01-15-2007 02:44 PM
What is a good method for changing to the man's perspective without awkwardly head hopping? I find I am just avoiding the issue by staying in her head. Should I just write in sections and go from there? Or is there a graceful way to squeeze both people into the same scene?
assignment: Still the paranormal, Alison and Clay are off on their own vigil in the house. At the end of the scene clay is concerned because so much activity seems to be centering around Alison. His sister has expressed that she thinks Alison is very sensitive to the spiritworld and is unwilling to accept it. Eva believes she is at risk during this investigation in this house in particular- which has a history of being a hostile environment. Of course, that is what I intend to have happen.
The upstairs of Fallcrest Hall was black as pitch. Alison put one foot in front of the other, but her mind was screaming, "This is stupid! Why would anyone do this?" The reassuring clomp of Clay's feet behind her and the sound of his voice narrating to the night vision camera were the only things keeping her moving forward. Her hand unconsciously reached out behind her to feel anything solid as they ascended the stairs slowly.
"Ally, are you doing okay?", Clay said. His voice boomed around the vaulted ceiling jangling her nerves.
"I'm fine. That last incident just got to me, that's all. I'l be fine. Where is the red room? Up ahead?"
Alison noticed she responded to Ally without thinking now. She guessed she'd given up entirely. Truthfully, it became comforting shortly after the silverware had flown at her downstairs. Clay had pulled her to him and out of harm's way quickly and efficiently. All of this had given her a temporary case of hero worship. That knife may have been dull, but it had been flying at high speed. He could call her Harry or John, as long as he didn't leave her alone for a second anywhere in this Godforsaken house.
"It's up on the right. Second door."
Alison reached for the knob and turned it. " This one, Clay?"
Clay was looking behind them at the top of the staircase. "Did you see that?"
"No, what was it?" Alison's heart was pumping like an oil rig.
Clay stepped back toward the stairs shining a flashlight at the area. " I bet," he said to her, " When we check this tape, we see a shadow on the top of those stairs."
"Are we the only team on this floor?", Alison hated this, but she might as well get into the spirit of the thing.
"Yep, nobody else. We have one big vigil in the sitting room and dining area. You and me in the red room, and Kiley and Liz are out in the graveyard doing a vigil. "Clay swung the camera in Alison's direction.
"Ooh, pretty." he said and smiled at her.
Alison watched the hall distractedly, "What? Got an orb or something?" They'd been talking of orbs and lights all night.
She looked back to find the camera down and Clay's intense, dark eyes next to her face. His body heat comforted and made her want to gather that white shirt in both fists and pull him close. Her idea of getting through the night was quickly degenerating to cuddling up to Clay and closing her eyes tight. Just as the thought occurred to her, Clay stepped in closer and kissed her, slowly and sweetly.
He pulled back and said, "No, just pretty." Alison was almost speechless. Almost.
"You just filmed that for posterity," she scolded.
Clay looked at the camera again and joked, "Okay, Gerald you need an excuse for that, don't you?"
He took her hand and led her into the red room, while he rambled to the camera." How bout this one? We were trying to scare up some activity with jealousy. Yeah, or I'm channeling."
Alison laughed. Clay turned to her, "See, you feel much better now. We'll sit right here on the bed and watch for a bit."
"On the bed?", she asked hands on hips, " This is some racket you ghost hunters have going."
"Every job has its perks." Clay patted the red quilt on the huge four post bed. " We'll just sit here and see if Amanda wants to play this evening. Do you want to play tonight, Amanda?" The room grew quiet as we waited for a response. Alison, the skeptic, found herself fully expecting one now. She actually anticipated a four year old ghost to start playing with them.
Clay kept on trying to make contact. "Amanda, are you in the room with us? Can you do something for us? Why don't you try Ally? Sometimes children respond to women."
Alison looked doubtfully at Clay. A ball had been placed on the dresser as a trigger object earlier. This had once been a nursery in Victorian times. Alison could try that. " Amanda, if you are here, can you show us? Do you see the ball over there? Can you throw it, Amanda?"
Silence fell. Clay looked at the time, "We only have a few more minutes." As he spoke, the ball rolled off the dresser and toward the bed.
"Amanda!" Clay started, "Very good. Can you hit it again?" This time the camera stayed on the ball in the middle of the floor. It rolled again this time to the right, then back again.
Clay continued to encourage someone unseen, while Alison watched amazed. "Orb.", she said.
"I got it!", Clay said. "Talk to us Amanda."
"Alison", a voice sighed near her ear.
Alison jumped off the bed shaking. Something touched her and her hand went cold . Clay spoke to her and kept speaking, until she started really listening to him. Something spoke to her, an eery breathy voice. That can't be real. Alison tried to convince herself of all the reasons why tonight couldn't be happening to her. It just wasn't working.
"What happened Ally? What made you move?"
"S..my hand. Something touched my hand, grabbed it really." Alison put a hand to the quilt. "It's cold here, where my hand was."
Clay put his hand there.
"It is. You're terrified."
Alison was terrified. " Something said my name. Did you hear it? It was in my ear." Alison felt a tear slide down her cheek, "I don't believe in this stuff!"
"We'll talk about that later. Our time's up anyway. Let's go back to the group , and I can check the tape."
A worried Clay led her back down to the others. Alison couldn't help wondering what he was thinking. His face was dark and uncertain. She wondered if he was thinking what she was thinking. Fallcrest House did not like her any more than she liked it.
Then bloody swords and armor should not be:" Thomas Campion
01-15-2007 05:14 PM
As for the POV, the way I've always seen it done was with a scene switch. You can show what he's thinking by what he does. He's obviously worried if he's hustling her downstairs. You could clinch it by having him almost drag her out of the room. I think If I were her in that situation I would want to stay and watch for more since this spirit isn't violent. If he hauled her out then we'd see how worried he is. But I have seen the POV change with a scene break, but no scene change if you know what I mean. You're in her head and then there's a space and you're in his head, but still in the same place.
01-15-2007 10:15 PM
We'll do more on POV later -- I'm working on a thread.
01-20-2007 12:39 PM