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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7



KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
I felt Kelly's husband was really baffled by her behavior, trying to keep her happy and deal with the family at the same time. I didn't think he was spineless, just overwhelmed.

My husband certainly knows when to steer clear of me, and had I been acting like that he would have been far, far away!


You're right, Stephanie, overwhelmed is probably a better way to view it. I don't live with them, so what do I know, right?

I'm sorry to say I haven't had a chance to read past Chapter 9. I've been busy running far, far away. :smileyhappy:
I'll try to catch up to the book, and finish this weekend.

Kathy




I am sure when you wre married, he ran from you a couple of times when you showed the emotional side.
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7

Ouch. :smileysad:

kiakar wrote:


KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
I felt Kelly's husband was really baffled by her behavior, trying to keep her happy and deal with the family at the same time. I didn't think he was spineless, just overwhelmed.

My husband certainly knows when to steer clear of me, and had I been acting like that he would have been far, far away!


You're right, Stephanie, overwhelmed is probably a better way to view it. I don't live with them, so what do I know, right?

I'm sorry to say I haven't had a chance to read past Chapter 9. I've been busy running far, far away. :smileyhappy:
I'll try to catch up to the book, and finish this weekend.

Kathy




I am sure when you wre married, he ran from you a couple of times when you showed the emotional side.


Wordsmith
kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7



KathyS wrote:
Ouch. :smileysad:

kiakar wrote:


KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
I felt Kelly's husband was really baffled by her behavior, trying to keep her happy and deal with the family at the same time. I didn't think he was spineless, just overwhelmed.

My husband certainly knows when to steer clear of me, and had I been acting like that he would have been far, far away!


You're right, Stephanie, overwhelmed is probably a better way to view it. I don't live with them, so what do I know, right?

I'm sorry to say I haven't had a chance to read past Chapter 9. I've been busy running far, far away. :smileyhappy:
I'll try to catch up to the book, and finish this weekend.

Kathy




I am sure when you wre married, he ran from you a couple of times when you showed the emotional side.







Just ribbing you, Kathy S.,
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7



kiakar wrote:


KathyS wrote:
Ouch. :smileysad:

kiakar wrote:


KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
I felt Kelly's husband was really baffled by her behavior, trying to keep her happy and deal with the family at the same time. I didn't think he was spineless, just overwhelmed.

My husband certainly knows when to steer clear of me, and had I been acting like that he would have been far, far away!


You're right, Stephanie, overwhelmed is probably a better way to view it. I don't live with them, so what do I know, right?

I'm sorry to say I haven't had a chance to read past Chapter 9. I've been busy running far, far away. :smileyhappy:
I'll try to catch up to the book, and finish this weekend.

Kathy




I am sure when you wre married, he ran from you a couple of times when you showed the emotional side.







Just ribbing you, Kathy S.,


Forgiven, L. Ribs are tender this morning.
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Stephanie
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7

You know, we joke about this, but there is some semblance of truth to it. Many men do have a tendency, when faced with a bit of heightened emotion, to run! Or evade, or avoid, or whatever it is they think they need to do to. Women, for the most part, seem able to confront their own emotions, and look for reasonable solutions to other people's emotional outpourings. I wonder why that difference exists - why did it take a woman to figure out this problem? (Hope we're not giving too much away here in the early chapters section!)
Stephanie
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



Stephanie wrote:
You know, we joke about this, but there is some semblance of truth to it. Many men do have a tendency, when faced with a bit of heightened emotion, to run! Or evade, or avoid, or whatever it is they think they need to do to. Women, for the most part, seem able to confront their own emotions, and look for reasonable solutions to other people's emotional outpourings. I wonder why that difference exists - why did it take a woman to figure out this problem? (Hope we're not giving too much away here in the early chapters section!)



I don't know what you're giving away. I'll generalize.

You've presented a multi-level question: Why do men want to run from *heightened emotion*?
The real question should be, *why do men run from "any kind" of emotion -
From the obvious yelling matches, to the subtle quiet emotional exchanges.

Book after book has been written addressing this *problem*. The Venus/Mars syndrome. Men just don't think the same, as a general rule, as women do.
A bit of insight to/from me: I was told, personally (by a professional), if I ever wanted to marry again, it would have to be to someone who could think/feel on my level. Do you know what the odds are for that to happen? 0 Do you want to know how that made me feel, to hear this?

For the most part, women do confront their emotions and look for solutions, especially if they are women with children. Problem solving is essential...as well a being part of the genetic make-up of women. Women also will identify with these same problems with other women. Men just don't connect the dots, brain/circuit wise, unless they've made it a *learned* process.

K.
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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
You know, we joke about this, but there is some semblance of truth to it. Many men do have a tendency, when faced with a bit of heightened emotion, to run! Or evade, or avoid, or whatever it is they think they need to do to. Women, for the most part, seem able to confront their own emotions, and look for reasonable solutions to other people's emotional outpourings. I wonder why that difference exists - why did it take a woman to figure out this problem? (Hope we're not giving too much away here in the early chapters section!)



I don't know what you're giving away. I'll generalize.

You've presented a multi-level question: Why do men want to run from *heightened emotion*?
The real question should be, *why do men run from "any kind" of emotion -
From the obvious yelling matches, to the subtle quiet emotional exchanges.

Book after book has been written addressing this *problem*. The Venus/Mars syndrome. Men just don't think the same, as a general rule, as women do.
A bit of insight to/from me: I was told, personally (by a professional), if I ever wanted to marry again, it would have to be to someone who could think/feel on my level. Do you know what the odds are for that to happen? 0 Do you want to know how that made me feel, to hear this?

For the most part, women do confront their emotions and look for solutions, especially if they are women with children. Problem solving is essential...as well a being part of the genetic make-up of women. Women also will identify with these same problems with other women. Men just don't connect the dots, brain/circuit wise, unless they've made it a *learned* process.

K.




You are so right, the both of you. They can't handle emotional at all. They run here and there and then they know they have to find a solution are they want have a bed partner so they have to go back and try sorting it out but usually the women is the loving forgiving one and all is forgiven. That isi a marriage in a nutshell.Venus is love and Mars is red,hot and dry.
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Stephanie
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions

My husband talks about the research on the male and female brains- that men's brains are separated in the two halves, and the two halves of women's brains are connected. Perhaps that has something to do with it. He contends that's the reason I can multi-task and he can't. :smileyhappy:
Stephanie
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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



Stephanie wrote:
My husband talks about the research on the male and female brains- that men's brains are separated in the two halves, and the two halves of women's brains are connected. Perhaps that has something to do with it. He contends that's the reason I can multi-task and he can't. :smileyhappy:





Oh!! Yeah!!! Is he excusing himself from the dishes and cooking all at the same time??
At least, he studies it! That is good huh? Stephanie, at least you are understood, that is great.
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



kiakar wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
My husband talks about the research on the male and female brains- that men's brains are separated in the two halves, and the two halves of women's brains are connected. Perhaps that has something to do with it. He contends that's the reason I can multi-task and he can't. :smileyhappy:





Oh!! Yeah!!! Is he excusing himself from the dishes and cooking all at the same time??
At least, he studies it! That is good huh? Stephanie, at least you are understood, that is great.


Linda, sounds like he raises a good excuse to me! :smileyvery-happy: The brain is an incredible instrument.
If you tune it, it works much better! :smileyhappy:
Kathy
Inspired Wordsmith
Stephanie
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions

Linda,

Not excusing himself, he just can't do the dishes and the cooking at the same time like I can. :smileyvery-happy:

And he is a "one-dish" cook, too. He likes to do one thing at a time, very well. He'll make burritos that melt in your mouth, but he's not much for side dishes. He does make refried beans with cheese sometimes with the burritos, though, so there is hope for him yet.
Stephanie
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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



Stephanie wrote:
Linda,

Not excusing himself, he just can't do the dishes and the cooking at the same time like I can. :smileyvery-happy:

And he is a "one-dish" cook, too. He likes to do one thing at a time, very well. He'll make burritos that melt in your mouth, but he's not much for side dishes. He does make refried beans with cheese sometimes with the burritos, though, so there is hope for him yet.






He sounds promising, Stephanie! You better keep him! (remember that commercial) you might be too young to remember, but where the husband saids in a commercial I think I will keep her. I can't remember what they were advertising. ha. but something she naturally did for him. ha.
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jajance
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions

I've read through the several "men are from Mars" comments and I'd like to respond to all of them. When I wrote the first Beaumont books, what I wrote was colored by having spent eighteen years of my life with a man who died of chronic alcoholism at age 42 a year and a half after I divorced him. Beau's struggles with booze grew out of what I learned during those tough times. But for the last 23 years I've been married to a man who is a very talented cook, is absolutely supportive of my career and who ALWAYS puts the toilet seat down.
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



jajance wrote:
I've read through the several "men are from Mars" comments and I'd like to respond to all of them. When I wrote the first Beaumont books, what I wrote was colored by having spent eighteen years of my life with a man who died of chronic alcoholism at age 42 a year and a half after I divorced him. Beau's struggles with booze grew out of what I learned during those tough times. But for the last 23 years I've been married to a man who is a very talented cook, is absolutely supportive of my career and who ALWAYS puts the toilet seat down.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I can only imagine what it must have been like to live with a husband, under these circumstances. I was fortunate my husband was only a light social drinker - but I do know what it was like from my own family's history, what alcoholics are capable of. The dysfunction and abuse is not a pretty sight to witness, and be involved in.

I'm happy for you that you have found a wonderful marriage partner. Someone who is supportive, cooks, AND puts the toilet lid down, is hard to beat!

Continued best,
Kathy S.
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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



KathyS wrote:


jajance wrote:
I've read through the several "men are from Mars" comments and I'd like to respond to all of them. When I wrote the first Beaumont books, what I wrote was colored by having spent eighteen years of my life with a man who died of chronic alcoholism at age 42 a year and a half after I divorced him. Beau's struggles with booze grew out of what I learned during those tough times. But for the last 23 years I've been married to a man who is a very talented cook, is absolutely supportive of my career and who ALWAYS puts the toilet seat down.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I can only imagine what it must have been like to live with a husband, under these circumstances. I was fortunate my husband was only a light social drinker - but I do know what it was like from my own family's history, what alcoholics are capable of. The dysfunction and abuse is not a pretty sight to witness, and be involved in.

I'm happy for you that you have found a wonderful marriage partner. Someone who is supportive, cooks, AND puts the toilet lid down, is hard to beat!

Continued best,
Kathy S.




It sounds like you really are happy now! That is awesome! I have been married twice and neither were the dream come true! But its nice to know some luck out! I think the coming from different planets came from the fact we are so different, and that makes for alot of fun, and lots of fights. Don't you agree?
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Stephanie
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



jajance wrote:
I've read through the several "men are from Mars" comments and I'd like to respond to all of them. When I wrote the first Beaumont books, what I wrote was colored by having spent eighteen years of my life with a man who died of chronic alcoholism at age 42 a year and a half after I divorced him. Beau's struggles with booze grew out of what I learned during those tough times. But for the last 23 years I've been married to a man who is a very talented cook, is absolutely supportive of my career and who ALWAYS puts the toilet seat down.




Beau as a character is so well-wrought, we've been chatting away about him as if he were someone in our social circle. Alcoholism is such a crushing affliction for everyone involved. I know how fortunate I am not to deal with it in my daily life, but at the same time, it's good to look at Beau, learn the complexities of it, and be able to separate the man from the disease. When someone has cancer we don't say he "is cancerous" (even though he is), and so I wonder, why do we always say he is an alcoholic rather than, he has alcoholism? It might cause people think about it in a less accusatory way.
Stephanie
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions

Stephanie, you ask? and so I wonder, why do we always say he is an alcoholic rather than, he has alcoholism? It might cause people think about it in a less accusatory way.

Because that is how they identify themselves.
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Stephanie
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions

Kathy,

True but what came first, the chicken or the egg? Why do they identify themselves that way? Before we used the term alcoholic, we used the term "drunken bum" - or some other like it. So alcoholic was certainly a step up (or ten) from that epithet.

But I honestly think that it still is more derogatory than it needs to be.
Stephanie
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KathyS
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



Stephanie wrote:
Kathy,

True but what came first, the chicken or the egg? Why do they identify themselves that way? Before we used the term alcoholic, we used the term "drunken bum" - or some other like it. So alcoholic was certainly a step up (or ten) from that epithet.

But I honestly think that it still is more derogatory than it needs to be.


Stephanie, I have no idea why it's this way. I've wondered myself. But I agree with you, it does give it a present tense feel, as if it is a derogatory remark. But we're not the ones saying, "meet my friend, she's an alcoholic". They, themselves, have to identify themselves in this way. Maybe we should go to a meeting and ask them?

It could be a form of preventing a *glossing over* of the seriousness/realism of the actual disease's results. It's a reminder, to themselves, what it can or did do to both themselves, and to others. I guess one could say, I'm a survivor of alcoholism......as in cancer survivor? Except, with alcoholism, you make the choice to continue to survive.

I just don't have any other answers to this one.

Kathy
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kiakar
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Re: Beginning Chapters Discussion - Through Chapter 7 - Emotions



KathyS wrote:


Stephanie wrote:
Kathy,

True but what came first, the chicken or the egg? Why do they identify themselves that way? Before we used the term alcoholic, we used the term "drunken bum" - or some other like it. So alcoholic was certainly a step up (or ten) from that epithet.

But I honestly think that it still is more derogatory than it needs to be.


Stephanie, I have no idea why it's this way. I've wondered myself. But I agree with you, it does give it a present tense feel, as if it is a derogatory remark. But we're not the ones saying, "meet my friend, she's an alcoholic". They, themselves, have to identify themselves in this way. Maybe we should go to a meeting and ask them?

It could be a form of preventing a *glossing over* of the seriousness/realism of the actual disease's results. It's a reminder, to themselves, what it can or did do to both themselves, and to others. I guess one could say, I'm a survivor of alcoholism......as in cancer survivor? Except, with alcoholism, you make the choice to continue to survive.

I just don't have any other answers to this one.

Kathy




I guess it sounds better than getting up in front of room full of people and saying "I am a drunk" but I haven't drink a drop in some time. Yes, and when they named this a disease they chose alcoholics. It could be something say devinere or maybe even a recovering alcoholic but thats after the fact I think. Will just have to figure this out. I guess its not a pleasure to be one of these either! Anything its called would be saying I am ashamed of what I have been.
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