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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

This cracked me up - I'm going to interview the author at Garden Variety:

 

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

 

 

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TiggerBear
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


becke_davis wrote:

This cracked me up - I'm going to interview the author at Garden Variety:

 

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

 

 


GASP!:smileysurprised:

 

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


TiggerBear wrote:

 


becke_davis wrote:

This cracked me up - I'm going to interview the author at Garden Variety:

 

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

 

 


GASP!:smileysurprised:

 


 

Synopsis

 

Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. 
 
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.    


   Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter isbreached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

Introduction


Keep reading if you want to live. 

 

 

Call them what you want. Garden gnomes. Lawn ornaments. Little evil outdoor statuary hell-bent on world domination. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that, right now, they’re hiding in plain sight, pretending to be symbols of merriment and good will. But secretly, quietly, while pushing diminutive wheelbarrows and brandishing miniature flowerpots, they’re planning home invasions all over the world. Perhaps they’re in your backyard right now—and you’re staring at one while reading this. (Wait a minute—does that gnome look a little closer to the patio door than yesterday?) 

 

Fear not. Now that you know they’re planning to strike, you’re much safer than you were sixty seconds ago. The next thing to do is learn everything you can about how to protect yourself, your loved ones, and your residence from these malicious garden dwellers. Do you know how to stop a gnome from tunneling under the house? What is the best (really the only) way to combat several gnomes at once in close quarters? How to interpret their communication? Would you recognize the signs of a gathering hoard or an impending infiltration? If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s a good thing you’re reading this handbook. 
 

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only survival guide that instructs you on how to prevent and ward off a home invasion and eradicate them from your property for good. In the unfortunate event of an actual attack, it will prepare you for battle, outlining dozens of possible encounter scenarios and defense strategies. It is important to read the book in its entirety for a thorough understanding of what you and millions like you are dealing with. And after you’ve finished reading, you’ll be ready to face the pointy-capped little men waiting outside and save your own life in the process. 


   If you think you have time to waste, rest assured you do not. Right this very minute, garden gnomes are conspiring and mobilizing in your neighborhood. This problem is not going to go away—and never forget that gnomes cannot be domesticated. This is war. They want you dead, and they may succeed—unless you’re ready. And if you think it could never happen to you because of who you are or where you live or what you look like, trust me when I tell you that they have you in their sights. It doesn’t matter where you were born or whether you’re sixteen or eighty. These wily warriors are out to exterminate humanity, one gnomeowner at a time. 


   So before you continue, take a moment to make sure all your doors and windows are secured—that includes pet doors. Background or white noise in the room (a small fan works well) is advisable to disrupt any possible enchantments. Do that and then come back. We’ll wait. They won’t.

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darkangel_1988
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

  

 


Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. :smileyvery-happy:

Looks very funny

It kinda reminds me of Gremlins for some reason :smileytongue:

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


darkangel_1988 wrote:

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

  

 


Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. :smileyvery-happy:

Looks very funny

It kinda reminds me of Gremlins for some reason :smileytongue:


It is a little like that. Written dead seriously and yet totally tongue-in-cheek!

 

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TiggerBear
Posts: 9,489
Registered: ‎02-12-2008
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


becke_davis wrote:

 


darkangel_1988 wrote:

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

  

 


Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. :smileyvery-happy:

Looks very funny

It kinda reminds me of Gremlins for some reason :smileytongue:


It is a little like that. Written dead seriously and yet totally tongue-in-cheek!

 


Wonderful! (laughing)

 

Distinguished Wordsmith
Fricka
Posts: 2,237
Registered: ‎05-04-2010
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


becke_davis wrote:

 


darkangel_1988 wrote:

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

  

 


Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. :smileyvery-happy:

Looks very funny

It kinda reminds me of Gremlins for some reason :smileytongue:


It is a little like that. Written dead seriously and yet totally tongue-in-cheek!

 


       Something very strange going on here--I was trying to type out, " I need that book!" but my computer  suddenly jumped to another site, and started bringing up windows that I had not clicked up! I don't think these evil creatures are limiitng themselves to just gardens, becke!

 

" A murder mystery is the normal recreation of the noble mind."--Sister Carol Anne O' Marie
Moderator
becke_davis
Posts: 35,755
Registered: ‎10-19-2006

Re: What are you reading right now?

Chuck is right ... they're heeeeere!

 

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Fricka
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Re: What are you reading right now?

[ Edited ]

Just to throw off the track of any little evil men with beards who are mainly found in gardens--

here's a couple of books I am reading at present:

 

 

 

 

How to Wash a Cat by Rebecca M. Hale

 

 

How to Wash a Cat (Cats and Curios Series #1)

 

 

 

Synopsis

Set in modern day San Francisco-the tale of a Gold Rush legend, a pair of tulip-shaped cufflinks, an enigmatic uncle, a persistently obnoxious neighbor, and, of course, the washing of a cat . . .

 

Curtain by Agatha Christie

Synopsis

Poirot returns to the scene of his very first crime to solve a mystery that will be his last.

 

 

Grrr--having G-nomes problems still! The visual part of the first book does not show up!

 

(I went in and edited your post.)

 

 

 

" A murder mystery is the normal recreation of the noble mind."--Sister Carol Anne O' Marie
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Fricka
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Re: What are you reading right now?

4.

How to Wash a Cat by Rebecca M. Hale
I've just started reading the book, but  for cat lovers, I must say, there actually is a description early on, of the protagonist giving a cat a bath! Heee Heee!
I read Curtain  by Agatha Christie during my slow times at work yesterday. It had been a long time since I had read it, and I'm happy to say that unlike Hastings, this time, using the clues Poirot gave him, I was able to spot the murderer!
" A murder mystery is the normal recreation of the noble mind."--Sister Carol Anne O' Marie
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Fricka
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Re: What are you reading right now?

Ahh thanks, becke! You know, if you hadn't put that note there, I would've thought (a) I was losing my marbles, or (b) the litttle evil men were REALLY out to get me! Whew!

" A murder mystery is the normal recreation of the noble mind."--Sister Carol Anne O' Marie
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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


Fricka wrote:

Ahh thanks, becke! You know, if you hadn't put that note there, I would've thought (a) I was losing my marbles, or (b) the litttle evil men were REALLY out to get me! Whew!


I wouldn't do that to you!

 

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

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Fricka
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Re: What are you reading right now?

Great, hilarious interview, becke! Well done!

 

Here's a book I just finished reading:

 

 

 

Outfoxed by Rita Mae Brown

 

Synopsis

From the bestselling author of the landmark work Rubyfruit Jungle comes an engaging, original new novel that only Rita Mae Brown could have written. In the pristine world of Virginia foxhunting, hunters, horses, hounds, and foxes form a lively community of conflicting loyalties, where the thrill of the chase and the intricacies of human-animal relationships are experienced firsthand--and murder exposes a proud Southern community's unsavory secrets. . . .

A colorful foray into an intriguing world, Outfoxed features a captivating cast of Southerners and their unforgettable animal counterparts. Rita Mae Brown has written a masterful novel that surprises, delights, and enchants.

**************************************************************************************

 

I enjoyed reading this book very much. RMB captures the cadence and character of the humans fortunate enough to live in the section of Virginia where Fox Hunting is the main sport, and her portrayal of the animal characters, which of course includes the foxes, both red and grey variety, the hounds, one doberman and one very spoiled house cat, all add to the enjoyment of the reading experience. I should perhaps note that Brown takes pains to explain that, unlike the British tradition, the American counterparts do not kill the fox; rather, they praise the hounds when they succeed in tracking a fox into its den, and then call them off, considering themselves to have had a successful hunt. Anyone who likes horses, dogs, cats, and wildlife should find this mystery novel very entertaining indeed.

 

" A murder mystery is the normal recreation of the noble mind."--Sister Carol Anne O' Marie
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dq531
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Re: What are you reading right now?

This was a great book!

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 

 

Fear the Worst 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was so good, I couldn't put it down! I have another of his - NO TIME FOR GOODBYE - in my TBR pile. I'm going to get the rest of his books, too.

 

 

 

No Time for Goodbye 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I read that one, though, I'm going to get in a Halloween mood with this one:

 

 

 

Trick or Treat (Corinna Chapman Series #4)

 

 

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TiggerBear
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


becke_davis wrote:

 

 

Fear the Worst 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was so good, I couldn't put it down! I have another of his - NO TIME FOR GOODBYE - in my TBR pile. I'm going to get the rest of his books, too.

 

 


(giggle) Told you that 6 months ago. Wondered if anyone heard me.

 

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becke_davis
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Re: What are you reading right now?

 


TiggerBear wrote:

 


becke_davis wrote:

 

 

Fear the Worst 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was so good, I couldn't put it down! I have another of his - NO TIME FOR GOODBYE - in my TBR pile. I'm going to get the rest of his books, too.

 

 


(giggle) Told you that 6 months ago. Wondered if anyone heard me.

 


Tigger - that's about how long it's been in my TBR pile. Books tend to get buried there!

 

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JacquelineSeewald
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Re: What are you reading right now?

I'm in the middle of Sara Paretsky's BODY WORK. Sara's writing is better than ever.

She hooked in right at the beginning and the mystery is absorbing. Are there really Body Artists??

 

Jacqueline Seewald

TEA LEAVES AND TAROT CARDS, new from Five Star/Gale