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Inspired Wordsmith
Stephanie
Posts: 2,613
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Single mom

What were some of the good things to come out of the author's role as single mom?
Stephanie
Contributor
kayJ
Posts: 15
Registered: ‎09-16-2008
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Re: Single mom

I think one thing is that Amy was self-reliant. Everything that had to be done and decided on for her child was done by her. I think that Emily grew up without more self assured and accepting of what was to come at her as she grew.
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Alililymom
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎09-16-2008
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Re: Single mom

I think that when bad things happen to good people, we look from the outside and think, "I couldn't ever handle that" while we offer pity to the folks who are enduring whatever it is.  What I've found is that no matter how bad things seem to get, for the most part we CAN handle what we're given.  Not only that, but we can move forward and if we're lucky find the good in our lives, or at least in ourselves through the bad.  I think Amy learned that not only could she handle life, but that her new life had opportunities the picture of her former life never offered.  What a world she wouldn't have had if things had worked out like she initially planned...   Most importantly, her daughter saw her live life, despite its unfortunate circumstances, to the fullest. 

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kayJ
Posts: 15
Registered: ‎09-16-2008
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Re: Single mom

That is true!

One thing that stuck out for me was when Amy talked about what her moms life would have been like if her father had stayed around. Her mom would probably not have gone back to school and became a teacher. That made such an impact on me. You could have thought 'oh woe is me, my husband has left me on this broken down farm and I don't know what to do' instead she went to school and at 50 started a career. It was very impiring.

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vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Single mom

I agree with you and it is well said so no need for me to repeat it. :smileywink: I think whether it is being a single mom or whatever you may have to do alone, its not what you are going through that defines you, but how you react to it and what you learn from it. And that is a choice we make whether we do something or nothing, its still choosing whether we want to admit it or not. But when we do take responsibility for how we react, then we can have the world open up to us in ways we didn't think possible. You can't change what you don't own. Amy chosing to move on, even at times when it didn't feel like a choice, opened many new things to her. There are things in my life I would never want to go through again, but at the same time they were lessons that on this side of those times, I wouldn't want to give up either.

 


Alililymom wrote:

I think that when bad things happen to good people, we look from the outside and think, "I couldn't ever handle that" while we offer pity to the folks who are enduring whatever it is. What I've found is that no matter how bad things seem to get, for the most part we CAN handle what we're given. Not only that, but we can move forward and if we're lucky find the good in our lives, or at least in ourselves through the bad. I think Amy learned that not only could she handle life, but that her new life had opportunities the picture of her former life never offered. What a world she wouldn't have had if things had worked out like she initially planned... Most importantly, her daughter saw her live life, despite its unfortunate circumstances, to the fullest.


 

 

Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
Inspired Correspondent
jclay26
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Single mom

It seems that Amy Dickinson gained a lot from being a single mother. First and foremost she learned how to depend on herself. She also learned how important "home" and family were to her. She found unique ways to make a living so that she could be there for her daughter. I know all about this because I am doing the same thing and though it doesn't provide the safety net that I would like, it provides me with time to be with my children that can never be replaced. Most of all, I think she learned how strong she is and that she can make it through anything. This teaches her daughter an important lesson about the strength of women and that a life can be just as full without a man as with. Men do not complete a woman's life they compliment it.
What you have to do...is trust your own story. Get the hell out of the way and let it tell itself. - Tim O'Brien; The Things They Carried
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Single mom


jclay26 wrote:
It seems that Amy Dickinson gained a lot from being a single mother. First and foremost she learned how to depend on herself. She also learned how important "home" and family were to her. She found unique ways to make a living so that she could be there for her daughter. I know all about this because I am doing the same thing and though it doesn't provide the safety net that I would like, it provides me with time to be with my children that can never be replaced. Most of all, I think she learned how strong she is and that she can make it through anything. This teaches her daughter an important lesson about the strength of women and that a life can be just as full without a man as with. Men do not complete a woman's life they compliment it.

So true! No situation is perfect. All we can do is make the best of it and appreciate what we do have. You will do an amazing job with your children.

Inspired Correspondent
nfam
Posts: 231
Registered: ‎01-08-2007
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Re: Single mom

Being a single mom gave Amy the chance to become very close to her daughter. She says toward the end of the book when taking her off to college that she had been her major love interest for the eighteen years she was single. I thought the close relationship with her daughter made her more accepting and loving to the other members of her family, also. Being single made her grow up in ways she never would have and accept challenges like moving to Chicago that she never would have if she'd been married.
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CindybS
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎03-03-2008
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Re: Single mom

She wouldn't have chosen to be a single mom; that happened because of the choice her husband made.  Subsequently, she was confronted by decisions that she wouldn't have had to make if she'd still been married.  But she walked through those new doors that opened and met the challenges within.

 

Paradoxically, her situation also caused her to look backward.  Introspection, having to rely on her family for support, dwelling on what happened that led up to that point put her in analytical phase of not just her own life but where she came from.  Even though she was, understandably, self-absorbed, she actually became more aware of her surroundings and origins through trying to understand what had happened.  Her life, but not taking the "expected" path, became richer for it.

CindybS
Author
Amy_Dickinson
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎10-22-2008
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Re: Single mom

Wow. I love reading the responses to my book -- you are the book's first readers outside of my own family and I really appreciate your views.

 

In terms of being a single mother -- you are all correct. I never chose the situation and never even imagined it might happen to me, despite my own family's dismal marital history. But the good that came from my life as a single mother with Emily was that I truly made a life for myself -- and for her, with little interference and much support. It turns out that, left to my own devices, though I went through rolls and rolls of Charmin, I was stronger -- much stronger -- than I had imagined myself to be. I carried the inspiration of my mother's choices with me. She was teaching me the whole time and I didn't even know it.


Learn more about The Mighty Queens of Freeville.
Inspired Wordsmith
Stephanie
Posts: 2,613
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Single mom


jclay26 wrote: 
Men do not complete a woman's life they compliment it.

I had to share - the first time I read this I thought you wrote: Men do not complete a woman's life they complicate it!

Stephanie
Wordsmith
Tarri
Posts: 457
Registered: ‎02-26-2007
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Re: Single mom


Stephanie wrote:

jclay26 wrote: 
Men do not complete a woman's life they compliment it.

I had to share - the first time I read this I thought you wrote: Men do not complete a woman's life they complicate it!


I agree . . . with both of you. 

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