped me you might say.

  We built a city park with money we raised from donations.  We started a women's shelter from donations.  We started a food bank using donations and road kill moose.   And you know, everytime one of those good republicans got a chance they would tell me that I was a bad person.  Maybe it is true that a republican can not enjoy his dinner unless he knows someone else is starving. I believe that it must reaffirm his faith in a just God.

Frequent Contributor
LucyintheOC
Posts: 69
Registered: ‎03-05-2008
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Re: Community Room

Maria wrote: Just click on My B&N at the top of this page or click on Go to My B&N under your name in any of your posts.  You will be taken to your My B&N profile page.  From there, you can select select from one of our avatars.

 


sylvia387 wrote:
Can I ask how you get those cute little pics to show up under your name on the posts?  I can't seem to find a link.  Thanks:-)

 

Maria, regarding the avatars...what happened to the other little pictures (like the lemons, books, etc.) that used to be available? Where are they? I used to be a lemon, and it disappeared. Now I'm a princess (lol!). But I'd rather be a lemon. Are the old icons still available? I've seen a few people in the group who still display the old pictures (sky, books) but I can't seem to locate these. ....Thanks, in advance, for the help/reply.

Inspired Wordsmith
CathyB
Posts: 271
Registered: ‎12-30-2006
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Re: Community Room

test123
Inspired Correspondent
Maria_H
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎07-19-2007
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Re: Community Room

You make a lovely princess! 

 

Sorry, those old avatar have been retired, but we plan on rolling out more in the upcoming months.  When we do, we'll be sure to let everyone know!

 


LucyintheOC wrote:

Maria wrote: Just click on My B&N at the top of this page or click on Go to My B&N under your name in any of your posts.  You will be taken to your My B&N profile page.  From there, you can select select from one of our avatars.

 


sylvia387 wrote:
Can I ask how you get those cute little pics to show up under your name on the posts?  I can't seem to find a link.  Thanks:-)

 

Maria, regarding the avatars...what happened to the other little pictures (like the lemons, books, etc.) that used to be available? Where are they? I used to be a lemon, and it disappeared. Now I'm a princess (lol!). But I'd rather be a lemon. Are the old icons still available? I've seen a few people in the group who still display the old pictures (sky, books) but I can't seem to locate these. ....Thanks, in advance, for the help/reply.


 

 



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Inspired Correspondent
EbonyAngel
Posts: 276
Registered: ‎12-22-2006
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Re: Community Room

Just stopping in to say "Hi", to everyone.  I'm still getting used to the new way B & N has done the site so I didn't post much in the discussions.  Enjoyed the book and did post my review.

So, what is everyone going to read next?  I'm trying to decide if I want a fluff book or what I call "heavy reading."

Wordsmith
kpatton
Posts: 206
Registered: ‎11-27-2006
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Re: Community Room

I also read a Iot and will include a few of my favorites from this summer and fall.  From Debbie's list I would also recommend The Time Traveler's Wife and any of Sebold's books.  Some of my favorites are Lisa See's Peony in Love, Triangle by Katharine Weber, and The Alchemist.

Kpatton