Fight Cthulhu

You wake up in Unknown Kadath.

I am on a boat. I am still on a boat. Every morning I wake up and I see nothing because I have no eyes. I don't need to see. The waves tell me enough. Not there yet. A sailor blasphemes crudely, and the others laugh. If only they knew. If only they had seen what I have seen. I have no eyes but I must scream. I am Jack's undulating tentacle. 


You wake up at R'lyeh.


The bottom of the ocean is spread out before me. The non-euclidian geometry of the structures fills me with an existential angst like paint stripper. The tentacles in my eye-sockets quiver in anticipation. Daddy, I'm home. In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. Before me looms the tomb of a star vampire, having lain dormant here for aeons. It is awake now. They are all awake now. I take a step forwards. My mind takes a step back. Slide. The dreamer dreams no longer. I use my tentacles to pry open the vault and step inside. The star vampire assaults my psyche with a barrage of ethereal screams. 


"I want you to punch me as hard as you can."




When the stars are right, I cock back my fist and punch him in the cloaca. 




On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everything drops to zero. 



by on ‎02-24-2009 03:14 PM
Made me laugh aloud!
by Blogger L_Monty on ‎02-24-2009 07:15 PM
[Pretend I wrote 8 pages of baroque prose introduction here.]

The compliment I wanted to pay you is unspeakable and cannot be described.

Since 1997, you’ve been coming to to discuss everything from Stephen King to writing to Harry Potter. You’ve made our site more than a place to discover your next book: you’ve made it a community. But like all things internet, is growing and changing. We've said goodbye to our community message boards—but that doesn’t mean we won’t still be a place for adventurous readers to connect and discover.

Now, you can explore the most exciting new titles (and remember the classics) at the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. Check out conversations with authors like Jeff VanderMeer and Gary Shteyngart at the B&N Review, and browse write-ups of the best in literary fiction. Come to our Facebook page to weigh in on what it means to be a book nerd. Browse digital deals on the NOOK blog, tweet about books with us,or self-publish your latest novella with NOOK Press. And for those of you looking for support for your NOOK, the NOOK Support Forums will still be here.

We will continue to provide you with books that make you turn pages well past midnight, discover new worlds, and reunite with old friends. And we hope that you’ll continue to tell us how you’re doing, what you’re reading, and what books mean to you.

Top Kudoed Authors
User Kudos Count