Just in time for Halloween, author David Wong stops by the NOOK Blog to tell us what frightens him. His previous book—the popular and provocatively titled John Dies at the End—is currently being adapted into a film featuring one of my favorite actors, Paul Giamatti. The sequel, This Book is Full of Spiders, was just released, and is available now on NOOK.
Here are 5 Things That Scare David Wong:
1. Toilet Snakes
It happens all the time -- the snake slips through a gap in your sewer line, slithers up through the drain, waits for you to sit down and, well, use your imagination. The snake has a lot of options at that point. And you'll never see it coming.
2. Getting Stuck in an Iron Lung
For you kids who don't know what an iron lung is, it was a machine like a metal coffin they'd put polio patients in, it just had one hole in the end for their head to stick out. Polio could paralyze the muscles you use to breathe, so they'd enclose you in this machine that did your breathing for you (escaping the metal box meant instant death). You'd lay there, your limbs completely immobilized, entombed in this machine for months. What would you do if a cockroach tried to crawl up your nose?
They don't use these machines any more, but I fear they'd bring them back just for me.
3. Dying in a Way That Becomes a Viral YouTube Video
Say I'm in the stands of a Chicago Bears game and the live bear they keep on the sidelines goes wild, charges the stands and eats my face off on live TV. That clip would become world famous, and for generations my family could never mention my death without the other person saying, "Oh, that was HIM?" I mean I don't think the Bears actually keep a real bear on the field but I only use that as an example.
4. Google Glass
These are the augmented reality wifi goggles Google created, which overlay information right in front of a person's eyes, 24/7. Soon everyone will have them, and from then on you'll never know if the person you're talking to is really listening or just checking their Twitter feed (which, from their point of view, is floating right in front of your face). But then you'll have the scary stuff -- maybe they'll have stalker apps that can scan the face of any pretty girl and instantly tell a stranger where she lives, and if she lives alone. Maybe they'll have compact backscatter scanners like the machines at the airport, that let him see through her clothes.
The good news is they're also working on software that can scan somebody's face and voice to act as a real-time lie detector- oh, wait, no. That would collapse society completely, wouldn't it?
5. People Whose People Skills Are Too Good
These are well-dressed, good-smelling guys with gelled hair. They always smile, they always look you dead in the eye and pat you on the shoulder and remember every little detail about you, even if you don't see them again for a year. On some level, I know they're just salesmen, business school grads and aspiring politicians. But I can't shake my suspicion that they're secretly an alien species in disguise, who are breeding the rest of us as food. Tell me they're not fattening us up.
NOOK owners: go to shop and search for ‘David Wong’ to download his inventively creepy books.
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