07-31-2008 12:06 AM
Hey I am writing a story (this is most of the prologue for I have not finished it yet) and would just like to hear what you have to say. Here it is:
It was the darkest of nights. Only a single star shone through the heavy blanket of clouds. The streets were empty except for a single babe wailing into the night. Her cries were heard by noe but the barrne city street until..a lonely janitor stepped into the night. He was leaving the office building-his work place-that had laid misery upon him from the very moment he had stepped in. At the vvery moment he heard th screams of the child he felt compassion shoot thruough himself. He looked down at his feet towards the wource of the wailing. And laying there was the most beautiful being he had ever liad his eyes upon. The baby had the palest ivory skin that lookd as if it might beat porcelein in fragileness. Then there was the raven black hair which laid upon her head. And if that wasn't enough to make you gasp in awe, she had the pinkest, most delicate, perfect-shaped lips tha have somehow found thir way into existence. When you laid you eyes upon them you knew what all the poets said "rose petal lips"meant instantly. But the janitor did not notice these perfections at first. For all these features were no comparison to her eyes. For her eyes weree the most dazzling, sparkling, beautiful, full of depth eyes to ever see life. They wer the most gorgeous shade of violet with the smallest hints of gray-blue embeded in them. Once the janitor stopped milling over her beauty the janitor noticed a note was attached to the blanket she was wrapped in.
07-31-2008 09:53 AM
07-31-2008 11:50 AM
08-01-2008 04:46 PM - edited 08-01-2008 04:46 PM
It was good.
I'm writing a story myself - will a few stories. Here a paragraph
I wake up in the middle of the night - a sound - coming from hallway. Following the sound - sound stops. Noise. Sounds like a scream. Wondering what is going on. I walk to my parents bedroom. The knob is hot. First I thought a fire - call 911! I put my ear up toward the door hear a voice. Can't make put what it's saying. "Please don't...I...do any..." Sounds like my mother. She sounds like she in trouble. I look down hands trembling foward to the hot knob. I stop myself. I think about want I should do. I don't know. Again I try my hand. Not knowing what to do. Shaking - my hand will not move now. I try listening in to the voices. "Please don't be scared. I won't hurt you." I don't know that voice. I force my hand to the door. Turning. Pushing foward. Door opens - stops to where I can see in. I see nothing it is too dark. I start to open the wooden door again, just a little. Light. Can see. My mother is sitting up on her bed. Where's dad? A man walks over to my mother, whispers something in her ear. Another man in a dark red cloak. He's bald. He bend over my mom, smelling her neck, touching her neck. He bares his teeth - fangs - and bits my mother's neck. Red drippings come from her neck. From his mouth.
The first man looked toward the door. I jerked my head back. "Who's there?" the man yells. I run, forgeting my mom. The man following right behind me. "NO DON'T!" my mother screamed, but he didn't stop. Go to the basement I thought. Its to dark for him to see me.
Dark. Silence. I hind behind a carboard box. The man starts down the stairs. "I'm alone." I was thinking. Scared. He walks around the room. Siffing the air. Step after step he finally stoped. In front of the box.