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Formas_Mordurm
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎05-31-2007
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Short story, im not sure what i should call it but i have a temporary title...

An Archer’s Tale


“Don’t be scared, Feris, I’m the best shot you know.”
“Yea, you keep saying that when there’s an arrow sticking out from nose!”
“Why do you have to be so negative? I’ve only done that once, to the hound, and the only reason it happened is because that stupid bird shat on me right as I released the bow string!”
“Well it still happened! I don’t think we should be practicing this way.”
“Nonsense, this way we develop trust in each other.”
Sam pulled the bow string back and took aim
“I don’t trust…”
Sam released the bow string and let the arrow said strait towards Feris’ head
“I can’t do this!” Feris screamed and ducked out of the way but he was too late, the arrow had struck the apple on Feris’ head as he was falling down and then stuck the maple tree behind Feris.
“You bastard! You would have shot my face off if I hadn’t ducked!”
“Well I suppose with the added distance I need to aim a little bit higher.”
Sam and Feris had come of age and now it was time for them to move up from the boy’s archery class to the men’s. In the boy’s class the target was fifty feet from the archer and the participants had to shoot as close to the middle of the target as they could, the closest shot won. The men’s class was increased to eighty feet and the target was smaller.
Only the best archery teams from Thundercove participated in the archery tournament. On top of that the entrees had to be from considerable wealth for the entrée fees were a steep price, but if they won they would enjoy a lavish prize of the best Trezrish Bows from the North, a sum of currency that would put a bulge in anyone’s pocket, the finest chain mail in the world, and a feast in honor of their triumph.
“We need to win this one! The added bonus of moving to the men’s class is unbeatable,” said Sam.
“I do agree, the price is tempting,” replied Feris.
“We need the money Feris, with it we could pay for fathers funeral and buy him the best coffin and funeral pyre this land has seen in five-hundred years! He deserves it, Feris, you of all should know that. Too many times has he dragged your ass out of trouble, too many times has he saved your reputation as an archer.”
“Yes, yes I… I know. I just can’t believe he’s actually dying. After all these years that Dr. Landry said he could cure father of his disease he has only a few months left.”
“I know,” said Sam, “I don’t want to believe it either but its really happening and we have to prepare for it, come whatever may….”
“You two hoodwinks still thinking about winning that dumb archery contest?”
Alex Larson appeared from out of the forest behind the brothers.
“You know you don’t stand a chance, I’m moving up too you know.”
Ales and his friend Kane were Sam and Feris’s rivals at the archery tournaments. Their skills equally matched that of the brother’s in almost every aspect and the boy’s tournament was won on and off between the four of them.
“I realize that Alex, I have prepared for your competition and am looking to seeing you and Kane behind us in second place!” said Sam.
“What you don’t realize is that I’ve gotten a new bow. It’s an ash bow from the islands of Katasch! I can split a rabbit at two-hundred feet with this baby!” bragged Alex.
“Damn, I’ve heard of those Sam, They’re what King Thorlak used to kill the alpha pine bear at Doom’s peak!” Feris stated matter-of-factly.
“Yea, and you can forget about winning the money for your fathers funeral, perhaps I’ll lend you some…”
“Why you little piglet!” Sam unsheathed his sword and started toward Alex. “Give me one good reason why I don’t cut off your arm right here!”
“Do your worst! But be warned that the Tournament Council will not rule in favor as a contestant who assails another. You would be banned from the tournament for life and perhaps even face the gallows!”
“Sam, you should heed his warning. I don’t think this is a good idea…”
“Shut-up you! You don’t think anything is a good idea.”
Sam resheathed his sword and Alex fled through the forest.
“I hate that guy.”
“Me too, I wish he got attacked by a pack of wolf-hounds!”
“My my, that would be unpleasant, wouldn’t it?”
“It’s no more than he deserves! Anyway, lets get back to practicing. It’s your turn to practice shooting Feris. I brought three cloth targets for you to shoot at…”
“Why don’t I get to shoot at an apple on your head?”
“Well that’s because I can make the shot without sticking you in the face. You would kill me and then run away. That’s why you are the grasshopper and I am the teacher.”
“To hell with you! Do I look like a fricken insect to you? Am I green and do I make weird noises with my legs? The hell I do!”
“Its just a term Feris…”
“Well I don’t like it, and anyway I’m hungry so lets make our way back to the cove and get us some dinner.”

Sam and Feris made their way out of the grasslands they were practicing in and back down to Thundercove, which was a 3 hour’s journey.. to be continued…
HEZA!!
Frequent Contributor
Noir
Posts: 26
Registered: ‎02-22-2007
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Re: Short story, im not sure what i should call it but i have a temporary title...

Strong dialog between the characters. Also, great forward movement towards a purpose. The stakes are high and there are challengers to prevent Sam and Feris from winning. More description of where this all takes place is needed to help readers visualize the condition and setting of your story. -- nice start!




“We need the money Feris, with it we could pay for fathers funeral and buy him the best coffin and funeral pyre this land has seen in five-hundred years! He deserves it, Feris, you of all should know that. Too many times has he dragged your ass out of trouble, too many times has he saved your reputation as an archer.”
“Yes, yes I… I know. I just can’t believe he’s actually dying. After all these years that Dr. Landry said he could cure father of his disease he has only a few months left.”



This is where your story starts for me and the moment I begin to care what happen to these two.

The grasshopper/teacher comment is not needed in my opinion. It takes the reader out of the tone of your story and puts them in the 1980's. Would a character in that era use those words?

I want to know what happens at the tournament.

Noir
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