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becke_davis
Posts: 35,755
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Love and Loyalty (semi-spoiler)

[ Edited ]
In the first part of the book, Gabby is torn because she has feelings of love and loyalty toward Kevin and she feels she is being unfaithful by becoming friends with Travis, even though, initially, their budding friendship is very open and above-board.

Awhile back, Jimmy Carter infamously made a comment about committing adultery in his mind or heart if not in fact. Gabby is holding herself to a similarly high standard but she can't deny her growing attraction to Travis -- a sense of familiarity and rightness more than lust.

If she stuck to her high standards and denied her feelings for Travis, would she have been doing right by Kevin, or would have she been cheating them both? Or should Travis concern himself about her long-term loyalty, on the assumption that if her love for Kevin could be overcome by love for him, maybe down the line love for someone new could replace her love for him?

I've been married a really long time but this question has come up several times recently in discussions with some younger friends of mine. If they love someone and strongly value monogamy and loyalty, what happens when a relationship starts going sour, or when people start to outgrow each other? Taking that to the extreme, it would mean that no one would ever have a serious relationship after the first one.

When you sense that the relationship is not what it should be, at what point is it cheating to consider the possibility of a future with someone else, and at what point is it common sense?

It makes me think of a scene from the movie You've Got Mail, where Meg Ryan's character is breaking up with Greg Kinnear's character (a mutual decision, as it turns out). He asks her if there is someone else, and she replies, "No, but there is the possibility of someone else."

What are your thoughts on this?

Message Edited by becke_davis on 10-01-2007 08:16 PM
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love and Loyalty (semi-spoiler)



becke_davis wrote:
In the first part of the book, Gabby is torn because she has feelings of love and loyalty toward Kevin and she feels she is being unfaithful by becoming friends with Travis, even though, initially, their budding friendship is very open and above-board.

Awhile back, Jimmy Carter infamously made a comment about committing adultery in his mind or heart if not in fact. Gabby is holding herself to a similarly high standard but she can't deny her growing attraction to Travis -- a sense of familiarity and rightness more than lust.

If she stuck to her high standards and denied her feelings for Travis, would she have been doing right by Kevin, or would have she been cheating them both? Or should Travis concern himself about her long-term loyalty, on the assumption that if her love for Kevin could be overcome by love for him, maybe down the line love for someone new could replace her love for him?

I've been married a really long time but this question has come up several times recently in discussions with some younger friends of mine. If they love someone and strongly value monogamy and loyalty, what happens when a relationship starts going sour, or when people start to outgrow each other? Taking that to the extreme, it would mean that no one would ever have a serious relationship after the first one.

When you sense that the relationship is not what it should be, at what point is it cheating to consider the possibility of a future with someone else, and at what point is it common sense?

It makes me think of a scene from the movie You've Got Mail, where Meg Ryan's character is breaking up with Greg Kinnear's character (a mutual decision, as it turns out). He asks her if there is someone else, and she replies, "No, but there is the possibility of someone else."

What are your thoughts on this?

Message Edited by becke_davis on 10-01-2007 08:16 PM





I believe if there is someone else besides your one and only lurking out there in the dark but in your heart, your thoughts, you need to think and act on it. It is definitely time to realize who it is you want in your life. It is never good to linger on with someone you are having doubts about, especially when its another person involved. It could get very ugly. I do believe what Jimmy Carter said, if you think it or want it to happen, its the same to me. It means you are having serious doubts about the person you are with. And its a form of cheating. and you should react immediately. The longer it prolongs, the harder it gets and the hurt grows deeper.
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datsme
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love and Loyalty (semi-spoiler)

***Spoiler--Don't read on if you haven't finished the book.***

Hello,
What surprised me (and correct me if I'm wrong because my recall is terrible) was that Gabby didn't dwell on choosing Travis over Kevin very long although the book leaves an entire decade to our imagination. But I have to commend her for going with her heart and choosing her friend and neighbor.

I was not feeling well when I started reading this book and was not very enthusiastic for a neat little love story, but what a surprise! My naivete led me to believe that "The Choice" was Gabby's choice between Travis and Kevin. But then at the beginning of part 2, the dates came into play and I read the Prologue again, double checked the dates and was anxious to know what happened during those missing years. What a shock to find that "The Choice" was not hers, but Travis' choice to follow the legal guidelines spelled out in their will. That's one thing about Nicholas Sparks--he has a way of throwing an unexpected twist into the story and making it so much more than your usual love story.
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kiakar
Posts: 3,435
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love and Loyalty (semi-spoiler)



datsme wrote:
***Spoiler--Don't read on if you haven't finished the book.***

Hello,
What surprised me (and correct me if I'm wrong because my recall is terrible) was that Gabby didn't dwell on choosing Travis over Kevin very long although the book leaves an entire decade to our imagination. But I have to commend her for going with her heart and choosing her friend and neighbor.

I was not feeling well when I started reading this book and was not very enthusiastic for a neat little love story, but what a surprise! My naivete led me to believe that "The Choice" was Gabby's choice between Travis and Kevin. But then at the beginning of part 2, the dates came into play and I read the Prologue again, double checked the dates and was anxious to know what happened during those missing years. What a shock to find that "The Choice" was not hers, but Travis' choice to follow the legal guidelines spelled out in their will. That's one thing about Nicholas Sparks--he has a way of throwing an unexpected twist into the story and making it so much more than your usual love story.





Yes, that is why I think I love his books. His is always alittle bit more than just a love story, so much that touches every fragment of our life is written beautifully on his pages of his wonderful thought provoking books.
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