Mothers and Daughters

[Rachel-K]

What is Connie's relationship like with her mother?

We will come across number of mother-daughter relationships through the course of the novel. How do these women relate (or not) to each other?

What can we make out about Connie's grandmother, Sophia, from her house?

Do you get a sense of Mercy and Deliverance's relationship this early?

[biljounc63]

The relationship between Connie and Grace is strained at best. One sign is the fact she addresses her by her first name. They also talk to each other very infrequently.

Grace is being portrayed as a "free Spirit' so far it seems to be true. She lives for today and does not seem to worry about the future.  She seems to not really be interested in the life of her daughter. Connie has hopes that Grace called her to see how her testing when her hopes quickly deflated when Grace simply wanted her daughter cleanup granna's house for the summer. She did not even seem to remember that the testing was happening.

[candeny6]

It seems like Connie must have learned to take care of herself at a very young age.  I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have a mother like Grace.

Deliverance seems like she might be a lot like Grace.  It's almost like she left the items to Mercy as a second thought. 

[januttall]

I agree, the relationship between Connie and Grace is strained at best.  Their personalities are polar opposites - Connie is a type A while Grace lives in the moment.   I wonder whether that was always the case with Grace or whether her father's death was the first in a number of life changing events.  It seems as if Sophia was also a bit of a "free spirit" as well (living withouth a phone and electricity and obviously living off the land to some extent), yet she and Grace didn't have a close relationship. 

[kren250]

Connie and her mother are so different that it's hard for them to have much of a relationship. I think they just don't know how to relate to each other, or really have anything to say to each other.

The mother-daughter relationships in the book are interesting to see. Grace and her mother didn't seem to have much in common with each other either.

Sophia seems very old fashioned! Also liked to garden. This was another part of the book that I thought was so predictable, it's pretty obvious what the deal is with Sophia when you start reading the descritions of the house and garden.

I didn't get much of a sense of Mercy and Deliverance's relationship this early.

[momgee]

Okay, so some of it may be predictable, but from what I have read so far it is still a very enjoyable book. I just love some of her descriptions, especially when Connie and Liz first see the house  from pg 38 . . .."house clad in vegetation and neglect."  "...over the front door draped a purple -green wisteria, it's thick syrupy smell puddling in the air" and on pg 40 ..." the silent house stated back at her wizened and aloof".  It's almost as if the house is also a  character in the story. These descriptions brought some vivid images to my mind.

I wonder if Connie is the way she is solely because her mother is a "free spirit". 

[DSaff]

My first impression of the relationship between Connie and Grace is that of role reversal. Connie seems to be the more responsible one, and seems to be aggravated that her mother can't remember dates and events. Grace is the non-conformist, while Connie is trying to make it in the academic world, keeping her feet on the ground. As I kept reading, however, I wondered if Grace was letting Connie go in order to bring her back to her heritage. Grace is very comfortable being a free-spirit, while Connie seems to want to be tied down. I think that changes when she reaches her granna's house. It seems that Grace may have waited until now to give Connie the opportunity to explore. What is Grace hoping Connie will discover? Surely there is much more to come here!

 The relationship between Grace and Sophie doesn't seem to have been a good one. Grace didn't visit her mother, and without a phone, I wonder if they kept in contact at all. Could Grace have been running away from her true self? That remains to be seen, but something is definitely amiss in their relationship. But, Grace seems better able to cope with an eccentric lifestyle than Connie is.

The next mother and daughter are Deliverance and Mercy. Mercy definitely has powers of some kind and I think Deliverance knows. Deliverance is trying to teach Mercy about being responsible (i.e. kitchen work), but I can't help thinking that Mercy is wise beyond her years. One quote really got me about the strength, or weakness, of Deliverance.

"Shhhhhhh, shhhhhh," the girl's father soothed, and Mercy looked up at her parents and reflected that she had never before seen her mother cry." pg. 106

[scarpettajunkie]

Connie and her mother have a relationship like the earth to the sun.  Connie has been the responsible adult without a full childhood because she has so often played the role of adult.  They are definitely in each other's gravitational pull yet one does not necessarily have to do with the other.  They could each benefit each other.  Connie by being less responsible and her mother more so.  It is almost like a magnetic pull they are attracted to each other but can't get too close to each other.

Connie is attracted to her friend because she is everything Connie is not.  The friend knows where she is going and is having a good time getting there.  Connie can be carefree around her without being responsible for her, which is probably rare for Connie. 

It is obvious  Sophia was some kind of healer or at least new about herbal medicine and could make things grow, as the garden has taken care of itself all these years it had to have help somewhere along the line.  The house is practical, non-pretentious.  It served its owners well.  It could be beautiful with some TLC.  This is pretty much how I see Connie's grandmother.  The house was a part of her but not the most important part.

I get the sense that Mercy is not supposed to use her powers.  That she looks up to both her parents.  That she is seeking love similar to Connie. 

[krb2g]

I found the relationship between Connie and Grace a little hard to believe; there is something about Grace's carefree, abandon all responsibilities and then throw them on Connie when she least needs something to worry about attitude that bothers me. I also don't buy Grace's "ignorance" of Connie's program/when she's taking orals--I think that Grace cares about her daughter, and is actually pretty intuitive (later on she knows about Sam without being told)--and given that profile, it's hard for me to believe that she'd actually not care at all about something like orals.

[candeny6]

What do you mean she knows about Sam?

[chris227]

We know from the reading that Grace and Connie don't have the best relationship. They are complete opposites with no common interests or values.  I get the impression though that Connie is looking for some kind of acceptance from Grace.  She gets so excited that Grace calls the day of her exam only to find out her mother doesn't even remember that she was taking the exam.  I think Connie agrees to go to Granna's house out of a sense of duty to her mohter but maybe also to find out more about her grandmother, maybe to see if she can find any ties to connect her to someone in her family.  We find out more about how distant their relationship is when Connie is in the probate office and surmises that Mercy is an adult because she was left her mother's things and "Connie frowned, unsure what to do with the suggestion of two adult women, a mother and daughter, living alone."

[KCHaughawout]

I think Connie and Grace feel they are opposites and have little in common. I don't feel Grace was being selfish when she asked Connie to take care of the house. I saw it as being practical. Grace lived in New Mexico and would have to travel back East and live in the house and she was simply busy with her own life. Connie was nearby and could live there instead of paying rent somewhere.

Both Connie and Grace were wrapped up in their own lives. They were both impatient with each other. They both wanted each other to be more like themselves. Connie wanted her mother to be a little more responsible and traditional, while Grace wanted Connie to let loose a little bit and become more carefree.

[CindybS]

There's obviously some "stuff" in the background of Connie and Grace's relationship.  It seems to be caused partly by something we don't know yet and partly by Grace's apparent oddness and self-absorption. 

[floreader]

     Connie and Grace don't have a close relationship.  Grace is a free spirit and Connie is more orderly and conservative.  They don't speak that often and Connie's feelings are hurt that Grace doesn't even remember that Connie had her important oral exams.  Connie doesn't feel that Grace was an attentive mother and doesn't approve of her bohemian lifestyle.

     From the house, you can figure out that Sophia is very eccentric.  It's extremely weird that she lived in a home without modern electricity in the 20th century.  All of the bottles and jars led me to think she was practicing herbal medicine, especially since Grace told Connie as a child that Sophia was much of a cook.

     I didn't get any sense of Mercy and Deliverance's relationship this early in the book.    

[gl]

Connie and her mother have such different temperaments and approaches that they aren't close. I find it harder to understand the mother in the relationship.  For instance, I wasn't sure whether she really forgot that Connie was having her orals the day that she called or if she was downplaying her interest and in her way trying to discourage Connie's academic aspirations.  The mother is very interested in some things (Connie's possible love interest) but dampens down and seems to just grunt when Connie talks about her research and school.  I can understand not agreeing with Connie's career choice or feeling that her daughter should be more active in the "real world" or areas that Grace is interested in, but the degree of her disinterest in her daughter's life and daughter's career seems hard to believe.  It seems particularly sad when you see it through her daughter's eyes, as described in p.29:"Connie could admit that her own life choices might seem incomprehensible to an outside observer, and doubly so to one as critical of established institutions as Grace was.  Grace must have wondered how she eneed up with such an alien offsprint, and yet she had always supported Connie's choices in her own unorthodox way....Grace probably tried terribly hard to remember that today was her exam day. She had never tried to insist that Connie not study history, not be bookish, not be serious and orderly. Grace occasionally wished that Connie would "investigate her soul truth," but Connie always interpreted that as a hippy way of saying that Connie should just do what seemed right for her."

  Is there some underlying reason, some awareness of danger that might come from Connie's research or is Grace really that indifferent to Connie's career?

Based on the house, you can see how independent and stubborn Sophia was.  It must have taken a great deal of effort to avoid introducing all the modern conveniences (heat, hot water, electricity, phone) to the cottage, especially with Marblehead and everywhere else developing around her. She consciously decided to keep the cottage hidden, unchanged. It was almost as if there was some sort of spell to make it hard to find the house, to keep it under the radar (and not seized by tax liens or declared a public nuisance).  Based on the orderly way that things were kept, you can imagine how Sophia tried to live her life and it makes you want to hear more about her life.

I didn't feel that I had a good sense of Mercy and Deliverance's relationship and that I wanted much more information about Deliverance.  I feel that I like her but want to learn much more. The early chapters seem more focused on Connie and her world.

[liisa22]

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DSaff wrote:

My first impression of the relationship between Connie and Grace is that of role reversal. Connie seems to be the more responsible one, and seems to be aggravated that her mother can't remember dates and events. Grace is the non-conformist, while Connie is trying to make it in the academic world, keeping her feet on the ground. As I kept reading, however, I wondered if Grace was letting Connie go in order to bring her back to her heritage. Grace is very comfortable being a free-spirit, while Connie seems to want to be tied down. I think that changes when she reaches her granna's house. It seems that Grace may have waited until now to give Connie the opportunity to explore. What is Grace hoping Connie will discover? Surely there is much more to come here!

 The relationship between Grace and Sophie doesn't seem to have been a good one. Grace didn't visit her mother, and without a phone, I wonder if they kept in contact at all. Could Grace have been running away from her true self? That remains to be seen, but something is definitely amiss in their relationship. But, Grace seems better able to cope with an eccentric lifestyle than Connie is.

The next mother and daughter are Deliverance and Mercy. Mercy definitely has powers of some kind and I think Deliverance knows. Deliverance is trying to teach Mercy about being responsible (i.e. kitchen work), but I can't help thinking that Mercy is wise beyond her years. One quote really got me about the strength, or weakness, of Deliverance.

"Shhhhhhh, shhhhhh," the girl's father soothed, and Mercy looked up at her parents and reflected that she had never before seen her mother cry." pg. 106

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I think Grace ran as far away as she could (lliterally and figurally) from Sophia.  Also that Connie as more buttoned down because of Grace being such a free spirit.  But Grace is in Santa Fe. New ager, similar to being a 'witch' in the 20th century.

[liisa22]

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candeny6 wrote:
What do you mean she knows about Sam?

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Intuition.

[PiperMurphy]

At this point, I feel like the relationship between Connie and her mother is that there is none. I also feel like Grace had the same type of relationship with her mother. They seem to be three independant women. I think that Grace has the answers, but is making Connie discover them for herself. I keep thinking that if I were Connie I would have a lot of questions for my mother about my Grandmother, and I would be more frustrated than Connie seems to be that I wasn't getting the answers.

[bookowlie]

Connie and Grace don't have a close relationship at all.  They are different types of personalities. Connie is more mainstream and reliable.  Grace is a carefree spirit who is self-absorbed and not much of a motherly presence in Connie's life.  They don't talk on the phone that often and Connie seems let down by her mother's disinterest in her life.  Grace didn't even remember that Connie was taking her qualifying exam.  Connie seems exasperated and disappointed in her mother.

When Connie and Liz go to Sophia's house, you can figure that Sophia is eccentric since there is no electricity in the house.  By the way, this seemed unbelievable to me, that someone would be living with no electricity in today's times.  All of the jars and bottles in her house, plus the many herbs and poisonous plants growing in the garden, made me think she was practicing herbal medicine/healing.  This is the first time in the story I felt there might be a connection in Connie's family to Deliverance or to the other "witches" in the 1600's.  It made me wonder if the women from the 1600's were really witches or were just practicing herbal medicine before their time.

[CathyB]

The relationship between Connie an her mother is strained. Connie has been hurt by her mother's 'disinterest'. Something she experiences time and again. Somewhat like an abused child who forgives the parental abuser because they just want to be loved. I am referring to emotional abuse (real or perceived) here. The relationship between Grace and her mother was strained. From the 'specialty' plants/herbs and all the glass jars, Sophia was probably into 'witchcraft'. She had little need of what is considered the modern day necessities - electricity, phone.

The relationship between Mercy and Deliverance has not been fully flushed out. At this point, I see that there is love between the two and a genuine interest from Mercy in what her mother does to help others. There is also an element of fear - evident when she hopes her father does not tell her mother that she was avoiding her chores and when the visiting Sarah 'hurts' her mother.

Connie and Deliverance are very much alike. They both have the need to take care of others. With Deliverance, we see this with her healing and making of physicks. With Connie we see this with taking care of things for mother and taking care of Arlo. I also see them as two vulnerable women. Deliverance's vulnerability is clearly visible; whereas, Connie's vulnerability is seen everytime she has contact with her mother.

CathyB

Message Edited by CathyB on 03-30-2009 01:28 PM

Message Edited by CathyB on 03-30-2009 01:29 PM