03-15-2009 07:38 PM
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 6. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 7. Un-dress the mannequins. Then start feeling their body where in inappropiate places. Talk to them like are real. Get mad when they don't respond, etc. 8. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 9. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 10. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store. 11. Play with the automatic doors. 12. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 13. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 14. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 15. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" 16. Put M&M's on layaway. 17. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 18. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 19. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 20. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 21. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!" 22. TP as much of the store as possible. 23. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 24. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 25. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 26. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any krinaplers here?" If they say no, demand to see their manager. 27. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 28. Take bets on the battle described above. 29. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 30. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " i need some **bleep**ING TAMPONS. 31. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. 32. Try on bras over top of your clothes. 33. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 34. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 35. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics, while headbanging & playing air guitar to Willie Nelson demos. 36. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 37. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 38. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 39. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 40. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually. 41. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them in strategic locations. 42. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 43. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 44. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 45. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 46. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them. 47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them. 48. Beg the greeter for those happy-face stickers. Stick them on your face, then stand next to him and copy whatever he says when customers walk in. 49. Try on every pair of shoes in the shoe department. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 50. Go outside to the payphones, call the store and ask them to page customer "Mike Hunt" (or "Harry Butz", etc.) 51. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which hemmorhoid remedy they prefer, then launch into a detailed description of your own problem. 52. While you're doing that, have white-out & markers handy. Modify the boxes of "Anusol" by covering up the "OL" on the logo. 53. Take a chair to Electronics, tune in all the TV?s to Young & the Restless, and watch while sobbing loudly. 54. Ride the little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if on a horse, act like a cowboy, etc. If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start crying. 55. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me". 56. Start pocketing any and all free samples. 57. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream and lice remedies are. 58. When alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". 59. Put super sexy women?s lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around. 60. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend to be a mannequin too. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. 61. Ask everyone in "Electronics" "Do you know what CD this song is on? I don't know the name but it goes like this:". Then sing loudly, and don't stop until somebody throws you out. 62. Bark while trying on dog collars. Have a friend lead you around on a leash. Better yet, whinny while trying on horse tack and a friend holds the reins. 63. Take fishing rods & a fishing hat from Sporting Goods to the Pet Department. Pretend to fish in the goldfish tanks. 64. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you're all excited about something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in it, too.
pain is inevitable. suffering is optional.
03-15-2009 08:26 PM
I've heard some of those before. Most I haven't though. They are funny.
~I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.~