Discussion Topic: The Secret to Relationships [ Edited ]

[Amanda_R]

In the chapter called "The Secret to Relationships," Rhonda Byrne asserts that if you don't have loving relationships in your life, you may inadvertently be attracting this single status. She explains, "[If] you do not treat yourself with love and respect, you are emitting a signal that is saying you are not important enough, worthy enough, or deserving. That signal will continue to be broadcast, and you will experience more situations of people not treating you well. You must begin to treat yourself with love and respect, and emit that signal and get on that frequency. Then the law of attraction will move the entire Universe, and your life will be full of people who love and respect you."

How do this chapter's theories resonate with you, given your own romantic situation and experiences?

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Note: This discussion topic is particularly suitable for the chapter of The Secret entitled "The Secret to Relationships" (pages 113 - 123).

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Message Edited by BN_Editor on 03-12-2007 11:47 AM

[LetitiaP]

I definitely think that there's something to the idea posed in this chapter -- that we (perhaps subconsciously?) put out a certain kind of "energy" that attracts certain types of people into our lives.

Also, ever notice that when you're sick of being single, and complaining about your dateless-ness, you tend to stay that way? But start enjoying your life, having fun, being generally happy, and -- bam! -- you meet someone great, seemingly out of the blue. After reading and considering The Secret -- I now think that maybe it's not so much an "out of the blue" thing -- it's making it happen, through the energy of positivity.

One thing that I find a bit difficult to internalize is the idea that if you have a bad date -- you "attracted" it -- it's so much easier to just chalk it up to the person being a dud, isn't it?

I'm definitely interested to see what other Secret readers have to say about these ideas -- Letitia

[BookJunkie]

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LetitiaP wrote:
I definitely think that there's something to the idea posed in this chapter -- that we (perhaps subconsciously?) put out a certain kind of "energy" that attracts certain types of people into our lives.

Also, ever notice that when you're sick of being single, and complaining about your dateless-ness, you tend to stay that way? But start enjoying your life, having fun, being generally happy, and -- bam! -- you meet someone great, seemingly out of the blue. After reading and considering The Secret -- I now think that maybe it's not so much an "out of the blue" thing -- it's making it happen, through the energy of positivity.

One thing that I find a bit difficult to internalize is the idea that if you have a bad date -- you "attracted" it -- it's so much easier to just chalk it up to the person being a dud, isn't it?

I'm definitely interested to see what other Secret readers have to say about these ideas -- Letitia

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Hi Letitia,

I completely agree. We've all gotten "vibes" off of people that were so strong we either a) felt immediately comfortable hanging out and chatting with them or b) felt like we were somehow annoying them, right? Like you, I'm also not sure whose (is 'fault' the word?) it is when two people don't hit it off. I tend to think it's no one's fault, that it's just a simple incompatibility issue.

As for dating, years ago I had reached a point where I had grown soooo tired of the work it was taking to have a simple, drama-free relationship with any new person I met. It was to the point that I told my roomate one night that I was going to stop dating altogether, that I was going to stop trying to 'read' people, that I was going to stop letting myself get carried away with imagining characteristics in them that I had no idea even existed...

Of course, I had said this type of thing many times before, but it was always out of frustration, desparation, and even denial (not admitting that I was only "quitting" because I was "failing" to find a good man). In fact, all of my Grand Pronouncements of the past were all a cover.

But this time I meant it with all my heart. I was 100% Not Interested in any romance. Removing myself from the game wasn't even a well-thought-out decision; it was just something I felt such clarity about, and for the first time in a while, my actions were in complete alignment with how I was feeling at the time. I also told my roomate that the *only* way I'd date anyone anytime soon was if someone knocked on our door, walked in, and BAM we were instantly dating, and it was magical and effortless.

A few months later we had a party at our place, and to make a long story short, I met my husband that night. And I met him *exactly* the way I had described it to my roomate. And I've always sworn that it was because I honestly (& fearlessly) had given up looking for love, and I had totally stopped giving off that energy of "I'm single and wanting more" or "I'm analyzing you to see if you're worth my time," however subtle I tried to make those vibes.

In The Secret, there's a section called "Your Job Is You" which is about how you can't attract love until you understand yourself first. This is certainly not a new concept; I know I've heard it from my parents a million times. But it does ring true. I really believe that the reason I got my 'magical and effortless' is because I wasn't wasting any energy trying to sort out how I felt about ... well, anything. I was calm, centered, and (sounds counterintuitive, but) open to everything. The result: when love showed up I wasn't afraid to jump right in.

Sorry to prattle on so long, but this is one of the few moments in my life where I was certain that my intentions were pure and simple, and I somehow ended up with exactly what I wanted. (I guess that "somehow" is the fact that I had tapped into "the secret," huh?)

Anyone else have stories?

[angelscents]

I believe that this also goes along with the idea that if you do not love yourself, you can not love others. If you love yourself, you will do what is necessary to take care of yourself, and find activities and experiences that you enjoy. Consequently, you will be out where different people can see and get to know you. I think this can also have something to do with keeping romance alive in your marriage. If you love yourself and take pride in yourself and your family, you will not fall into the trap of never having time for your spouse. You will make time because you love yourself and each other. Too many married couples forget to have fun as soon as they sign the dotted line, or as soon as the children come along. Everything doesn't have to change just because the sterotypical marriage is dull and boring. If you don't believe that your marriage is boring and loveless, then it won't be. I really enjoyed that particular chapter.

[Benji]

Hi Letitia,

I believe in "the secret", absolutely when it comes to relationships. We are completely responsible for attracting whatever people into our life, duds or no duds!!

Since following the Secret, I am enjoying my single life and welcome it everyday.
I didn't feel like that before. I think want I want, I feel it, visualize and it almost feels like I have it (if that makes any sense).

I feel so good about who I am and where I want to go. I am not thinking anymore of what I don't have (relationship wise) rather what I want. Since the secret, I have attracted wonderful people into my life.

Good luck!

D.

[Amanda_R]

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Benji wrote: I believe in "the secret", absolutely when it comes to relationships. We are completely responsible for attracting whatever people into our life, duds or no duds!

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Hi Benji:

I must say that I agree with you on that one! It can be a tough thing to admit to yourself, or "own up" to, true -- but after having read The Secret, I can definitely see the logic of this perspective. I think that the book does an interesting job of making it less about "blaming" yourself for the "duds" and more about just taking responsibility for them -- make sense?

And what a great attitude you have about your own life -- very inspiring, and self-aware. Thanks for sharing!

Amanda

Message Edited by Amanda_R on 03-31-2007 01:30 PM

[Brad_W]

Neal Donald Walsh gave the best advice I have ever come across regarding relationships in Conversations With God Book 1. The premise basically is . . . eliminate the expectations. It was a very interesting approach. He talked about how we build expectations based upon social titles (i.e. girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, etc.). For example, Julie and Bob get together and now Julie is "the girlfriend" and Bob is now "the boyfriend". All is good for a while, and soon Julie is wondering why "her boyfriend", Bob, is not doing things like Jill's "boyfriend" does. Or Bob begins wondering why "his girlfriend", Julie, isn't acting the way his friend's "girlfriend" is. See the problem yet?

It is very easy to forget Bob and Julie and who they really are and expect eachother to fill roles that may have never been you in the first place! He even goes into why we enter many of the realtionships we do and where the "you changed" stuff comes in. It all makes perfect sense too. And it especially spoke directly to my first marriage.

Guess what? 10 years later, I am married again for 6 wonderful years. My wife is my best friend. She is not something I own. She is not Mrs. Cleaver and that is ok. She is everything she is whether that fits what a "wife" is supposed to be . . . I don't know. And don't care. Because it is about loving eachother unconditionally and enjoying life together.

P.S. Yes, we fight at times. It's not a bowl of cherries. But we get through it . . . together.

[abl]

This post is late....I go the job I wanted and I LOVE IT. 1 month later I met a man. This man is the man I envisoned. He says the things I love, the things I want to hear and love the things I'm passionate about. The type of man that caters to my needs, he bought the engagement ring I wanted I didn't ask. He bought me the car I wanted I didn't ask. We are currently looking for "our" (my dream) home. He seelling his as I had to move in my parents after my divorce. I'm 36. The problem that "other" people have is that we have only been dating for 8 weeks. People are saying that there is something wrong. We are engaged to get married, but not until next year. I owe it to me changing the way of thinking after reading the secret. Folks say it's the craziet thing they have ever seen. We aren't married and have a set a date for August of 2008. Reponses requested and desired.

Signed the Secret was the Best Thing that ever happened to me.