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Brendan_M_Burns
Posts: 57
Registered: ‎02-26-2007
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Brendan_M_Burns, Visual Storytelling -- Writing Exercise

Hurriedly dressing in his bedroom, Mike catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror through the open bathroom door and stops. From this angle, he sees a faint stain (Tuesday's lunch?) on his right shoulder just below the collar. He tugs at his shirt with his left hand, licks the tip of his right index finger, and rubs at the spot vigorously. After a few passes, he squints at the spot, looks again to the bathroom mirror, and groans. Agitated, he unbuttons the shirt, pulls it off, and flings it at the foot of the bed.

In his undershirt, Mike glances at the clock on the bedstand and and slides open the closet door. Nothing there. Muttering profanities, Mike presses his palms against his temples and grits his teeth. After a few moments, he paces to the laundry hamper in the corner and pulls out several pieces of clothing from the top: boxers, a lone sock, blue jeans, and a slightly rumpled shirt.

Mike drops the rest of the clothes and cracks the shirt several times in the air like a towel. He scans it for stains and blemishes, and sees nothing obvious. He starts to put it on, and then stops. He removes the shirt, holding it in front of his face, and sniffs at it gingerly. Another groan.

Suddenly, an idea -- Mike dashes to the dresser and snatches up a green bottle of spray cologne. Holding the shirt at arm's length, he sprays it with the cologne six or seven times while he shakes the shirt to distribute the fine mist. He puts the bottle down and sniffs at the shirt again. Pleased this time, he throws the shirt on and buttons it quickly. As he is adjusting his belt, the doorbell rings. He checks his zipper, glances at the bathroom mirror one last time, closes the bathroom door, and heads down the hall.
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crAZRick
Posts: 489
Registered: ‎01-27-2007
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Re: Brendan_M_Burns, Visual Storytelling -- Writing Exercise

I like this piece.
I no longer regret that I have no quote, quip or anecdote to share with my countrymen... how about all y'all?
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TrayseaWrites
Posts: 23
Registered: ‎02-26-2007
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Re: Brendan_M_Burns, Visual Storytelling -- Writing Exercise

Well, at least he tossed the boxers. Now that would have been creeepy. :-)
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Posts: 3,107
Registered: ‎10-27-2006
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Re: Brendan_M_Burns, Visual Storytelling -- Writing Exercise



Brendan_M_Burns wrote:smileyfrustrated:uddenly, an idea --.




That you would need to describe in terms of face expression or some other visual term.
otherwise you were pretty consistent, methinks.

ziki
NEM
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NEM
Posts: 16
Registered: ‎03-01-2007
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Re: Brendan_M_Burns, Visual Storytelling -- Writing Exercise

Not a bad stab at the assignment, but seemed a pretty short. Not sure how long are pieces are supposed to be?
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