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vivico1
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END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

I thought I might post 3 different things (this is the third one) about the end of the book that could fit under a couple of posts already, like responsibility and forgiveness, but I wanted to separate out on threads, some of the different characters, so everyone knows who we are talking about, if they are not there, or if they would like to post to just these people so this is one of them.

Ok, someone asked me early on about what my gripe was about the ending and I said I would wait lol so here it is. First, its not about Harlan's writing, quite the opposite. If he hadn't written such a good book that is very thought provoking too about relationships, this wouldn't be a problem for me. But early in the book I was all for Paul's no nonsense right is right and wrong is wrong ideas, that showed up in how he handled his court case as a matter of fact. I thought, you go Paul, get em! But as the book moved on, I began to worry about this aspect of Paul and what it would mean in his personal life when his past did come back and full force. Even with Greta, I was with him about, hey I will help but I wont lie, not even for you and Bob. But something was making me more uneasy about him too tho. So we get to the end of the book and we find out Wayne got Lucy to go after Paul that night, so he could go do what he had planned. Now all throughout the book, Paul battles with his own guilt about leaving his post that night, he wonders over others and sometimes says, well but we were all kids what could we have done. He goes back and forth some on guilt versus forgiveness about that night and its a natural thing to do. But when he is working out his feelings about everyone and finds out Lucy's part in it,oh my, I thought ok Paul, this is where you got to let it go and yes put it down to the fact you were all kids. She didnt know what Wayne was up to, she just wanted to be with you just as much as you wanted to be with her by leaving. Don't go black and white on her with this! DARN PAUL!! LOL. Harlan, my only gripe with you is making his reactions too real lol, instead of letting his love for her just take care of things so I wouldnt worry about these two in the end lol and I wouldnt want to sock Paul in the face! I so understand Lucy not telling him about Wayne getting her to go to Paul, how much guilt she must have felt for so so long, maybe even more than Paul and she does love Paul. She knows how precarious things are for them right now. THEY WERE KIDS, who were all, everyone of them just fooling around that night! And our hero Paul takes her back to that place and as she tearfully puts flowers down there, he starts to question her about it. He realises everyone had a part, everyone was hurt by it and wants to go to her. He knows his guilt is really no different than hers. He wants to go to her but....."I can't".
PAUL MICHAEL COPELAND!!! (i dont remember what his middle name is if he has one even lol, but thats that mother tone we should all know right there :smileywink: ) Paul, just let go of what is right to do about this, what is wrong, you even gave in and covered for Bob finally on something to help them, now help yourself and Lucy. Get out of that black and white right is right and wrong is wrong thing here and grab her and hold her and comfort each other and walk out of those woods in love and new found trust! BUT noooooo, he walks away from her, leaves her there, waits for her to eventually come back to the car and wonders if the woods will claim one last victim. AAHHHHHHHH, no dont let it ya pumpkin head! You found something out of this that can make sense and be something, dont let the woods decide, decide it yourself!

Ok there is my tirade at Paul lol, and Harlan, ya had to make him too real there. Ya had to make him do what I had in the back of my head would do, not the particulars but that he might do something that would perhaps ruin something in his life that he doesnt have to let it happen. I felt this part of his personality would hit somewhere, I wasnt sure to who, but there it is darn it LOL. We can hope they do ok, but you let us linger in wonder about it along with him grrrr LOL. You said somewhere that you dont like your protagonist or heroes tooo good, something like that I think and for me, here it was, Paul with his ability or inability to let go of some things for maybe something better. He doesnt talk to is sister about that night, i feel because he doesnt want to risk losing her, but he talks to Lucy just enough to maybe lose her and not enough, to maybe save them both. He is still tied up inside. GREAT book Harlan, and I guess I would have to say spot on to Paul's character, but DARN IT lol, I wanted my hero in this to just let love lead this time :smileywink: So what say ye all about this? lol.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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cindersue
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

The end of the book, or is it? Like the woods, those mysterious trees, intriguing, pulling, scary, engulfing, exciting all at the same time. That's what I think of when I go to the forest perseve and walk through the woods.

Harlan's book was the same. I love the book! An awesome story with twists and turns. had me reading every spare moment I could. I can hardly wait to read another book by Coben. Thank you so much for getting me hooked! :smileyhappy:
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY


cindersue wrote:
The end of the book, or is it? Like the woods, those mysterious trees, intriguing, pulling, scary, engulfing, exciting all at the same time. That's what I think of when I go to the forest perseve and walk through the woods.

Harlan's book was the same. I love the book! An awesome story with twists and turns. had me reading every spare moment I could. I can hardly wait to read another book by Coben. Thank you so much for getting me hooked! :smileyhappy:


yeah i wished they would do another one of his books in July, since cant do June now, even if it was only moderator lead. Would be fun to follow some of his books this way huh? The ending, your right, is kind of a "or is it" lol thing but this part of the story was at the end of the book anyway lol. What did you think about Paul not being able to just let go and go to Lucy like he wanted to but instead walking away to wait by the car to see how things would turn out? Granted they had things to work out but oh man, i wanted him to just take her in his arms and hold her right then and say we will take it from here. I feel his wounds has made his decisions more black and white then he actually is inside. I think he is learning, but I hope not at the expense of their relationship.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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Andeka
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

I'm glad Paul walked away from Lucy in the woods and waited by the car; if it had been any other way - it would have ruined the book and greatly diminish everything I thought I knew about Paul. If you wanted to keep the book "real" - that was the only thing Paul could have done at that moment.
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KathyS
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

This is the tension I was trying to describe how I was feeling at the ending.;-) To feel that indecision, as Paul walks away, wanting her to "call out for me to stop"....phew! It's so typical of most of us to not communicate, because of the many words it feels like it would take just to say a simple, 'stop', or 'I love you'. But Paul doesn't drive away! He sits and wonders. I don't have the feeling he's going to allow those "woods to claim one last victim"....do you? ;-)

Kathy S.
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY


KathyS wrote:
This is the tension I was trying to describe how I was feeling at the ending.;-) To feel that indecision, as Paul walks away, wanting her to "call out for me to stop"....phew! It's so typical of most of us to not communicate, because of the many words it feels like it would take just to say a simple, 'stop', or 'I love you'. But Paul doesn't drive away! He sits and wonders. I don't have the feeling he's going to allow those "woods to claim one last victim"....do you? ;-)

Kathy S.


I think he was waiting to hear something from Lucy that really he needs to hear inside himself and then she needs to hear from him. I don't think she can give that to him. I want to think they will make it anyway but dunno. I think the reality of it, not for the fictional characters we see as real here, but as for the "characters in a book"...if we see Paul again, I would bet you 10-1, they are not together again, or were and are now divorced or something. That tends to be the way of books or movies with this kind of ending, a maybe ending. If another story comes out of the main character, it seldom includes the "maybe or even wedded love interest" of the first story because of where they want the character to go now. Its what I call "the Bonanza effect" LOL. You always knew if one of the sons got married on Bonanza, the wife would be dead by the end of that show or the next. Was not good for your health to marry a Cartwright! lol. Or for that matter, to be a "redshirt" in any of the star trek episodes LOL. I would love to see Paul come back and Lucy with him, even if they have to have some troubles or as a side story of working through all this and it finally coming together at the end of that book. Like I said, can i just slug Paul now anyway? LOL!
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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KathyS
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

Well, I guess we could take these two character's apart and look at them... If I look at them as fictional characters in this book, they appear to me as incredibly human, with so many flaws, they need a lot of work! If I look at them as more than fictional characters, I would want to delve deeper into what makes them tic. But ultimately, which I think we agree on, it's up to the novelist to take them further. Bonanza and Star Trek, interesting analogies! Watch much TV? LOL...
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY


KathyS wrote:
Well, I guess we could take these two character's apart and look at them... If I look at them as fictional characters in this book, they appear to me as incredibly human, with so many flaws, they need a lot of work! If I look at them as more than fictional characters, I would want to delve deeper into what makes them tic. But ultimately, which I think we agree on, it's up to the novelist to take them further. Bonanza and Star Trek, interesting analogies! Watch much TV? LOL...


When your disabled, movies and tv and books can become your life.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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Wrighty
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY


Andeka wrote:
I'm glad Paul walked away from Lucy in the woods and waited by the car; if it had been any other way - it would have ruined the book and greatly diminish everything I thought I knew about Paul. If you wanted to keep the book "real" - that was the only thing Paul could have done at that moment.




You're right, the ending does suit the book very well. This story wouldn't have worked so well if it had a perfect ending with everything wrapped up in a neat little bow, everyone in love and all questions answered. There had been too many issues, questions and lies in everyone's past to work it out perfectly in a short time. I really want Paul and Lucy to have a future together. They have been cheated out of a lot of things over the years and they deserve some happiness. It wouldn't be an easy road though.
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Wrighty
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

vivico1 wrote:
I think he was waiting to hear something from Lucy that really he needs to hear inside himself and then she needs to hear from him. I don't think she can give that to him. I want to think they will make it anyway but dunno. I think the reality of it, not for the fictional characters we see as real here, but as for the "characters in a book"...if we see Paul again, I would bet you 10-1, they are not together again, or were and are now divorced or something. That tends to be the way of books or movies with this kind of ending, a maybe ending. If another story comes out of the main character, it seldom includes the "maybe or even wedded love interest" of the first story because of where they want the character to go now. Its what I call "the Bonanza effect" LOL. You always knew if one of the sons got married on Bonanza, the wife would be dead by the end of that show or the next. Was not good for your health to marry a Cartwright! lol. Or for that matter, to be a "redshirt" in any of the star trek episodes LOL. I would love to see Paul come back and Lucy with him, even if they have to have some troubles or as a side story of working through all this and it finally coming together at the end of that book. Like I said, can i just slug Paul now anyway? LOL!




The Bonanza Effect! Love it! That's so true too. There are other shows that do the same thing. The show has a certain formula and they stick to it. No new comers were going to be there for long. I like when a show or a book breaks from the formula and throws in an unexpected twist you never see coming.
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KathyS
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

[ Edited ]
Laura, I agree with both you and Ande, Paul walking away certainly created that dynamic ending. And the questions that we want to find a resolution to.... More tensions in an already questioning filled novel!

I knew Paul's, as well as Lucy's, emotions were involved in what he did. I could see his mind working out those indecisions, but it was just hard to view. I wanted a resolution, then and there, but I knew it wasn't going to be possible unless they both looked into each other's eyes, and saw each other's humanness.

Kathy S.

Message Edited by KathyS on 05-26-200708:54 PM

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Stephanie
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

I suppose I just expected that they'd get together, that Paul's walking away was merely a "pause" -if you will, and that when it came down to brass tacks, they'd come to grips with the past and move forward.

I tend not to hang on to things though- I'm not a grudge holder, never have been. I've been told one of my best personality traits is that I say my piece, and then move on. I don't think Lucy's "part" in the killings was any more intentional than Gil's or Camille's. She was a pawn. I can't see Paul holding that against her.
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Wrighty
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY


Stephanie wrote:
I suppose I just expected that they'd get together, that Paul's walking away was merely a "pause" -if you will, and that when it came down to brass tacks, they'd come to grips with the past and move forward.

I tend not to hang on to things though- I'm not a grudge holder, never have been. I've been told one of my best personality traits is that I say my piece, and then move on. I don't think Lucy's "part" in the killings was any more intentional than Gil's or Camille's. She was a pawn. I can't see Paul holding that against her.




Paul had a lot more to deal with than just finding out that Lucy was alive. In a very short time span he found out his sister was alive, his mother was dead but hadn't abandoned him, his father was a murderer, Gill was alive and then dead, his father and his "uncle" had a very shady past and his old, fun-loving, hippie camp counselor wanted to kill him. The man had a plate full and Lucy may have to cut him a little slack.
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY/to be continued?


Wrighty wrote:

Stephanie wrote:
I suppose I just expected that they'd get together, that Paul's walking away was merely a "pause" -if you will, and that when it came down to brass tacks, they'd come to grips with the past and move forward.

I tend not to hang on to things though- I'm not a grudge holder, never have been. I've been told one of my best personality traits is that I say my piece, and then move on. I don't think Lucy's "part" in the killings was any more intentional than Gil's or Camille's. She was a pawn. I can't see Paul holding that against her.




Paul had a lot more to deal with than just finding out that Lucy was alive. In a very short time span he found out his sister was alive, his mother was dead but hadn't abandoned him, his father was a murderer, Gill was alive and then dead, his father and his "uncle" had a very shady past and his old, fun-loving, hippie camp counselor wanted to kill him. The man had a plate full and Lucy may have to cut him a little slack.


Maybe they need to cut each other a little slack but what I had worried about , about half way through the book, was that that sense of right and wrong, absolutes, like with the court case, like with what Bob had done, would become a part of Paul's adult personality that could wind up hurting him personally somewhere along the line. Did any of you feel a forboding about this as you read? Both of them have a plate load to deal with, that night, their parts, their past. Lucy also had to deal with Ira trying to kill Paul but also that he killed himself. She had just as many things as Paul, and now new hurt when at least he was getting answers and his sister back. Like I say, I would hope they would get together but there is that looming bit of doubt because as much as he loved her, he wouldnt go to her and hold her like he wanted because his "other" feelings wouldn't let him. All of them were victims. No one did anything to purposely hurt anyone and Paul has cut the others some slack, even his sister for not telling but at the same time talking inside about how others died because she didnt. But here, he is finding it hard to cut Lucy the same slack. She didnt do anything but be a teenager that when approached to go "lure" a guy she really liked anyway out to the woods with her she did. Paul let his sister and Gil off the hook for going along with the scheme to get the one girl out there (not really knowing why but they see her killed) and Paul cant seem to give Lucy the same break when her part was actually less and she loved Paul. This is the part of Paul's character that I talked about earlier on, that I really did worry would hurt him or someone in the end. So I guess we dont know,unless Paul shows up in another book :smileywink:.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY

KathyS,
you have a PM about children you might want to read. Vivian
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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Wrighty
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY/to be continued?


vivico1 wrote:
All of them were victims. No one did anything to purposely hurt anyone... She didnt do anything but be a teenager...
____________________________________________________________________________________


I think these were all important points. They were so young at the time and they weren't murderers. Unfortunately they all made very impulsive choices that hurt their lives even more. It's sad to think of what could have been for Paul and Lucy but who knows if they would have stayed together anyway. (Teenage love - although it worked for me!) Paul did have a wife he truly loved and a beautiful daughter, Lucy did become a teacher. Maybe they were never meant to be.
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY/to be continued?


Wrighty wrote:

vivico1 wrote:
All of them were victims. No one did anything to purposely hurt anyone... She didnt do anything but be a teenager...
____________________________________________________________________________________


I think these were all important points. They were so young at the time and they weren't murderers. Unfortunately they all made very impulsive choices that hurt their lives even more. It's sad to think of what could have been for Paul and Lucy but who knows if they would have stayed together anyway. (Teenage love - although it worked for me!) Paul did have a wife he truly loved and a beautiful daughter, Lucy did become a teacher. Maybe they were never meant to be.



Wrighty,
The last guy I dated in high school, we talked about getting married, after I got into college and he wanted to join the armed forces and get some training. Long story but he had to move with his parents, I went to where my parents were after I got out of highschool to work and the moves back and forth, we lost touch with each other. I thought about him a lot. Over the years, when I dated guys, I found myself comparing them to him. Then, just about 6 years ago, a woman I met online worked for a detective and we were talking about first loves and true loves and stuff and I told her about him and that I couldnt find him anywhere. She had a phone number for him in 15 minutes ROFL! I called and he answered and I knew it was him, that voice got to me again and I didnt say a word, I hung up LOL. A week or so later, I got up the nerve to call again and there was no one home but an answering machine. Realizing that he could be married, I just said who I was and that i knew someone by his name in highschool, and if this was him and he would like to say hi, here was my number. Two days later I get a call from him and he said man, I have been searching for you for years! He said did you call a week or so ago? I got a call, no one was there but I could just feel you. I was too embarrassed to say it was me LOL. He said his wife knew all about me. We had a few conversations but what can i say...he was married, i wasnt going to go there and then I found out too that as an adult he has started practicing Wicca and said there was no God but the gods of nature and he was proud to be a pagan as he put it. Everything else about him was the same, the same gentle man I had known, (he was 21 when i was 18, he had quite school when he father had been in an accident to take care of him, then actually came back to HIGH SCHOOL, for his diploma cause he didnt want a GED). This guy was a romantic, and oh how I love romantics, its why no one else I dated compared to him I guess. But after finally contacting him and finding out what his life was now, it wasnt to be, it might have been different if we had stayed together then but not now. We had both grown up and had created probably a bigger fantasy about each other than it ever really was. But it was good to talk to him again finally and get to say goodbye the way we needed to, since that had never happened. I have fond memories of him now but that longing and wishing and comparing is totally gone. Sometimes, you can carry something like that with you for a long time and it really does become even bigger than it was, even if it was great and then, when you meet again and life has gone on, things are different and cant be the same. Guess I am nostalgic tonight lol. Havent even thought about him for ages till I read what you wrote and it made me think of that. Funny, i didnt even think of him and all that while i read this book. You are right, their lives went on and maybe they were not meant to be, BUT, I would like to think they could make it and did :smileywink:
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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Wrighty
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY/to be continued?


vivico1 wrote:

Wrighty wrote:

vivico1 wrote:
All of them were victims. No one did anything to purposely hurt anyone... She didnt do anything but be a teenager...
____________________________________________________________________________________


I think these were all important points. They were so young at the time and they weren't murderers. Unfortunately they all made very impulsive choices that hurt their lives even more. It's sad to think of what could have been for Paul and Lucy but who knows if they would have stayed together anyway. (Teenage love - although it worked for me!) Paul did have a wife he truly loved and a beautiful daughter, Lucy did become a teacher. Maybe they were never meant to be.



Wrighty,
The last guy I dated in high school, we talked about getting married, after I got into college and he wanted to join the armed forces and get some training. Long story but he had to move with his parents, I went to where my parents were after I got out of highschool to work and the moves back and forth, we lost touch with each other. I thought about him a lot. Over the years, when I dated guys, I found myself comparing them to him. Then, just about 6 years ago, a woman I met online worked for a detective and we were talking about first loves and true loves and stuff and I told her about him and that I couldnt find him anywhere. She had a phone number for him in 15 minutes ROFL! I called and he answered and I knew it was him, that voice got to me again and I didnt say a word, I hung up LOL. A week or so later, I got up the nerve to call again and there was no one home but an answering machine. Realizing that he could be married, I just said who I was and that i knew someone by his name in highschool, and if this was him and he would like to say hi, here was my number. Two days later I get a call from him and he said man, I have been searching for you for years! He said did you call a week or so ago? I got a call, no one was there but I could just feel you. I was too embarrassed to say it was me LOL. He said his wife knew all about me. We had a few conversations but what can i say...he was married, i wasnt going to go there and then I found out too that as an adult he has started practicing Wicca and said there was no God but the gods of nature and he was proud to be a pagan as he put it. Everything else about him was the same, the same gentle man I had known, (he was 21 when i was 18, he had quite school when he father had been in an accident to take care of him, then actually came back to HIGH SCHOOL, for his diploma cause he didnt want a GED). This guy was a romantic, and oh how I love romantics, its why no one else I dated compared to him I guess. But after finally contacting him and finding out what his life was now, it wasnt to be, it might have been different if we had stayed together then but not now. We had both grown up and had created probably a bigger fantasy about each other than it ever really was. But it was good to talk to him again finally and get to say goodbye the way we needed to, since that had never happened. I have fond memories of him now but that longing and wishing and comparing is totally gone. Sometimes, you can carry something like that with you for a long time and it really does become even bigger than it was, even if it was great and then, when you meet again and life has gone on, things are different and cant be the same. Guess I am nostalgic tonight lol. Havent even thought about him for ages till I read what you wrote and it made me think of that. Funny, i didnt even think of him and all that while i read this book. You are right, their lives went on and maybe they were not meant to be, BUT, I would like to think they could make it and did :smileywink:




I would like to think that too. After all they had been through they found each other again and lived happily ever after! :smileywink: It 's funny that you gave your high school story about a good relationship splitting up, I have the opposite story. I had dated a boy in high school for two years and we had a nasty break up and neither one of us liked each other after that. He was older and he graduated and moved away for college and started is new life elsewhere. The very few times we saw each other over the years were just a brief hello and he would be out of town again within a few days. After many years he moved back to the area with his family. Our children were the same age and went to school together. We got reacquainted at school functions and developed a new relationship as grown ups with common interests (namely our children and their interests). He has a terrific wife and great kids and it's very comfortable when we see each other now. Getting to know him again and his family was the best thing for us - or for me any way. It wiped the slate clean and pushed aside the bad memories I had. That was all from the past and we were just kids. It helped me reconcile things the same way you did but we had different issues. It does put that chapter to rest though and that's a relief.

I do have some friends from high school who still carry bad feelings about different issues they dealt with as teenagers. They don't want to see any old classmates, visit their home town or have much to do with their past. I certainly understand thier unease because I had my own issue but I never wanted to go away and never come back. Of course we all have different experiences and different reactions but I feel so bad for them and have tried to help. Our old group of friends have invited them to get together and do things but they won't do it. They will keep in touch but that's about it. After many years we finally got one friend to come back and attend a reunion. She had a great time and things weren't they way she had remembered them. Her issues had been about a guy for the most part and she assumed the worst and it festered and expanded over the years. She was so relieved to clear the air! She had wasted a lot of time on unnecessary stress. Feelings, emotions, reactions - they are all so magnified in your teenage years. I hate when people belittle that because they think someone is too young to have such intense feelings. They are legitimate! They can obviously effect the rest of your life.
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vivico1
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Re: END OF BOOK: PAUL AND LUCY/to be continued?

[ Edited ]

Wrighty wrote:



I would like to think that too. After all they had been through they found each other again and lived happily ever after! :smileywink: It 's funny that you gave your high school story about a good relationship splitting up, I have the opposite story. I had dated a boy in high school for two years and we had a nasty break up and neither one of us liked each other after that. He was older and he graduated and moved away for college and started is new life elsewhere. The very few times we saw each other over the years were just a brief hello and he would be out of town again within a few days. After many years he moved back to the area with his family. Our children were the same age and went to school together. We got reacquainted at school functions and developed a new relationship as grown ups with common interests (namely our children and their interests). He has a terrific wife and great kids and it's very comfortable when we see each other now. Getting to know him again and his family was the best thing for us - or for me any way. It wiped the slate clean and pushed aside the bad memories I had. That was all from the past and we were just kids. It helped me reconcile things the same way you did but we had different issues. It does put that chapter to rest though and that's a relief.

I do have some friends from high school who still carry bad feelings about different issues they dealt with as teenagers. They don't want to see any old classmates, visit their home town or have much to do with their past. I certainly understand thier unease because I had my own issue but I never wanted to go away and never come back. Of course we all have different experiences and different reactions but I feel so bad for them and have tried to help. Our old group of friends have invited them to get together and do things but they won't do it. They will keep in touch but that's about it. After many years we finally got one friend to come back and attend a reunion. She had a great time and things weren't they way she had remembered them. Her issues had been about a guy for the most part and she assumed the worst and it festered and expanded over the years. She was so relieved to clear the air! She had wasted a lot of time on unnecessary stress. Feelings, emotions, reactions - they are all so magnified in your teenage years. I hate when people belittle that because they think someone is too young to have such intense feelings. They are legitimate! They can obviously effect the rest of your life.


With the one I loved and we just lost contact because of moves and dumb young people's not understanding about forwarding mail and stuff lol and no cell phones back then to just keep talking no matter where you were, we did just lose each other and where we were because we didnt even know what state the other was in. I had no issues with anyone from my high school days. I had a ball in high school and good friends and those I didnt get along with, I just didnt let them get to me, so I left with just fond memories and I was one of the ones who moved a couple of states away, so yeah, I lost touch with most. I went back to my 10 year reunion and had a blast! A lot of the young people there, never left the town at all and so for them, it was just another party or a chance to see the few who did leave. For me, man it was too cool tho I did wonder who all those old people were, where were my teenage friends ROFL. The thing with mine was, what I think can happen with people on the other end of the spectrum. If you leave with bad feelings, the chance to resolve that is great and it sounds like you two live in the same area to in some ways "outgrow" some of that old hurt together. You know each others lives and how they have gone. For me, this wasnt my first boyfriend, just the one that counted and then bam! We couldnt find each other for years and years and didnt even know if each other was happy or alive and there was some connection still there. For the month, I guess it was of talking that we did, catching up, being flirtatious when i shouldnt have because he was married, he did something right after we first talked that for a moment brought back all those romantic feelings and made my ideas of him over the years so so real. One week after we first talked, I got a package in the mail at work. I took it back to the break room (with several women following me lol) and opened it and inside were two silver wine goblets and a note that just said, "I never forgot". My heart just fluttered and they asked me what what? What does it mean? I said we had decided that after graduation and before he had to leave, we were going to have a picnic up in the mountains and both dress up in something fancy but old fashioned and toast each other and have one last date in this sunny meadow we knew (and thats when we were going to make sure we had contact numbers and stuff, but at that time too, we didnt know i too was leaving the state in two weeks). Oh and we had gone out and looked for just the right glasses or goblets to do the toast with, and we hadnt found them and then it just didnt happen. So this was him saying, I remembered all these years and here are our goblets and they were beautiful! Perfect! I felt myself falling in love all over again, or expanding the fantasy, you choose. I kinda basked in that for a week, then reality kept creeping in and so we had to talk seriously. He loved his wife, they had been together for a long time and her knowing about me and knowing that we found each other were two different things. He was caught up in the fantasy of it all too. He didnt really want to leave his wife and I didnt want to be the reason he did but I also wasnt going to be "the other woman", not even for him and not at her expense. So we took time, a few calls, to make sure we said everything we had wanted to, to say goodbye for real and we even both cried, but it just wasnt to be. And I do believe that I did build us up to be more than we had ever been too even (tho the darn goblets were not helping debunk that idea :smileywink:). Anyway, we said goodbye, the feelings were too strong to just stay friends, we kept starting to get into conversations that we shouldnt, so we had to just let go. The thing is tho, at least I knew he was alive and I knew he was married to a woman he loved (regardless of me or whatever it might be). They had never had kids, I didnt ask why, there was something in his voice about that , that sounded sad. But those decades of comparing other men with him was finally over. Who he was now in other ways, just wasnt who I knew or expected and that helped break the spell that needed to be broken. I have had a couple of loves since then and no comparisions anymore with someone who just blinked out of my life. I think if it had been like with you, if we were still around each other, we would have either married, or have grown apart naturally. It was the goodbye I needed really. We had never said goodbye before. Its hard to move on without goodbyes, dont you think?

I am out of the romance business now lol. I had a wonderful romance for two years recently but I keep having fairytale ones where in the end, I cant have the person for real I guess so no more. I think I will end with this one that really, probably was more real and meant more to me than any other so why look again. I dont want to substitute someone for this last one, no one could. Need to just cultivate other aspects of my life now I think. And so we move on :smileywink:

Message Edited by vivico1 on 05-31-200710:55 AM

Vivian
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