Reply
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009

Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Ok, I have been writing this forever and I just want to know what other teens might think of it. This is the prologue so...yeah.

 

                                                          Prologue      

        Bright lights. Rocky ground. Chasing men. Run. I ran faster, pushing my legs harder. The lights blurred past. Shouts followed behind me. Faster….Faster!  My lungs wanted more oxygen I couldn’t give them. My muscles ached, and screamed with fire. Still, I pulled myself forward. The voices started to fade behind me. Finally.            

       Yet, I didn’t slow. I couldn’t risk them getting to me. My phone started to buzz, again, for the twentieth time in the last four minutes. I didn’t look down because I knew who was calling me. Stop. Just stop. Why make it worse?           

       How could someone you love so much put you in so much danger? If anyone were to find that out it would be me. I sighed looking up at the dark sky. If only I could fly right now, I thought. Wait. I can. What have I been running for all this time? I thought absentmindedly. I scoffed looking at the struggling men trying to chase me. In a split second, I was in the sky, way above the heads of those lunatics.            

        The cool air ripped around me. The sky was dark, but so opening. Welcoming. I looked back at them still running. One tripped over a stone and I laughed. The other two stopped to help him up. They all three looked at me with narrowed eyes. They stopped and started to rave. My eyes narrowed at their comments. If only, I thought. I would go back just because of what they said.            

           Incomplete, one had hissed.          

           Mutated, said one.           

           Harmful, said another.          

           I’m none of those.

 

Oh and it's in a guy's POV. Let me know what you think.

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
New User
Mutt99
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Sounds really good. you should post more of it up.
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Ya definately.  Very suspenseful, I'm kind of hooked in.  What is he?  You should definately post more.  :smileyvery-happy:
"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

This mini Chapter kinda tells more about him. It was the original first chapter. Thanks for the comments! it means alot. Oh and the name of the story is Cross Your Heart.

 

 

Promise          

                    Have you ever heard the phrase, “Cross your heart and hope to die?”           

                    I think that is a little harsh for a promise. What does it mean to cross your heart? To go against what you believe. Is it to betray what you might feel? To cross your heart is an unordinary promise.Not everything can always be “Ordinary.”         

                   What I am about to tell you is not an ordinary story. It involves a guy and a girl. Sounds normal? Just wait. This story is far from ordinary. You are probably thinking, “The guy and the girl meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after.” Right? Wrong. Like I said this is far from ordinary.       

                  The guy? His name is James Myron.      

                  He is just another sixteen-year-old boy. “He isn’t supposed to be normal.” Yes, I said that. He isn’t. He just appears that way. Black hair that is short but still shaggy atop his head. It frames his heart shaped face.         

                 His mouth is small, with lips that stay in a constant half-smile. He is generally a happy guy. He believes in true love. That is something most guys think nothing of usually. James wants to be a one girl’s ultimate guy. With his Sky blue eyes, ones you fall into whenever you look, how is that hard to accomplish? Popular? He is about middle class. He is popular but still quiet. He is tall and lanky. Muscles only in his arms. A picture of shy guy perfection. Why isn’t he normal then?          

                 He is an experiment. Born in a lab James can do more than the average human. His DNA allows him to shape shift, know the emotions of those who surround him, and finally he can know everything about a person just by physical contact. Such as brushing against a shoulder or shaking hands.          

                That simple, and he can know everything about you. Some things even you don't know. You thought he was ordinary. The girl is Carol Michaels. Not unlike James, she is just another sixteen-year-old girl. (She too isn’t normal. She is more than she appears.) Her auburn hair cascades over her thin shoulders.        

                Her eyes are a deep emerald green. 

                 She is always smiling on the outside, the inside not so much.      

                The popular girl. The one everyone wants to be. She is tall and muscular; she is always doing some kind of sport. Always on the move. Carol is only human, unlike James.   She lives a life of friends and sports to get away from her home life. She is an adopted child. Her adoptive parents are nice and kind.Why would she want to be away?      

              Her parents left her as a child. Since then no adult can win her trust. Only children. It branded her for life. Knowing that everyone is capable of deceit. She doesn’t even trust her friends.      

              She puts on a show smiling at everyone.         

              When in reality she would rather die than genuinely smile. So why would these two students have a story? What makes their contact as teenagers something special?               

            Is it her personality?        

            His abilities?         

            Their unimaginable lives?      

            Hold on. That is what I’m about to tell you. It all starts at Griffin High school the first day of junior year. Before I start, you need to remember that part of the promise.             Cross your heart.  

 

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Dude.  Love the writing style.  Very unique.  Kind of reminds me of Death in Book Thief.  Kind of but not really.  I really like it, it sets up the story wihtout giving too much away, yet it pulls you in. 

 

More please.  Lol.  This is really good

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Distinguished Correspondent
musicangirl
Posts: 2,136
Registered: ‎11-30-2007
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

If this was seriously ever published (And I hope it is just by the small amount here) I would really buy it. I'm hooked with just the prolouge. Ginger-Kid you have a way of writing and it's amazing. Hope you post more :smileyhappy:. I really like it.
~Mg

Sometimes people give up,
other times they move on,
and sometimes they just stay still.

I turned to the clarinets. They were a resourceful lot.~Jennifer Echols, Major Crush
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Ok, at the moment I'm trying to get my work copyrighted....so it can't be stolen. And that helps if I wanna publish. So while that is happening I think I might post some of my other stories. Or if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them. I'll try to hurry.

-Morgan

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Inspired Correspondent
passi0nate_1
Posts: 343
Registered: ‎06-14-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

this is very interesting and id love to read more id totally but if it got published.
Music is the cure.
I am the addiction.
New User
gothvampfreak
Posts: 0
Registered: ‎01-19-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

wow ur really good u need 2 like meet a publisher i would buy it 

 

a small voice inside her began 2 cry

i loved him i loved dylan

we love no 1

no 1 but our selves

 

from revelations blue bloods series

New User
BookLover93
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎01-19-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

That is really good. if it was published i would but it. More please:smileyvery-happy:
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

ok ok. Just a bit more.

 

 

                 Who am I? You already know me. My name is James. Yes, the boy I talked about earlier is I. Surprised aren’t you? As I mentioned earlier that I am…out of the ordinary. Such as with added abilities.            

            When I encounter someone, his or her whole life flashes through my body. Including how they felt. I was built strong to withstand the pain of some memories.  I brushed against Carol a year or so ago, that is why I know her life. It is a strange feeling, to see someone’s life. To feel everything they have felt. If I wasn’t so strong I would doubled over with the pain Carol has felt. I felt the anger, hurt, and distrust radiating from her memories. It seemed like every time I passed her she was giving off a negative emotion.           

                In the past, I watched out for her, like a guardian angel. I watched her, as she was at practices, for her various sports. I sat in the tree, as a bird, watching her.  When she left I would fly home through the streets.         

                   I would land into my room with a hit and roll. I like to transform in style. My mom/creator always came up and asked me to land more quietly. I would always promise, “Cross my heart.” running my finger in an X across my chest where my heart is.            Therefore, the story begins on the first day of junior year.  I walked in with my head held high. I gave my friends high-fives and then I didn’t have to ask what they had done that summer.           

              My best friend Carter walked up next to me sluggish. His emotion was tired and irritated. He wasn’t happy to be at school. I just laughed at his emotion. He looked at me with sharp eyes.            

            “Why are you always so freakin’ happy on the first day of school?” he asked in a dark tone.           

               “I don’t know why.” I replied.          

               He leaned in closer to whisper. “If you can sense everyone’s emotions shouldn’t you be on the floor withering to go home?” he asked quietly with sarcasm that leaked into his voice. Carter is my only friend who knows everything about me.He wasn’t at all freaked out. He thought it was awesome. As we walked through the hall, his eyes were questioning.            

              “Just because I feel everyone’s emotions doesn’t mean I can’t block them.” I said. He snorted. I kept my face serious.            

                “Seriously? You can block people’s emotions?” he asked. I nodded smug. “Lucky.” he muttered. ME LUCKY? I thought. I laughed a bit too loud because a teacher shushed me. I put my new books into my locker. Carter’s was beside mine so he was shoving his books into his locker. He looked over into my perfectly straightened locker.              “Why are you so neat?” he sneered.         

               “It is how I’m programmed.” I said chuckling. He looked at me with wide eyes. I smirked at him. His eyes narrowed, “You are so mean.” he growled. “I am reading your emotions, and copying them.” I said digging through my bag looking for my locker mirror.             “Can you do that?!” he asked eager.          

            “Yeah.” I replied.            

            Carter is easily amazed. He hit my shoulder playfully. His whole summer flashed through my body. I looked at his camp days.“So you like blondes?” I asked referring to his camp girlfriend. He smiled. “You never stop amazing me. And yes, I do like blondes.” he said turning to wink at a passing girl. Blonde of course. She giggled and passed talking to her friends. I searched for her emotion.          

        “You made her nervous.” I stated.            

          “What?”          

          “That girl you just winked at, you made her flustered and nervous. In the good way.” I told him still focused on my locker.  He chucked, obviously pleased with himself. I just wagged my head smiling  He wasn’t well….hot. I guess he could be good looking. His hair is light brown, shaggy. He has a very symmetrical face. Blue eyes that flash when the light hits them. I rarely ever file into Carter’s relationships because they aren’t that special.             He likes girls, many girls.        

            He hasn’t stayed with one more than two months his whole life. Maybe he did something that didn’t include girls over the summer, I thought.  I started to file through his summer. I came to a memory that involved a needle and thread. I started to laugh without control.         

           His head spun around looking at me with wide eyes. “What? What did you see?” he asked anxious.“I…didn’t know you could…sew.” I strangled out through my laughter. His emotion turned hot and red. I looked up, his face matched. “Are you sure you aren’t an evil experiment?” he asked slamming his locker door. I made a sinister face.            

          “Yes. I plan to take over the world and ruin your reputation at the same time.” I added a small maniacal laugh. Carter hit my shoulder again, and then looked up with wider eyes.“How much more do you know?” he asked anxiously.I put my book bag in my locker and picked up my books. I turned around smiling. “James. James tell me.” I strode past him, he ran to keep up. I smiled, turned into my first class, and chuckled darkly. He smirked.           

         “No need to get jealous….again.” I said enigmatically.            

        He stalked off. I laughed and sat down in my seat. A wave fury washed in the room; I didn’t have to look over to know who was coming in. I looked through my peripheral vision. Carol had just walked into the room. It was getting so easy to get through to her emotions. She had a smile on her face. I sighed.           

       Never going to show her real self is she?  I thought.          

       The class was all smiles looking at her expression. The sudden happiness that coursed through everyone’s veins filled me. I felt like I could jump up and down singing show tunes. Not literally. If there is one thing I can’t stand it is show tunes.        

           My newest teacher, Mrs. Dowel, was a generally happy person. She had shaken everyone’s hand at orientation. So now, I know her life story. She has a strong preference for outgoing students. I sat there radiating happiness. Her eyes scanned the room taking view of her new class. Her eyes stopped on me and she smiled. I smiled back. I wasn’t anticipating what happened when she turned to Carol. I thought she would smile at her, and Carol would fake smile back. Instead, Carol looked up, her mouth in a flat line, and nodded an acknowledgement. I searched through the worried buzzes of emotions to find Carol’s emotion. I couldn’t find it.            

         She had no emotion now.        

         I looked over to her again, to see if her face still matched.  She turned her head and for a moment, it was if she was studying me.I smiled, wagged my fingers, and mouthed a “hello.” She smiled back and returned the “hello.”      

        At that moment, my face froze; Happiness was radiating out of her. I looked around to see if I was picking up someone else’s emotions. No. It couldn’t be. I had made her truly happy. Worry swept over; I looked at her face seeing that she was worried about my reaction.     

       I forced a smile and turned back to the board. Throughout the entire class period, she was worried. About me. I fought my hardest to keep my face in a smile, and keep my voice from cracking mid-sentence.      

       When the bell rang, I breathed deeply as if I had been holding my breath the entire time.  As I left to turn down the hall, Carol put her hand on my shoulder. Her entire day flashed through my head. When I saw through the class period, I straightened up. I wasn’t wrong; she was worried about me.

 

:smileyhappy: Hope you liked it.

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
New User
BookLover93
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎01-19-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

[ Edited ]
Thank you:smileyvery-happy: It's so cute Carol worried about him! hows it going on getting it copyrighted, and published?
Message Edited by BookLover93 on 01-19-2009 10:00 PM
Wordsmith
Arielle
Posts: 1,098
Registered: ‎10-30-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Wow. This is so amazing! I love it!!!! Great job!
Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Heh. Getting things legalized when you are a teenager....it's hard. I don't even know where to start looking. But I'll post a bit more.

 

 

            I found out something else I didn't know; she cared for me. She honestly cared for my well-being. I turned around to face her.

            Her eyes were troubled. Tears started to fill the rims of her eyes. I had to say something. Her lower lip quivered, she looked like a child.

            "Carol. What's wrong?" I whispered.

            Her face weakened. "I was going to ask you the same thing." she murmured looking down. I put my finger underneath her jaw to raise her gaze to meet mine. "Why are you so worried about me? I'm fine." I said still whispering; as if a regular tone would scare her.

            "I-I-I..." she stuttered nervously. Her heart was racing. "What?" I asked.

She took a deep breath trying to catch her breath. She said each word slowly, "You...looked...like...you...were...going...to...suffocate."

            Now I thought she was going to suffocate. I now had her face in both of my hands. I looked at her gleaming emerald eyes.

            "I'm fine. Now why are you about to cry?"

            Her head slipped from my hands and landed on my chest. Her hands clutching to my shirt. I panicked; I had never been in this kind of situation. I looked around. No one seemed to care. I had to do something. I looked down.

            Her tears stained my shirt, her quiet sobs shook my body, and her emotions were overwhelming. Anger, concern, worry, fright, love, happiness, and bitterness; they all slapped me in the face each time her emotion shifted. Her being close was making it worse.

            I knew I had to calm her down. For her own good...and mine.

            I put one of my arms around her waist. With the other, I smoothed her hair out. The warning bell rang. I looked up. We had to leave. I lifted her head up. I wiped away the tears with my thumb.

            "We have to get to class." I said softly.

            I didn't want her to cry again. She lifted up off my shirt and smiled. "Thanks." she said sniffing. I ran my fingers through her hair and held her shoulder tight.

            "Anytime." I said in the sweetest tone. She hugged me tightly. The whole experience swept through my body; from her point of view. I swear my eyes had to have shined.

            She trusts me. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I smiled knowing that I was helping her. She said goodbye and walked off smiling.

            I felt the same way.   I walked to my next class smiling.

            My heart felt like it was about to explode. I thought about it. I liked being trusted. I liked being there for her; I felt like I was made exactly for her. Thinking about it I almost slammed into Carter. Carter stopped me. He looked at my serene face.

            Tilting his head, he pointed to my tear soaked shirt. I looked down remembering. It made me smile again.

            "Carol." I said my voice was clear again.

            His jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?!" he about screamed.

            Students turned to look. I clamped my hand over his mouth. His muffled voice came through my fingers. I only caught half of the words.

            "C...ol? Ser...sly?! Oh....y...god!"

            I nodded, because I couldn't speak. My panic had stolen my voice. After he had calmed down, I released my grip. I didn't read anything from him because I was focusing on keeping him quiet. He leaned against the doorway.

            "After did she hug you or something?" he asked and I knew what he meant.

            "Yeah. I found out a lot." I said finding my voice again. His eyes scanned the hallway. It took me a second to realize what he was doing; He was looking for her. "She went to her next class." I said.

            He grabbed my arm and dragged me into the classroom. His first period class flashed through me. I laughed. "You really suck at math. Don't you?" I chuckled. He had answered every question wrong on the first quiz. The ones the teachers give to see much you know. Apparently, he knew nothing. I looked at him.

            He smirked. "Hey, Pre Calc is hard." I broke free of his grip and looked for two side-by-side desks. When we had the chance, we sat next to each other in class. He threw his books into his desk and sat down. "So..." he whispered, "Why was she crying?" he asked. I looked up from my books inside my desk. They were in a neat pile. Perfect.  I took a deep breath.

            "Afterwards when I got the whole story from her view I understood." I paused remembering. "She was worried about me. She trusts me. I guess those feeling were bottled up and she let them out." Carter half-smiled.

            "Yeah...all over your shirt." he said waving a hand at my chest. I smiled.

            "I liked being there for her." I said almost inaudible. Carter had to lean in to hear me. "You know what comes next. Don't you?" he asked slyly. I shook my head. What was he thinking?

            "Kisses." he puckered his lips and blew kisses. I smacked him in the head.  That is all he ever thought about...it wasn't a shock.

            The conversation through his eyes jolted through my brain.

            I chuckled softly. "Only you." I muttered.

            I went back to sorting my binder. A sense of confusion swept over.  I looked back over to Carter. He looked at me with questioning eyes. I knew he wanted reason behind my statement.

            "You are jealous. 'Cause Carol likes me." I said smug. His eyes darted back and forth. "What?! No!" he said his voice an octave too high.

            "Lies. You are such a bad liar." I said wagging my head in pity.

            His emotions were all messed up; Fury, compassion, and worry. Worry? I tilted my head. "Why are you worried?" I asked. He looked up surprised. His angry expression vanished; nervousness filled its place.

            "Oh, our new teacher. I hear he is supposed to be hard." he whispered.

            His fingers were nervously drumming on the desk. I laughed. I had met the teacher and knew he wasn't difficult; he just wanted discipline.

            "He isn't hard. He just likes control." I said quietly. Carter sighed and turned back to the front. He turned to me once more.

            Even if I could read his thoughts, I knew what he was going to ask. I smiled waiting for him to speak. His eyebrows drew downwards; he only does that when he is really concentrating. It was if he was thinking over what he was going to say.

            Then it all poured out. "Why does she like you? I mean you aren't even around her that much. Isn't it weird one day she just come up to you and spills her emotions? I mean why you? She has like a million other guys she could go cry on. She picked you though. I'm not jealous. I'm not honestly. I just can't figure it out." he whispered quickly.

            I shrugged. His eyes darted and he was still confused. He was about to speak again but the teacher walked in.

            The more I thought about it, the more I understood what Carter meant. I really hadn't been near Carol that much, that she knew of. From her memories, I saw that she had been watching me, but couldn't figure me out.

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Distinguished Correspondent
BLUEICEGAL
Posts: 1,846
Registered: ‎06-25-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

this is good yh  sounds reli interesting when did you start on the story?
Wanna know the awesomeness that is moi??? movies, artists, gossip and the latest reviews of your fav books not to mention my upcoming twilight parody that i am currently working on is all here folks!! @ My Blog Fantasy4eva spread the word girls :smileyhappy:
Fantasy4eva
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Oh goodness...I started this in June. But what I have posted so far is no where near

the where I've got to. I'm not done...yet. But it's really long. :smileywink:

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Distinguished Wordsmith
_K3LS3Y_
Posts: 840
Registered: ‎01-20-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

This is amazing!!! I would soo buy this book. good luck getting it copyrighted. i would love to see this in stores!!:}
You always get your happy ending
If you're not happy...then it's not the end
Distinguished Correspondent
Kyleigh
Posts: 2,580
Registered: ‎11-16-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Once again, totally amazing.  Ya definate luck on getting it copy rited.  I really hope you can get this published.  I think it would be totally amazing. 
"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns."
Correspondent
Ginger-Kid
Posts: 121
Registered: ‎01-17-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Ok so I typed in "How to get a book copyrighted" on google....like 1,000,000 answers popped up. I'm like Great.... So I start to look at one...and to put it simply...it's difficult.

Lol. Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Also a thanks for the many "It's amazing" comments. They make me heart smile. :smileywink: Any critasism would be nice...I want to improve the story so it's at it's best. Thanks again.

-Morgan

"Speak Your Mind
[even if your voice shakes]"
Distinguished Wordsmith
_K3LS3Y_
Posts: 840
Registered: ‎01-20-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Writing a book. Plz Read and reply.

Look at some of your favorite books or just some books and find out where they got theirs copyrighted it normally tells you, that would be a good place to start
You always get your happy ending
If you're not happy...then it's not the end