Discussion Topic: Questions about The Secret [ Edited ]

[Amanda_R]

Do you have a particular question about The Secret and how it works that you'd like to pose to the Book Club community? Ask it here -- and offer feedback, suggestions, and tips to other Secret readers.

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Message Edited by Amanda_R on 05-10-2007 02:46 PM

[Mom_Of_2]

We discussed most of your discussion questions in our book club and one of the book club members is going through a divorce. The question she would like answered is how can she apply The Secret to such a negative event in her life?

[StarBlazer]

I may be able to help a little. I've been through divorce, and now am married to my perfect match for 12+ years now. As my husband and I started going through the secret, over a month ago, I quickly realized I had some residual...let's call it crap....in my head from my first marriage. I had to go back and forgive myself and him...yes him too... for all the bad stuff. He had said some truly hateful things to me that had really messed with my self esteem. I realized some of it was keeping me from achieving all the personal things I'd wanted to do! Although I had a great husband now, my own 'garbage' was holding me back from moving forward with what I'd wanted right out of college. Once I forgave (and sometimes this has been a daily process, but has gotten easier) I found I was able to focus more on 'What do I want?' and 'Now, there's no one to stop me from doing it!' and "I can make wonderful things happen!'

Now, one thing that struck me is...how I knew my current husband was THE ONE! My first marriage really allowed me to know exactly what I did NOT want in a marriage. It was so easy to say 'no' to all the wrong guys I dated, after that. I had a very specific list in my head of what I DID WANT in a marriage. 12 years ago, I didn't know about The Secret...but I did employ it without knowing it. I had a very distinct list of 'WANTS' in a relationship....boom, along came my new hubby. I matched his list too! I don't know if this helps, and there's certainly more to it than what I've put here...but it may be a start. Now, she knows what she DOES NOT want in a relationship...it should make her list of WANTS clearer...now all she'd need to do is focus on what she wants. Gosh, that sounds so oversimplified, but...that's my 2 cents.

[mele317]

I am 53 years old and lost my job of 22 years almost 2 yrs ago. I have been back to school for Medical Assistant but still can't seem to find a job I want. All I know is that I want a job that I will love for the rest of my working years.I love to help people but medicine has proven to be a bit intimidating. I also love photography. I have gained 30 pounds and aches and pains since loosing my job and I am a bit insecure. Suffice it to say, I feel lost and confused. Can The Secret help me?

[StarBlazer]

YES ~ YES ~ YES !!!

The Secret CAN help you!!!! You need to really think and decide want though. If you love photography, think about it seriousy then, or whatever else you think would make you happy. If you got up everyday...what would you be happy doing?

Then, ASK for it...BELIEVE it will happen. And take INSPIRED ACTION towards it. Believe that it will come, and doors will start to fly open. You have to really make sure your thinking is clear though! GOOD LUCK TO YOU and your NEW CAREER that is already on its way to you! Cheers!

[OpenMinded]

I had a very similar experience just last year. My divorce had been final for 8 months. I knew exactly what I did NOT want in a marriage.

I too had not read or seen The Secret yet but it worked very well regardless. One evening, a dear friend asked me what I wanted in a relationship. I had to admin that I hadn't put enough thought in what I do want to be able to answer his question. So later, I did just that. I wrote down everything I wanted in all areas of my life. I was very specific though in the relationship arena. Less than 2 months later, I found him. The other areas of my life are coming together as well.

But to get back to her question of "can it help with such a negative subject." ABSOLUTELY!

Figure out (if you haven't already) what you REALLY want and allow yourself to Day Dream about it. Do it as often as you can, keeping in mind that you, like everyone else DESERVES to be happy. This includes your soon to be Ex. Also keep in mind that he (whether he realized it or not) is on his own life quest. Try not to feel sorry for him or be angry with him and you have probably already realized that you can't change him. He is going through what he must to get to wherever he is going.

Most of all, (and this is in my opinion the biggest benefit of using The Secret) remember that you are not alone!!! You are PART OF a vast and very loving universe. The universe wants you to be happy. Meditate, turn around and meet yourself (again, if you haven't already) Forgive yourself, if you feel you need to and love yourself. The universe does not judge. It simply loves.

LIFE BEGINS RIGHT NOW. It doesn't matter how old you are.

God Bless.

[memi]

I have just started reading the book. My daughter and I are also watching the DVD as a family. I have been writing my affirmations and posted my vision in the bathroom to review every morning. On the downside, I have kidney disease. I was on dialysis over two years and just received a kidney transplant last year. While going through the subsequent illness, I have been unable to work. Behind on bills, lost my vehicle and now fighting with the health insurance company. To save my house I am filing Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I am definitely trying to stay positive. After over two years, I have finally found a job. And, I have been working for two weeks.
I have found that singing James Brown's 'I Feel Good' in the car every morning gets my spirits up and I say 'thank you' to the universe walking down the hallways, getting up in the morning, waking up and whenever.
I hope that by sharing in the book club we can lift each other up. I truly believe being surrounded by like minded people can only improve our lives.

[Cat-Lover]

I have been reading The Secret and am trying to apply it to my life. I have been separated from my husband of 33 years for a week after learning he had an affair for the past year and a half. It is ended now and he wants to stay married. I am trying to decide if I want a divorce, a permanent separation, or to reconcile. I was feeling very sad, but started trying to believe I am happy and did feel happier. I just have some questions--

Is pretending that you are happy denying your true feelings? If you feel grief, shouldn't that make you sad unless you're abnormal? What if two people's desires/goals/wishes oppose each other's? Finally, what if you are unsure of what it is you desire? I need help making a decision.

[caroline88]

Comforting hugs.

You do know what you desire. The answer is inside of you. Ask and expect to receive the answer.
Some questions to get you started. Why did you fall in love with him? Why did you marry him? What do you appreciate about him? Do you have faith or what would it take to rebuild that faith in him?

Caroline

[Brad_W]

Cat-Lover,

You bring up the area that bothers me, false sense of joy. No, you should not try to "fool" yourself into being happy. The bigger challenge is listening to your emotions. Joy is is genuinely found whe one finds truth or "comes to terms". The first part is forgiveness of your husband. Not trust. Forgiveness. They are not the same. If you feel you can trust him, then don't stop. The test of the sacredness of your marriage is right in front of you. I have known couples who are very happy happy after this type of issue. They stayed married. It took a lot of work and time. No one can guarantee anything, but isn't 33 years worth some effort? The one thing I have learned is that the best things in life do not come easy.

Best wishes.

[Cat-Lover]

Thank you caroline88 and bwest2 for your replies. It feels like people do care and I appreciate that. In response to your comment (bwest) of 33 years being worth some effort, I want to explain that I made an effort 3 years ago in marriage counseling with him, but during that time, he was deceitful to both me and our counselor. He began his affair while we were in counseling. I would ask the same question of him regarding the time we have invested in our relationship.

Making a decision to leave him would be harder for me than to stay with him because it involves taking action vs. inaction, but I wonder if I made a mistake 33 years ago and now have the opportunity to find myself and someone who fits with me, if that's in the stars. I honestly feel that I can forgive him, but trust is not possible at this time. His betrayal involved an unbelievable amount of lying. I do want to move on so that I can fill my mind with happier thoughts. Drifting back into these woes is my biggest challenge. I like the idea of the posts lifting each other up. Thank you for your elevating thoughts. I will try to do the same.

[mamabear3]

I have a question regarding wealth. Suppose you are in the mall with your daughter, and she wants an expensive sweatshirt from a popular store. On a daily basis, you are thinking abundant thoughts and being grateful for all that you already have.

When she asks you to buy the sweatshirt, the reality is that you do not have the money at this time (purchasing it would create debt).

If you say to her "I cannot afford it" then you are sending the Universe negative thoughts, even though it is true at this time.

How would The Secret help out in this situation?

[moonchuckersmom]

I just finished reading the book last night. I have been trying to think positively for the last week, but every time I see a house or a car that I wish I could afford, I can't help feeling jealous and angry toward the owner (especially if I know them and do not feel they deserve it). How do you keep jealous thoughts away and turn them around to attract your desires to you?

[moonchuckersmom]

Perhaps you could use it as an opportunity to show your daughter the methods you have learned together in action. Ask her, if she could afford ANYTHING in the world, would she still buy that item of clothing, or does she only want that item of clothing because she doesn't think she can have it? And if she really does want to have it, it doesn't mean she can't - it just means she will have to think about it more and if she really wants it, eventually it will come to her in a way that does not put her into a negative situation (i.e. debt).

[caroline88]

Two factors helped me to deal with the issues that you mentioned: judging others and feelings of envy.

The first came in my life when I became a Christian and started following the commandment: thou shalt not judge. It took a while to get rid of that old habit but I found it very liberating. I am free of those negative thoughts about other people.

The second ally was and is my gratitude journal. To count my blessings, to be grateful for my current wealth and abundance, are helpful to stay in positive thought.

Caroline

[Theresa3339]

I have watched The Secret DVD several times now and am trying to apply this concept to health/weight loss. I am addicted to sugar (not metaphorically, I am actually addicted) and I know that thinking about not eating sugar still includes sugar and will only attract more sugar.

For the past week I have been thinking "My body and my lifestyle will only support (my goal weight). I am also trying to think about what I do want to eat (fruits, vegetables, grains, etc.) instead of thinking about what I don't want to eat.

However, each morning when I step on the scale I have to face the reality of what I do weigh, so I tried not weighing myself for several days. Over the period of trying all these things I am steadily eating more and more sugar and gaining weight.

Is there a better way to phrase my thinking or my wish? Am I somehow internalizing something different than what I am saying? What is the best way to approach this?

[singerja1999]

Hi there, I am working on weight loss also. What I do is just keep telling myself that I weigh my goal weigh number whatever that might be. Now, that is not what the charts say I should weigh but rather what is comfoftable for me. I remember reading in The Secret that the reason someone is fat is NOT because of the food they eat but rather because you think that the food is making you fat and so your thoughts are obeying you and indeed the food is making you heavier than what you want to be. It also says many many times that if you want to lose weight then concentrate on thin thoughts. It is your fat thoughts that are making you fat and not the food. I received my book this past Monday and as of now, Wednesday, I have dropped 5 pounds. I have been eating healthy because I choose to not because I have too. I do however indulge myself when I want something and surprising enough I am still losing weight. I really think this is a great thing and I am going to use it to change my life. Good luck! Jackie

[caroline88]

Theresa,

The man on The Oprah Show said to be grateful for your wonderfully healthy body. Start with that affirmation every morning.

My best weight loss program is the Supermarket Program: Not buying what I do not really want to eat

To Your Health,
Caroline

[RogerW]

To those who are open to Abraham-Hicks... here's a great video I found recently along the same lines:

http://www.lawofabundantattraction.com/the-meaning-of-life-in-700-words-by-story-waters/

[Tina_24]

can sumone please help me...

iam 23 and my parents recently found out that iam involved with someone who is different religion than me...we love each other very much...but my parents have seen a guy somewhere else for me and have decided to get me married to him...what do i do..because we cannot live without each other...my parents believe he wants me for my money.....i really love him and cant live without him...hes 24 and is educated...what do i do..icant think positive when my family is around me 24-7 talking about my marriage....please someone help me acc to the SECRET