05-09-2010 12:22 PM
I have to admit that i am certainly on the shy side. Part of it is that i have a hard time connecting to people, and my people skills are rather rusty. But the other part is that my head is so full, so alive, with so many different worlds, so many different stories that at times i spend more time in my own type of mental paradise, that stepping out into the world always seems less alive, less vivid, than the one that exists in my head. That is one of the major reasons that i write. I simply have to if i want any type of peace in my mind. If i at least get the story on paper then at least i might be able to concentrate on the real world. Some times i dearly wish my brain had an off switch. It is rather distracting to be sitting in my classes and find that all i can think of is a perfect line that i should put in my next story/poem.
I am taking a creative writing class next semester, so that should help with forcing myself to allow people to see my writing. I am both excited and terrified. The poem i posted before was the result of a previous creative writing class, so i know that when forced i can write. But when faced with the prospect of having my stuff compared with the others in the class, who always seem a thousand miles ahead of me, i get a little discouraged. I crave writting like nothing ever in my life before, and i don't know what would happen if i was told that it is a hopeless cause.
I am not even sure why i am sharing this here, except that i won't have to look anyone in the face tomorrow who reads this. But there is also the feeling that there are people here who understand just how important words can be. I haven't met very many other people who would understand just how incredible it is to bring another universe into existance, to bring it to life, and then let others live in it. I never really had aspirations to be famous. I just wanted people to share my worlds. To understand just how beautiful and complex a place can be, even it only exists on paper.
God, i fell like i just went to confession (which i odd since i am not catholic). I just think i am going to chalk this up to being up late on a Saturday. I get kind of loopy when i stay up late on the weekends. If you find all of this crazy all i can say is that it is common knowledge in my family that i am a few sandwiches short of a picnic. I'm stopping now, i'll come back when i am more sane.
You aren't insane, you've just joined the world of the writer! Sharing, whatever it is in your head is all part of that world. Up late, or not, your world is growing. Whatever the stories are, or the words that bombard you, I know the feeling....just write them down as fast as you can.
You don't really want to keep yourself away from the outside world too long...interacting with people is how we gain perspectives on what is real and what is fantasy....and stories will come through those experiences. Life changing experiences are part of learning who you are, and what makes the world go 'round. You sound like you were born to write.
My life has been full of other artistic endeavors, and the more you can incorporate all of those in your life, the fuller it will become. I know what it means to want to share your life..... Just feel all of the life around you, don't be afraid of it. Your characters will be dull, if you can't know what life is all about.
I've never taken a formal writing class, I just found myself in many places in my life that forced me to write...until I couldn't stop.
Don't carry those stories around in your head too long....get them out as quickly as you can. You really do need to free up those spaces for new real life adventures!
And, btw, you'll look us in the face tomorrow....relax and have fun....we aren't going anywhere!