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paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007

Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

[ Edited ]

Well friends, we've all experienced it – a really, really bad sex scene – or a gross or simply bizarre descriptive term to describe a body part or body function.

 

 

 

 

"While I stood stock-still, paralyzed by conflicting waves of emotion, Eric took the soap out of my hands and lathered up his own, set the soap back in its little niche, and began to wash my arms, raising each in turn to stroke my armpit, down my side, never touching my breasts, which were practically quivering like puppies who wanted to be petted."

 

 

 

 

And recently, Lily was kind enough to share with us a term from Annette Blair's Naked Dragon where the term "man lance" is used!

 

 

So, let's start keeping track of some of the most cheesiest sex scene excerpts here – it could be a CLASSIC thread!   :smileyhappy:

 

Paul

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
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SciFiCanuck
Posts: 2,075
Registered: ‎03-18-2008

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

OMG Paul, what a fun thread, LOL!

 

I have soooooooo many in my head I can't pinpoint any of them right now.  Will have to go stare at the books I've read to see if I can remember any of them!

My name is Teresa, and I'm a bookaholic
Current book(s): Labyrinth of Stars (Hunter Kiss #5) by Marjorie M. Liu
Just finished: The Undead Pool by Kim Harrison (The Hollows #12)
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lilithesque
Posts: 360
Registered: ‎12-11-2007
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

Ok, I may just have to go check that dern book back out to cough up some quotes.  Now I know I have read some super cheese, but I dont keep them on hand.  Hmmm. 

Dude, Where's my book!
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Sovereign_Queen
Posts: 283
Registered: ‎11-28-2008
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

Still out of town, my books are all at home...someplace.  But I'll check the bookshelves in my old room.  I might have something good from when I was in highschool.  LOL

 

Thanks for posting this.

 

~Suzi

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paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
Wordsmith
3monstersmom
Posts: 871
Registered: ‎03-04-2009

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

paulgoatallen wrote:

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

 

Her holidays must be better than mine.  :smileywink:

Moderator
paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

3monstersmom wrote:

paulgoatallen wrote:

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

 

Her holidays must be better than mine.  :smileywink:

 

 

HA! We must be related, 3mm – your sense of humor is perfect! It reminds me of that When Harry Met Sally line: "I'll have what she's having...."

 

Paul

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
Distinguished Bibliophile
TiggerBear
Posts: 9,489
Registered: ‎02-12-2008

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

paulgoatallen wrote:

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

 

 

Ehh "very own" as if an orgasam could ever be anything but personal. And only one what a sucky sexual romp, much less a holiday.

 

Could Eric or somebody plese give that girl a multiple cascade so stong she blacks out and comes back to reality. The whole point of mind blowing is the ability not to think what-so-ever into the afterglow.

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paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

TiggerBear wrote:

 

paulgoatallen wrote:

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

 

 

Ehh "very own" as if an orgasam could ever be anything but personal. And only one what a sucky sexual romp, much less a holiday.

 

Could Eric or somebody plese give that girl a multiple cascade so stong she blacks out and comes back to reality. The whole point of mind blowing is the ability not to think what-so-ever into the afterglow.

 

 

Tig:

Have you ever considered writing paranormal fantasy? Because if you haven't, please do!   :smileyhappy:

 

Paul

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
Distinguished Bibliophile
TiggerBear
Posts: 9,489
Registered: ‎02-12-2008

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

paulgoatallen wrote:

 

TiggerBear wrote:

 

paulgoatallen wrote:

"...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."

 

– Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris (p. 35)

 

 

Ehh "very own" as if an orgasam could ever be anything but personal. And only one what a sucky sexual romp, much less a holiday.

 

Could Eric or somebody plese give that girl a multiple cascade so stong she blacks out and comes back to reality. The whole point of mind blowing is the ability not to think what-so-ever into the afterglow.

 

 

Tig:

Have you ever considered writing paranormal fantasy? Because if you haven't, please do!   :smileyhappy:

 

Paul

 

 

Now this is terribly embarrassing. :smileytongue: (blush) One more person urging me to finish the book I've been playing with for over a year now. I'm a wretched self critic.

 

(shrug) If I ever do get that far, I be sure to let you know.

 

Inspired Wordsmith
Sovereign_Queen
Posts: 283
Registered: ‎11-28-2008

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

Tig:  You can do it!!!  Butt in chair, hands on keyboard.  Maybe find a writers group?  My local chapter of the Romance Writers of American is very nice, supportive, and education, and they haven't kicked me out yet because i don't write romance (but my critique partners keep trying to give my stories Happily Ever Afters, lol.)

 

~Suzi

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TiggerBear
Posts: 9,489
Registered: ‎02-12-2008
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

Sovereign_Queen wrote:

Tig:  You can do it!!!  Butt in chair, hands on keyboard.  Maybe find a writers group?  My local chapter of the Romance Writers of American is very nice, supportive, and education, and they haven't kicked me out yet because i don't write romance (but my critique partners keep trying to give my stories Happily Ever Afters, lol.)

 

~Suzi

 

Thanks, that's not a bad idea.

 

Moderator
paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 

"My nipples waved hello at him as he pulled down the cups of my bra." – Tracking the Tempest by Nicole Peeler (page 36)

 

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
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dalnewt
Posts: 2,725
Registered: ‎06-16-2009

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 


paulgoatallen wrote:

 

"My nipples waved hello at him as he pulled down the cups of my bra." – Tracking the Tempest by Nicole Peeler (page 36)

 


 

 

Well

 

 


Yep, defintiely cheesy. I wrote the following post in the Tracking the Tempest thread a while ago after I first started reading it:

dalnewt wrote:

I started the book yesterday and am loving it. But, I must report one or two occurrences of sappy/childish sexual allusions/references. 


 

(Scene--When Ryo calls Jane after the sending the flowers and ticket.) 

p. 17 "You," I said. "You..." I continued unsure whether to thank him or give into temptation and lick the mouthpiece.

 

(Continuation of phone conversation)

p.17 "Jane," he breathed, as my womb did  something involving a roundoff and jazz hands.

 

(Scene--when Ryo wakes Jane from nap to make their dinner reservations.)

p. 36 His warm tongue found my navel, and then traced it's way north, dragging me into full awareness. My nipples waved hello at him, as he pulled down the cups of my bra.


 

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TiggerBear
Posts: 9,489
Registered: ‎02-12-2008

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

[ Edited ]

(Continuation of phone conversation)

p.17 "Jane," he breathed, as my womb did  something involving a roundoff and jazz hands.

 

(groan) OHHH TERRIBLE! That's just plain unsexy. My vote for that being the worst ever so far.

Moderator
paulgoatallen
Posts: 7,327
Registered: ‎08-16-2007
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

 


TiggerBear wrote:

(Continuation of phone conversation)

p.17 "Jane," he breathed, as my womb did  something involving a roundoff and jazz hands.

 

(groan) OHHH TERRIBLE! That's just plain unsexy. My vote for that being the worst ever so far.


 

 

True dat.    :smileywink:

 

Paul

"There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save..." – Isaac Asimov, Pebble in the Sky
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Blackcloud924
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Registered: ‎10-09-2010
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Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

My name is Jill I am also a book-aholic. My children make fun of me for bring my books or Nook with me to read at red lights in traffic.  :robotvery-happy:

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Blackcloud924
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎10-09-2010

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

Any book, by any author that refers to the "brown eye" totals can mess up a good scene!!!!

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salander_9277
Posts: 108
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

This thread is great.  It took me way too long to click here.

To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life. ~W. Somerset Maugham

http://greatexpectationsbookreview.blogspot.com
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dalnewt
Posts: 2,725
Registered: ‎06-16-2009

Re: Quivering Puppies: Cheesy Sex Scenes and/or Descriptions of Sexuality

[ Edited ]

This isn't a sex scene, it's a sexual description of Jane True getting turned on when Anyan captures her during a training session in the latest book, Tempest's Legacy (Jane True Series #3). Plus, it's not cheesy so much as vaguely disturbing. 

 

During a training session, Anyan, (the shape changing braghest), is chasing Jane through the park after advising her to use her powers to help her run. She's elated by her powered running and rounds off a cartwheel when she reaches the clearing where the chase originally started. Of course, that leads to Jane falling, and Anyan capturing her with her breasts compressed against his forearm. What follows is a disturbing/weird sexual reference (which is italicized on p. 224 of Tempest's Legacy):

 

...So when I finally remembered I needed oxygen to live, I drew in a huge, shuddering breath that necessarily lodged the barghest's rigid arm tighter against my breasts. An act that, equally necessarily, set off a whole other set of reactions in my already heaving bosoms.

 

   If my nipples get any harder, I'm gonna bore a hole in his arm. Even my libido was panicking at that thought.