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dixielandgrl
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Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Love scene assignment-dixie

Love scene- These are so hard to write. I did it tonight because this week is crazy again. It’s late. I hope this makes sense. At least.


Mike pulled his wooden chair closer to the porch swing.

“Just what do you think I think?”, he said.

“I imagine that I strike you as somewhat cold and...well, masculine, for lack of a better word. My life has been different, in that I’ve seen what’s really around us. I know what’s out there. It doesn’t leave much room for...”

Gwen paused looking for the words, but Mike interrupted.

“Love?”, he asked. His blue eyes were in shadow, so she couldn’t judge his thoughts from that.

“I was going to say anything else, but love is in there too. I would hate to inflict the reality of my life on anyone.”, she told him.

Bugs chirped in the darkness louder than any city she’d ever been in until now. “Jeez, Mike, it’s loud here.” Gwen stood and leaned on the porch railing. Muggy breezes, trees rustling, cows, dogs, crickets, frogs. She’d always heard the country was quiet. Gwen said as much to Mike. A new sound joined the chorus, low, soft male laughter. The kind that starts deep in the chest. Gwen closed her eyes. It was a nice sound.

“I’d say the same thing about airplanes, buses and ambulances. It’s all about where you’re coming from, I guess.” , he said. She turned to look at him. He stood beside her surveying his land in the darkness.

His pride of purpose could be seen even without the light in the kitchen. He loved his land. Mike was part of it. She saw, in his firm jaw and the ease with which he wore his skin, absolute purpose, meaning. His brown hair curled just a bit over his shirt collar.

Gwen noticed the collar curled crookedly in the back. Absently, she reached over and straightened it. Her fingertips brushed his skin feeling the gentle heat of summer on the back of his neck. His hair, for a second, curled around her fingers. Gwen couldn’t help rolling it in her hand for a moment just to see what it felt like.

Mike stood still, absolutely still, as though he feared she’d run if he moved, but his breathing sounded too measured and deliberate to her ears. It was a trick she employed all the time. In and out. In and out. Keeping calm in the storm was imperative. She did the same thing now, too, she noticed.

Gwen should have been embarassed at the intimate little gesture. Instead, she stared, fascinated at his reaction. She wanted to see if he would move away or move closer. Her heartbeat remained steady, until he shifted to face her.

“You’re at home here, Gwen.”, he said.

Her eyebrows raised ever so slightly skyward. Gwen waited.

“But you’d fit almost anywhere, wouldn’t you? I can imagine you anywhere in the world, at anytime. Isn’t that strange? Lying on a beach. Climbing a mountain. You’ll do it all, won’t you?”. His hand toyed with her ponytail as he spoke.

Her throat closed, as she listened to his soft voice in the moonlight. So this was why women tended to like cowboys?, she thought, they got to the point.

Mike’s fingers gripped her hair, almost as if he would pull her gently to him, but he didn’t. Instead, he moved back and let go. In the dim light, she could see the tight expression on his face.

Her voice creaked when she said finally, “Mike.”

He shook his head at her. “I know.”

“Good. Because I don’t. What are you talking about?”

He seemed to smile at himself before he squeezed her arm .
“I better get in now. Lil might have a nightmare or something. You get some rest now.”

Gwen’s reaction shocked her. She burned ever so slightly. With anger? Her forward ways got her again as she cried out a little and put a hand on his arm.

“What was that? I don’t like word games.”

He knew what she meant. She saw that he knew.

He let out the breath he’d taken in at her touch. “I just realized something, Gwen. I’m getting used to you.”

“So?”, she said.

“This will all be over soon. Lil will be fine. You’ll go back to your life. I’ll still be a farmer. You know,”as he said it Mike ran a finger over her bottom lip, “ a good champaign can ruin you for the cheap stuff.”

His eyes ran over her mouth, lingering on her lips. He hadn’t kissed her, but she felt kissed. Gwen watched Mike, trying to make sense of his words, while her breathing kicked up. Her thoughts became a little more jumbled. Too many thoughts bumping into one another made you lightheaded, Gwen realized.

She cleared her throat. “What if this isn’t a great bottle? Won’t you have missed out on a good time? Aren’t you assuming it would be great? You can’t know that. ”

He smiled.

His hand pushed her hair behind her ear. Earlier he’d said that was her tell. When she was hiding something, she pushed her hair back.

She could barely hear the response. “Oh, I’m willing to bet you’d be the best time of my life. That’s what worries me.”

Long after the screen door shut behind him, she heard his words. Now why’d he go and say that?, she fumed. She’d never sleep now.
"If all would lead their lives in love like me,
Then bloody swords and armor should not be:" Thomas Campion
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lavenderlass
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

Dixie that's lovely! I really enjoyed that, it's very moving and sensual. At first I thought you hadn't introduced the characters properly then I remembered it's an excerpt from a long book so it's elsewhere. There were a few places where I think you missed out a word, but I couldn't suggest a way to improve it, it's excellent!

I might post a bit of mine I've been working on in a couple of days, I've got to take my mum to dr's appointments tomorrow, weds & thurs, so probably won't get to it soon. I've been working on improving what I call the emotional dialogue, and have improved I hope.

Lynne.
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dixielandgrl
Posts: 285
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

Thank you! I can't wait to read yours. It's the reason I come in here again and again. i love reading this stuff. There's no question you've improved. I think we're all working very hard, don't you? We should give ourselves ice cream!
"If all would lead their lives in love like me,
Then bloody swords and armor should not be:" Thomas Campion
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ChristineM
Posts: 260
Registered: ‎12-31-2006
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

Great job! So when are you going to write the whole book? I want dibs on critiquing it.
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dixielandgrl
Posts: 285
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

I'm banging out a first chapter now. Betweeen kiddy crises. You can relate. Now we have an eye infection, so I am watching my writing time dwindle to zip.

So you didn't find any points to critique Chris. I mean there had to be something! I wrote it at 3 am. You didn't hate it did you? lol You can tell lme. I can take it.
"If all would lead their lives in love like me,
Then bloody swords and armor should not be:" Thomas Campion
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ChristineM
Posts: 260
Registered: ‎12-31-2006
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

I'll do the full nitpick tomorrow when I have time and another decent night's sleep behind me.

All I have to do is survive until the Mother's Day show is over and I can get my life back! (Oh, and then there's Jerry's thumb and the rivalry with the Dolphin class teacher and my boss is still afraid to talk to me. Hmm, maybe this is my normal life.)
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dixielandgrl
Posts: 285
Registered: ‎10-19-2006
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Re: Love scene assignment-dixie

Oh good! I thought we'd lost you!
"If all would lead their lives in love like me,
Then bloody swords and armor should not be:" Thomas Campion
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