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Inspired Contributor
WildBlossom
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎05-17-2012
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A Day In My Shoes

A Day In My Shoes



By Sierra Rose C.

 



Clouds danced in the sky as I glanced up and felt the breeze blow through my hair.
The lush green trees swayed with the breeze.
Birds sang to greet the morning; their songs sounding so sweet.
The morning dew lay thickly on the grass as I walked through it, I got my bare feet wet and cold.
The sun had just began to rise when I heard a rather odd noise. Turning to investigate, I saw two squirrels chasing each other on the electricity lines, making shrill barking sounds as they did.
"Good morning butterflies." I cheerfully said as I put my had under a Snowberry Clearwing and watched it hoover into my palm. As it licked my hand with its little tung, I thought how simple this little creature's life was compared to mine. No need for money; food, housing, and travel, because they were free to this little moth. It didn't need a plane to travel from state to state cause it could fly, it didn't need money for food cause the nectar in all the flowers are free. How I wished I could be as free as this little moth, and as I watched it get back to work pollinating my Butterfly Bush, I was yet again amazed how God could create such a beautiful insect.
As I strolled into the house, I could hear the snoozer going in my little brother's room where he still lied, asleep. My cat Blossom was laying on the backroom rug looking up at me and waiting for me to stroke him. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the backroom, I also saw Roxanne sitting on the stairs watching me take off my shoes. After bending down to pet Blossom, I stood up and walked over to Roxanne. She meowed a greeting to me and purred as she begged for attention. I Petted her as I sat on the stairs, and looked into my room to see Rose on her tan cat condo, looking at me and meowing; she was ready to eat. Getting up, I walked into my room and pet Rose as I passed her. She leaped onto the bed and began to purr as I walked around my bed to the container of cat food and opened it. As I scooped out the food, Blossom and Roxanne ran in meowing with Rose as they ran to their bowls.
After pouring a fair amount of food into each bowl, I walked into the living room, past the stair case and into the kitchen to get some cereal. Pouring the milk, I grabbed a spoon out of the silverware drawer, stuck it in my bowl and headed into the living room to sit in the leather lounge chair and watch tv.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
P.S. Thank you if you ever give any of my stories a Laurel:smileywink: It encourages me when someone else likes it, not just myself.
Distinguished Bibliophile
Darkkin
Posts: 2,224
Registered: ‎08-15-2009
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Re: A Day In My Shoes

[ Edited ]

Interesting, but a few things.  Keep paragraphs separated.  Watch verb tenses like leaped; it should be leapt.  Also basic spell check will catch things like tung, correct spelling tongue.  Keep an eye on parallelism, as well.  In the upper portions of your piece you are talking about bare feet and further down you are talking about kicking your shoes off.  When did the shoes suddenly come into play?

 

Darkkin, the Tedious

'Of wings and words and dancing milkweed seeds...'

Inspired Contributor
WildBlossom
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎05-17-2012
0 Kudos

Re: A Day In My Shoes

Ah you're right, I never realized I put that I was wareing shoes when I got in the house, I'll have to fix that. Thanks for the other tips:smileywink: I'll go and fix it :cattongue:

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
P.S. Thank you if you ever give any of my stories a Laurel:smileywink: It encourages me when someone else likes it, not just myself.
Inspired Contributor
WildBlossom
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎05-17-2012
0 Kudos

A Day In My Shoes: Revised

Clouds danced in the sky as I glanced up and felt the breeze blow through my hair.



 

The lush green trees swayed with the breeze.



 

Birds sang to greet the morning; their songs sounding so sweet.



 

The morning dew lay thickly on the grass as I walked through it,getting my bare feet wet and cold.



 

The sun had just began to rise when I heard a rather odd noise. Turning to investigate, I saw two squirrels chasing each other on the electricity lines, making shrill barking sounds as they did.



 

"Good morning butterflies." I cheerfully said as I put my had under a Snowberry Clearwing and watched it hoover into my palm.



As it licked my hand with its little tongue, I thought how simple this little creature's life was compared to mine. No need for money; food, housing, and travel, because they were free to this little moth. It didn't need a plane to travel from state to state cause it could fly, it didn't need money for food cause the nectar in all the flowers are free.

How I wished I could be as free as this little moth, and as I watched it get back to work pollinating my Butterfly Bush, I was yet again amazed how God could create such a beautiful insect.

 

As I strolled into the house, I could hear the snoozer going in my little brother's room where he still lied, asleep.



My cat Blossom was laying on the backroom rug looking up at me and waiting for me to stroke him. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the backroom, I also saw Roxanne sitting on the stairs watching me.



After bending down to pet Blossom, I stood up and walked over to Roxanne. She meowed a greeting to me and purred as she begged for attention.



I Petted her as I sat on the stairs, and looked into my room to see Rose on her tan cat condo, looking at me and meowing; she was ready to eat.



Getting up, I walked into my room and pet Rose as I passed her. She leapt onto the bed and began to purr as I walked around my bed to the container of cat food and opened it. As I scooped out the food, Blossom and Roxanne ran in meowing with Rose as they ran to their bowls.

 

After pouring a fair amount of food into each bowl, I walked into the living room, past the stair case and into the kitchen to get some cereal.

Pouring the milk, I grabbed a spoon out of the silverware drawer, stuck it in my bowl and headed into the living room to sit in the leather lounge chair and watch tv.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
P.S. Thank you if you ever give any of my stories a Laurel:smileywink: It encourages me when someone else likes it, not just myself.
Inspired Contributor
WildBlossom
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎05-17-2012
0 Kudos

A Day In My Shoes: Revised

After watching Invention Hunters, I walked into the kitchen and over to our sink. Pouring my left over milk down the drain, I rinsed out my bowl.



 

Walking over to the refrigerator, I opened the door and grabbed Blossom's bag of chicken I had made for him, and made my way through the living room and into my room. Shaking the bag, I poured some onto my hard wood floor and he ran up quickly and started eating it. Roxanne and Rose got to share two pieces that I have to spare.



 

While lying on my bed, waiting for it to turn 9:00 so I could give Blossom his pill, I stared at my walls. A lavender purple with lighter purple blotches;  puzzles and pictures of angels lining the walls as I gazed around at the room. My huge book shelf full of books from Barnes and Noble, as well as books from library book sales filled it.



 

Looking over to my fish aquarium and my little 30 baby Neon Tetra, I remembered that they were probably ready to eat now.



 

Getting off my bed and walking up to my dresser, I opened the fish hood and sprinkled in some flaked fish food. As they hungrily gobbled it up I closed the hood and went to check on my baby caterpillars I'm raising.



 

They baby caterpillars were climbing the bug catcher's walls which told me it was time to put in some new Butterfly Bush leaves.



 

Walking out of my room and back into the dark back room, I slipped on my shoes and unlocked the back door.



 

Stepping out onto the back porch, I made my way out of the breeze way and across the driveway up to the Butterfly Bush.



 

Painted Ladys and Spangled Fritilarys were all over pollinating the Butterfly Bush with the snowberry Clearwings.



 

Looking around, I had to find 6 good looking leaves for the babies.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
P.S. Thank you if you ever give any of my stories a Laurel:smileywink: It encourages me when someone else likes it, not just myself.