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vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Nice-guy Paul


KathyS wrote:


Hmm, the direct approach is almost always the best. But I think most of the time people, in general, will pick and choose words, and by then the emphasis and the results are lost along the way. I do like to stand toe to toe, and head to head....and have eye contact with whomever I am talking to (although, eye contact in this forum is impossible 8-)...Chamique's aproach was honest, and it was what was best for her, at that time. On another note, don't avoid situations that need discussing....they always come back and bite you!


I agree with you here Kathy,and to answer the question, for the most part, it has worked for me because when i am honest about things that are maybe a bit uncomfortable to talk about or at least to answer (even things as simple, or not lol, as a girlfriend saying do you like this haircolor on me or this dress,etc) if they are done with tact and not as an attack. I have found that when I am honest with people about the little things even that are uncomfortable, they are more likely to trust me on the big things in our lives. And the eye to eye thing, you are right is definately the best, because I have learned that like, over the internet what I am trying to say, or think I HAVE said, doesnt seem to come across the way it was meant! Maybe I do a kind of shorthand on the computer that I dont while talking,I dont know. Maybe its just the ability to see the person's face when they say it or hear the intonation of their voice that makes things you say in person so much more right and acceptable and understandable than over the net. Also I agree Stephanie, that it doesn't mean you have to say all you think at the expense of others feelings, if its not an important issue in the end. As a tactic here, it was PERFECT and Chamique had a great way of answering those questions too, to ask everyone there, dont you??
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Nice-guy Paul



Stephanie wrote:
Harlan,

Oh well, sorry-- Paul was nice! One of the best aspects of his personality was his forthrightness. In our lives, we do have a (rather horrid) tendency to tiptoe around uncomfortable situations, avoiding confrontations that could so easily be addressed with a simple statement of truth. For instance, when Paul takes the air out of the defense attorney's sails by having Chamique come right out and say to the jury, "Of course I want money, don't you?" (quoted loosely) I'm standing on the margin cheering. I don't believe we should all say whatever it is that's on our mind without regarding the feelings of others, however, we could avoid a lot of the pent-up anger, frustration and daily annoyances of life if we were more direct in our dealings with people.

Harlan? Group? What do you think?

Also - Could Chamique's kind of candor work for you in your lives?




I can't see where its wrong to speak of the truth. Some people are afraid of getting in to deeper hot water or hurting someone's feelings but I still think its best to be direct and truthful with people than beat around the bush or not approach the truth with that person. And Chanique is right. What is wrong with wanting money? The rich have it, don't they? So what is wrong with the poor wanting it and seeking it? Sure the self rightous will say it is wrong to get money her way, but hey what is wrong for some is certainly right in someone's else's eyes. So let it be, leave it up to the judge to determine it.
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KathyS
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Re: Nice-guy Paul

Linda wrote:
And Chanique is right. What is wrong with wanting money? The rich have it, don't they? So what is wrong with the poor wanting it and seeking it? Sure the self rightous will say it is wrong to get money her way, but hey what is wrong for some is certainly right in someone's else's eyes. So let it be, leave it up to the judge to determine it.



Self-righteous? Her way? Explain this sentiment, please.
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vivico1
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Re: Nice-guy Paul


KathyS wrote:
Linda wrote:
And Chanique is right. What is wrong with wanting money? The rich have it, don't they? So what is wrong with the poor wanting it and seeking it? Sure the self rightous will say it is wrong to get money her way, but hey what is wrong for some is certainly right in someone's else's eyes. So let it be, leave it up to the judge to determine it.



Self-righteous? Her way? Explain this sentiment, please.


I think this goes back to the discussion on the thread , the courtroom. We talked about her and the money and i agree, she just tells them like it is and the truth and whats wrong with her wanting money too. Check those convos, there was a lot of discussion on it.:smileywink:
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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kiakar
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Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Nice-guy Paul



KathyS wrote:
Linda wrote:
And Chanique is right. What is wrong with wanting money? The rich have it, don't they? So what is wrong with the poor wanting it and seeking it? Sure the self rightous will say it is wrong to get money her way, but hey what is wrong for some is certainly right in someone's else's eyes. So let it be, leave it up to the judge to determine it.



Self-righteous? Her way? Explain this sentiment, please.




Kathy alot of people rebuke people who sue and obtain money from law suits of any kind. They think its sinful to want money and the gaul of a person to seek it in this fashion. But hey; what is wrong with it? Who has to answer for anyone elses way of thinking? the person that is thinking it, no one else. I hope she gets the money and I hope she gets alot and spends it all to a good cause even if its gambling it away. Chanique answers for Chanigue and no one else has too, but they will answer for judging Chanigue. God will do that and only God.
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KathyS
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Re: Nice-guy Paul-off topic



vivico1 wrote:

KathyS wrote:
Linda wrote:
And Chanique is right. What is wrong with wanting money? The rich have it, don't they? So what is wrong with the poor wanting it and seeking it? Sure the self rightous will say it is wrong to get money her way, but hey what is wrong for some is certainly right in someone's else's eyes. So let it be, leave it up to the judge to determine it.



Self-righteous? Her way? Explain this sentiment, please.


I think this goes back to the discussion on the thread , the courtroom. We talked about her and the money and i agree, she just tells them like it is and the truth and whats wrong with her wanting money too. Check those convos, there was a lot of discussion on it.:smileywink:


I know, I contributed to that thread. I only wanted Linda to explain her point of view. We are totally off topic in this thread, and I appologize if I've taken it further.
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HarlanCoben
Posts: 24
Registered: ‎04-26-2007
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Re: Nice-guy Paul





I just got the biggest grin on my face and said "you go girl!!" I thought it was the perfect thing to say - and I think that kind of honesty will help her with her trial. I thought it gave her a boost of integrity right at that moment - and as a juror - if I had heard her say that - it would probably remove any other doubts I might have had about her.




I was a tad nervous writing courtroom scenes for several reasons. I'm not an attorney, though my father, two brothers, uncle, aunt, etc all went to law school. Second, I don't really love "legal thrillers" and think most of it has already been done. But those scenes ended up being some of my favorites.

From reading these reactions, well, I got just what I wanted out of you!

H
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Stephanie
Posts: 2,613
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Nice-guy Paul

[ Edited ]

HarlanCoben wrote:

I was a tad nervous writing courtroom scenes for several reasons. I'm not an attorney, though my father, two brothers, uncle, aunt, etc all went to law school. Second, I don't really love "legal thrillers" and think most of it has already been done. But those scenes ended up being some of my favorites.

From reading these reactions, well, I got just what I wanted out of you!

H


Harlan,

I'm interested to know what sorts of reactions you expected from the courtroom scenes - and if you intended the "honesty" theme to have as much of an impact as I found it to have. It seemed to me to be a running theme throughout the book. Am I reading more into it than you intended?

Message Edited by Stephanie on 05-12-200711:35 PM

Stephanie
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