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Frequent Contributor
chad
Posts: 1,477
Registered: ‎10-25-2006
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Christopher Landsea

[ Edited ]
For later....I can't space the paragraphs with my iPad...
Frequent Contributor
chad
Posts: 1,477
Registered: ‎10-25-2006
0 Kudos

Christopher Landsea

[ Edited ]

 

A cool ocean breeze blew past the bulletin board of the general store, making some of the attached flyers appear to defy gravity, and finally blowing with such strength, that one bright red flyer tore cleanly off the board and floated down to the sandaled feet of Christopher Landsea, who quickly pinned the flyer with one foot, reached down with one hand, and snatched the flyer out from under his sandal just before the breeze was about to die. Believing it was an apartment rental he may have missed, he eagerly lflipped the flyer over and found the words "Shark Attack!!!" screaming in bold capital letters at the top of the page, followed by a crudely drawn map of Stinson Beach: a curved triangle rose from a set of wavy lines, marking the place of the attack in Stinson bay.

 

"Great." he said to no one in particular, his sarcasm helping him to hunt for just a few more apartments one bright spring morning under the shaded porch of the general store. He was about to give up the hunt entirely, and he probably would have given up a lot sooner, that is if the shark warning had surfaced from under all the other unofficial looking posts, most of which it seemed to Chris were stapled for the next generation of bulletin board readers, while a few others were attached as carelessly as they were

scribbled, easily removed by the windy conditions often found under the porch of the general store. The shark warning strangely fit into this latter category, along with one other white flyer he had noticed just a few moments ago, its frayed edges of phone numbers catching a current of air every time a morning customer passed through the store entrance. He moved closer to read the flyer dangling in the far corner of the board:

 

"Beachfront cottage for rent, north shore- great view, two bedroom, two baths- furnished. Boat for use. Available immediately, with references."

 

Chris ripped the entire page off the bulletin board, and stuffing it in his jeans pocket along with the shark warning, turned away from the bulletin board and looked westward: his friend from college was waiting for him on the beach somewhere behind the distant trees, obscuring most of his view of the Pacific Ocean, except for one bite which sparkled whitely above the post office just a block away from where he stood at the main intersection of town. The rest of the town flowed away behind him and up the arcing hills, preventing most of the town from spilling into the valley beyond and channeling the rest back down the length of the north shore- where the summer rent might still be available. And if not, the shark warning might give him an excuse to leave the summer altogether. But knowing his friend, the warning probably would be more like an invitation to a frat party.

 

It was a party he had planned on attending anyway, he thought, holding a six-pack of beer he had just purchased at the store with fake identification. Beer which he could feel was getting warmer by the minute.

 

Removing a pair of sunglasses from his sandy blonde hair and placing them over his blue eyes, he walked out from under the porch and into the sunlight, where a shiny red motorcycle was quietly rebelling in a "no parking" zone. The white laces of a pair of boxing gloves wound around the top of a navy blue saddlebag, suspending the gloves at the back of the bike in such a way as to warn off any thieves, or any meter maids walking by with tickets they might care to attach, but knotted together Chris's belongings from college, and made finding room for the beer too troublesome a task.

 

So Chris opened the seat compartment, threw the six pack inside, and after slamming the seat shut again, straddled the bike and decided to wake the morning with a few sharp crescendos of his engine. And after he was completely satisfied that his motorcycle could attack the entire summer, started north along shoreline highway, his white T-shirt reflecting the morning sun and his boxing gloves punching the wind behind him.

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Kat-NE
Posts: 1,349
Registered: ‎04-22-2009
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Re: Christopher Landsea

I want to say that this is a continuation of your story you posted on here a while ago, but it's been so long since I read it, I'm not 100% sure. I'm just going to pretend that it is, since it sounds familiar :smileywink:.

 

I like the details here, though I do think in some spots there are some things brought to light that do not necessarily need to be brought up. The problem (for me) was more about detailing every move he's making than detailing things that are going on (Shark attack, searching for a place to stay, etc.), for me.

 

One thing that really caught my attention was the first sentence. It was so long! It's probably more a personal problem (trust me, I'm sure it's just me who doesn't like long sentences at the beginning), but I felt out of breath reading it in my head.

 

Also, it's not really important, but why did he take the whole shark attack flyer?!! Others may need to know about it! Not sure why that bothers me :smileyvery-happy:.

 

Keep it up!

Frequent Contributor
chad
Posts: 1,477
Registered: ‎10-25-2006
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Re: Christopher Landsea

[ Edited ]

Kat-NE wrote:

I want to say that this is a continuation of your story you posted on here a while ago, but it's been so long since I read it, I'm not 100% sure. I'm just going to pretend that it is, since it sounds familiar :smileywink:.

 

I like the details here, though I do think in some spots there are some things brought to light that do not necessarily need to be brought up. The problem (for me) was more about detailing every move he's making than detailing things that are going on (Shark attack, searching for a place to stay, etc.), for me.

 

One thing that really caught my attention was the first sentence. It was so long! It's probably more a personal problem (trust me, I'm sure it's just me who doesn't like long sentences at the beginning), but I felt out of breath reading it in my head.

 

Also, it's not really important, but why did he take the whole shark attack flyer?!! Others may need to know about it! Not sure why that bothers me :smileyvery-happy:.

 

Keep it up!


 

Some people liked the first sentence and some didn't- the character is the main character of the story. I actually had a little more in the first sentence, so it's actually a shortened version.

I may include some more detail in the final version of the entire character sketch of Chris Landsea, but not too much more, and there is a reason I detailed every move, which may or may not fly in the final version.

 

If the tearing of the attack notice bothered you, that's good- it was supposed to, obviously. If you ever stand at a bulletin board :smileyvery-happy: you might not even make an attempt to catch a flying notice, or be able to, some would not repost it even after reading it- like the main character- and you find out why later, but not even in the first 7 or 8 chapters, which might turn some readers off, I'm hoping not. I think I have enougfh intersting stuff in the first several chapters to keep readers going, For example, I got into a high tech modern building and the politics surrounding the building of it, for example...

 

Thanks

Katne!

 

 

PS- If the reader didn't like the main character, then the reader might enjoy reading about the entire "bad" day that he has following... He does take a summer job as a lifeguard.....and becomes involved in a (death/murder/suicide), the impression of the main character should change- but it's all to follow and left for the reader to discover at the very end.