06-26-2011 02:15 PM - edited 06-26-2011 02:16 PM
Bloated Goat has received two great new reviews on Amazon.com
Malay<3sia writes, "If you enjoy juvenile humor, you will undoubtedly enjoy this book. With its laugh-out-loud moments, corny humor, and zany cast of characters, this story is like reading a cartoon that comes to life in your head. Some of these characters will stay with me for a very long time."
Grannyreader writes, "I read this with my Granddaughter and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a bit mischevious and absurd, but funny and it was lovely to hear my Granddaughter laugh so much. Fun stuff. I recommend it to everyone for a cheeky giggle."
Now is a great time for you to buy Bloated Goat and see what everyone is talking about.
07-09-2011 07:40 AM - edited 07-09-2011 07:41 AM
Do you like funny animated movies like Kung Fu Panda 2 and Rio? If so, you'll love Bloated Goat .
You'll discover a whole cast of wacky characters doing what they do best - getting tangled up in humorous situations and making you laugh!
One recent Kindle reviewer said, "...this story is like reading a cartoon that comes to life in your head."
07-26-2011 03:03 PM - edited 07-26-2011 03:05 PM
08-21-2011 06:27 PM
Summer vacation is almost over. And that means Bloated Goat has been sitting out in the sun for several months. The time is ripe to buy the book and have some fun.
09-22-2011 09:30 PM
Bloated Goat is $.99 on Nook - so if you missed the goat the first time around, get it while the getting is good.
Also, included as a bonus is a three chapter sample of Derek J. Canyon's The Elemental Odyssey, an exciting new young adult adventure novel.
10-28-2011 10:29 AM
Here's a short excerpt from Chapter 8 of Bloated Goat:
The entire population of the mushroom village was sitting in a large courtyard facing the head table. The Mushroom King was sitting at this wooden dinner table with a large white bib around this neck. He was quite satisfied with himself. He had marinated and seasoned Bloated Goat and placed him on a silver tray face up with an apple in his mouth. Sitting beside the king were his most trusted subjects and other members of the court. Everyone was waiting on the king to start eating, but he decided to start with a toast.
“My dear mushrooms…” he began.
But not everyone was listening to that useless prattle. Walter Wolf knew this was the perfect time to spring his chicken meal. Luckily, the mushroom guards near Cocky’s cage had left their posts and gathered with the poorer mushroom folk at the edge of the crowd to hear the king’s speech. Silently climbing up the tree, he raised his head level with the cage, and whispered, “Psst, hey kid. Psst.”
Cocky had been sadly listening to the king’s toastings and boastings when he was startled by Walter’s voice. He turned quickly and looked at the wolf suspiciously. “What? Are you talking to me?”
“Well, yeah, do you see anyone else in this cage with you? I’m here to bust you out before you get eaten like that bloated meat sack down there,” Walter said pointing in the king’s direction. “Or would you rather wait for your turn on the grill?”
Whether it was sheer stupidity or the hopelessness of the situation, Cocky decided to take the wolf’s help. He knew he shouldn’t be anywhere near a hungry, salivating wolf; in fact, it was rule number seven in the Ultimate Chicken Survival Handbook. It was sandwiched right between rule number six—never trust anyone named The Colonel, and rule number eight—always keep the secret of which came first.
Cocky nodded to Walter. With his super sharp claws, Walter ripped open the lock like it was made of wet paper and hopped from the tree into the cage. “Quickly, quickly, climb onto my back before the guards return.”
You can read the rest of Bloated Goat for $.99 on Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bloa...son/1100126
11-20-2011 05:01 PM
Bloated Goat is a middle grade children’s book filled with humorous and nonsensical characters in silly situations.
Here is a brief overview:
When Granny Hammy finds Bloated Goat face down in her front yard's drainage ditch, her grandson Cocky Doodle thinks nothing of it. In fact, he says that’s just another normal day for his best friend. But when they discover that Bloated Goat has little black Xs for eyes and is even more bloated than normal, they realize it is much more serious.
This wacky adventure is filled with jewel thieves, a despondent wolf, an alligator gangster, a kingdom of hungry mushrooms, a shocking skunk wedding, and a mysteriously powerful chameleon known as Crazy Ned.
Bloated Goat is over 20,000 words and $.99 on Nook.
02-04-2012 09:23 AM
Here's a sample from Bloated Goat. If it tickles your fancy, you can buy it for $.99 on Nook
“Can I help it that I’m a hungry carnivore?” Walter Wolf questioned his wife. “A guy’s gotta eat, right?”
“Yes, I realize that, honey, but when my mother comes to visit that doesn’t mean you get to gnaw on her hind leg,” said Walter’s nameless wife, as she carried her traumatized mother over to the couch and gently sat her down.
“Look, you don’t even have a name, and I’m hungry. Your mother comes over here every day at lunchtime. What am I supposed to do? She smells so good! Besides, I wasn’t going to eat all of her,” Walter mumbled.
“You were hiding under the table with your bib on,” his wife snapped.
Walter winked at his mother-in-law and licked his lips, “Yeah, well, she tastes pretty good for an old gal.”
The mother-in-law shrank a little more into the couch.
Walter’s nameless wife screamed in frustration, not because she felt angry at her crazy, hungry husband, but because she longed for a real name for herself. Then, a thought popped into her head. What if she added more dialogue? Wouldn’t the author be forced to give her a name, then?
Her mind swimming with elegant possibilities, she walked up to Walter, stuck a furry finger in his face, and started an unplanned rant.
“Walter, fine. You know what? I’m sorry you don’t like the fruits and vegetables I cook every night. I try the hardest I can. You know I was orphaned as a pup, but I was fortunate enough to have been adopted and raised by a large rabbit family that treated me as one of their own. And you know that I still have trouble cooking meat, but I feel like you don’t care! I try so hard to provide a nice life for you. I keep the den clean. I wash your clothes and do the dishes. I’m constantly mending your sheep costume. Isn’t that enough for you?”
Walter just stood there, taken aback. This wasn’t in the script! Was his wife improvising? Was she trying to steal more screen time in the story?
The wife continued, “I know you love me. I know it! But would it be too much for you to tell me once in awhile? I’m a she-wolf, and I need your attention. I need you to tell me that you love me. I need to know that you care about me and my family, even if they are rabbits. I have needs, Walter! Real, imaginary book character needs.”
And with that, the nameless wife fell to the floor in the most spectacular dramatic fashion and started crying like her favorite TV soap operas were going off the air. The loud sobs echoed in the tiny house. The mother-in-law just sat on the couch, scowling and twitching her nose at Walter. Three hours later, when the last tear had fallen and sufficient time had been wasted, the nameless wife remembered her next line of dialogue.
“Anyway, a rabbit cousin called this morning and said she saw a most peculiar sight. A rooster and a decrepit shark were dragging a bloated goat around on the other side of the forest. I didn’t want to tell you right away, because you always get that frenzied look in your eye and I knew you’d go after them like flies to stink. But, even though I need you here to help with the chores, I can see that you need to get out of the house before you eat my poor mother. In which case, I’d be forced to kill you. So go! Go and thicken the plot.”
Walter knew that he needed to save the scene. His wife had gone too far. He thought back to all his acting lessons and took a deep breath. He casually walked over to her and put his arms around her affectionately. He looked in her face and said, “Oh, sweetie, please don’t cry. You’re right. You’re right. I sometimes forget how you were raised. You mean so much to me. I really DO care for you. And I’ll try to be more considerate when it comes to gnawing on your family members. But listen, you have to be careful here. You can’t just stand here and spout off such a long, unplanned monologue, even if it does fill in your useless back story. You see, without a name, the reader just doesn’t care very much about your character. Do you understand? You’re trying too hard, and no one likes a spotlight stealer. There, I just had to get that off my chest. Okay, so, you stay here and think about what I said. I’m going to go to the other side of the forest and find those walking TV dinners. I promise to bring them back, or my name isn’t Walter O. Wolf.”
“What? When did you get a middle name?” his wife shouted. She was very angry at Walter for being so condescending in the last paragraph, but having a middle name was the last straw. She couldn’t believe that her second-rate husband had three whole names and she still didn’t even have one.
Walter grew red in the face and took a step back from his wife. “Oops, I forgot you weren’t supposed to know that yet. But, it looks like the cat is out of the bag. There’s no going back now. It’s true. I have a middle name. I am Walter Onassis Wolf.”
His nameless wife flopped down on the couch next to her mother and cried on her shoulder. The old rabbit patted her daughter’s snout and whispered a few encouraging words. Then, she turned and sneered at Walter. Her cuddly face contorted and twisted into the most ferocious expression Walter had ever seen on a rabbit. Truthfully, it chilled him to his core. His tail immediately dropped between his legs, and he ran yelping out the door into the forest. He had run about two miles before he remembered the script and started hunting for a rooster, an old shark, and a bloated goat.