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Wrighty
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thank you Laura


LauraMoriarty wrote:
Wrighty,
I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. I don't think any of us can say we've never made a mistake while driving - she had the misfortune of having such a horrible consequence. I do believe what happened to her could have happened to anyone - I know it could have happened to me, and to think she is suffering with guilt is very sad. While going around and doing publicity for this book, I met several people who were found to be at fault in serious accidents. This happens to a lot of people - I suppose because cars are so much a part of our lives - and though talking with them and seeing their grief (not to mention spending a year writing a book about it) has made me a more careful driver, I still think it's most often a case of sad misfortune. Please give your cousin my best wishes, Laura



Thank you Laura. That is very considerate of you and I'll pass on your kind words. I don't think she'll ever get over the guilt. It was truly an accident but a woman still lost her life because of it. I can't even imagine the tragic stories you've heard. Was this book based on a specific incident?
I agree that accidents are often unfortunate timing, a split second mistake, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Our world is so hectic now. We have more cars and we're in a bigger hurry to do more things. I'm also a much more careful driver, especially after I had children. But even when you do everything right you never know what the next guy may be doing and if he will be doing it to you.
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Stephanie
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Re: thank you Laura

Debbie,

I really feel for your cousin, knowing it could be any one of us in the same position.

How many times have we glanced down at the radio, checked our crying baby in the backseat, drank from a coffee cup or water bottle and taken our eyes off the road only to realize we've crossed the line - and what if someone had been walking there?
Stephanie
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Wrighty
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Re: thank you Laura


Stephanie wrote:
Debbie,

I really feel for your cousin, knowing it could be any one of us in the same position.

How many times have we glanced down at the radio, checked our crying baby in the backseat, drank from a coffee cup or water bottle and taken our eyes off the road only to realize we've crossed the line - and what if someone had been walking there?



I know, it only takes a second. As we've been teaching our kids to drive I've become more conscious of those little things that take your attention away. We are constantly reminding them to be careful and pay attention. It's not the time to be using the phone or fumbling for a CD. I've caught myself starting to do some of those same things and remembered my own warnings to them. It's been a wake up call for all of us.
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Stephanie
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Re: thank you Laura

[ Edited ]
I just sat down with the October issue of Reader's Digest, and interestingly enough, there is an article in there on just this topic. The title is Deadly Distraction, and while cell phones are one of the worst distractions, texting, changing CDs, adjusting the radio, can also be deadly. In a 2006 survey by Nationwide Insurance, 73% admitted to using a cell phone while driving. The article states that the researchers found there's no difference in reaction time when a person is talking on the phone itself, using a hands-free headset or speakerphone. It appears the difference between cell phone conversations in the car and conversing with a passenger are vast-- the passenger can see the road conditions and modifies conversation accordingly, can even act as a second pair of eyes, I suppose, and the person on the other end of the phone cannot.

Message Edited by Stephanie on 10-11-2007 07:23 PM
Stephanie
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cindersue
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy



IBIS wrote:
I immediately related with Leigh's reaction as the mother. She's the last person to hear what happened. She walks into the livingroom, and sees a complete family tableaux of Gary, Kara and Justin. They look like a complete family. And it didn't include her. She felt left out.

And she wondered why Kara had called Gary, and not her. She must have thought something like: I must be a terrible mother if my only daughter calls her father when she's been in a serious accident. And not me.

And when she asks them for details, she gets the feeling that she's asking stuff that should be obvious. But nothing is obvious to her. She has to ask, and it's like pulling teeth.

(p 5) "What heppened? What happened to the girl?"
He (Gary) closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he looked away, as if he had answered her question.
"Gary. What?"

I agree that in situations like this, we're all stunned and don't know what to do. Or what to think. Leigh felt so helpless, so she started thinking that somehow she failed somewhere. As if it might have been her fault.

Message Edited by IBIS on 09-30-2007 03:26 PM




I'm feeling the reaction Leigh is getting too. I feel terrible for the mom, she's feeling left out, and the father daughter relationship is making it harder for her to be included in this situation. Gary hasn't even comforted Leigh either. Everyone is hurting.
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cindersue
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy



Viv: I may have mentioned this in a club some time ago, but the granddaughter of a couple in our church and her hubby and little three year old were moving into a new home, had lots of family members around helping,including the grandparents but still, the three year old got out the open front door, seeing some other little kids across the street and wanted to go over there. she went around the back of a pickup that was parked in the neighbors yard, the driver didnt see her and back right over her and killed her.... Their faith made a big difference for them I think. I would like to think I could be that way too, I don't know that I would be tho, who does until something like that happens to you.




I remember you telling this story, too, Viv. I cannot imagine how I'd feel. The Amish community also forgave the man who killed their children. My son was involved in two near death accidents with his girlfriend. We went thru alot of "what if's." That was hard enough to bear. Matter of fact, I still think about what the end result could have been, and how could I live without my son and the possible death of his girlfriend, too. That agony is still with me, and I didn't lose anyone.
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Wrighty
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Re: thank you Laura


Stephanie wrote:
I just sat down with the October issue of Reader's Digest, and interestingly enough, there is an article in there on just this topic. The title is Deadly Distraction, and while cell phones are one of the worst distractions, texting, changing CDs, adjusting the radio, can also be deadly. In a 2006 survey by Nationwide Insurance, 73% admitted to using a cell phone while driving. The article states that the researchers found there's no difference in reaction time when a person is talking on the phone itself, using a hands-free headset or speakerphone. It appears the difference between cell phone conversations in the car and conversing with a passenger are vast-- the passenger can see the road conditions and modifies conversation accordingly, can even act as a second pair of eyes, I suppose, and the person on the other end of the phone cannot.

Message Edited by Stephanie on 10-11-2007 07:23 PM



I read that article too Stephanie. It had a lot of really scary information. The accident they mentioned with the five high school senior girls who had been texting is the one I mentioned that happened near my town. That school has had a lot of tragedies in the last year.
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Wrighty
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy


cindersue wrote:


Viv: I may have mentioned this in a club some time ago, but the granddaughter of a couple in our church and her hubby and little three year old were moving into a new home, had lots of family members around helping,including the grandparents but still, the three year old got out the open front door, seeing some other little kids across the street and wanted to go over there. she went around the back of a pickup that was parked in the neighbors yard, the driver didnt see her and back right over her and killed her.... Their faith made a big difference for them I think. I would like to think I could be that way too, I don't know that I would be tho, who does until something like that happens to you.




I remember you telling this story, too, Viv. I cannot imagine how I'd feel. The Amish community also forgave the man who killed their children. My son was involved in two near death accidents with his girlfriend. We went thru alot of "what if's." That was hard enough to bear. Matter of fact, I still think about what the end result could have been, and how could I live without my son and the possible death of his girlfriend, too. That agony is still with me, and I didn't lose anyone.



Cindersue, when your son has had such terrible accidents how do you keep from smothering him with your concerns? You must feel like telling him he can never drive again, never even ride in a car again for that matter. Of course that's not practical or healthy to let your fears control your life. How did you cope with that? How did he cope with the accidents? I'm so glad to hear that you had the happy end result. I hope he never so much as has a fender bender for the rest of his very long life!
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cindersue
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy

Wrighty: There are different stages in a child's life when they are closer to one person than others. When my kids were little they clung to me like monkeys and almost all of the time I loved it. We shared a special bond. Now that they are teenagers we still have a special bond but it has changed.

I agree with you Debbie. When my 4 kids were little, my husband traveled a lot. I had so much more one on one time with them. There was a point when I think he was jealous of the relationship I had with my son. I told my husband to lay down and read with him, like I do. Then my husband started being asked to read with him. Funny thing, I felt Curt pull away and want to be with my husband, and I felt left out. And, with the girls, as they became teenagers, their dad seemed to side with them more now. grrrr :smileywink: Growing Pains. LOL As they all reach young adulthood, there is a closeness we all share and enjoy amongst each other. We still enjoy vacationing together as a family. I am fortunate to have a special relationship with each of my kids, as my husband does too.

I'm still in the early part of the book, but it seems Leigh never had a growing relationship with her mother. Anytime her mom tried to be affectionate, Leigh's mom would almost touch her and then she pulled away. Has Leigh built walls around herself because of this? Every time she tried to get close to her mom, she got hurt. She wants to be close to Kara, but doesn't know how? Is her husband taken advantage of the relationship he has with Kara, and likes to leave Leigh out? I'll have to continue my reading and find out. :smileywink:
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cindersue
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy

Miss Mandy: I remember a day when every kid in my subdivision played kickball together in the street everyday and never once was anyone hurt. Those were the days when people weren't so rushed to get everywhere that they painstakingly looked out for kids in the street and slowed down.

You are so right Miss Mandy! I remember playing all kinds of games in the street. Most people were one car families, we didn't have i-pods, cd players in the cars, cell phones to distract us. Heck, I'm not sure everyone had fm radio's in their cars. I know my family didn't. Kids played outside and came home when their mom's whistled or rang the cow bells. We played outside 'til exhaustion. It was great! :smileywink: Now a days, everyone is in a big hurry. Shuffling their kids here and there. Little League was the big sport for little guys. We didn't have park district activities now like they do. I'm at fault, too, shuffling my kids here and there. I, too, have slammed on my brakes because I wasn't paying full attention. I can only imagine how horrible it would be to hit someone. I would love to live in the country, at times, to get away from the hustle and bustle, sit back, drink lemonade, and enjoy the relaxation. Is there still such a place? lol :smileywink:
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vivico1
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy


cindersue wrote:
Miss Mandy: I remember a day when every kid in my subdivision played kickball together in the street everyday and never once was anyone hurt. Those were the days when people weren't so rushed to get everywhere that they painstakingly looked out for kids in the street and slowed down.

You are so right Miss Mandy! I remember playing all kinds of games in the street. Most people were one car families, we didn't have i-pods, cd players in the cars, cell phones to distract us. Heck, I'm not sure everyone had fm radio's in their cars. I know my family didn't. Kids played outside and came home when their mom's whistled or rang the cow bells. We played outside 'til exhaustion. It was great! :smileywink: Now a days, everyone is in a big hurry. Shuffling their kids here and there. Little League was the big sport for little guys. We didn't have park district activities now like they do. I'm at fault, too, shuffling my kids here and there. I, too, have slammed on my brakes because I wasn't paying full attention. I can only imagine how horrible it would be to hit someone. I would love to live in the country, at times, to get away from the hustle and bustle, sit back, drink lemonade, and enjoy the relaxation. Is there still such a place? lol :smileywink:


yep there are still some. :smileywink: but here, the town is growing and expensive homes are being built all around my retreat from the city. The woods are being cut down for the houses and golf courses and the wild life out here is confused, scared. The deer no longer amble across the road by my house going to their drinking pond behind me, they run. Twice I have see a lone deer run right through my backyard, scrambling for the woods on the other side of the road that has not sold out yet, but nearly hurting itself :smileysad:. A wildcat took up laying in a neighbors dirt drive way sunning for some weeks, off and on, growling at the owners when they came up like, come on they took my sunning rocks, let me lay here! But I still have my little place and couple of acres and am thankful for it as long as the rest of us can hold out back here. Its still quiet, the kids walk the roads like huck finn, going to the fishing hole. We can still see the stars out at night because the bigger homes are over the hill from us but want down in here. Its a good place to be.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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Wrighty
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy


vivico1 wrote:

cindersue wrote:
Miss Mandy: I remember a day when every kid in my subdivision played kickball together in the street everyday and never once was anyone hurt. Those were the days when people weren't so rushed to get everywhere that they painstakingly looked out for kids in the street and slowed down.

You are so right Miss Mandy! I remember playing all kinds of games in the street. Most people were one car families, we didn't have i-pods, cd players in the cars, cell phones to distract us. Heck, I'm not sure everyone had fm radio's in their cars. I know my family didn't. Kids played outside and came home when their mom's whistled or rang the cow bells. We played outside 'til exhaustion. It was great! :smileywink: Now a days, everyone is in a big hurry. Shuffling their kids here and there. Little League was the big sport for little guys. We didn't have park district activities now like they do. I'm at fault, too, shuffling my kids here and there. I, too, have slammed on my brakes because I wasn't paying full attention. I can only imagine how horrible it would be to hit someone. I would love to live in the country, at times, to get away from the hustle and bustle, sit back, drink lemonade, and enjoy the relaxation. Is there still such a place? lol :smileywink:


yep there are still some. :smileywink: but here, the town is growing and expensive homes are being built all around my retreat from the city. The woods are being cut down for the houses and golf courses and the wild life out here is confused, scared. The deer no longer amble across the road by my house going to their drinking pond behind me, they run. Twice I have see a lone deer run right through my backyard, scrambling for the woods on the other side of the road that has not sold out yet, but nearly hurting itself :smileysad:. A wildcat took up laying in a neighbors dirt drive way sunning for some weeks, off and on, growling at the owners when they came up like, come on they took my sunning rocks, let me lay here! But I still have my little place and couple of acres and am thankful for it as long as the rest of us can hold out back here. Its still quiet, the kids walk the roads like huck finn, going to the fishing hole. We can still see the stars out at night because the bigger homes are over the hill from us but want down in here. Its a good place to be.



We live in a little town that is growing in many ways but is timeless in others. You can still leave your keys in your car and don't have to lock your doors (but I do). People still walk or ride their bikes many places. We have beautiful old homes and buildings and a perfect Little League field. I live on a dirt road with the countryside all around me but we're only 5 miles from town. I love it here and it's very relaxing. That doesn't mean everything gets left behind here though. We do have a slower pace, it's not rushed like a city, but people still have more than one car. Teenagers drive too fast up our road because they don't worry about the police. Vehicles are bigger, tractors are bigger, there is more construction and heavy equipment around. We have more farming accidents than ever before. My neighbor was killed when his tractor flipped over and trapped him under it. He was careless on a hill that he shouldn't have tried to climb up. Accidents still happen everywhere and with all of the different kinds of media you hear about them all.
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cindersue
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Re: Early Chapters Discussion: Responding to tragedy

Cindersue, when your son has had such terrible accidents how do you keep from smothering him with your concerns? You must feel like telling him he can never drive again, never even ride in a car again for that matter. Of course that's not practical or healthy to let your fears control your life. How did you cope with that? How did he cope with the accidents? I'm so glad to hear that you had the happy end result. I hope he never so much as has a fender bender for the rest of his very long life!

Debbie, I did smother him with my concerns, constantly. Then one day while we were talking about what ifs, he said he was tired of everyone lecturing him and that he was tuning everyone out. We don't let our son drive at night anymore. And he doesn't ask for the car. He's been walking and driving a bike. He calls if he needs a ride. He was pretty shaken about the last accident and was terrified to think he could have killed his girlfriend. My son never cries, he let loose. And that was good. I hope he has learned from this near tragic situation.
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