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Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Any input would be much appreciated! 

 

It was well past midnight before we finally reached our target.  Dark figures passed in and out of the shadows around me as I felt the adrenaline rush that always comes before an attack.  Audrey’s slim figure paused beside me, giving me a questioning look before she slunk back into the gloom.  As she crept away I couldn’t help feeling the ugly head of fury rise in me.  I could do this; I would not make the same mistakes as last time.  I struggled to keep my anger under control.  Any emotions at all were the true enemy; it distracted us from our ultimate goal.  I took a deep breath and the anger reluctantly subsided back in to the vault of which I kept all my emotions. 

            Rowan was suddenly by my side and I involuntarily shuddered.  His penetrating gaze sent shivers down my spine even in the pitch darkness.  Once he knew that he had my undivided attention, which he already did the second he stooped beside me, he silently inclined his head and then disappeared. 

            Next to me, Shannon was grinning a bleached-white grin, her eyes dancing as they swept through the shadows.  “This is so exciting,” she whispered, taking the crossbow from her knapsack and loading a few arrows into it.  “I never-ever thought I’d actually get to do this- I mean, it’s way sci-fi, you know?  It’s, like, so unreal, and I just can’t believe it.”

            I looked at her from under my eyelids, silently cursing Lilith’s decision to send her with us.  Shannon was a newcomer, pulled fresh off the streets of London, and this was her first real mission with Seras Spero. 

            She had no idea what she was doing.

            “I mean, I was thinking this’d be all organized James Bond stuff, but it’s really more like Hellsing, you know?”  Shannon looked down at the crossbow and whacked a stubborn arrow, shoving it into place.  “All we really need is Integra and Alucard, and we’d be, like-“

Jack’s voice hissed into my earpiece through a haze of static.  “Kill the motor on Blondie’s mouth, okay?  The specimen’s getting closer to you.  If Shannon keeps talking, you’re screwed worse than last time.” 

            I bit my lip before I responded, knowing that any sharp reply I might have about how last time was not entirely my fault would get me pulled out of the mission faster than fast.  “I’ll see what I can do,” I told Jack.  Turning to Shannon, I said: “You need to keep quiet, alright?  This one’s just been turned, but he still has the hearing that every member of the Breed gets.  He hears you, and it’s over for all of us.” 

           In the darkness, I heard Audrey laugh.  “That’s putting it lightly,” she remarked. 

“Can’t you guys keep your traps shut?!” Jack hissed through the earpieces.  “Are you trying to make a total fiasco out of the mission?!” He paused waiting for the effect and then continued on his rant. “M’kay, due to the lapse of endless chatter I take that as a no!  So just shut up and get the job done right for once!”

        I rolled my eyes as Jack finally shut his own trap and halted his un-needed rant.  Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck stood straight up, the target was here.  Through my night vision goggles I zoomed in on the specimen.  The green filter gave him a sickly look but that did not distract me from his gorgeous face.  Like the rest of his kind he was strikingly beautiful in every aspect to us humans.  His rusty colored hair shone even in the pallor of the waning moon as his ice colored eyes penetrated every surface that he passed. 

        I sat there entranced like a love-struck school girl as he sauntered closer to our ambush.  He was now close enough that I could see him clearly without my night vision-goggles and as I slowly slipped them up on my forehead I let out an involuntary sigh.  He suddenly stopped.   Oh crap, I thought to myself as I realized I had just given all of us away, again.  Rowan was the first to take action as he released the arrow that would hopefully pierce the creature’s heart.  I should have realized that thoughtlessness was not a luxury we could afford.

      The arrow struck the specimen squarely in the diaphragm, sending him staggering backward.  He fell roughly against an alley wall and slumped to the grimy cobblestone street. Wrapping a long-fingered hand around the arrow, he pulled it out and clenched his jaw, presumably fighting off the pain of Rowan’s silver tipped arrow. 

Then he grinned. 

       “Oh my God!” Shannon wailed.  She raised the crossbow in shaking hands and pulled its trigger, sending an arrow flying into the wall behind the specimen.  “Oh my God!” she screamed again.  I couldn’t believe she was panicking right in the middle of the attack.  Well I could actually.

      “Shannon!” I snapped at her pulling the crossbow away from her before she fired at one of our own.  I quickly looked back to see where the thing had gone and to my great horror he was not there.  “Oh crap,” I muttered as I spun around only to find myself face to face with the monster. 

 

 

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

I loved it!! I would love to read more. I started laughing when,

shannon started freaking out. ha.

Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Lol.  Thanx!  I'm not at home at the moment, but I'll post more tomorrow! 
"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Okay. Cant Wait!!!!
Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

[ Edited ]

      He grinned at me and stepped closer until we were almost nose to nose, I dropped the crossbow.  I tired to keep my eyes away from his mouth, knowing that the fangs I would see if I looked would be somewhat less than comforting.  “Hello,” he purred, “Miss Reagan MacNeil.”  His icy blue eyes stared into mine the hunger clearly visible, mingled with something else that I couldn’t pinpoint.  An emotion I’d never seen coming from a vampire.   

       It sounds a bit strange, but at that moment I could not move.  It’s like I’d been hit with a Stasis spell in one of those stupid games Shannon was always playing.  Later, I knew what it was- that hypnosis thingy that the Breed uses to drag in their prey. 

      “Oh my God!” Shannon screamed again.  “Reagan, he knows your name!  How does he know your name?  What’s going on?” She stumbled away from me, well probably her panic was more inspired by the creature in front of me, but which, I couldn’t tell as survival instinct kicked in and she ran for her life. 

      “Reagan, “Jack said, the earpiece screaming with feedback.  “We’re aborting the mission.  You need to get out of there now!”  He paused, waiting for my response, and when there wasn’t one, he panicked.  “Reagan, what’s your status?”

      The specimen reached out and removed the earpiece from my ear.  “Miss MacNeil is unavailable at the moment,” he murmured.  “I’d suggest leaving a message for her.”

Even from a few steps away, I could hear Jack’s voice.  “Who is this?  Who are you- where’s Reagan?”

      The specimen dropped the earpiece and crushed it under his boot.  Panic rose in me stopping my scream dead in its tracks.  I gulped and I saw his gaze go straight to my throat. Idiot! I thought to myself. He reached out his hand and slowly caressed my neck. I shuddered and tried to back up but he snatched me around my waist and held me against him.  He lifted my hair away from my neck and he closed his eyes in pleasure, and yet there was that strange emotion still there.  He was going in for the kill and finally my instincts kicked in.  I kneed him as hard as I could and heard him gasp in pain.  He crumpled onto the side of the building and I fled down the alley way back towards the jeep that was waiting for us if anything went awry.  I look back to that night still, and I can’t help but wonder how I ran that fast. 

 

Message Edited by Kyleigh on 02-13-2009 12:45 PM
"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *Smiles. Screams. Gasps.*

 

 This is so cool. The suspence is killing me! Ahhhh!

 I need to know whats going to happen. Ahhhhh! :smileyvery-happy:

Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

      Halfway through the Shropshire district Shannon caught up with me as we switched vehicles so nobody would track us.  “Hey!” she shouted a few steps behind me.  “Hey, Reggie!”

     I stopped and clenched my fists.  “Do not,” I hissed, “Call me Reggie.”

    “Fine,” she shrugged.  In a second, she perked up.  “You were kind of cool back there. I mean, you just, like, kicked him and he went down like a rock!  It was, like, uber-effective.  If Victoria had just kicked Alucard like that, she would never have been a vampire, which is kind of a bad thing because then Hellsing would have no story, and then-“

     I sighed and clenched- unclenched my hand, as we got into the second jeep, taking the therapy breaths that Nora taught me.  “Is there something you wanted?”

    “Oh, of course!” she clapped her hands together.  “ Jack says  you need to come back to the headquarters and he says you’re going to be fired, only I don’t think he’s serious because he said that to me last week, and-“

    “Shannon, shut up!” I screamed, losing my calm, causing our driver to jump.  He also had just been let in on the whole big secret.  The whole vampires roam the entire world and it’s up to us to stop them from killing the entire human populous thing. 

    “Can’t you be quiet for five seconds of your life?”

    “Ouchie,” she sniffed wiping an imaginary tear from the corner of her eye. “My best friend had turned against me”

    I silently screamed.  Why in the world did the newbie have to get attached to me?!  Why?! 

    When we finally made it back to head quarters and I had gotten rid of Shannon, I was dreading what was to come, even though I probably wouldn’t get fired, at least I hoped not.  I stood in the hall with the pictures of the founding members of our society, Seras Spero, procrastinating.  Ever since I could remember, I had been one of the best here, but now that Shannon had joined I looked like Super VanHelsing compared to her.  It kind of made me feel good to be considered one of the elite on the Squad.

    “Reagan!  Haul your lazy butt out of here and get to the assembly room!” Jack practically screamed in my ear, knocking me out of my day dream of where I hadn’t screwed up the last two missions.  

      Instead of answering him I hung my head and walked away to get verbally abused.  Before I walked in, Audrey came around the corner, still wearing her all black get up. 

     “Way to go Reagan.  Wreck the mission, again. It’s almost too bad that the specimen didn’t get to finish you off, that way we wouldn’t be stuck with you,” she said as she passed by me with her pixie nose in the air.  Her words stung but I knew that they were true.  I knew that most of the leaders of our regiment wished I hadn’t come back, maybe I shouldn’t have.   

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

ADDICTING!!!!!
Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

      I sighed and pushed open the door.  To my great horror Lilith was sitting at the table beside Rowan. Lilith never came here unless something really bad happens. This was going to be very bad.  Lilith saw my expression, “Relax, the only reason that I’m here is because I was doing my rounds on all the bases,” she said as she brushed her deep violet hair out of her eyes.  I sighed with relief and was just feeling a little bit better until Rowan butted in.  

     “But you screwing up the last two missions is very serious, what happened?”

      I was really dreading this.  How was I supposed to tell them that I went goo-goo eyed on a vampire?  It happened almost everyday to the newby’s on the force, but never to anybody who has had relatively good experience in hunting, and especially not me.   But I knew they would know if I was lying, so I had to tell the truth, no matter how humiliating it was. 

     “I was zeroing in on the target sir, and I… got distracted.”

     “Got distracted?”  I winced at the tone of his voice.

     “Yes sir,” I said not meeting his gaze.  He didn’t ask ‘How so?’ like I expected him to but just nodded his head in understanding. 

     “Continue,” was all he said.

     “I raised my goggles and I made a sound, which alerted him to our presence sir.”

     “You mean your presence,” he said harshly.

     “Yes sir.” 

     “I’m suspending you Reagan,” Rowan said looking slightly sad as he said it. 

     “What?” I asked in panic. 

     “You heard me Reagan; you’re suspended until further notice.  I know that you’ve had a hard time after what happened but you need to leave that all behind once you step onto the field.  Take a break for a while, you throwing yourself into your work won’t help.  Last mission was a catastrophe I must say, this one wasn’t as bad, considering that the target only went after you.” 

     “Reagan, correct me if I’m wrong but Shannon said that the target knew your name?” Lilith said with a questioning look. 

     “Yes mam.”

     “Why do you think that was so?  Did one of the others on the force say your name when the subject was close?”

     “No mam, nobody said my name until after the target approached me and uttered my name.”

     “So someone did say your name?”

     “Yes mam.  Shannon called it out of concern when the target had me within its grasp, but that was all.” 

     “You are dismissed,” said Rowan waving me away.  I bowed my head and then briskly walked out the door, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible before I threw a tantrum.  I shut the door behind me and leaned against the door and sunk to the floor.  I couldn’t be suspended!  I was one of the best on the squad, leaving out the last two missions.  I suddenly heard Lilith’s voice in the room. 

    “You know, the girls had it hard, you could have been a little easier on her,” she said.

    “I know but she really needs a break.  If it wasn’t for the last two missions I still would have put her on temporary suspension.  She’s been working herself to death.”

    “Well what do you expect the girl to do?  She lost her whole family to that slaughter in Kent.  I would throw myself into killing as many vampires I could get my hands on too.”

     Tears weld up in my eyes and I rushed to wipe them away.  I didn’t want to cry anymore.  I slowly sat up and walked down the hallway towards the stair case. Jack passed me on the way, with an unusual look of concern in his eyes.

    “Are you ok?  What did they say?” he asked stopping me. 

     “I’m suspended,” I said meekly. 

    “Dang, sorry Reagan.  It won’t last that long, don’t worry about it kay? Keep your chin up,” he said as he playfully lifted up my chin.  I involuntarily smiled. Jack could make anyone laugh.  He might be a bossy techno geek during a mission but he turned clown once we got back to base.  

     “Thanks Jack.”

     “No problemo,” he said smiling triumphantly.  Once he left my temporary good spirits disappeared.  I sulked my way up the stairs and reached my bedroom.  I pushed my door open and slammed it shut as I glanced at my room.  It hadn’t changed since I left.  The same solitary bed in the corner, my weapons all laid out on my coffee table, a couple of pictures of my family and boyfriend.  Those pictures stabbed a hole through my heart as I looked at them.  I walked over to them and laid them face down so I wouldn’t have to live with their dead faces looking at me every day.  I flopped down onto my bed suddenly exhausted.  In a way it felt good to be back here, even if I was on suspension, it was my second home.  Sleep drifted over me and I gave up fighting it.  But my peaceful sleep didn’t last long.  I kept seeing my families corpses covered in blood lying on the floor.  Those images haunted me throughout the night no matter how hard I tried to forget them. 

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Distinguished Scribe
booklover37
Posts: 513
Registered: ‎12-26-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

oh my gosh.!!! I looooooove it!

how did you get an idea like this.?? I was literally gasping when he grabbed her

& it was hilarious when Shannon (i think that's her name) kept blabbering on and on.

haha... more more more!!

"...life is a fight just the same, whether you fight it with weapons, or with words. You have to fight for what you believe in, and for the things you want.'"
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

You are TALENTED! No lie!
Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Thanks so much!  I'm really glad you guys like it!  I wrote this forever ago, and I got re-inspired to continue it, so I decided to post it on here.  :smileyhappy: You opinions mean so much!  Thanks!   Here's some more.  :smileyhappy:

 

    I finally couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed my swimsuit for a midnight swim.  Maybe that would clear my head.  As I opened my door it creaked sounding like a boulder falling off a cliff in the dead of night.  The hallway was completely pitch black except for the skylight at the end of the hall.  For a place that housed people who hunted vampires, I thought that they would have more light in the place but it was almost as dreary as some of the vampires clubs.  As I walked under the skylight I saw a shadow move above me.  I immediately grabbed the stiletto out of my hair and whipped my head up.  A raven peered back at me.

    “God,” I said my heart beating fast.  “Pretty soon I’m gonna start seeing vampires in my own room,” I said sarcastically.  “Buh bye birdy.” 

    When I finally got out of the accursed building, the moon shining on the pool sent shivers down my spine.  It reminded me so much of earlier tonight.  I didn’t want to remember what happened but I couldn’t keep his face out of my head.  I just couldn’t figure out what other emotion I saw in his eyes.  I sighed and let it go for the moment and pulled off my long t-shirt off and threw it down on one of the chairs by the pool.

     I slowly lowered myself into the water; it was perfect, luke warm.  I sunk down immersing myself into the relaxation that drifted into me. I hadn’t been swimming in a long time and it felt extremely good.  I sprung back up and my head bobbed in the water, taking a deep breath.  I let my body float to the top and spread my hair out across the top of the water. 

    His face suddenly popped back into my head.  I tried to shove it out of my mind but it wouldn’t budge.  His eyes stared at me in my head and I finally figured out what the emotion was. 

     Sadness, he was sad, but sad for what?  Me?  That couldn’t be, vampires didn’t have any emotion, they were blood thirsty monsters, slaughtering any human that crosses their path.  But though it didn’t make any sense I couldn’t help feeling that it was sadness that was in his eyes.  The thought that maybe vampires were just as human as I was appeared in my subconscious and I hurriedly dismissed the thought.  All my training had taught me other wise.  All the murdered people I had seen, including my own family and boyfriend were dead because of them.  No, they had no hearts, it disappeared the first moment they were bitten. 

     I closed my eyes and sunk down a little bit in the water.  I opened my eyes slightly and saw a blurred image at the edge of the pool.  I bolted up and suddenly a searing pain spread through me.  The last thing I remembered thinking was, the diving board. 

 

 

 

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Your welcome! Its all true. Moreee pleaaasssee!
Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Scribe
booklover37
Posts: 513
Registered: ‎12-26-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

:smileyhappy:* dances around and chants MORE MORE MORE
"...life is a fight just the same, whether you fight it with weapons, or with words. You have to fight for what you believe in, and for the things you want.'"
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

I felt somebody shaking me and I screamed. I opened my eyes to see Audrey standing over me her hands over her ears. 

     “God what did you scream for?” she said hotly, glaring at me. 

     “Sorry, I’m not used to being beaten awake,” I answered just as venomously, glaring back.

    “Whatever,” she said rolling her eyes.  “I’m just here to remind you that while you’re under suspension you’re not allowed out of headquarters un-chaperoned in case you try to go hunting.”  

    “Great, thanks for telling me,” I said putting a little more sarcasm and disdain than was probably necessary into it.  She started for the door and paused.  She turned around with a smirk on her face and said, “Oh and maybe you should get a bed-sheet if you can’t control your bladder.”  She quickly walked out of my room and I immediately looked down. 

      The sheets were stained all around me as well as my pillow and my hair was slightly damp.  Last night suddenly came back with glaring clarity.  I had hit my head on the diving board last night.  But what was really disturbing me was that I had no memory of regaining consciousness in the pool or coming back to my room.  Someone must have pulled me out and brought me back in.  The thought sent shivers down my spine.  It must have been Rowan or Jack or someone, I told myself.  After all Jacks window looks out over the courtyard and he would have seen me. Yeah that was it, Jack must have pulled me out, but then again I was wearing my t-shirt, which I doubt he would have put back on me.  Forget it, I told myself; Jack pulled me out, who cares about the stupid t-shirt?  I got out of bed quickly and pulled on some sweats and a tank top, tossing my swim suit into the hamper.  I brushed through my tangled hair, which smelled of chlorine and pulled it up into a pony tail which laid down the middle of my back.    I decided not to find Jack quite yet and went down in to the weight room to do some weight training, since I had nothing better to do.

 

 

Sorry that was so short.  I'm still working on this section and this was the least awkward place to end.  

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008

Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

As usual, Clayton was already there on the bench press. 

     “Hey Clay,” I said grabbing my ipod from my pocket. 

     “Heard you got suspended,” he said before hanging up the bar.  I flinched, Thanks for the reminder Clay, I thought. 

      I shrugged, trying to suggest that I didn’t really care.  “Do you mind if I plug in my ipod to the speakers?”

    “Nah, go right ahead.  I was leaving anyway,” he said grimacing.  Clayton hated my music selection. 

     “Hey, I keep telling you techno/rock is the future,” I said grinning. 

     “Ya sure,” he replied rolling his eyes before shutting the door behind him.  My false smile quickly slid off my face.  Apparently everyone had already heard that I was off the team temporarily.  Everyone had been reluctant to let me come back, saying that my personal vendetta would cloud my judgment.  I guess they were right, well maybe being suspended had its advantages.  I suddenly didn’t feel like working out anymore.  I shut the lights off behind me before closing the door. 

      Sunlight fell through the window panes, its warm rays flickering as I walked down the hall.   My stomach grumbled loudly, startling me.  I clutched my stomach and moaned.  I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday.   I made a side trip to the kitchen, hoping there was something besides moldy cheese in the fridge. 

 

It's short again.  I was at a speech tournament yesterday.  I was awake at 5 and didn't get home till 12:30, otherwise I would have added on.  

 

Oh quick questoin.  I'm having trouble deciding on which way to take the story into.  Any suggestions? 

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Wordsmith
AliceTP
Posts: 397
Registered: ‎01-03-2009
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

That was good.

                 

Uh.....maybe one night while EVERYONE is gone.

 Hunting or hangout somewhere. She stays behing.

And the vampire comes.

 


Did that help?

Sometimes i want to scream,
Other times i want to be happy,
Then i just want to be with you.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

Hmm.  I honestly didn't think of that.  Lol.  I was thinking that while they were out hunting she snuck out and was in a vampire club and discovered the rest of the underworld(like there's faeries, werewolves, half demons, warlocks and so on) and that Seras Spero was hiding all of it from them.  And she ends up seeing the same vampire. 

 

But then again I don't know if I should bring in other magical creatures and such.  What do ya think? 

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Distinguished Scribe
booklover37
Posts: 513
Registered: ‎12-26-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

i think you should have him (the vampire) kidnap her or something

or like Alice said he could show up when she's alone.

& about the other creatures i think it'll take a lot of explaining if you add more creatures

but that's just me.

"...life is a fight just the same, whether you fight it with weapons, or with words. You have to fight for what you believe in, and for the things you want.'"
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
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Re: Vampire Hunter story, opinions plz!

I'm kind of thinking about having Leon(the vampire) as a love interest, but I'm not for sure yet. 

 

Ok then.  It's going to be strictly vampires.  Lol.  

 

Thanx you guys!  That really helped.  :smileyvery-happy:

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."