Chapter 1 - Don't Throw Your Ring in the Creek

[Stephanie]

Please post your comments and questions about Chapter 1 in this thread.

[gl]

I really liked the description on page 25 of the day that the moving vans came with the quiet crews that moved quickly and the vans pointed in opposite directions on the street.  It seemed that even the craziness of moving was muted.  

My favorite part of the first chapter was the very end when they were in the plane and Amy was exhausted. She checked their seat belts, looked at her fellow passengers and you can sense that she's bracing herself for the long flight and what comes next while she's thinking "Nobody - not a single one of these people - knows how to make love stay."  And then Emily tugs on her sleeve. And Amy is struck by the fact that she's now a single mother.  Then Emily smiles and says "Weeeeee Mommy!... Roller coaster!"  and somehow Amy laughs.  It just seemed so real and filled with love - it seemed to set the tone for this book.  I loved it! 

[emeraldisle]

Has anyone noticed the great metaphors Amy uses throughout the book?

I loved the extended one on page 16 where she says ""we had turned a corner and wandered into the volatile Middle East." She goes on to suggest that her husband is "amassing troops" to get ready for the divorce battle. She knew it was only just a matter of time before the "first shot that would start the war".

[Tarri]

It seems to me that Ms. Dickinson married her father the first time.  Her ex.'s action (shutting the door in her face when she came to his office, sleeping away the week) sound like her father leaving and, for all intents and purposes, taking the farm with him. 

[vivico1]

Yes, good use of the metaphor of war with divorce. I think many feel that way and at the same time, you have to find some way to "diffuse" the situation , with humor! Hey, it could have been worse! Ever see War of the Roses? LOL

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emeraldisle wrote:

Has anyone noticed the great metaphors Amy uses throughout the book?

I loved the extended one on page 16 where she says ""we had turned a corner and wandered into the volatile Middle East." She goes on to suggest that her husband is "amassing troops" to get ready for the divorce battle. She knew it was only just a matter of time before the "first shot that would start the war".

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[vivico1]

I found her statement on page 15 very interesting. In talking about her mother and not getting any help at all from her father she writes "She simply prevailed. Prevailing is underrated. People think having the idea that unless they win, they lose. But sometimes surviving is enough." I agree with that, sometimes surviving is actually prevailing against the odds. And not always winning does not mean losing. Life is never so black and white and when we try to make it so, like about winning vs losing, we will usually lose because of the yardstick we use to measure our own success or failure.

[vivico1]

I have a question for Amy that came up in chapter 1. On page 20 she talks about her mother playing Three Dog Night! Hey, I was in my teens and they were one of my favorite groups but that would put my oldest daughter, if I had one, in her 30s tops. How old is her mother and her and her daughter, because later something she and Emily are doing I had the same question! Anyone know? Amy if your out there, will you tell lol.

[umlaut]

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emeraldisle wrote:

Has anyone noticed the great metaphors Amy uses throughout the book?

I loved the extended one on page 16 where she says ""we had turned a corner and wandered into the volatile Middle East." She goes on to suggest that her husband is "amassing troops" to get ready for the divorce battle. She knew it was only just a matter of time before the "first shot that would start the war".

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I really thought this captured the gist of the story in this chapter. However i did feel this chapter repeated the same storyline over and over regarding the separation/divorce. I understand author wanted to build on this, but i thought it was over done and started being repetitious.

[cocospals]

Vivian....I marked the passage about "prevailing" also. It really was a good lession that Amy learned from her mother, that winning in a divorce is not everything, but surviving is.  The other passage that really got my attention is where Amy writes "For the first time in my adult life, I started to think about the kind of person that I really wanted to be. If I let it, I realized that my divorce could turn me into a vengeful goddess of unremitting heartache. But I wanted to be decent. I wanted to be kind. I wanted to feel good about my own behavior, because everything else felt so bad. I wanted to do something right".  Having never been divorced but having watched many of my friends go thru it, I too would want to be decent, would want to feel good about myself by acting good.  There is so much hate and so many trying to get revenge in the world, why not realize that the end is the end and just be decent about it.

[ashred1226]

I agree that Amy uses many wonderful metaphors. She is a very intriguing writer. I have to admit that I found the first chapter to be a little slow, but was pleasantly surprised by the way she continued into the next chapter. Chapter one had to lay a lot of ground work for us and Amy did a wonderful job of painting the picture the reader needs to see. I will say this  not having a daughter of my own I was afraid that I might not be able to relate to the book the same way a mother would. However I have now been divorced for a year and ,she is quite strong and shows any one willing to listen the way to pick yourself back up and move on and she even adds a little humor to it so I can relate to the pain she went through there. In the long and short of it I am looking forward to reading more of the book.  

[Tarri]

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vivico1 wrote:
I have a question for Amy that came up in chapter 1. On page 20 she talks about her mother playing Three Dog Night! Hey, I was in my teens and they were one of my favorite groups but that would put my oldest daughter, if I had one, in her 30s tops. How old is her mother and her and her daughter, because later something she and Emily are doing I had the same question! Anyone know? Amy if your out there, will you tell lol.

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Three Dog Night was popular from the late 60 through the mid 70s, and Out in the Country came out in 1970.  Amy is in her mid to late 40s so she was early teens in 1970 and her mother could have listened to rock (unlike my mother).   

[bmbrennan]

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Tarri wrote:

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vivico1 wrote:
I have a question for Amy that came up in chapter 1. On page 20 she talks about her mother playing Three Dog Night! Hey, I was in my teens and they were one of my favorite groups but that would put my oldest daughter, if I had one, in her 30s tops. How old is her mother and her and her daughter, because later something she and Emily are doing I had the same question! Anyone know? Amy if your out there, will you tell lol.

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Three Dog Night was popular from the late 60 through the mid 70s, and Out in the Country came out in 1970.  Amy is in her mid to late 40s so she was early teens in 1970 and her mother could have listened to rock (unlike my mother).   

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Tarri wrote:

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vivico1 wrote:
I have a question for Amy that came up in chapter 1. On page 20 she talks about her mother playing Three Dog Night! Hey, I was in my teens and they were one of my favorite groups but that would put my oldest daughter, if I had one, in her 30s tops. How old is her mother and her and her daughter, because later something she and Emily are doing I had the same question! Anyone know? Amy if your out there, will you tell lol.

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Three Dog Night was popular from the late 60 through the mid 70s, and Out in the Country came out in 1970.  Amy is in her mid to late 40s so she was early teens in 1970 and her mother could have listened to rock (unlike my mother).   

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I can remember talking my aunt(she was our kool aid mom) into buying SGT Pepper.  Not all parents were unfamiliar with 60's music.  I had domain over our basement where I kept my albums and stereo, I only had to relinquish the basement on Sunday when mom did the wash, otherwise I rocked 6.5 out of 7 days a week.  

[vivico1]

OK, I really was into Three Dog Night my teen years in 74 and 75, the 60s stuff or the beatles were my junior high years and I really didnt like them much lol. Oh a couple of songs maybe but never enough to buy any. My teenager sister wasnt into them either so I never heard them or inherited them from her. She was a little bit country and I was a little bit rock and roll! From my mom tho, I learned a lot of old 40s Torch Songs...you know the bluesy love songs. Still love those.

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I can remember talking my aunt(she was our kool aid mom) into buying SGT Pepper. Not all parents were unfamiliar with 60's music. I had domain over our basement where I kept my albums and stereo, I only had to relinquish the basement on Sunday when mom did the wash, otherwise I rocked 6.5 out of 7 days a week.

bmbrennan The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. Socrates

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[PCGator]

I agree with gl, that the ending to chapter 1 quoted below was a fabulous bit of writing.  Anyone who has been through a life-changing crisis usually reaches that realization that no one can walk down your road for you.  You're out there on that road whether you want to be or not.  And, as Amy captured so well, those "a-ha" moments often happen at odd (and sometimes inconvenient!) times, like on an airplane.

Although I haven't had the pleasure of reading Amy's columns, I warmed up to her voice immediately.  It feels like she's telling her story sitting at my kitchen table over a cup of coffee rather than through the pages of a book.

Carol

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gl wrote:

My favorite part of the first chapter was the very end when they were in the plane and Amy was exhausted. She checked their seat belts, looked at her fellow passengers and you can sense that she's bracing herself for the long flight and what comes next while she's thinking "Nobody - not a single one of these people - knows how to make love stay."  And then Emily tugs on her sleeve. And Amy is struck by the fact that she's now a single mother.  Then Emily smiles and says "Weeeeee Mommy!... Roller coaster!"  and somehow Amy laughs.  It just seemed so real and filled with love - it seemed to set the tone for this book.  I loved it! 

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[Peppermill]

An August 29, 2008, NYT article says Ms. Dickinson was 48 at that time.  (I'll add the link later, since the article is a bit of a spoiler to the early part of the book.)

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bmbrennan wrote:

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Tarri wrote:

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vivico1 wrote:
I have a question for Amy that came up in chapter 1. On page 20 she talks about her mother playing Three Dog Night! Hey, I was in my teens and they were one of my favorite groups but that would put my oldest daughter, if I had one, in her 30s tops. How old is her mother and her and her daughter, because later something she and Emily are doing I had the same question! Anyone know? Amy if your out there, will you tell lol.

---

Three Dog Night was popular from the late 60 through the mid 70s, and Out in the Country came out in 1970.  Amy is in her mid to late 40s so she was early teens in 1970 and her mother could have listened to rock (unlike my mother).   

---

I can remember talking my aunt(she was our kool aid mom) into buying SGT Pepper.  Not all parents were unfamiliar with 60's music.  I had domain over our basement where I kept my albums and stereo, I only had to relinquish the basement on Sunday when mom did the wash, otherwise I rocked 6.5 out of 7 days a week.  

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[m3girl]

I found the writing here so realistic and told the only way that it can be - by someone who lived it.  I could relate to her story - having lived through something similar many years ago.  Her story brought back memories and was actually soothing in it's similarity.  **bleep** can happen to anyone.

Susan

[m3girl]

Good point.  I had to say good riddance when he left...what a jerk.

Susan

[m3girl]

I guess when I read chapter one all I could think was that saying - what doesn't kill you ... makes you stronger.  I agree with your comments on prevailing - surviving is prevailing.

Susan

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vivico1 wrote:
I found her statement on page 15 very interesting. In talking about her mother and not getting any help at all from her father she writes "She simply prevailed. Prevailing is underrated. People think having the idea that unless they win, they lose. But sometimes surviving is enough." I agree with that, sometimes surviving is actually prevailing against the odds. And not always winning does not mean losing. Life is never so black and white and when we try to make it so, like about winning vs losing, we will usually lose because of the yardstick we use to measure our own success or failure.

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[DSaff]

I thought that the opposite facing moving vans was especially poignant. Even in a civil divorce, people are torn apart, spouses and children alike.

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gl wrote:

I really liked the description on page 25 of the day that the moving vans came with the quiet crews that moved quickly and the vans pointed in opposite directions on the street.  It seemed that even the craziness of moving was muted.  

My favorite part of the first chapter was the very end when they were in the plane and Amy was exhausted. She checked their seat belts, looked at her fellow passengers and you can sense that she's bracing herself for the long flight and what comes next while she's thinking "Nobody - not a single one of these people - knows how to make love stay."  And then Emily tugs on her sleeve. And Amy is struck by the fact that she's now a single mother.  Then Emily smiles and says "Weeeeee Mommy!... Roller coaster!"  and somehow Amy laughs.  It just seemed so real and filled with love - it seemed to set the tone for this book.  I loved it! 

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[DSaff]

This is one of my favorite lines, Vivian. I even highlighted it in my book. It absolutely showed how one life makes a tremendous impact on another, mother to daughter or anyone else!

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vivico1 wrote:
I found her statement on page 15 very interesting. In talking about her mother and not getting any help at all from her father she writes "She simply prevailed. Prevailing is underrated. People think having the idea that unless they win, they lose. But sometimes surviving is enough." I agree with that, sometimes surviving is actually prevailing against the odds. And not always winning does not mean losing. Life is never so black and white and when we try to make it so, like about winning vs losing, we will usually lose because of the yardstick we use to measure our own success or failure.

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