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New User
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-29-2007
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I'm writing this just for fun. Feedback would great!

"Caroline," a shrewd voice yelled. "Get in this house, now!"
In Caroline's opinion Tara Bloom was a beast of a woman. The four years she had been the Rosewell's nanny she had managed to destroy every invention Caroline Roswell had created. At fifteen years old, Caroline believed herself too old to have a nanny, but with three younger brothers she realized there was no getting rid of Ms. Bloom. As a result, she dedicated every free moment to terrorize the overbearing nanny.
In a small shed where garden tools and flower pots filled the corners, Caroline put the final touches on her latest creation. "Perfect," She said aloud to herself. "Old lady Bloom won't destroy this one." With a sly smile stretched across her face, She placed the contraption behind an old wooden table and ran toward the house.
Jasmine plantation was one of the largest plantations in the south, sitting on top of a hill, it could be seen from anywhere on the grounds. Caroline's grandfather had built the house, and it was the only home she had ever known.
Slipping her muddy shoes off at the back door she quietly made her way to the main hall. Relieved to find no one in the hall, she pulled her fallen hair back up and smoothed her dress. "Well, where have you been?" Ms. Bloom asked,"up to know good I suppose." She grabbed Caroline's ear and led, half draged, her up the stairs.

As a beginning how does that sound...I have a few ideas about how I'm going to turn it into a love story. I thought maybe her lastest invention could accidently kill the nanny and her father would send her off to some relatives and she would meet someone or something like that. I just always have a hard time with my introductions.
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 94
Registered: ‎08-03-2007
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Re: Advice

Great Work!
The 1st charter is a bit mudled, this could be becaus the formatting on this site did away with your paragraphs.
I like your heroine. Shes quarky and smart the best kind.
She has younger brothers? How young? Are they going to go away to school? Is this a rich family? Where do you see this going?
â It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.â Said by Mrs. Bennet in Jane Austens Pride and Prejudice
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