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vivico1
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Isolation and sexual identity

Peter is so terribly isolated from any real social life of any kind. And the boys in sports are quite cruel to him, as they often can be, and call him a fag to his face, behind his back, but he hears it. He begins to wonder about his own sexuality and starts to look at some things online to see if it turns him on. He goes to a gay club. He can't decide if he is having feelings that might be gay or just pure curiosity about what he is seeing. Quite frankly, curiosity about seeing same sex intimacy of any level, be it holding hands or kissing or something much much more, is pretty common to most people at some time in their life, curiosity,not necessarily desire. But Peter isn't sure which his is and wonders if everyone is right about him. This really is for him a bigger thing than the passing curiosity. He really isn't sure. How much of this do you think has to do with being called a homosexual in all kinds of terms over and over out of meanness, and how much of it is because he is a growing teen, really a time of defining himself but he has no real social interaction, to define himself with? There are so many ways his human isolation is affecting him, its got to be a terrible lonely place to be, to be him.
Vivian
~Those who do not read are no better off than those who can not.~ Chinese proverb
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



vivico1 wrote:
Peter is so terribly isolated from any real social life of any kind. And the boys in sports are quite cruel to him, as they often can be, and call him a fag to his face, behind his back, but he hears it. He begins to wonder about his own sexuality and starts to look at some things online to see if it turns him on. He goes to a gay club. He can't decide if he is having feelings that might be gay or just pure curiosity about what he is seeing. Quite frankly, curiosity about seeing same sex intimacy of any level, be it holding hands or kissing or something much much more, is pretty common to most people at some time in their life, curiosity,not necessarily desire. But Peter isn't sure which his is and wonders if everyone is right about him. This really is for him a bigger thing than the passing curiosity. He really isn't sure. How much of this do you think has to do with being called a homosexual in all kinds of terms over and over out of meanness, and how much of it is because he is a growing teen, really a time of defining himself but he has no real social interaction, to define himself with? There are so many ways his human isolation is affecting him, its got to be a terrible lonely place to be, to be him.

Yes, I am sure, it was torture for him to live with all those taunts at him day in and day out.  How he made it without a mental breakdown is a wonder. Or did he really break!  I think he did. I know the pressure and the hurt that bullying does so if I had been done that to me for as long as Peter, I would be in a straight jacket already.
 And of course he doubted what he was and what he wasn't. If enought people tell you you are purple, you are going to sooner or later believe that. 
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onecunninggirl
Posts: 18
Registered: ‎03-25-2008
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity

In away Peter's behavior was a self fulfilling prophecy. 
 
  For instance if a student is told often enough they are stupid, they begin to believe it.  My dad grew up in the day and age when there were no special services, and he went to Catholic schools none the less.  We now know my dad has a horrible case of dyslexia, but it was never diagnosed and he was just told he was stupid, lazy, and not trying hard enough.  Unfortunately my dad believed until he went into the military and started working with numbers, he has an amazing ability to remember numbers. 
  So I think Peter kind of has the same thing going on.  The thing with Peter is that he is fearful if he finds out that he is a homosexual that the torture will get so much worse, but at the same time he is trying to find something that would make him happy.  I thought it was incredibly intuitive of Mr. McCabe to notice what he was searching for (I think he knew before the gay bar incident).  I just really wish Mr. McCabe would have been able to reach out further.  I know he tried, but maybe not hard enough.  When you have a student who kills himself or someone else you often wonder what could I have done to stop this. 
  I have a former student who was mentally retarded, it went undiagnosed until I had to go all Linda Blair on the administration to have him tested so he was 17 almost 18 when it was finally diagnosed.  I know scary that he had made it that far through school with NO ONE noticing his difficulties.  Well long story short, the day I found out that he would be spending a long time in prison for kidnap and attempted murder, I sat and cried and wondered what else I could have done for this boy.  If Mr. McCabe had been able to do more or any other teacher for that fact, would this tragedy ever have happen?
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



onecunninggirl wrote:
In away Peter's behavior was a self fulfilling prophecy. 
 
  For instance if a student is told often enough they are stupid, they begin to believe it.  My dad grew up in the day and age when there were no special services, and he went to Catholic schools none the less.  We now know my dad has a horrible case of dyslexia, but it was never diagnosed and he was just told he was stupid, lazy, and not trying hard enough.  Unfortunately my dad believed until he went into the military and started working with numbers, he has an amazing ability to remember numbers. 
  So I think Peter kind of has the same thing going on.  The thing with Peter is that he is fearful if he finds out that he is a homosexual that the torture will get so much worse, but at the same time he is trying to find something that would make him happy.  I thought it was incredibly intuitive of Mr. McCabe to notice what he was searching for (I think he knew before the gay bar incident).  I just really wish Mr. McCabe would have been able to reach out further.  I know he tried, but maybe not hard enough.  When you have a student who kills himself or someone else you often wonder what could I have done to stop this. 
  I have a former student who was mentally retarded, it went undiagnosed until I had to go all Linda Blair on the administration to have him tested so he was 17 almost 18 when it was finally diagnosed.  I know scary that he had made it that far through school with NO ONE noticing his difficulties.  Well long story short, the day I found out that he would be spending a long time in prison for kidnap and attempted murder, I sat and cried and wondered what else I could have done for this boy.  If Mr. McCabe had been able to do more or any other teacher for that fact, would this tragedy ever have happen?


It really does hurt to see mentally disturbed persons being tried for murder and other crimes. For me, that is an excuse for failure. Someone has failed them through society. They can't focus on wrong or conseguences with serious mental problems.They are trying to close all mental facuilties because of cost so they can spend money on other things and release them alot of times when they shouldnt be released.The states I am talking about, and they certainly do not provide the best for average children much less those with problems mild or severe.
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



onecunninggirl wrote:
 
  I have a former student who was mentally retarded, it went undiagnosed until I had to go all Linda Blair on the administration to have him tested so he was 17 almost 18 when it was finally diagnosed.  I know scary that he had made it that far through school with NO ONE noticing his difficulties.  Well long story short, the day I found out that he would be spending a long time in prison for kidnap and attempted murder, I sat and cried and wondered what else I could have done for this boy.  If Mr. McCabe had been able to do more or any other teacher for that fact, would this tragedy ever have happen?


That must have been so incredibly frustrating for you when you had tried so hard to get help for him. Don't blame yourself though. You worked for him not against him. For whatever reason, he was failed by someone else. I don't know at what level he can function and if he knew what he was doing but he made very poor choices himself. You did the best you could and you've probably helped way more students have a better life than the ones who didn't. You can only do so much. Give yourself a pat on the back for caring about your kids.
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onecunninggirl
Posts: 18
Registered: ‎03-25-2008
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



Wrighty wrote:


onecunninggirl wrote:
 
  I have a former student who was mentally retarded, it went undiagnosed until I had to go all Linda Blair on the administration to have him tested so he was 17 almost 18 when it was finally diagnosed.  I know scary that he had made it that far through school with NO ONE noticing his difficulties.  Well long story short, the day I found out that he would be spending a long time in prison for kidnap and attempted murder, I sat and cried and wondered what else I could have done for this boy.  If Mr. McCabe had been able to do more or any other teacher for that fact, would this tragedy ever have happen?


That must have been so incredibly frustrating for you when you had tried so hard to get help for him. Don't blame yourself though. You worked for him not against him. For whatever reason, he was failed by someone else. I don't know at what level he can function and if he knew what he was doing but he made very poor choices himself. You did the best you could and you've probably helped way more students have a better life than the ones who didn't. You can only do so much. Give yourself a pat on the back for caring about your kids.


Thank you so much for the encouraging words.  It is because students like this one slipped through the crack that I want to start looking into elementary ed when I finish being a stay at home mom.  I want an earlier impact.  I honestly hope I've had a possitive impact on at least 1 students' life.
 
Karla
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



onecunninggirl wrote:
 I want an earlier impact.  I honestly hope I've had a possitive impact on at least 1 students' life.
Karla

I'm sure you have. Think back to some of your favorite teachers. You'll have kids that will always remember you just like you still think of yours. The most important thing is that you care and you want to make a difference. That will come across in everything you do. You must be a great teacher! :smileyhappy:
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Isolation and sexual identity



Wrighty wrote:


onecunninggirl wrote:
 I want an earlier impact.  I honestly hope I've had a possitive impact on at least 1 students' life.
Karla

I'm sure you have. Think back to some of your favorite teachers. You'll have kids that will always remember you just like you still think of yours. The most important thing is that you care and you want to make a difference. That will come across in everything you do. You must be a great teacher! :smileyhappy:


Oh! yes! I can still remember alot of my teachers and their influence. This is so true. A teacher will always make a difference in a child's life.
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