HEY BLUE!!! Yeah i know i do need to come on more often but i don't have the time like i used to which really sucks cause i miss doing add ons like this. I've been good but busy. In the process of cleaning out my entire room. I spent like 7 hrs on it yesterday and im still going. 
LMAO! How have you been? I'm glad that your here to make sure it keeps going. 
Ok imagine you were someone who knows the world is about to end, you knew one other who shared the same secret but you knew to be fair you have to let that person go, because they deserve the remaining happiness that's left, meaning now you share the burden on your own, it would take its toll wouldn't it?? Well here is how my character copes
3 weeks later
I don't seem to know what to do anymore, I can't think the world seems to be moving forward, but im stuck, im stuck in this stupid box and I can't seem to get out, im standing here waiting for someone to reach out anyone... all I need to know is that you care, I need that, I need it for me to keep going, ... This burden I have to carry, is building up and soon enough I don't know if I will be able to Carry it anymore, the so called friends I can't seem to look at anymore, im starting to become more distant from my family, and I haven't seen Lynn in two weeks I haven't tried searching for the others but most of all I've stopped having dreams... im scared.. and so alone.
Its Saturday im restless I want to go out have some fresh air run just be alive be free. But my body feels so stiff nowadays, IM always getting these aches , its sudden and very sharp and they stay for a good 2 minutes , I have them at least 5 times a day and its unbearable , is it a sign? I don't know, I haven't seen Isabelle either I think im loosing myself, Maybe I'm doing this to myself because the guilt and anger has finally caught up with me, Lynn deserves happiness I don't deserve a friend like her, I don't deserve anymore.. How can I?? When I'm going to let them all die?? I don't know how long we have left, I've considered taking the easy way out at times, but you see I'm not so brave... Because you might think its easy to do it, but its not, accepting death is never easy , you have to have lost all hope to be so hollow where you've forgot to feel to even be near that stage, but I still feel I feel pain I feel anger.. I feel loneliness,
"Wake up Bianca, I said wake up"
"what's wrong with her ... She's shivering like hell" says Mayleen I close my eyes and try to curl up into a small ball, why can't I be invisible why can't they just leave me alone??
"This drama has to stop we have dealt with this hissy fit long enough out of bed now, you have school" shouts Mum pulling the covers of,
So she's finally decided to come out of her room for once, if anything id expect her to understand after all she has spent the last 2 years in her room, barley talking to us, and right now when I need this .. She's trying to take it away from me....
I will myself to open my eyes, I don't have to look to know their sore, I feel disgusting , im such a mess, so why doesn't it seem to bother me anymore??...
"Oh Bianca" says Mayleen with a gasp I look towards her, my face I haven't seen what I look like for 2 days now, I try to get out of bed , but I've forgotten how weak I've become and quickly hold on to my bed for support
Blyke looks away in disgust..I think to myself Thank you for making me hate you, for giving me reason to
"Mayleen comes to my side as the others walk out
"I don't Need any damn help" I yell pushing her away with what strength I have as she try's to steady me
"Bianca stop this, just enough , I can't sit here and watch you do this to yourself" her voice cracks I turn away and head into the bathroom and wait for the door to close indicating she's gone so I can relax
I look up into the mirror and open my eyes i grit my teeth , im pathetic im going to let my appearance get me damn emotional, I think im crying but im not sure, my eyes are to swollen to let the tears flow its agony as I try to hold them back, my face is swollen, ive lost weight , I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks, I take a long shower its not much but its something, the days have long gone where I pay attention to what I have on, I pick up my bag as I head out the door
"Your not going anywhere until you've eaten" shouts my mother behind me but I ignore her and shut the door behind me.. and then I run.. my body my mind is telling me to stop I physically and emotionally cant take this my body can't take it, im drained maybe that's why im fighting my inner thoughts I Ned control even if it is for a small moment, and for these few seconds I feel like the old me, im even close to a smile, but then reality hits and my body slackens, and I collapse, everythings blurry.. Hazey,
"stay awake Bianca stay damn awake" these are the words that replay in my head over and over, im in my fav place, im in my woods and im alone no one has seen the pathetic ness that is me, I hold on to a tree and stand up, and take a deep breath
"Bianca?" comes from behines me I still have my sharp instinct as my body try's to sharply turn in defense, its to late just as I realize im not the same Bianca I dont have the strength to turn around. I think to myself, im weak... this is how i deserve to fade, slowly
Im quickly snapped out of my thoughts as im pinned against the tree, every inch of my body screams agony, I bite my lip to hold back a scream, the it lets me go as if they've sense it, I turns towards them.. Its him
The guy with the dreadlocks, the one that works for Isabelle
he looks at me , just stands there in silence, there's so register of shock on his face, almost as if he's not suiprised... as if he saw this coming..
He turns away his back facing me,
"Im that disgusting then, im that pathetic that you cant even bear to look at me" ? I reply and know that my voice is bitter
he turns to face me, and talks a step towards me, im expecting him to curse , show how much he hates me and to walk away, yet..
"Go.. you have what you wanted, I cant help the rest of humanity this is all thats left of me" i say
"ITold you to give up on humanity not yourself" he says with such tenderness I can't bear to look at him
"Im nothing, Im not me , this is the way I deserve to go, tell her... Tell Isabelle she got what she wanted . she doesen't Need to worry about me interfering anymore.. OK..?" I say
He doesn't reply but gently takes hold of my hand, and cradles it against his cheek, im crying but he doesn't need to know, he can't know because im crying from within I give him a forced smile
"Go" I whisper, he seems to be deciding something but in the end , he takes a step towards me but then seems to change his mind and im thankful for that, I watch as he disappears the image of his beauty and what was once mine encrusted in my mind,
And then I stop fighting and finally let myself go.
I did not think I was going to add anytime soon but I am, for some reason hmmm.. Incase your wondering what that last thread was all about and all the emotion and crap, I have a tendency to bring in a lot from what I've read in a novel into my writing, I was reading 13 reasons why when I wrote it, and just all the feeling you get from reading that book I guess I brought it all into my last post, actually just finished it reading it some minutes ago and what a amazing book the only! Book I've ever read twice, something I don't ever do
"So this is what it feels like, to die... I don't feel any pain though not like in my nightmares, there's a calmness around me, so I let it take over ...
"Belle"??."
"Bianca" says the voice I recognise it but I don't want to , I don't want to go back, to remember, "leave me alone!!!! , I try to block the voice out, everything so dark but im not so scared it seems kinda funny since I've always been so afraid of it, I've always kept my lamp on ever since I could remember yet... Wait.
Something's not right, no its different, is not something its someone.
"who is it I say standing up its so dark I can't even see my own hand, I can stand im not weak anymore, im the old me I think with a a new sense of energy
"Belle I've missed you" my heart almost skips a beat
"Holly"? no it couldn't be I think shaking my head im imagining things
"Belle"...
"It is you isn't it" I say trying to hold back the tears
she walks out of the shadows standing right before me.. Just like I remembered her.. my Holly, we just stand there, im so much taller than her , older..
"You sure have grown" she says a little to sadly
"why am I here why are you here.. " I ask shaking my head she takes a step towards me
"You have to go back belle"
"What if I don't want to go back , I chose this Holly please im begging you take me with you, wherever it is where supposed to go, take me with you, god I've missed you so much" her lips are doing that trembling thing she used to do whenever she was trying to stop herself from crying
"don't cry holly im here now" I say comfortingly her,
"I hate how you still know me so well" she says openly crying now
"that's a good thing right?, " I say with a smile
"no it isn't, " she whispers
"what do you mean Holl" I say taking a stop back
"why isn't it good"?
"Because it makes it harder for me to let you go.. That's why" she says looking away
"Holl I just told you im staying here im not going back" i say grinning
"stop it belle"!! Look at this place your telling me you want to stay here, in this darkness its my time to go, but I wanted to take you on the right path before I did" she says
"Im dead damn you Holl I'm **bleep**in dead don't you get it"
"You think I don't know how that feels Belle?" she says with a bitter smile
"but you don't understand" I said pleadingly
"No you don't understand belle"!! I died three damn years ago!!, you have changed whilst I am still the same I died damn it! Your telling me I don't understand you think I don't want to be selfish and ask you to stay, you have no idea how hard it is for me to do this, you were my best friend, this tears me apart" she yells I try to take a step towards her comfort her, but she pushes me away
"Holl"..
"You have a duty Bianca, you have no idea how much they need you, its hard but your not alone there are others like you remember if you give up what will they do.?." she says softly .. I'm not listening anymore.. All I can see is my best friend who died 3 years ago. Leaving me all alone, she used to be the one thing that kept me going
"I've been watching you " she says with a soft smile
"You have" ?? I ask all those times I've messed up, How I lost myself after she died,. How I changed she was watching me the whole time?..
"I wish you could have told me, maybe I wouldn't be such a looser then" I said sitting down as she did the same
"Your not a looser silly, you just lost yourself for a while that's all" she replied
"3 years I've been like this Holl ever since you left"
"you say it as if I went on a long trip" she says lightly laughing, that laugh brings it all back.. The good times
"What's with the hair huh you had such beautiful black hair why did you cut it of, and that silly fringe, you tryna hide that gorgeous face of yours" she said fondly, making me blush god she was the only one who ever talked to me like this... Like a friend like she cared, never I realize would I ever meet anyone close to what she means to me,
"I tried to forget you im sorry" I admit guiltily
"I wish you did.. Maybe then you wouldn't have punished yourself like this for so years" she replied looking at me knowingly
"what are you talking about" I ask not wanting the answer
"you, making yourself a outcast, you used to be so happy all the time, you got on with everyone, we were popular .. You were popular once remember" she said with a grin
I laugh to myself those days seems so far away now, when Holly was by my side I used to feel like I could do.. I could take anything.. And then she died, and the reality kicked in, that without her I didn't even know myself
"It wasn't your fault belle please stop blaming yourself haven't you suffered enough.. Don't you have enough to deal with"? Says Holly
"It was my fault, I shouldav not let you go, that party.. I should have gone with you!" its to painful to remember why is she making me remember,,
"Stop it Belle! I made a choice and yes its horrible and yes I didn't choose or ask for it, but life isn't fair, and if I could I would take it all back and that day and not have gone to that stupid party and watched titanic with you and ate popcorn like we had planned grown up with you all of it. But I chose to go, not you, so stop it, stop blaming yourself" she snapped
"Holl that man he. he raped you and then he.. How can you accept that, I shouldn't have don't you see?"
And just like that im 14 years old again I'm stretched on my couch and I'm pissed because my best friend is ditching me to go to some dumbass party, and we've wanted to watch titanic in like forever, I wait for hours and when she doesn't come back, I ring her parents, and we find her... We do but not alive, she been raped her throat is slashed, left for dead, how could I forgive myself for that, how is that fair?
"You think I don't think about it , you think it hasn't crossed my mind, but im tired belle I've been here for such a long time watching over you, afraid that one day you might face the same fate, you scare me Bianca you let yourself waste away, I was so angry at first, how could you give up what id give anything to have back,.. Did me dying mean nothing to you, did it not make you want to appreciate life" said holly she wasn't angry.. Just disappointed.. She was right, what a fool I'd been
"You always did like your hair in plaits" I say changing the topic.. Realizing what I have to do..
Holly seemed to sense it to
"Good choice" she says smiling as we both get up
"That top I gave it you didn't I" I say with a frown, for her last birthday,
"It was how I remembered myself so this was how I looked and what I had on when I woke up"
"cool" I say with a grin
"I guess huh" she says with a rewarding grin as she walks towards me, she's up to my shoulders she may look 14 but inside she she's still 17 still the one and only person whose ever got me, only she will never grow, and I will continue to until my dying days
"I wish I could take you with me , I wish things could go back to the way they used to be"
She shakes her head
"We have different paths belle that's all, but ill see you one day, and then you'll be all old and wrinkly and ill still be as cute as ever" she says with a wink,
"Man I've missed you"
"don't you dare cry on me.. This isn't goodbye goodbye.. Its a ill see you later" she says putting her arms around me, I instantly relax
"Be strong , don't be afraid to let others in, Its okay to be have other friends you aren't betraying what we had by letting them in, figuring out something which even I had denied for so long , don't be afraid to let someone else love you, I was only one part of your life I don't want you to forget me but I want you to know there will be so many other chapters, find yourself again, don't let what happened to me be in vain , live and make a difference, you have quite a job to do"
"I only have to save the would how hard can that be" I mumble against her hair
we pull apart
"hey your one tough ass bitch you'll pull through" she says with a smirk
"Be good" she says turning around
"Wait Holly " I shout after her im panicking I don't want to be left in the dark but more
than anything don't i don't want to looser her all over again
"How do I get back.... Where are you going to go" I ask in panic
"As soon as I leave you'll wake up, and me... I've stayed here to long its time... To go home" and although I can't see her I know she's smiling, and as she walks away I see a a small spark of light and she's heading right towards it, she's heading into the light, whilst im still in the dark
"Goodbye belle" her words echo all around me and then the darkness overtakes me until the light finally pushes through
Arghhhh!!!! kay I love it!!! good one, she has like kick ass fire powers whoop!! omg I need my character to get a cool ass power now but what??.. OK my character has been through enough mushy **bleep** now its time for her tough ass ness to come back
"Holly" I scream I'm drenched in sweat but I'm shivering, and then I feel it, the weakness that takes over my whole body.. noo.. This is exactly what I didn't want.. To face what I'd done to myself, I lie back down and close my eyes, just when I realise I'm not in the woods
"What the hell" ?
"you sure are a big snorer huh" he chuckles
"No way" I shout recognizing the voice and jump up to get ready to defend, but I'm still weak and I have to quickly take hold of the couch
"Rest , I'm not going to hurt you" his words are sincere but I still don't trust him
"Dreadlock man.. How the hell did I get here" I ask on guard
"Well you were more or less dead when I found you, but then you started breathing it was as you say pretty cool" he said standing up with a grin
"Nice place you got here" I saw cautiously I can't stop looking around , the low lit room, the fireplace... Him its to... Its to prefect
"I have my ways" he says with a slight smile sitting on the edge of the couch as I move up to make room
"You mean Isabelle" I say with a smirk
"Actually no" he replies looking at me with distaste
"Don't those dreadlocks of yours itch like hell, you do wash your hair right?... I bet your hair smells like rotten feet" I say scrunching up my nose
"You sure ask a lot of questions don't you and i'd prefer it, if you didn't call me dreadlock man, I have a name" he says with a sigh
"You do?" I reply in mock horror, whatever could it be"?!
"It would be Jason actually" he says the annoyance showing through
"I prefer dreadlock man" I say with a shrug
"Little brat" he says coyly
"Hey I'm freaking 17 and what are you 23 I'm not that younger than you"!
"That would be 22, and your still annoying little girl to me" he says with a grin getting up and
heading to where I'm guessing is the kitchen
"What do you want" He shouts from the kitchen
"You can cook"? I yell in return
He doesn't bother replying, whatever I think with a shrug I'm ready to eat anything, after starving myself for so long, I really need to build up my energy back, I need to get back in contact with Lynn I still need to find the others, but not until I've fully sorted myself out, the others don't need to see me in this state nor my family I need some time away from it all, to figure out who I am, and what I want
"Your back" I say licking my lips that spaghetti bolognese sure looks inviting
"Eat up" he says passing me my plate, we don't share any words, I haven't eaten like this in
such a long time, its feels so good
"You need to get your strength back, you'll be staying here for a while, I'm going to train you, show
you a few moves here and there" he says putting his plate down as I do the same
"Isabelle' instructions?" I say through gritted teeth
His reply is a mere shrug confirming my thoughts
"Well I want nothing to do with the both of you, thanks for the food, but I'm out" I say standing up,
I'm still ait on the dlzzy side but ill cope
"So your just going to run away are you, where are you going to go, thought about that?" he shouts
as I turn away
"Ill find someplace" I reply heading fro the door
"Your not going anywhere" he says, I ignore the warning signs, and try to push open the door, it wont budge.. Its locked..
"What the hells going on" I shout turning around he's got this big silly grin on has face and its
pissing me of big time
"Your to weak, you need to build up your strength until then this is your home" he says sitting back down turning on the TV, I just stand there thinking of some way to paralyze him, maybe if I used the move, **bleep**! I think remembering I don't have the strength to pull it of, I think looking at my boney arms, he's right...ill get my strength back, then ill get my own back at him,
"Your going to regret it just thought you should know" I say walking past him and heading upstairs so basically for however long he likes I'm a damn prisoner, I hate him so much right now, taking advantage of the fact that I'm not strong enough to run away, ill never forgive him for this, I turn to the guest room, and practically fall on to the bed,and start to think, the quicker I get my energy back the faster I can get out of here, just hope Lynn is coping OK she's going to be on her own for a while, but then I think of Kaleb and relax, shell be ok but I have a lot of apologizing to do,
There's a knock at my door
"I don't want to talk to you dreadlock man I've bludy told you"!! I shout pulling the duvet closer
The door pushes open
"Look who we have here" says the threatening voice I've learnt to avoid on a daily basis, my throat closes up just like every other time he's near
Fear
"Kamen"...
Wow it feels like forever since I've added on, I'm kinda supposed to be washing ma hair and all that crap and then getting ready for bed!! I know right where's the blue that stays awake all night?!! meh tell me about it but today was shattering and I seriously need some big time sleep but not before I do this, so ill talk to ma girls tmrw, ya know who ya are 
btw I just wanna point out something, I'm seeing two new add ons from outa nowhere, when we've had this one running for some time, and since most people have backed out apart from me and kay, we would have appreciated if people would have come up and said they'd help out since we need like 4 more people for this add on, since others don't seem to mind joining the other add ons that have just about started , jus caught my eye and wasn't sure what to think about it, that's all but whatever ill leave it at that.
"Its been a while" said Kamen closing the door behind him gently... Making me anxious and I sure as hell had reason to be.
"What in the world are you doing here get out right now before I call that dreadlock man!!" I yelled jumping out of the bed, keeping my guard up
"That man has a name" he replied crossing his arms, god I hated him more than anything, so damn full of himself, I bet it took him hours to get his hair in perfect spikes like that hell I wouldn't be surprised if he wore concealer, I thought with a snort
"What' so funny" he said his face darkening
"How about you tell me what your doing here first" I snapped back feeling more confident, he didn't seem to be thinking about hurting me.. or chasing me across the room, maybe he'd gotten bored of the I despise you for no reason facade.. hmmmm I could get used to this
"kamen , Kamen!! Jason is calling ya get ur ass down here!" came a voice from downstairs but it seemed as the indivtual was heading up.. and towards us, "I recognize that voice" I whispered to myself
Kamen looked at me with a sly smirk, I looked back confused
"What you smirking at you mong" I snapped annoyed
"You'll see" he simply said patiently
"In here" he yelled a knock came to the door as it opened and in popped a head.. Nala' head
"Oh **bleep**.. you bastard you set me up" she said with a sigh looking up at me apologetically, only thing I could think of was how come I'm not feeling anything, I'm supposed to be angry, no furious, yet I'm feeling perfectly calm, abit to calm actually
"Long story"? I asked sitting back on the bed wrapping my arms around my knees resting my chin
"Long story" she repeated sitting opposite me she was watching me cautiously I could tell, waiting for me to flip yell , Kamen I saw was not happy at all, he was still standing against the door, and kept looking back and forth between the two of us
"There aint gunna be no drama Kamen" I said giving Nala the go ahead with a nod
"Your a stupid bitch he simply stated pointing at me with a glare, and your just a Bimbo.. That makes you worse by the way" he said nastily walking out with a grunt
"what the hell"?
"Is up his ass"? She said finishing of the sentence
"stop doing that" I said exasperated
"Its a twin thing" she replied with a grin
"urgh don't say that either makes me cringe" I said shuddering
"Bianca".. She trailed of moving up closer and staring at me with guilt
"oh god what is it now" I said rolling my eyes
"Why are you acting like nothings happened. We were friends right,"
"Nala" I warned she was pushing her luck for whatever reason I wasn't flipping she should be doing the the smart thing and soaking it up, instead she was trying to give me reason to flip what the hell was she playing at?
"We were never friends" I said tensely
"What?, don't be like that Bianca" she laughed nervously
"Go" I snapped
"What" she asked incredulously
"I said go , as in right now" my voice was getting laogher so much for staying calm
"This is my room how about you get out" she snapped back, as I stared at her in shock,, was this girl for real, she had tried to provoke a reaction and now she was telling me to get lost, dint she know I didn't want to be here??!!!!
"stay the **bleep** away from me you phyco bitch" I said shaking my head and heading down, change of plan, I need to get out of here, NOW lets see who dares to stop me!
"
(Kinda blows that we're the only peolple who are still adding on? Do you notice that this happens ALL THE TIME? LIke the kickass add on? It was just you and me for forever and then even I dropped it. Just geeze. I was really excited about this one. I twas a cool story going and everything. Guess we'll just have to keep it alive Aly. I'll add on tomorrow. I still have tons of homework to do)
I'm close to finishing a book and its looking pretty grim, good depressing books always do inspire me on the add ons , this is kinda random, is this add on supposed to be dead or not??... I really don't know but I love it so ill add on regardless.. I fink as long as we know that even without others participating and it just being me and kay if others are still wiling to read, simply because they love the add on as much as we do then I feel its still worth carrying on as long as possible what u fink kay.. (and kay not sure how long but it feels like ages I've had a good chat with u and the other gals! arghhh I need a catch up session with yall )
As soon I head for the stairs a vice like grip pulls me back
"Let go of me" I try pulling free but it seems Nala has more strength than I gave her credit for,and starts to drag me across to a specific room like a rag doll, my face is burning with shame and anger, for underestimating her, and for not being able to fight back,
"How dare you" I scream just as the door slams shut in my face leaving me dumbfounded, I turn around and gasp in shock, this room its nothing like the others.... Everything is so pretty.. So girly but beautiful, the main colors being red and white, good combinations, the duvet obviously fine silk, why would they go to such lengths for specifically this room is the question. The window catches my attention decorated with lovely designs to great detail its like every inch of this room is made particular to a certain someone taste, I walk towards the window
Its snowing
I've not seen a lot of snow in my life, life has been so complicated that maybe I've walked to school countless times in snow, but today when I'm alone is the first time I really see it.
I look ahead in awe watching the lovely softness that it seems I've only ever seen on TV,or in fading memories, it sends tingles starting from the palm of my hands all the way to my toes
I am smiling
I continue to stand just watching, smiling to myself, purely because it feels just so good to smile, to feel that bit of my old self come back to life even if it is only for now,
That is when I see her
I place both my palms against the window and lean in, my forehead close but not quite resting against the glass, There is no one in sight, only her, in this moment I don't see buildings nor life just her..and the snow Her arms are outstretched as if opening up to the heavens, her face tilted back invitingly as the snow caresses her closed peaceful eyelids, she's spinning in circles but right now I see it as if in slow motion, the movement of her soft white dress is rhythmic but peaceful.. Like a dance, her jet black hair fans around her face as she continues to spin, I'm not close enough to see her smile, I stand as if in a trance.. She's there yet she doesn't seem real, am I dreaming?? Or am I hallucinating? I close my eyes open them,
She has gone
Lmfaooo OK so you peeps are like that was random, and it makes no sense do not worry! It makes no sense to me either!! hahahahaa I have this habit if something effects me that I may had read maybe written I get this strong urge to quickly bring it somehow to life and I seem to do that through add ons, like right now I don't think it would be fair for me to say where this scene is inspired from because then it wouldn't have its desired effect, have questions? Feel free to ask
