Since 1997, you’ve been coming to BarnesandNoble.com to discuss everything from Stephen King to writing to Harry Potter. You’ve made our site more than a place to discover your next book: you’ve made it a community. But like all things internet, BN.com is growing and changing. We've said goodbye to our community message boards—but that doesn’t mean we won’t still be a place for adventurous readers to connect and discover.

Now, you can explore the most exciting new titles (and remember the classics) at the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. Check out conversations with authors like Jeff VanderMeer and Gary Shteyngart at the B&N Review, and browse write-ups of the best in literary fiction. Come to our Facebook page to weigh in on what it means to be a book nerd. Browse digital deals on the NOOK blog, tweet about books with us,or self-publish your latest novella with NOOK Press. And for those of you looking for support for your NOOK, the NOOK Support Forums will still be here.

We will continue to provide you with books that make you turn pages well past midnight, discover new worlds, and reunite with old friends. And we hope that you’ll continue to tell us how you’re doing, what you’re reading, and what books mean to you.

Reply
Inspired Contributor
Choisya
Posts: 10,782
Registered: ‎10-26-2006
0 Kudos

Re: Re:

I do not understand these posts - which 'stranger' are we talking of here??  Except for the first poster on this thread, I think all here have been encountered previously and are not strangers to these boards.

 

Is there some obtuse message here which I have not grasped?  Which group has been condemned?

 

 


Peppermill wrote:

Thanks, Vivian.

 

I know that sometimes I must stare (mentally, if not physically) at those I think I know best and then proceed to treat them as complete strangers -- or as the Samaritan did the man beside the road  --  a fellow traveler on this treacherous path we call life.

 


vivico1 wrote:

You are right Pepper. So I will move on. And sometimes its easier to welcome the stranger among us than those we have known for some time. But having said that, hey, I am making some new friends this month from those strangers from a variety of backgrounds. Pretty cool when we do huh? I am ready to move on from this now tho, and I will. There are books to read and discuss! And I am behind! :smileywink:

 


Peppermill wrote:

Please, ladies .....

 

I have no problem reading views here with which I may or may not agree, but I see no need to single out particular groups for condemnation.

 

A tenet, similar to the golden rule, and probably particularly relevant to our global world, is to welcome the stranger among us.

 

Pepper


 

 

 

Inspired Bibliophile
thewanderingjew
Posts: 2,247
Registered: ‎12-18-2007
0 Kudos

Re: Re:

Perhaps at this juncture, this bears repetition:

 

Re: Leviticus 19:18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.‏

 

It is good advice with or without the presence of a higher being. We are all entitled to our own beliefs. Getting along with each other is about mutual respect for each other.

 

Distinguished Bibliophile
dulcinea3
Posts: 4,389
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
0 Kudos

Re: Re:

Sarcasm is against the site guidelines?!  Boy, I guess my days here are numbered, too!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grand Dame of the Land of Oz, Duchess of Fantasia, in the Kingdom of Wordsmithonia; also, Poet Laureate of the Kingdom of Wordsmithonia
Distinguished Correspondent
Joseph_F
Posts: 271
Registered: ‎03-05-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Re:

Ok, everyone please relax. Consider the discussion over whether anyone said anything offensive closed and let's mve on.
Inspired Bibliophile
Psychee
Posts: 7,307
Registered: ‎04-17-2007

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...


pickles-mnl wrote:

...and I have very strong feelings towards him. I'm pretty positive that I love him, in fact...

I was just wondering, what do you guys think about it? I'm afraid of being separated from him eternally when I die. I know it's probably going to happen... but I'm having trouble accepting it. What should I do?

 

My grandparents went through the same thing; my grandfather was an Atheist, and my grandmother went to church almost every day.... so....

 

I don't even know what to do.


 

When I was in the first grade in a Catholic school, the teacher, a nun, caught me with tears in my eyes after being exposed to something in the catechism of the time along the lines that "Only Catholics go to heaven".  I told her that I was crying because my dad , an agnostic, wouldn't be with me after I died.   I think the situation is very much akin to what you are going through.

 

The nun saw my distress and comforted me by saying that in spite of what was in the book, the truth was that after we die, God will judge us by how good we were in life, no matter what our beliefs were while we were alive. 

 

Today, this still makes the most sense to me.  I figure that if there is a God, and such a thing as heaven, then God is not some kind of neurotic who needs worshipping.   I figure he would have great self esteem and care only about how humans treat one another and other forms of life. 

 

I'll bet your grandma, at some level,  felt the same way about your grandpa's heavenly future. 

 

Your decision about your boyfriend should depend, I think, on how much he supports YOUR need for religion in your life and how well he would support your future need for religion in your children's lives.   My own dad gave my mother full authority about that issue where their kids were concerned, and although he expressed a great deal of skeptical humor about the whole thing,  he never interfered, not even when I decided at about age 14, that I didn't want to go to Mass anymore.  I would go because it was my mother's rule that I go, end of story. 

 

Similarly, you need to think about how well you can support him in his need to be an atheist.  Can you accept that that is who he is with good humor, or are you hoping that you will change him?  If the latter, this is no way to begin a relationship.  My mom made only one demand of my dad insofar as the religion was concerned -- that he attend Mass on Christmas while the kids were still young-- for appearance sake.  (One Christmas as he entered the church, a large chunk of snow thundered loudly off the roof, giving us all a good laugh as the priest teasingly said to my dad "Looks like He noticed!" ).  At home, my mother tolerated all his skeptic jokes about her religion with good humor, usually telling him that he would go to hell some day and learn that she was right. :smileyhappy:   

 

But the point is, at a very basic level, both understood that different people find inspiration in different ways and that the goal of a good marriage is not to be joined at the hip but rather for the parties to encourage each other to nurture their own spirits in whatever way that works for them.

 

Some people can do this, some people cannot.  The mixed faith marriage only works, though, if BOTH people can accept that the other is just following his or her personal convictions, and have a belief  that this is not only an OK thing, but also a good thing for the long term vitality of the marriage.

 

I wish you luck!

Distinguished Bibliophile
Peppermill
Posts: 6,768
Registered: ‎04-04-2007
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

Pickles -- I am finishing listening to and reading Anna Karenina once again.  I thought of you this morning as I approached the end and Kitty is thinking about her relationship to Levin's disbelief.

 

Although I didn't read this book until a few years ago, I have known its basic story since I was a teenager.  In the past three years, I have read/listened to it three times.  Each time I notice more relationships and concerns of Tolstoy.  For the book, I do recommend the P&V translation, if you decide it might interest you.  It is at least three intertwined love stories.  (I listen to a different translation, and I love to follow listening with the text, although often it is easier to just listen.)

 

 

 

 

Anna Karenina (Pevear / Volokhonsky Translation)

"Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here." -- Leo Tolstoy
Inspired Contributor
Belwulfs
Posts: 48
Registered: ‎05-12-2009
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

I say do what your heart tells you to. Maybe if you get closer you help him become a Christian. Also if you end up getting married try to keep your kids in Christ. But be careful if you do get married to him it will be a hard life. Religious separation could be a big problem if you want an example I have one. My mom was not a Christian when she met my dad where she worked. Until my mom was a Christian my father did not date her. But he did invite her to church. So my advice is try to get him to go to church. And if he asks you to listen to him state his theories about God and Religion. That would make him comfortable that at least he can talk openly to you. A good book for you read to him would be Mere Christanity by C.S. Lewis.

War... War never changes.
Frequent Contributor
soylentgeek
Posts: 133
Registered: ‎10-26-2009
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

 


vivico1 wrote:

When I say the three major religions, what I am refering to, is what I said in other parts, the first religion and then the two major ones that branch out from the same beginnings, the Old Testament.


 

 

I'm not an ancient historian, nor a scholar of ancient religions, so I don't know what the actual first relgion was, but I highly doubt it was Judaism. The oldest forms of religion were polytheistic and largely centered around animal worship, and the Hindu relgion is at least 500 years older than Judaism.

 

Informal religious belief (earth-worship and paganism) goes back 30,000 years.

 

First religion? Probably existed long before there was writing, or even cave painting, as a series of stories meant to explain natural phenomenon created by and told to people who didn't have any other way to explain them. It probably never had a name, and never will. The idea that Abrahamic religion was somehow new or unique is patently incorrect.

Frequent Contributor
soylentgeek
Posts: 133
Registered: ‎10-26-2009
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

 


Belwulfs wrote:

I say do what your heart tells you to. Maybe if you get closer you help him become a Christian. Also if you end up getting married try to keep your kids in Christ. But be careful if you do get married to him it will be a hard life. Religious separation could be a big problem if you want an example I have one. My mom was not a Christian when she met my dad where she worked. Until my mom was a Christian my father did not date her. But he did invite her to church. So my advice is try to get him to go to church. And if he asks you to listen to him state his theories about God and Religion. That would make him comfortable that at least he can talk openly to you. A good book for you read to him would be Mere Christanity by C.S. Lewis.


 

 

Or he might find it insulting that she doesn't accept him for who he is, and insists that he change for her. I am an atheist, and have always been. It took me a long time to accept and be comfortable with it, and even longer to come out of the atheist closet, but even in the days when I was still afraid to self-apply that label, I wouldn't have accepted someone trying to 'help [me] become a Christian'.

 

I know that you and other believers think that you're doing people a favor, or helping them, by proseltyzing. I know you mean well when you say things like 'invite him to church' and 'read these books to him,' but not everyone is going to welcome that kind of interference. Constant pressure to convert may not work out as well for pickles as it did for your father, and could be a driving wedge between two people who would otherwise be happy - if they accept each other for who they are instead of trying to change one another.

 

Of course, there is also the possibility that in listening to his theories and by being open to other books such as those by Hitchens, Dawkins, Dennett and Harris, pickles might be the one who undergoes a change of belief.

Frequent Contributor
LunaMoth
Posts: 123
Registered: ‎11-29-2009
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

Ok im not going to get all 'bible on you' becuase im Wiccan but if you feel you love him and he dosnt try to tell you god isn't real or try to stifle your beliefs then i say its Ok. i certainly would date a christian if he didnt try to convert me or put me down or anything of that nature. go with your heart and it will lead you well.

"And pleasant is the fairy land,
But, an eerie tale to tell" - Tam Lin
New User
KIARREA-DOUGLAS_LADYKI_
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎03-13-2010
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

Blessings to you my sister in Christ,

I want to respond to your post. First let me say, because we are human we all have feelings but there are time when we love certain things over a season of process and time our feeling change. Due to the fact we get older, more wiser everyday.(I'm 34 and I'm still learning everyday) I remember a time when I loved bananas and watermelon and as began to eat it, I began to get very sick every time I ate it. (Even to this day) But, I had to make up in my mind either I'm going to keep eating what I love and get sick or realize that my body was rejecting it and causing me to grow sick. What I thought to be healthy because other people so it was healthy my body said different. I couldn't fight against my body. Second, the word says , "How can two walk together unless they agree." It also says not to be unequally yoked." You said it bothers you in your post. A lot of times we settle for things and think that it will change or expect to change it. that's the worst mistake someone can make. The reason you are feeling bothered about it is because that feeling that you have is God telling you your answer. Otherwise, it would be find. What about in the future when you have kids what will they be taught to live as a Christian or as an Atheist. The bible says that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. My Sister, no one can make this decision for you but I believe you will make the right decision. Just make sure that you can live with the decision that you can make.

Be blessed

My friend

Kiarrea Douglas
Inspired Contributor
GrouchoMarxist
Posts: 41
Registered: ‎04-11-2009
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

[ Edited ]

A few years ago, I dated a woman who was what one might call a "militant atheist," and frankly, I never want to partake in another relationship of that type. While I could respect her desire to uphold her personal beliefs, the woman I dated was condescending, pretentious and fueled by intense emotions relating to religious beliefs.

 

While this may not the same for everyone, I have to say that balancing the juxtaposition of loving the messenger with the frustration of the message can be a herculean task. If you two love each other, than I feel that you can find a way to reconcile these world views. If not, know that no relationship is worthless and that wisdom can be gained from such ordeals.


"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
~ Groucho Marx
New User
chloe11
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎05-20-2010
0 Kudos

Re: I'm a Christian, dating an Atheist...

My 2 cents.... walk away... just walk away. There was a reason God warned against marrying non believers (not that I am saying you are going to marry him). But it is something to think about...

 

  • Who will the come first, Christ or your husband? And how will you explain—and help him understand—this?
  • Will your spouse's indifference to God affect your own spiritual growth?
  • How will you explain to your spouse how God guides your decisions if he/she does not know Him?
  • What if you believe that God wants you to accomplish something together as a couple?
  • What if God leads you to stop practicing a particular habit? Will your mate understand?
  • Will she think you're being unreasonable, especially since "everyone else is doing it"?
  • If you have children, will your mate agree to let you raise them to know Christ? Will he object when you want to take the kids to church and/or Christian functions?
  • Will your spouse's unbelief hinder your children and grandchildren from trusting in Christ and, ultimately, affect their eternal destiny?
  • When you and your spouse have a disagreement, will your mate have the capacity to forgive? (After all, forgiveness is often a choice that many people find difficult even with God in their lives.)