When I was in second grade, my eyeballs betrayed me. I was cursed with myopia and thus burdened with the schoolyard equivalent of a scarlet letter: glasses. This is how god, in his infinite cruelty, granted me permanent nerd status. Of course it did not help at all that I attended the same school from kindergarten through 12th grade, thus never experiencing the excitement and mystery of "new kid" status and never having a chance to redefine myself. Starting in second grade, I was a nerd and that was that. But somewhere in elementary school, I discovered a very special book series that validated my entire existence. Encyclopedia Brown.
Finally, a hero I could relate to! A bookish dork with a penchant for analytical reasoning and obscure trivia, Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown was not what most kids would consider role model material. But that's exactly why I loved him. While all of my classmates were swapping baseball cards and playing with GI-Joe action figures, I was lost in the fictional town of Idaville where Encyclopedia Brown fought crime and solved mysteries with nothing but a little moxie and an uncanny ability to recall useless factoids. In Idaville, minor social indiscretions were investigated with the intensity and gravitas of a gruesome murder, missing trinkets took on the mystique and romance of stolen crown jewels. This was a world in which the mundane became the extraordinary.
Encyclopedia Brown's arch nemesis was Bugs Meany, a lanky, ne'er-do-well with a trademark felt cap. Looking back, I have to laugh because some of the crimes that Bugs committed were quite serious (mail fraud, extortion, theft of government property, vandalism). Were the books based at all in reality, Bugs would be locked up in juvenile detention bringing the entire book series to rather unceremonious and rapid conclusion. Thankfully reality has not place in fiction, so Bugs was merely reprimanded thus freeing the narrative for an endless succession of mysteries.
Of course it didn't take long to figure out that Bugs Meany was almost always the perpetrator. But it didn't matter because the real payoff was hearing EB explain how he had solved the crime thereby putting Bugs in his place. I had my own Bugs Meany in the form of neighborhood bully Scott Downs replete with a tattered Atlanta Braves cap and a homoerotic predilection for violent wedgies. Every time EB thwarted Bugs, I celebrated a private victory over Scott. It was revenge fantasy fulfillment with a distinctly nerdy twist. EB never physically bested Bugs as that would be impossible. Instead he outsmarted Bugs thus administering a stinging blow of humiliation.
Encyclopedia Brown hung out with Sally Kimball, a smart and sassy tomboy. Though children's' fiction rarely delves into lurid romance, I'm quite certain there was some very prurient subtext going on between these two. On the surface they were an adolescent Sherlock Holmes and Watson, but the fire of their passion burned between the lines like a Molotov cocktail. My Sally Kimball was the beguiling Andrea Jordan who lived down the street from me. Of course we never solved mysteries together, and it was rare occasion that I actually mustered the nerve to look her in the eye. But who cares! I had Encyclopedia Brown and he had Sally Kimball.
At the end of the day Encyclopedia Brown was a nerd who got respect, put bullies in their place, and hung out with a cute girl. Sometimes I wonder what Encyclopedia Brown would be like as an adult. Probably a lot cooler than me...
Editor's Note: Ed Helms plays Andy Bernard on The Office and stars in the recently released film, The Hangover.
