03-05-2007 05:08 PM
The steam of the shower done. He glances at the clock. The minutes are still moving oblivious to his motions. He buttons his shirt and puts on his freshly ironed jeans. This is the third outfit he has tried on. He then stands and sits, stands and sits, standa and sits. He does this to make his clothes just slightly wrinkled. He breathes and walks down the steps. Out the door he walks to the car. It's late but he doesn't care. He doesn't want her to know he cares.
03-06-2007 11:26 PM
lovelee wrote: It's late but he doesn't care. He doesn't want her to know he cares.
You managed to stay with the writing that tells us what he is doing....apart from these last two sentences: how would you show that on his way to the car...
03-11-2007 11:36 PM
It is late and he rushes in... he can't be late... he's late, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want her to know that he cares...
either he is already doomed to be late, and it bothers him, which it seems to since he is mostly rushing to get ready so as to not be too terribly late, because he does care, but then he slows his pace for whatever reason, which doesn't jibe with him being bothered about being late... or he's late, he doesn't care if she cares that he's late, in which case there should be no need for the frenetic overtones and pace of his rituals...
03-12-2007 12:24 PM - edited 03-12-2007 12:24 PM
I suggest taking another shot at this. Use only EXTERNAL, VISUAL elements to convey what's happening to your man. Good start!
Message Edited by danielnoah on 03-12-200705:41 PM