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Distinguished Scribe
booklover37
Posts: 513
Registered: ‎12-26-2008

Disguised--

(tell me what you think.. be honest.)

 

Disguised

 

Sunshine streams from her smile

as it seems, for a while.

Her laugh caresses every ear,

while she chokes back her tears.

 

What he says, we understand.

His thoughts, that is, are all very grand.

By his ideas, others abide;

while he dies slowly inside.

 

I am not one to say, that they are wrong

in every way, they move along.

For I, too, have kept mine hidden

in this world all is forbidden.

 

It is not only me, who hides things inside.

Open your eyes to see; It's a problem worldwide.

We never say what we truly mean,

For what we see, is not truly seen.

 

Our hearts leap from here to there.

Inside, we are asleep and never really aware.

Are we wise....

or are we merely a disguise?

 

 

"...life is a fight just the same, whether you fight it with weapons, or with words. You have to fight for what you believe in, and for the things you want.'"
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Wow! That was amazing! I loved it! How did u come up with this?
Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Wordsmith
twilightfann
Posts: 461
Registered: ‎08-29-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

[ Edited ]
Wow, that was really good ! I don't usually comment on stuff like this, but that was just incredible. =)
Message Edited by twilightfann on 04-22-2009 08:54 PM
The persons of their world lived in an atmosphere of faint implications and pale delicacies, and the fact that he and she understood each other without a word seemed to the young man to bring them nearer than any explanation would have done.
-The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Wordsmith
sweetiepie95
Posts: 747
Registered: ‎11-23-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

thats was great. i loved it!!!!!!!!
I'm weird cause i hate goodbyes :smileyhappy:
Contributor
krazykychik
Posts: 21
Registered: ‎02-18-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Wow! That was amazing! Usually, rhyming poems seem really tacky tome but that was great!
Frequent Contributor
Frozen101
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎03-22-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

WOW!!!!! im not much of a poetry peson (mainly cause I'm not really a poet:smileytongue:) but now all of a sudden I want to read and write that sort of thing!!:smileywink:
Inspired Wordsmith
laylapoma
Posts: 493
Registered: ‎04-06-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

o:

oh my..

i is speechless

i tripped up the stairs once.
its not as fun as people say.
Inspired Wordsmith
Pennley_Love
Posts: 300
Registered: ‎04-30-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Now that was fantastic!

I can totally see you writing a book someday.

And I will buy it, thats for sure!!

if you get time, could you send me some tips on writing??

Sincerely Yours,
Penn
Inspired Contributor
liv4Him
Posts: 154
Registered: ‎04-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Awesome.  I can't write poetry worth two cents, but I enjoy reading it.  That was really good!
Check out my blog at http://www.rinielsmusings.wordpress.com.
Distinguished Correspondent
D-Vos
Posts: 88
Registered: ‎04-26-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Hmm. Powerful. It reminds me of "We Wear the Mask."

 

It kinda bothered me with the bolds and italics and underlines. Those are more of a distraction than a help.

 

Several of the commas are incorrect and unnecessary:

 "It is not only me, who hides things inside."

 "For what we see, is not truly seen."

 "I am not one to say, that they are wrong"(also, there should be a comma after wrong)\

 

Otherwise it's a great poem!

 

D-Vos

Bibliophile
Silvermist24
Posts: 1,257
Registered: ‎03-25-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

It was REALLY good. truely.
Baby you can drive my car,
Yes I'm gonna be a star,
Baby you can drive my car,
And Baby I love you,
Beep Beep, Beep Beep, Yea!
Inspired Wordsmith
random97
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎06-23-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

[ Edited ]
your so amazing! omgosh i loved it and dont know what else to say! keep writing! i hope you get published! it was truely and wholely amazing! LOVED it!
Message Edited by random97 on 07-15-2009 06:20 PM
"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."
Frequent Contributor
Twilightgirl525
Posts: 77
Registered: ‎12-13-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

wow that was truely amazing! Your writing was outstanding!!!!! I didnt know u write poetry you never told me lol. send me some more lol
Inspired Wordsmith
twilight_fanatic_01
Posts: 1,162
Registered: ‎01-02-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Wow...you totally deserve all these laurels! I enjoyed this a lot. You should write more poetry!
Distinguished Correspondent
BLUEICEGAL
Posts: 1,846
Registered: ‎06-25-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

u never told me u wrote poems u funny women, !! i really enjoyed it, u need to give me some tips since im totally clueless at such things :smileyhappy: and u need to come on more often, havnt chated to u for ages :smileyhappy:
Wanna know the awesomeness that is moi??? movies, artists, gossip and the latest reviews of your fav books not to mention my upcoming twilight parody that i am currently working on is all here folks!! @ My Blog Fantasy4eva spread the word girls :smileyhappy:
Fantasy4eva
Correspondent
WerewolfGirl101
Posts: 795
Registered: ‎05-03-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

THAT WAS GREAT!! im not a big poetry person but that was AWESOME!! keep writin
lost banner Pictures, Images and Photos
Distinguished Scribe
booklover37
Posts: 513
Registered: ‎12-26-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

oh wow everyone thank you so much for your comments! it really inspires me to keep writing. when i posted this on here i never really thought it was good. but it does come from my heart. so thanks again guys!! :smileyhappy:
"...life is a fight just the same, whether you fight it with weapons, or with words. You have to fight for what you believe in, and for the things you want.'"
Inspired Wordsmith
random97
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎06-23-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

well yaa youre amazing!
"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."
Correspondent
thaisra
Posts: 432
Registered: ‎07-20-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Disguised--

Great Poem! Really really good!