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Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007

A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

[ Edited ]

Alright so I'm writing a story about a girl named Jade Austin. She's a classified Band Geek at her highschool and is involved in all aspects of the band. At home she has a problem her parents are divorcing and are constantly fighting. Her father though moves out. And in the middle of the whole thing are her brother Clark and her. The only thing that she now has to look forward to these days are band rehersals and her part time job at the town hotspot Bamboo. Where she works with the Benjamin Rhys Rees (corny i know but my favorite names), the most popular kid at the school and who is dating the most popular chic (name still isn't figured out). Ben makes Jade feel really clumsy and awkward and well once she spills a tray of drinks on him they start to talk. The one thing they have in common is that their parents are divorcing. Though Ben's parents are now divorcing again (his mother to her 3rd husband and his father to his 2nd wife). Oh ya and to add to this Jade's boyfriend Finn now ex-boyfriend breaks up with her over text message and while he's in california at a wedding.

 

Umm tell me what you think. 

 

Here's what I have done so far.... I haven't had that much time to write and it's still kindive choppy....

 

Chapter One- The Day and Life of A Band Geek

 

“Left, Left, Left, Left.HALT!” It was all I could hear and I would continue hearing it for another hour if we kept going at this tempo. My band director, Virginia, would not let us go until we were all looked perfect in the marching order for the upcoming parade.

“Oh my god, who messed upthis time.” I said to my best friend Anna, whom was directly in front of me. She was back in attention holding her flute straight up. I put my clarinet back into its rest position, out of habit.

“Jade Austin,” Virginia said as she walked by, “Were you just talking.” When she said that she made me flinch, I knew I was in for the whole speech about being quiet unless spoken too. And that was a very old speech at the current moment since we had all heard it about ten times already today.

“Sorry ma’am.” I said as I straightened up. Virginia began to walk again. Okay I guess no speech for me, I smiled even though I was in pain. Virginia walked behind me, back into the altosaxophone section, since I heard Zach, talking to her.

I stayed in attention for awhile after that. Basically all this was doing to me was killing my bad leg, which I had injured in a car accident last year. The accident wasn’t exactly my fault. It was my other best friend Eve Nelson’s, she was driving and ran a stop sign. And well we ran into another car. In result the dashboard fell in crushing my femur and putting me on crutches for about 4 months.

Anyway if you haven’t guessed, I’m at marching band practice. Were rehearsing for next year season, basically were doing basics. It’s just like marching in place for hours on hours. And I am well, Jade Elizabeth Austin....

 

(Sorry about the words combinding it won't un combin i went through and tried to fix it + put in tabs it copied werid.) 

Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-01-2009 09:27 PM
Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-01-2009 09:28 PM
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Contributor
bookluver5
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎02-21-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

its good but i need more to go off of. just guessing but she and ben will eventually like go out right? i hope not email me the rest smiles1995@gmail.com
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Hey! Omg. I really like this story. :smileyhappy: Keep going
"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Hey thanks guys,

 

I'm going to try and write some more today but the next two weeks are crazy for me so i don't think I'm going to be able to write that much.

 

And ya actually Ben and Jade are/might end up together but there's going to be like problems in the way of them actually getting together.

 

Idk but i've had this story in my mind for over like a year now and i've just started to put it together.

 

-MG 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

[ Edited ]

Here's alittle bit more. But I have a tought time writing sometimes and I guess today is one: 

 

So let me introduce you to my life so far. I’m named after that little stone called Jade, in which my mother is obsessed with. My birthday is March 22nd and I’m an Aries,and right now am 16. I’ve lived in the suburb of West Newfield, Virginia, since I was born, in a little white and black colonial house. My favorite color is purple and well I play the clarinet. I have a younger brother named Clark; he’s12 and annoying. My favorite food is pasta and my favorite band is Rise Above This or otherwise known as RAT. But anyway my life’s been pretty simple sincebirth. And well the most extravagant thing I’ve done is partying all night atmy boyfriend Finn’s house, while his parents were gone. I’ve played theclarinet since 4th grade band class with Mr. Cuther. And loved itsince then on out. Right now though I’m going the hells or halls of high school at Alexander C. Cathbury Memorial, in my junior year.

Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-02-2009 02:03 PM
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Keep writing!!! Or else! :smileymad:
"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Oh shoot i'm getting threats now.... :smileyhappy:

 

I'm stuck sortive I'm going to try and keep on writing. 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

You better! :smileymad:
"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
Frequent Contributor
Bookworm650789
Posts: 190
Registered: ‎11-28-2008
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Lol, yea u are...btw, I'm threatening u too!

 

Friendly advice: ur going too fast, slow down and take the time to describe everything a little more. Surrounding, personality...etc Also, add more imagery and sensory lang.

Also, don't jump around. You were describing her and then jumped to a party, which would be interesting if u described it more, and then to some other thing.

 

But overall, I like how its coming along and love the plot. Keep writing...or u may find urself attacked by savage fans.

Let books be your dining table,
And you shall be full of delights
Let them be your mattress
And you shall sleep restful nights.
~Author Unknown

A room without books is like a body without a soul
~ Cicero
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Thanks for the advice. I knew I was jumping around. I'm going to try and referb it alittle. But first I have to review for a french test that I was supposed to have today. :smileytongue:
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

I've got those french words down, lol. Here's the beginning again I refurbed it and added more details that I kindive skipped over:

 

“Left, Left, Left, Left.HALT!” It was all I could hear and I would continue hearing it for another hourif we kept going at this tempo. My band director, Virginia, would not let us gountil we all looked in the perfect marching order for the upcoming parade.

“Oh my god, who messed upthis time.” I said to my best friend Anna, whom was directly in front of me. Shewas back in attention holding her flute straight up. I put my clarinet backinto its rest position, out of habit. Anna was one of those girls that youcalled innocent. You can never find her hanging out with that crowd that getsin trouble constantly. And she’s always there when you needed her. Me and Annahave been best friends since we were in diapers. She’s the total opposite ofme, she’s small and cute with her brunette hair cut short and wears thosemodest cloths. But me I’m tall, with that dark brown almost black hair, with abuild that makes me look like a guy. And well I myself have an attitude thatcan change from nice and friendly to dark and rude. Anyway no matter what we’vebeen best friends forever.

“Jade Austin,” Virginiasaid as she walked by, snapping me out of my dream world. “Were you justtalking,” When she said that she made me flinch, I knew I was in for the wholespeech about being quiet unless spoken too. And that was a very old speech atthe current moment since we had all heard it about ten times already today.

“Sorry ma’am.” I said as Istraightened up. Virginia began to walk again in the alto saxophone sectionbehind me. Alright, no speech for me. I heard Zach apologizing about steppingoff on the wrong foot again. Typical for him, he’s a junior and still has noclue how to march. But he’s an excellent sax player. I smiled even though I wasin pain, Zach was one of my best guy friends and one of those guys you couldtell anything to and wouldn’t blab it to anyone. And well he was cute, I haddated him for two weeks in the beginning of freshman year but we had hit it offbetter as friends than as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I stayed in attention forawhile after that. Basically all this was doing to me was killing my bad leg, whichI had injured in a car accident last April, coming home from a party. Theaccident wasn’t exactly my fault. It was my other best friend Eve Nelson’s shewas driving and ran a stop sign. And well we ran into another car. In result thedashboard fell in crushing my femur and putting me on crutches for about 4months. Eve felt so bad about me getting the brute of the injuries she’s beentrying to make it up to me ever since. Eve’s one of those bad girls that wellhangs out with those nice girls. She listens to loud music and plays the drums.Eve moved here in the fourth grade once her parents divorced. All the kidsignored her because she wasn’t like them. And me being that nice girl with aspecial attitude, we connected, and we’ve been friends ever since. 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Awesome! Keep writing!!!
"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
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musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

[ Edited ]

(Fixed version. Continuing off of my last post) 

 

Anyway if you haven’t guessed, I’m at marching band practice. Were rehearsing for the upcoming parade, basically were doing basics. It’s just like marching in place for hours on hours or marching in a square for hours on hours. My name well you know it already mostly but its, Jade Elizabeth Austin. Let me introduce you to my life so far. I’m named after that little stone called jade, in which my mother, Jennifer, is obsessed with. Plus my eyes are that color of green in which Jade is always pictured as. My birthday well it’s March 22nd and I’m an Aries (I’m totally obsessed with Horoscopes!), and right now I’m 16. But I’m turning 17 in less than 3 weeks. I’ve lived in the suburb of West Newfield, Virginia, since I was born, in a little white and black colonial house. You would think it was one of those typical little suburbs that well everything seems perfect and everyone is happy with their life. Well you’re right. And for my tasted it’s a little too perfect. And I really hate it. All I want to do is get out of this town. I sound so rebellious but I’m not really, I just can’t stand it anymore. I want to move to that big city where there’s a ton of people and well were know on know you.My favorite color is purple and my whole room in that colonial is painted a light purple lavender shade. And most of my wardrobe consists of the color purple. Of course for me to act this weird, I have a younger brother. His name is Clark and he’s 12 and annoying. And looks like one of those boys that come straight out of a skater magazine. With the long blondish brown hair all chopped really uneven. My favorite food is pasta. Since well I’m part Italian you can’t blame me. The other part of me is a mix of cultures though. The band I listen to the most is Rise Above This or otherwise known as RAT. They are this edgy Alternative Punk Band that has this awesome sound. And to make it even better their Lead singer grew up in West Newfield. His name is Mason Frost and he went to high school with my cousin, Nick and they were friends. Which means every time they come to town I get free tickets.But anyway my life’s been pretty simple since birth. And well I play the clarinet, and I’ve played the clarinet since 4th grade band class with Mr. Cuther. And loved it since then on out. Right now though I’m going through the hells or halls of high school at Alexander C. Cathbury Memorial. And I’m in my junior year.

 

(Oky I need a pen name because I don't feel comfortable giving out my full name i'll still use my first name Andrea but its so that I can copyright it)

Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-02-2009 05:17 PM
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Write more! Oh, your Pen Name could be "If you steal this I'll whip your butt!" That's what my mom say to me!
"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

lol.

 

I'm thinking of not using my real first name now. I'm thinking either: Madeline Fair, Madeline Wallace, Abigail Fair, Mary Wallace, or Lavinia Wallace 

 

I personally like Madeline Wallace and Abigail Fair. 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Abigal!!!!

"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

[ Edited ]

But anyway my life’s beenpretty simple since birth. And well I play the clarinet, and I’ve played since4th grade band class with Mr. Cuther. And loved it since then on out.Right now though I’m going through the hells or halls of high school at AlexanderC. Cathbury Memorial. And I’m in my junior year there, so far it’s been great.The reason why I have great friends, a great job at the hottest restaurant intown Bamboo and a great boyfriend. My boyfriend, Finn is totally in love withme. I’m not over exaggerating he tells me it every day since he confessed it onour six-month anniversary. Finn’s one of those geeky jock boys. He plays soccerand is the varsity midfielder. I don’t understand what it means because I don’tget the game of soccer or even football at all and I have to spend every Fridaynight watching the last one. But it must be important. Finn is well asweetheart. He’s kind and cute, with his dark blue eyes that go just right withhis Italian skin and his brown hair. There was no reason for me to say no sophomoreyear when he asked me out.

 

© Madeline A. Hanise 2009

 

(Little bit more continues off of the last paragraph. Madeline A. Hanise is my offical pen name...Idk i can up with the last name)

Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-02-2009 07:27 PM
Message Edited by musicangirl on 03-02-2009 07:47 PM
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Inspired Wordsmith
Vampires-and-Spongebob
Posts: 2,368
Registered: ‎02-03-2009
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

Write more pweaze!!!! *Hannah does puppy dog pout*
"Behold the male beast roaring in the jungle for his mate. See how the female beast giggles behind a shrub while she organizes her voice to say 'Pardon dear, did you say something?'"~Elphaba, Wicked, pg.102-103
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

I will give me sometime. :smileytongue:

 

Oh I have to change the pen name I did a 123people check on the name and its some real lady with awards in the government. :smileysad:

 

 

So I'm changing.....

 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
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Re: A Band Geek Story, Needs Opinions :)

This is the last for tonight, sry. :smileytongue:, I'll try to write more but I doubt I'll have time these next two weeks:

 

A whistle went off. Iheard Virginia start to call out left again. I started to move. Lifting my legto rhythm and guiding myself to the girls next to me. Of course playing thesong that we had memorized for the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day Parade. The band marchedlike this for about five minutes, repeating the song in perfect harmony, untilI heard Halt called again. This time though Virginia cued us to come and herdaround her.

We all did so. I foundEve, Anna and Zach crowding around me as we headed towards the point where Virginiawas. “Nice job Zach.” Eve sneered at him. I elbowed her telling her to be nice.I gave him look saying don’t listen to her. But Zach was just staring at hisfeet blushing. I looked at Anna and she was blushing too. Oh man are theyseriously attempting this. By this time though we had made it to the huddlearound Virginia. Who was standing on her toes trying to project her voice.

      “Nice work this afternoon band. There are several of you thatneeded to work on memorizing the song and your feet positions. But all togetherthe Band looked good. Remember we have practice on Monday. Be there if you’replanning on marching in the parade.” Virginia said over the hundred or so membersof the band. “Have a good night.”

 

 

 © Madeline A. Hanise 2009 

~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush