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About a week ago, I finished reading Edmund White's autobiography. It wasn't a great book. It was a bitchy book--a gay man's report of his professional frustrations, his sexual obsessions, and the times his heart was broken. The book name-drops and sometimes rambles.
Some chapters read as if they need another edit, repeating phrases. He doesn't tell his life story chronologically; and in the end, he apologizes that the order of events was a bit arbitrary and inefficient.
But if it was a bloated book, I enjoyed it. I could get into it, because it was over 300 pages. He describes sex with famous people, dropping acid with philosophers like Foucault, and enduring hangovers in his NYU office--so it was entertaining. Its flaws made it feel like conversation. This was a long chat with a novelist and critic who'd partied in Paris and New York and wanted to tell me about it.
Now I've got a feeling I've had after finishing a few other good books: I'm sad this one is done, and I want a new one to keep me company, but I don't think anything else will do right now. I think of picking up other autobiographies or novels, but I worry they won't be as full of personality. Or informative. I'm coming off a high, and other possibilities look dim in comparison.
Maybe I just want Edmund White's ideas to infect my head for a bit longer, before I put a new voice in there. His language is still echoing, and it would almost feel like betrayal to turn to new ideas too quickly. Finishing this book is almost like saying goodbye to a friend--as lovely and lonely.
Maybe I'm thinking like this because my mother is visiting New York right now, and we just had dinner. We said goodnight at a street corner, and she rode away in a taxi. I came home hearing her voice; and I'm thinking of how we sustain people we love by internalizing their ideas and holding onto their perspectives.
Finishing a book that has meant something to me is like saying goodbye to someone I've come to know. "It's been nice." I want to hold onto that person's style, maybe because I worry the next mind won't entertain me like she did. Her company makes other options non-options for a bit, because it's hard to trust that a new friend can take her place.
I wonder if you've felt this: You enjoyed one book, so you resist picking up a new one for a while. Others authors look pale in comparison to that old voice; you want to make sure you've gotten the most out of one author's mind, delaying the time when you have to turn to another.
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Goodness, TiggerBear! I think that's why I try to get to know the person, intimately, before I hand over one of my books....or recommend something for them to read...I think I dig inside of people more than they realize...I talk about different authors with people....I talk about writing, I talk about art....I talk about a lot of things with people, just to see who joins those conversations...And as far as books, first I have to know if they even "read"....
I think we all want to connect with the person we're sharing that book with, but it doesn't always happen. There really has to be some moral boundaries that are crossed before I make a final judgment, but even then, I'm not living that other person's life for them. If they want to lie to themselves, and you in the process, I think that's reason enough to make you pause, if they are a really good friend. I guess I kind of look at sharing books as a marriage, not that I'm an expert in that field, but learning about people, before you commit to sharing all of you...for me that means my books.
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I guess I kind of look at sharing books as a marriage, not that I'm an expert in that field, but learning about people, before you commit to sharing all of you...for me that means my books.
Well, I certainly don't, and wouldn't, put up every book in my library on a B&N profile and even have some reservations about how many I have. Still, for me, sharing about books doesn't usually feel like it carries a lot of risk. Sure, I may assess some things about fit and interest based on other things I know, but I am more likely to toss things out that I personally have perceived as worthwhile and see who, if anyone, runs with them. Oftentimes, I probably don't even check to see if anyone has picked them up. After all, they aren't "my" books -- someone else has written them and put them out for others to ignore, accept, reject, ....
I do try to put out things that I think will be worth another person's time, but, like with Pamuk's Snow, all don't always agree with me. I also am coward enough to avoid suggesting something likely to be rejected (after reading) largely without consideration, but I mess up on that, too, sometimes and have to take the consequences.
I know, this is really Kathy & Tigger's conversation. As with books, I've chosen just to throw these couple of pennies or sidebars into the ring.
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Goodness, TiggerBear! I think that's why I try to get to know the person, intimately, before I hand over one of my books....or recommend something for them to read...I think I dig inside of people more than they realize...I talk about different authors with people....I talk about writing, I talk about art....I talk about a lot of things with people, just to see who joins those conversations...And as far as books, first I have to know if they even "read"....
I think we all want to connect with the person we're sharing that book with, but it doesn't always happen. There really has to be some moral boundaries that are crossed before I make a final judgment, but even then, I'm not living that other person's life for them. If they want to lie to themselves, and you in the process, I think that's reason enough to make you pause, if they are a really good friend. I guess I kind of look at sharing books as a marriage, not that I'm an expert in that field, but learning about people, before you commit to sharing all of you...for me that means my books.
Peppermill, a few pennies (chuckle) feel free to throw in the whole change jar.
A book as a landmine, I suppose they can be dangerous.
Kathy
I'm not talking casual acquaintances, people I know I thought well, for years. The people you go out to dinner with and talk about everything form books, movies, family, politics, and even religion. Far too many close "friends" have been shocking me in the past couple of months.
But it doesn't take a close friendship for me to loan a book out. I'm just too willing to share with anyone I think I'll get the book back from. It the books they lend me and the subsequent conversations that cause the doubts.
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Pepper, this conversation isn't exclusive...love your comments! Even if you are a cowardly lion! Ha!
I'll mention most books I like, to the public, generally on the Fiction Board. And tell something about it. It's their choice..... In reference to actual loaning books, I pick those people, carefully. In the past I've lost books to people I thought I knew. I'd loaned all of my college dental books to someone I worked with, who I trusted, she quit, and I never saw her, or those books again. And I won't loan books, the ones I love, to people who will mistreat them. I don't horde books, I give a lot of them away, but the ones I do keep, I respect them as if they were a part of me. In a way, books do become a part of you, even if it's just a minor something in them.
TiggerBear, I guess you proved that you never really know some people. But is it enough to cause you to not be friends with them? They also learned something about you, I would imagine?
Then, there are subjects I don't talk about much, even with my friends, my friends can be very outspoken, where I'm generally not....maybe it's topics like these that come out when a book brings it out of you. I've talked about things on Ilana's board, maybe I wouldn't say on someone else's board....why that makes a difference, I don't know, trust?...but a board is a board. And when the wash is out, it all hangs out on Google!
Thanks for the conversations!
Kathy
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TiggerBear, I guess you proved that you never really know some people. But is it enough to cause you to not be friends with them? They also learned something about you, I would imagine?
Then, there are subjects I don't talk about much, even with my friends, my friends can be very outspoken, where I'm generally not....maybe it's topics like these that come out when a book brings it out of you. I've talked about things on Ilana's board, maybe I wouldn't say on someone else's board....why that makes a difference, I don't know, trust?...but a board is a board. And when the wash is out, it all hangs out on Google!
Oh it's not just that, without being too graphic let's just say that those we the early clues towards unraviling friendships. The worst of which ended with a (sad sigh) a Jerry Springer moment comming completely out of left field happening on my front lawn.
I guess I'm gun shy. Not sure I want to know what the friends I have left are reading. I'm comfortable not knowing where their bodies are burried.
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Wow! TiggerBear, that Springer moment doesn't paint a very pretty picture! I'm sorry that happened to you. That must have hurt. It's not a fun way to find out who your friends are, is it?
I can see why you're gun shy!
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Wow! TiggerBear, that Springer moment doesn't paint a very pretty picture! I'm sorry that happened to you. That must have hurt. It's not a fun way to find out who your friends are, is it?
I can see why you're gun shy!
About 6 weeks ago, I think I'm still kind of shocky. No damage, just a "how or where in the H*ll did that come from" moment. Sadly to say she can keep the books I let her borrow, I don't want them. If I every see her again I'm tapping 911 on a phone and holding my finger over the send button. People can be very scary some times.
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