Some Criticism of Daddy's Girl

[Francie2]

Hi Lisa,

It’s wonderful that you’re so interested in feedback from your readers, so I thought I’d offer a little criticism which I hope is constructive, concerning both the excitement level at different stages of this book, and also how you deal with race in your novels generally when race isn’t really at issue.

I found the beginning of this book to be much slower than the other books of yours I have read. Frankly, I don’t think I would have finished it if I hadn’t read some of your other books which made me hang in there for this one - and I turned out to be very glad I did hang in there. As soon as the main character was arrested, the remainder of the book was a fun page turner for me (the very reason I read your books for fun escapism as a reward to myself after dealing with serious stuff) , and I loved your shocking ending too. In other books you’ve written though, the exciting action grabs you right in the beginning, like in that book you wrote where right at the start we see a father falsely confessing to the murder of his wife. In addition to all the serious excitement really starting much too late into this book, I think the beginning contained too much unnecessary descriptions which also slowed it down. One quick example is who cares about the age, hair color, eye color, eyesight, uniform color, etc. of the EMT guy who examined Nat after the jail riot (p. 46) when he doesn’t later become a main character in the book and isn’t heard from again? Another quick example is describing a rifle as a “black rifle” (p.27). I didn’t know they came in other colors, but even if they do, just using the word rifle, I think paints a sufficient picture. So for future books, I would recommend you once again start them off with action and cut down on any unnecessary description which keeps us from getting there sooner. Here too is a confusing compound sentence which also slows down a reader and needs editing: “Tanisa turned on the rubber heel of her patent work shoe and led them into a wide hallway that appeared to run the length of the building, presumably the body of the T.A. black male C.O. stood against the wall and he acknowledged Angus with a nod.” (p. 33)

And now to the topic of race. You have a habit, unfortunately also shared by other authors, like Nora Roberts if I recall correctly, of identifying only the race of characters when that race is African American, and honestly this is a turn-off. If you don’t specify the race, and the name is not also ethnic, then you intend for us to assume that character is white. White is your “norm” in other words, unless otherwise specified. But if you don’t introduce a character as a white guy, why should you introduce a character as a black guy? Further, if the race of the character is irrelevant to the storyline, why mention a character’s race at all and just let the reader think of a character however they choose? In this book, the c.o. Tanisa (p.32) is identified as African American, while a young guard at the prison, Jimmy whose race I don’t remember being mentioned, is presumably white. Unless it’s important to the storyline, I wouldn’t mention a character’s race at all, but if you do want to mention your characters’ race, they you should identify the race of all your characters, not just the African American ones.

Finally, I think your other books, like the ones with the Italian father who drinks coffee each night or the butcher who plays cards (don’t remember their names) really demonstrated beautiful and incredibly touching father-daughter relationships with true love, respect and devotion which would more aptly be entitled “Daddy’s Girl”. In Daddy’s Girl, I only saw a spark of the father’s interest in his daughter as a real individual, and only towards the very end of the novel when he was for the first time apparently interested in what she had to say about some news she had. The sibling teasing banter also came across much harsher than I think you intended given your ending, particularly the brother teasing the sister immediately after she learned about dead cat, which to me came across as incredibly and unforgivably cruel. Although your member newsletter indicates you wrote this book, Daddy’s Girl, for your father, I think perhaps without knowing it that you’ve written many books previously for your father, others in which true feelings of a deep bond drip lovingly from the pages.

Thanks very much for participating in this forum & best regards,

Angie Francie D’Urso

[Stephanie]

Angie,

Here's a little clarification. This is actually two sentences:

“Tanisa turned on the rubber heel of her patent work shoe and led them into a wide hallway that appeared to run the length of the building, presumably the body of the T. new sentence A black male C.O. stood against the wall and he acknowledged Angus with a nod.” (p. 33)

[Lisa_Scottoline]

I apprecaite your thoughts and honesty. I'll mull it over, but ehre's just an instant eraction. You are quite right that this book doesn't jump into the action right away, like for example Devil's Corner. Thatwas a book that saretd with a line like this She ahd always wondered what it would feel to look into the barrel of a loaded gun, and now she knew." That book actullay came to me with that snetecne and I sat down to write the erst of the book.
Withour sounding like Yoda, every idea comes with its own beginning and I do try to vary the books, so that people who read each one (Bless them) don't get bored. I do hate when books begin to sound formulaic - they're boring to read and boring to write. But I hear you and will remember what you said when I edit my next book.

As for the race question, I want to think about that one a bit more. I have, in the past, under-described people, and some of my readers have actually written and said, can you tell us more about what she looks like?

Finally, I had intended that by the end of the novel, we see that Nat will be a Daddy's Girl. It's true that other of my books show a much closer relationship between father and daughter, which is much more like my own real life relationship with my dad. But since I had it, I know how awful it would feel to lack it, and I wanted to write a little more about the yearning that Nat feels inside.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[Donti]

Lisa, thanks for including Nat's yearning for a closer relationship with her father. That, I can relate to, since I wasn't one of the lucky ones who had a great relationship with her father.

[Donti]

I disagree with your comment about the book having a "slow beginning". I thought the classroom scene was very interesting, and in that scene the reader learns a lot about the kind of person Nat is. And then the prison riot scene that follows was certainly very exciting. I don't know how there can be more action than that in a book!

[Lisa_Scottoline]

Thanks, Donti. You know, you're a cool person for sharing that, because it's always so easy to say, yes, everything was perfect at home. But the fact is that not everybody who raises kids is perfect - in my own family there's lots of imperfection, and I use humor to look it at, in retrospect. I also tell myself that I won't make the mistakes my parents did, and I'm proud of having done that. As for my father, as close as we were - man, he did make some mistakes. If you read Mistaken Identity, you know that it's based on a child he fathered outside of the marriage, whom I found out about in midlife! My half-sister and I have become friends, but I think that it's great to be able to look back on the darker spots of your life, and recognize that it may have given you a texture - and an empathy - that you wouldn't have had otherwise. So props and love to you!

[Lisa_Scottoline]

Thanks again, about the first chapter. I do believe that characters, like real people, reveal themselves by their actions, so I was just setting her up, especially since her success in the classroom (or lack of it) is something she wants to chnage.

[kiakar]

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Lisa_Scottoline wrote:
Thanks again, about the first chapter. I do believe that characters, like real people, reveal themselves by their actions, so I was just setting her up, especially since her success in the classroom (or lack of it) is something she wants to chnage.

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When you open up a Lisa Scottoline book, you know its a suspense thriller about strong women so you certainly have the patience to read how it begins. And why it starts out the way it does. She was trying to be a better teacher to where the students focused more on what she was teaching and not the latest fad coming out in "old Navy" or the American Legend. And this has an impact on the story she tells. Her strength to endure the obstructions in her path. I love it and it doesnt take long for the suspense and action to forplay out and into the fabulous thrilling story.

[Lisa_Scottoline]

Thanks so much, kiakar, and I love your first sentence so much. Over fourteen books now, that's just what I've been trying to do - tell suspenseful stories about strong women! Yay!