Fight Cthulhu

You wake up in Unknown Kadath.


I am on a boat. I am still on a boat. Every morning I wake up and I see nothing because I have no eyes. I don't need to see. The waves tell me enough. Not there yet. A sailor blasphemes crudely, and the others laugh. If only they knew. If only they had seen what I have seen. I have no eyes but I must scream. I am Jack's undulating tentacle. 

 

You wake up at R'lyeh.

 

The bottom of the ocean is spread out before me. The non-euclidian geometry of the structures fills me with an existential angst like paint stripper. The tentacles in my eye-sockets quiver in anticipation. Daddy, I'm home. In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. Before me looms the tomb of a star vampire, having lain dormant here for aeons. It is awake now. They are all awake now. I take a step forwards. My mind takes a step back. Slide. The dreamer dreams no longer. I use my tentacles to pry open the vault and step inside. The star vampire assaults my psyche with a barrage of ethereal screams. 

 

"I want you to punch me as hard as you can."

 

"EEAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

 

When the stars are right, I cock back my fist and punch him in the cloaca. 

 

"EEUUUUUGHHHowwwwmmmmm..."

 

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everything drops to zero. 

 

 

Comments
by on ‎02-24-2009 03:14 PM
Made me laugh aloud!
by Blogger L_Monty on ‎02-24-2009 07:15 PM
[Pretend I wrote 8 pages of baroque prose introduction here.]

The compliment I wanted to pay you is unspeakable and cannot be described.

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