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onecunninggirl
Posts: 18
Registered: ‎03-25-2008
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Re: Josie and Matt

Wow this has gotten heated and turned away from Josie and Matt sort of.  Regardless of how schools treat sex ed, parents need to become more involved than Alex was.  Yes she gave the sex talk, and it looks like it really kind of stuck with Josie but then she turned a blind eye as Josie and Matt were having sex down stairs.  I think there are too many parents that bury their heads in the sand when it comes to really talking and working with your kids about sex.  It is obvious that Josie and Matt, especially Josie, were too young to be having sex.  Sex can really complicate any relationship much less one that has turned abusive.  Sex can be about control, and Matt used it in order to gain even more control over Josie.  Had the sexual aspect not been there, would Josie have stuck around as long?  Would she have felt as connected to Matt as she did?
 
****spoiler alert (I think)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
How did the rape effect Josie as she is standing there holding the gun pointed at Matt?  Did Josie loose complete control over that relationship after the rape?  Did she maybe feel like she would never be able to get out of it? 
 
I personally feel like the rape had a profound effect on her, because before that she always kind of blamed herself for Matt's behavior.  Afterward, I think she realized that it was Matt's problem, but I think she was too far in.  Especially after finding out that she was pregnant, I think she felt she was stuck with Matt.  I really think that is why she searched so hard to find a way to naturally miscarry.  I also found it a little odd that after Matt's death she never seemed to regret her decision to "abort" the baby, in fact it really is never mentioned again.  Now that I've finished the book, I think that I understand why she didn't seem to regret it.  What do you all think about this?
 
 
Overall, I think Josie and Matt were in too deep for them, but I have a hard time dismissing high school romances as I am married to my high school sweetheart.  We have been together for 10 years, and I can't imagine my life without him.  One thing I do think that helped us was that we didn't have sex until we were in college (and a little ways in at that).  As I said earlier, sex complicates a relationship, and it could have been devastating to our relationship if we had done it too soon.  I don't think either one of us was emotionally or mentally ready for that kind of impact on our relationship.  Now don't get me wrong, we fooled around but nothing more than 2nd base or so, and I think it gave us the ability to work out some of those hormones without going too far.
 
Karla
Inspired Wordsmith
Stephanie
Posts: 2,613
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Josie and Matt

Karla,
 
Kudos to you for your successful relationship.  I know quite a few couples who dated in high school and went on to have long happy marriages- the longest I know of was 50 years- and it was only death that parted them.  Talk about hardships, too - neither of them graduated from HS, he joined the military and they lived apart after they were married, they started their own (very successful) business, took in her elderly mother, who lived with them for years, had "difficult circumstances" with two of their three children, she had a massive stroke in her 50s, he had eight major heart attacks by the time he was 60 years old... honestly, these folks went through everything.  And they were the happiest couple I've ever known. 
 
I think Josie and Matt were dating for all the wrong reasons- for Matt, he chose Josie for her looks, but also because he knew he could manipulate her.  Josie wanted the popularity that went along with being Matt's girlfriend.  Did they even like each other?  Is there one scene in which they share a special moment?  I can't remember one.
Stephanie
Inspired Correspondent
Wrighty
Posts: 1,762
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Josie and Matt



onecunninggirl wrote:

 
Wow this has gotten heated and turned away from Josie and Matt sort of.  Regardless of how schools treat sex ed, parents need to become more involved than Alex was.  Yes she gave the sex talk, and it looks like it really kind of stuck with Josie but then she turned a blind eye as Josie and Matt were having sex down stairs.  I think there are too many parents that bury their heads in the sand when it comes to really talking and working with your kids about sex.  It is obvious that Josie and Matt, especially Josie, were too young to be having sex.  Sex can really complicate any relationship much less one that has turned abusive.  Sex can be about control, and Matt used it in order to gain even more control over Josie.  Had the sexual aspect not been there, would Josie have stuck around as long?  Would she have felt as connected to Matt as she did?
 
Overall, I think Josie and Matt were in too deep for them, but I have a hard time dismissing high school romances as I am married to my high school sweetheart.  We have been together for 10 years, and I can't imagine my life without him.  One thing I do think that helped us was that we didn't have sex until we were in college (and a little ways in at that).  As I said earlier, sex complicates a relationship, and it could have been devastating to our relationship if we had done it too soon.  I don't think either one of us was emotionally or mentally ready for that kind of impact on our relationship.  Now don't get me wrong, we fooled around but nothing more than 2nd base or so, and I think it gave us the ability to work out some of those hormones without going too far.
 
Karla


Stephanie wrote:
 
Karla,
 
Kudos to you for your successful relationship.  I know quite a few couples who dated in high school and went on to have long happy marriages- the longest I know of was 50 years- and it was only death that parted them.  Talk about hardships, too - neither of them graduated from HS, he joined the military and they lived apart after they were married, they started their own (very successful) business, took in her elderly mother, who lived with them for years, had "difficult circumstances" with two of their three children, she had a massive stroke in her 50s, he had eight major heart attacks by the time he was 60 years old... honestly, these folks went through everything.  And they were the happiest couple I've ever known. 
 
I think Josie and Matt were dating for all the wrong reasons- for Matt, he chose Josie for her looks, but also because he knew he could manipulate her.  Josie wanted the popularity that went along with being Matt's girlfriend.  Did they even like each other?  Is there one scene in which they share a special moment?  I can't remember one.

 

Stephanie

 
Karla,
This wasn't really a heated discussion between Viv and I. We like hashing out some of these topics especially if it's a small group and the chats have slowed down. I agree that sex does change a relationship and it's a huge responsibility that teens are too young to handle.
 
I agree with you too Stephanie that Josie and Matt were dating for the wrong reasons. I think that's also part of being a teenager and finding your way in the world. You need to try out different relationships with friends and mates. Hopefully you gain something from each but this couple had problems from the start. I also met my husband in high school and we've been together for 26 years. Wow, it doesn't seem possible that so many years have gone by. We've had our highs and lows but we've become stronger for it. We've gotten through our hardships together. That sounds like an amazing couple you knew that were married for 50 years. What an incredible story!
 
I think Josie and Matt think they are in love because they don't know what real love is. Josie needs to feel needed and wanted but she is allowing herself to be taken advantage of and doesn't tell anyone it's happening. She has no self esteem or confidence. Matt assumes he can do what he wants because he gets away with almost anything. He doesn't even have common sense most of the time. They have too much freedom and not enough supervision or boundaries.
New User
djones526
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎04-09-2008
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Re: Josie and Matt

Hi all, I am new to posting here, but just finished this book and HAD to talk about it.  I absoultly loved this book and really felt for Josie and Matt.  Like Josie, I began a very intense relationship in HS when I was 14.  I am now 27 and still married to him!  Sometimes it did feel as if we were one person, instead of 2 people.  He was a typical jock and I was the good student cheerleader.  I got pregnant at 16.  Girls always seem to be more mature than boys and when I got pregnant it definatley showed.  He was very suppportive, but was more interested in his friends than supporting a family.  My husband is great and obviously grew out of this-we now have 3 children and he is a police officer. 
 
I was really taken back when Josie shot Matt.  He was abusive, but that was not what I was expecting.  I think she felt guilty about Peter and it all came to a head.  I was/am kind of disturbed by the fact she was going to his grave everyday, yet SHE SHOT HIM. 
 
Just as a side note to some of the other dicussions.  I went to an all-girl school and was raised in a very strong christian background.  I followed the rules my parents set, but they really had no idea.  I was not a bad kid.  I was probably the last girl anyone would have expected to get pregnant.  It can happen to anyone.  i didn't really date-just groups-but we still had enough time alone.  I always tell my husband that our kids won't be able to get away with anything because we did it all.   
Wordsmith
kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Josie and Matt



djones526 wrote:
Hi all, I am new to posting here, but just finished this book and HAD to talk about it.  I absoultly loved this book and really felt for Josie and Matt.  Like Josie, I began a very intense relationship in HS when I was 14.  I am now 27 and still married to him!  Sometimes it did feel as if we were one person, instead of 2 people.  He was a typical jock and I was the good student cheerleader.  I got pregnant at 16.  Girls always seem to be more mature than boys and when I got pregnant it definatley showed.  He was very suppportive, but was more interested in his friends than supporting a family.  My husband is great and obviously grew out of this-we now have 3 children and he is a police officer. 
 
I was really taken back when Josie shot Matt.  He was abusive, but that was not what I was expecting.  I think she felt guilty about Peter and it all came to a head.  I was/am kind of disturbed by the fact she was going to his grave everyday, yet SHE SHOT HIM. 
 
Just as a side note to some of the other dicussions.  I went to an all-girl school and was raised in a very strong christian background.  I followed the rules my parents set, but they really had no idea.  I was not a bad kid.  I was probably the last girl anyone would have expected to get pregnant.  It can happen to anyone.  i didn't really date-just groups-but we still had enough time alone.  I always tell my husband that our kids won't be able to get away with anything because we did it all.   


Thanks for your post, it was very interesting. So you are saying that you and your husband kind of grew  up together and became adults with children together. You are so blessed that it worked out so well. I was married at 17 and had a baby at 18 and it didn't last but five years with another  baby on the way. We never know, it just happens, either we win or loose, of course if we could live it over we would know how to make it work. But then it wouldn't be called life as we know it, would it?  May you be blessed with many many more years of happiness.
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